Devastation.....

So, a truly horrible tragedy occurred two days ago that I just can't seem to get over. I broke a nail. Now this might not seem to be a big deal to many people, but anyone that knows me knows the struggles I have overcome concerning my nails. I used to bite them until they bled. Then I wore artificial nails for years and damaged my nails so horribly that I didn't think they would ever be okay. And now they only seem to grow for about one month out of the year. And so I have one chance to have long, polishable nails. They were all 10 long and beautiful, and I had a wonderful french manicure. and then I was opening up a package, and one of them not only broke, it nearly tore off half of my finger. It broke so low that it was bleeding. It was very hard not to cry. So, here's to hoping that it will grow out quickly and I can have another shot at a french manicure since I spent $50,000 on the supplies.

I have 45 fans in my fan club! I find this exciting, because I was all set to be sad about only having 3 or 4. But apparently there are people who will join anything they get an invite to. I heart those people. I did invite my bff from Cali to join, but he said he was too busy doing family stuff. Sounds to me like an excuse to not admitting to being a fan of me. Someday he will give in, because I know that you can only ask someone something 8 million times before they either give in or throw a stapler at you.

Last night I had dinner at Zam-Zam's. He tricked me into eating mock duck. It was actually pretty good. But I don't think it's eating fake duck that makes me gag. It is the thought of eating real duck. And had me tricked me into eating real duck, then he would have been cleaning up my puke and would have found he had one less member in the Zam Zessin Fan Club. I will not EVER eat duck. NEVER!

I should maybe get some more work done......or go on facebook. One or the other.

A fan club? For me?

My bff Zam has created a facebook fan club for me. At this moment I have 34 fans. If I'm counting myself. Can you even believe that Zam-Zam would bestow such an honor on me? Pretty sure that he is starting it now so that when I am a famous actress he can say that he started the very first club to wprship my talents. Or he was bored.

We are having a 2nd trailer park reunion at the legion. Pretty sure I'm going to get drunk. Especially since I haven't for months and months. And yes, I grew up in a trailer park. And I am very, very trashy. Or not.

I went to a Vikings pre-season game last Saturday night with my sister, Zisa. And I only had to watch Favre play for the first half. Still not a fan, but I haven't said one bad things about him tso far this season. It's not his fault he sucks. And that I hold a grudge. I had the company seats: lower level, row 16, 40 yard line. Best seats in the house!! You wouldn't want to be any closer. And the row in front of us was partially empty, so Zenny, who has season tickets in row 999999, came down to sit by me. Haven't seen her for ages, so that was great.

My dryer broke. There is no heat it in, but it does work with cold air. Which doesn't really dry anything. So I went over to my dad's yesterday to use his washer and dryer. His washer and dryer are electronical and extremely complicated. I think he told me that with all the options and choices available, there are 279 different ways you can wash your clothes. My washer has a "start" button. I did 5 loads and watched 2 movies while I was at his house. At least I have clean clothes.

Ok, off to see if somehow I got a 35th member in my fan club.

Another addiction.....

I'm beginning to truly believe that I have a problem with addictions. Lip gloss, chai tea, Facebook, and now my blackberry. I never really thought I needed one, but when it was time to upgrade my Gravity, I decided to go the blackberry route. And now I can't put the stupid thing down. It provides me with 24/7 access to the internet (meaning facebook, of course) and is so easy to text and e-mail on. Although it doesn't make chai, it does allow me to purchase lip gloss with 2 clicks.

And to make matters worse, Zam got a blackberry last week. So now I spend 27 hours a day blackberry messaging with him. And he told me about a really cool app I could download that would make the blinking light change colors when certain people call or text me. So now when Zam and Zalyssa text me, the light blinks in a cool pattern called "disco". I freaking love this phone.

This phone is both the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. With both Zam and ZarahZou having gone from a set amount of texts to unlimited, I am now spending an outrageous amount of time texting. I used to average around 200 per month. My number is now more than 10 times that. Not nearly as many as MissZalyssa's 12,000, but I'm working on it. I may need to have the phone surgically removed from my hand.

And yes, I could even blog from my phone if I wanted to. So I have no excuses for not blogging.

