But sooner or later it comes down to fate, I might as well will be the one......

It's an absolutely beautiful Tuesday!! The only really bad part is that I have a dentist appointment tonight. Just a cleaning and check up, but I hate the dentist. It seems like I was just there, but apparently its been 6 months. My last several cleanings have resulted in no cavities, and I expect the same tonight. But I can't help being scared that the dentist is going to want to root canal all my teeth and charge me $18,000,000. Yes, that is absolutely absurd. But I can't help thinking it.

This is probably the Princess's last ever dental trip. She comes off my insurance in January, and I can't imagine her going on her own. I have had to bribe her to go since she was 7 years old. Yes, I bribe a 23 year old.

I'm wearing turquoise pants today. And it is probably going to be the last time I ever get to wear them since they are too big. This makes me sad because I just got them in the spring. And this is the second pair of nearly new pants that I am going to have to get rid of. I know I should be glad. But what am I going to wear????

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhjNm20XbXw

I can't escape this now, Unless you show me how.....

The Pride parade was phenomenal. It was so special to be part of something so wonderful. So much love and acceptance! people from all walks of life. And I just love seeing all these corporations having floats. Target, Best Buy, Macy's.....I just love that they are all a part of it.

So I finally found someone who not only did not laugh at me, but actually understood and agreed, about how I like my steak cooked. Generally when I explain it, I am either met with a laugh or an eye roll. But finally someone who gets it! I want it cooked to exactly the middle point between rare and medium rare. I don't want it rare. Asking for rare typically involves a steak that is cold inside with an almost jelly-like look. I don't want it medium rare, that's just too cooked for a perfect steak. I want it in the middle.

It's Monday, but at least its a 4 day week. I have huge plans for this weekend. I am going to take 17 naps, watch more Graceland on Netflix, get caught up on laundry, maybe clean my kitchen, and I'm getting highlights in my hair. If the weather is nice, I am also going to lay outside and try to tan my shoulders more. It's less than 2 weeks until my birthday party. I need to be tanner!

I wore a dress today AND heels. Well, not really heels, but wedges. I have been living in flats, so this is kind of a big deal.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWRsgZuwf_8

The next time we hang out I will redeem myself.....

So I didn't wear yoga pants to movie night. I tried, but I jut could not leave the house in them. I went with capris and my Joey McIntyre shirt. Which is, quite honestly, the best shirt ever!!

I went on a Facebook deleting spree. I was actually shocked at how many people posted anti-gay marriage stuff. I'm probably alone in this opinion, but I believe that everyone is entitled to their opinion, whatever it is.  Whether or not I will agree with or respect them is an entirely different matter. But everyone's entitled to think or feel however they want. But they are NOT allowed to speak or post hate related messages or posters. Think what you want, but don't plaster it all over Facebook.

And if someone could come up with an argument against homosexuality and gay marriage that did not involve the bible or marrying toasters, I would most definitely be willing to LISTEN to it. I can't imagine it would change my mind, but I would listen and respect their point of view.

But I will not tolerate the bible and God being used to justify hate. I've read the bible, and I know God as much as anyone can. And the God I know is about love and acceptance. And he would not  approve of his name being used to promote an antigay agenda.

I hope it doesn't literally and figuratively rain on my parade. C-C-W is picking me up in half an hour to head to the Price parade, and I'm very excited. I'm always in awe at how amazing it is to actually feel the love and acceptance in the air.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC8N9WywIqY

I'll be there and you'll be near, And that's the deal my dear

I had an absolutely wonderful night last night hanging out with a very old friend. And by old I mean we've known each other for a very long time AND that he is almost 41 years old =)  It's been a long time since I've laughed so much without alcohol being involved somehow. Over 6 hours of wonderful conversation, and even a little bit of dancing. Anyhow, it was a wonderful night. Every single part of it was absolutely perfect.

Today I need to take the Princess to the pet store for some cat supplies and then we need to go to Target and get groceries. And I need to remember to pick up my prescription. And then maybe a nap before movie night at ZammyZou's. Tomorrow I am going to the Pride parade with C-C-W. Last year was so much fun, but this year will be even funner!!!

I also need to figure out how to get these 2 cats to stop fighting . Or really, how to get the little kitty to stop attacking Tabby-Wabby. Tabby will not fight back, which is good I guess. But I feel kinda bad for her, being constantly attacked by a kitten. I teller to fight back, but she doesn't listen very well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=weRHyjj34ZE

I can't even believe this is Miley Cyrus: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOwblaKmyVw
Its absolutely amazing!

Finally!!!

So what could happen that would result in a midday post without a song lyric title, or even a video link? This:

"The Supreme Court on Friday delivered a historic victory for gay rights, ruling 5 to 4 that the Constitution requires that same-sex couples be allowed to marry no matter where they live and that states may no longer reserve the right only for heterosexual couples."

http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/gay-marriage-and-other-major-rulings-at-the-supreme-court/2015/06/25/ef75a120-1b6d-11e5-bd7f-4611a60dd8e5_story.html


There is no song special enough to celebrate this. I've been a long time supporter of equality, and this is a decision that was way overdue! Affording the same rights to everyone, regardless of sexual orientation, is just plain decency and common sense. Discrimination, especially in 2015, is just unacceptable. 

Just be yourself.....It doesn't matter if that's good enough for someone else

Today I almost almost almost stopped and got a cinnamon-vanilla latte. But that would have been about 1,200 calories that I don't need. So I got a diet coke instead. And black coffee, which is just fine. Not quite a latte, but a much better option. Yay for good choices!

Tonight I am meeting up with an old friend. The biggest decision of the night will be what to wear. I don't want to be too dressed up. But I don't want to wear jeans. I was thinking about a dress (because, really, my legs are tan and pretty much awesome). But a dress feels like I'm trying too hard. But anything less than a dress feels like I didn't care enough to plan out an outfit. These are the things I obsess about.

And for the record, I am having the same dilemma about what to wear to movie night tomorrow at ZammyZou's. He said we could all "dress comfortably" and that he will be wearing pajama pants. The only time I leave the house in yoga pants is when I'm going to yoga. Which is how it should be. But since I always end up sitting on the floor, it would be nice to be comfortable. Why is getting dressed such an issue for me???

I've been tanning pretty regularly, but my arms don't seem to be getting any tanner. I am wearing a sleeveless dress out for my bday. It is imperative that my arms be tan! Tan fat looks way better than white fat. And tanning is way cheaper than liposuction. Maybe I should splurge and move up to the highest level bed. Or since its summer, I could lay outside for free. But 12 minutes in a bed vs. half a day outside......I have lots of thinking and decision making to do! #tryingtogetatangirlproblems


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKsxPW6i3pM

Bonus song because, well, just because.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3sMjm9Eloo

But if you're willin' to play the game....

Another Thursday.....this week is flying by! Maybe because I've been so busy at work. Last night I really did not want to go on the treadmill. But I did anyway, and I 'm so glad I did. Sometimes it's frustrating to realize how far I have left to go. But then other times, I look at my progress and know I'm slowly chipping away at my goal. I'm actually halfway there. So, I can most definitely do it!

I spent a couple hours texting with my baby daddy last night. I don't think we've ever actually talked-talked before last night. Ever. We were together for 3 years starting when I was 15. That was so long ago. And we were both kids. And since then its been mostly pleasantries and small talk with a few fights thrown in. We've both really grown up in the past 20 years. And he's going through something and I'm more than happy to be a sounding board. Although I did advise him to not ever take advice from me, as I'm the queen of bad decisions!

Anyhow, I made him laugh and definitely threw him for a loop with how much I've changed. He assumed I was still sweet, naive and innocent. haha! He was so wrong! I've really stopped caring what people think of me. And I'm not afraid to say anything. I like who I am, and I know that despite a few questionable choices, I am a very good person who just wants to help people and make people happy.

I have this huge stack of paperwork to sort through. And 12,000,000 emails. But I'm just going to take them all one at a time. Because really, that's always the best plan!


So don't mind if I fall apart, there's more room in a broken heart....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0A7jAVDPJU

Day drunk into the night.....

Later today I have an appointment with a nutritionist. I hope she can give me some ideas of what to eat besides chicken, brown rice and broccoli. Today was my weigh in day. Based on my new weight, I lost a daily WW point. I'm torn about this. It means I'm having success and losing weight. But it also means less food! And less food equals more planning to make it all work. Oh, these dilemmas!!

Saturday night is movie night at ZammyZou's. Normally this would mean at least a couple drinks and lots of movie snacks. But not this time! I'm determined to continue to make good food choices. And with my birthday coming up, I need to make sure every decision I make up until then is a good one. My birthday is going to be filled with lots of alcohol and yummy bad food. I can't wait!

I haven't been to the MN State Fair in years. I really don't like the fair all that much. But I think this year I'm going to go with C-C-W. They put out a list of all the new foods, and some of them sound so seriously delicious. I think it will be worth it to break my fair hiatus in order to partake in all of the yumminess. I haven't had State Fair cheese curds in like 10 years. and the thought of them makes me drool!



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzRyxGBGiAE

How on earth did I get so jaded, Life's mystery seems so faded.....

Well, I finished all 995 levels of Candy Crush. Now what am I supposed to do with my time? That was such a good distraction, but I don't really want to start playing another game. Before the last set of new levels came out, I went back to try and get 3 stars on all the levels. I guess I could continue that mission. Or I could read a book or something.

I'm having an interesting hair day. Whenever I use Pantene conditioner, my hair gets super bouncy. So I usually don't use it. But it was what I grabbed last night in the shower, so today my hair has lots of bounce. If it was longer that would be a good thing. But with it being so short, it's just too....something?  I don't know? Bouncy??