Autumn.....

I can't believe that summer is almost over. This has been one of the best summers I can remember in a very long time. But, on the other hand, it is also the summer that I became certifiably loony toons cuckoo clock crazy, so maybe not?? I have learned a lot about me these past couple of months. And I have also learned that I have the best friends that anybody could ask for. When I really needed them, they were here for me. And that is despite the fact that all the drama I was going through was completely my fault. They listened, they didn't judge (to my face), and they offered the advice that I needed to hear. So, ZarahZou, Zosie, and Zam: I zove you all. Thank you!

This is also the summer that I met my bff Zam. I am so grateful for all of the times you listened to me whine about the mess I created. And you didn't hold my bad choices against me. I love knowing that I have multiple people that I can really count on, and I'm not sure if I've felt that before.

Then, of course, there are the things that led me to a near breakdown. And I'm a little bit sad that I lost a few people that I found out I couldn't trust or count on. So, to the boy who looks like a goat, coffee guy, and ex-therapist-guy: I don't regret to have met you, but I most certainly regret that I trusted you all with my inner-most thoughts and dreams and feelings. Maybe I was too forthcoming with personal information? Or maybe I just am that naive? If nothing else, I will no longer immediately trust or believe the new people I meet. I have always been pretty good at judging people's character. Until you 3. and it sucks to get so completely f*cked over 3 times in 2 months. But I think going through these situations has helped me to find myself. And I am not nearly as cuckoo clock as I was in June. And yeah, maybe it's all the prescription drugs. Or maybe it's just the experiences I had that made me see who I am and who I want to be. Although the drugs are certainly nice. ;)

And so, I am ready to bid adieu to summer and move forward into the fall. Fall means football and it means it is almost time for college basketball. Even with Favre as the quarterback, I am looking forward to an excellent season. I'm going to the game next Saturday, and even though it's pre-season, it's still exciting. And with the good news that Mbakwe will be playing for the Gopher's, I can not wait for the first tip off. It is going to be a great basketball season!!

So much to look forward to..........

And the Oscar goes to.....

Um, Me! I am making my off-off-off Broadway Debut in a community production of Peter Pan. And because my reputation proceeds me, I didn't even need to audition! Plus, I know people. I have the most stage time of anyone. And I'm playing the most important role. I will soon be known as the actress that played Fluff the Sleeping Cloud. With 2 whole lines, within the first 5 minutes. I spend the rest of the time sleeping on stage. This is perfect for me! After we wrap up the production, I'm moving to Hollywood to audition for a starring role opposite Jake Gyllenhaal. Or not.

I gave up my virtual fish on facebook in order to devote more time to practicing my lines. You'd think I would be able to remember 2 sentences. But, not really.

Tomorrow is pedicure playdate day with my friend ZarahZou. She is also the costume director for the theater. And she is playing the mother and a pirate. And my favorite 5 year old friend Josh is playing little Michael!

After my pedi, I'm driving up to the northernest most point in MN to pick up MissZalyssa's bestest friend who moved up there after graduation. They haven't seen each other in weeks, so it is imperative that I drive 4 hours to pick her up. I am such a good mom!

I have a new bff. And since he might be reading this, Hi!! to my new bff in CA!

It's United Way time. And as co-chair, I'm soliciting donations. So if my loyal reader has anything else she wants to donate, please let me know.

Still sick....

this cough just won't go away. It's after 11, I should be in bed. But I can't sleep and the coughing is driving me crazy. Plus I now have a sore throat. Ugh! It is getting so old. and I still have nothing to really blog about.

I have a lot on my mind, but it is not appropriate for this type of forum. Or any type of forum, for that matter. I'm just really mentally exhausted. I could really use a vacation. But I have used up so much PTO with being sick. I've never taken off so much work in such a short period of time. But sitting at work coughing is terrible. and then everyone comes up to me to ask if I'm okay. Geez, I'm just coughing.

And now I've written 2 paragraphs about coughing. This should be a very interesting blog. It used to be a funny, intelligent and witty blog (in my opinion). And now it has become quite lame. And for that I'm sorry. I promise that as soon as I feel better, I will post a blog that will make you AGU. or GOL, whichever is your thing.

Today I spent 6 hours on facebook. 6 straight hours. Is that not pathetic? That is 6 hours I will never get back. And I didn't really accomplish much on facebook, either. Except I did get my fish fed. And I iced a couple of rival mafia people. What a nice Sunday!

I'm very glad I don't have to work tomorrow. Another day of rest! Hopefully tomorrow will be the day I wake up not coughing!

Ok, back to facebook......

Good intentions.....bad follow through......

I had very good intentions to blog regularly, but I just haven't had much to say. Plus, I've been really sick. I don't think I have ever been this sick before. I've been to the doctor 3 times in 2 weeks. I'm on antibiotics and have 2 different prescription cough medicines, but it is not really helping. This sucks! Not sure how much longer I can go without sleeping through the night. I wake up coughing at least 5 times a night. I'm so tired. But I just can't sleep. at least I have a 3 day weekend to hopefully rest.

I have not been able to exercise for 2 weeks. I miss walking, but I just can't quit coughing long enough. And I feel woozy-ish. Going for a walk would probably not be a good idea if I'm going to pass out a mile from home.

I now have a house full of teenagers. 3, including MissZalyssa. Two teenage boys. It's crowded, but comfortable. The two boys are very good kids, they just really needed a place to stay, and maybe some positive guidance. Yeah, I'm probably not qualified for that. But, I'll try.

There is not much else going on in my life. I've only had one pedicure so far this season. ZarahZou suggested a couple days, but family obligations prevent those days from working for me. I think we have a date set, but I need to make the appointments. I forgot. All of the drugs I'm taking to make me get better are making me quite forgetful.

Ok, I am going to try to go back to bed.

Nothing to say.....

It's hard to blog when you have nothing to say. And I don't feel like I have anything to say. Good thing that won't stop me from trying, huh? My free time is currently being consumed by a quest to lose weight. And Facebook. I sort of have an addiction to Facebook. I spend hours (and hours, sometimes) a day feeding my fishies, icing people on mafia wars, and lurking on people's profiles. I also, with the help of a couple of enablers, started a cult. Because cults are way cool. It's actually turning out to be not unsuccessful, and it amuses me greatly. I am also greatly entertained by new fbf (facebook friend) Sam. He has a quite hilarious page about referring to conditioner as cream rinse. It makes me AGU (audibly giggle uncontrollably) sometimes.

Saturday is my first pedicure of the season. CAN! NOT! WAIT! I really need one, I have had to resort to polishing my own toenails. And this will be the first ever appointment booked by ZarahZou, so we are not quite sure if it is for 2 people with 2 feet at 9 am, or 9 people with 2 toes at 2 pm. I guess we will see on Saturday at 9 am. That means I have to get up at 7 am. On a Saturday. But a pedi is totally worth it.

I tried to get drunk last Saturday night to help me sleep since I've been sick and unable to sleep. But even after 52 quarts of vodka, all I had to do was pee really bad. And I felt a slight bit tipsy-ish. But not drunk. that made me sad.

A week ago I had beautiful fingernails. But, sadly, 4 of them have met their demise. Is it pathetic to cry over broken fingernails? Because I am. They were so lovely. And now they suck.

I'm out of things to say. But I am blaming the large quantities of cold medication that I have consumed. As soon as I am no longer eating Sudafed by the handful I will try blogging again.

Where there used to be a blog.....

there is now an empty space. Well, not an empty space really since all the previous blog postings are still there. I don't know why, but I just haven't felt like blogging. and I've always got something to say, so I don't know what's going on. I still don't feel like blogging. But I am anyway. I thought I would share one of my most favoritest po-ems in the entire universe, since it's a little how I'm feeling right now.

The Puppet

The music is soft
yet it is deep
it is slowly begininning to seep
into the inner most thoughts I keep

He hits the piano, his fingers leap
from note to note and key to key
It's hard to believe he's playing for me.

But he is.
Or so he said
by now he's got control
of my head.

I will do
whatever he may say
I am his puppet,
it is me he will play.

~jw 1991