And a note to myself - I need to buy clothes that fit. I am wearing the cutest shirt ever, but it is clearly 2 sizes too big. Why do I want to look bigger than I am? That's just dumb. This weekend I am going to sort through my too big clothes and get rid of them. I so hope laziness doesn't get in the way.

Back in 1992/93 I worked at a restaurant with a bunch of guys. They hated my taste in music and so I asked them to go with me to the record shop down the hall in the mall and pick out a couple of cassettes that they thought were acceptable for me to listen to. I ended up with Grave Dancers Union by Soul Asylum and Core by Stone Temple Pilots. I listened to them over and over. I should thank them again for expanding my already diverse musical interests.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRtvqT_wMeY

And Hollywood's calling for the movie rights.......

I had a pretty good weekend. Yesterday I went over to my sisters to celebrate Fathers Day. We grilled and I ate without regards to points or calories. I haven't had a steak in so long, and it was excellent. And it was nice to hang out with  my dad, aunt and uncle for an afternoon. And the food was so good. A Bakers Square fresh strawberry pie for dessert, pretty much the best thing ever. I am so glad that I went on the treadmill Saturday night. I actually ran for almost a mile and then walked for 2 more.

This is going to be a challenging week because my husband is on vacation. We've already discussed that I have a routine and intend to follow it. I get home from work, the princess and I make dinner, and then I go on the treadmill. He hates the treadmill and my music on while he is playing his video game. Apparently it makes it hard for him to hear on his headset. But I absolutely need to exercise. and I need to follow my routine.

Tonight we are going to grill hamburgers. It's a lot of points, but if I plan during the day I can make it work. The 93/7 hamburger, including a bun and cheese, works out to 10 points. that's over a third of my daily allotment, but so worth it. I just need to make careful choices the earlier part of the day.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ousaiByU1ko

You used me oh so helplessly.......

It's 7:00 on a Saturday night and I am at a crossroads. A large part of me wants to eat everything in sight until I can no longer feel anything. But the smarter part of me knows I should walk on the treadmill until this feeling goes away. I think at least for tonight the exercise is going to win. I wish there was a way, aside from drugs or alcohol, to just not feel anything for awhile. To just forget everything. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes I just get so emotional. About nothing and everything all at the same time.

Tomorrow is Father's Day. I am so blessed to have a wonderful dad. I can't even count how many times he has dropped everything to come over and help me disconnect my dishwasher or look at my broken furnace, or a hundred other things I needed help with.

And July is coming up. I'm excited for my birthday, but the rest of the month not so much. My birthday party is on my parents anniversary. That's usually a hard day, but I'm hoping the distraction will be enough to make me not think about it. I have a new dress, I've lost over 20 pounds, I'm going out with my daughter and my best friend. So many reasons to be happy. So I'm going to try really hard. Especially since I feel like the end of July is going to be especially hard. I am now more convinced than ever that the anti-depressants made it possible for me to not have to deal with all of the emotional stuff. But this year at the reduced dosage, I am probably going to have to deal with it.  But I think I'm ready. I made it through Mother's Day, I can make it through July!!!

Ok, off to the treadmill because its either that or eat. And I don't want to binge on anything besides Scandal on Netflix.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjFt75KtcF0

We are that movie that never ends......

It's Friday! And I am wearing a new pair of jeans in a smaller size than a month ago! This makes me happy! I'm doing very well following Weight Watchers Mon-Fri. Sometimes the weekends kind of suck. But now that I have an epic new dress to wear out for my birthday, I am determined to lose enough weight before then to make sure that I look awesome. Its only like 3 weeks away and it's going to be so much fun!

I'm still not sure what the plan is for Fathers Day. My sister is, well, she is my sister. And knowing her, she will tell me the plan about 3 minutes before it's supposed to happen. Tomorrow is the grad party for another one of C-C-W's nieces. I think I will go for a little while and drop off my card and then go home and do laundry.

I am now on level 979 of Candy Crush. I really hate this game, but I can't quit playing. This game frustrates and challenges me way more than it should. And maybe that's why I play? Because it's hard, but its possible. And I just love those no-win situations.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANqLKCqDx9o

I wanna show you the peaceful feelin' of my home.....

I got my birthday dress yesterday. It is so cute, and I'm so excited to go out and celebrate. This will only be the 12th time I've turned 29, so it's worthy of a celebration! I do still need to find the perfect bra to wear with it though. I ordered a couple and paid way more than I've ever paid for a bra, but they just don't push up the way this dress requires. So I shall keep shopping. Oh, the horrible plight of being a DD.

I took a break from having Panic! At The Disco on repeat in order to listen to some Loggins & Messina. I actually think I prefer Anne Murray's version of A Love Song, but I haven't heard the L&M rendition for quite awhile.

I left work an hour early yesterday and came in to 16 missed calls and 37 emails. Its going to be a busy day!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4o68A6KXEDE

I'm about to lose control and I think I like it!!!

I was so excited about falling in love with the Panic! At The Disco song that I completely forgot about how EXCITED I am that Golden State won last night!!! I seriously heart Stephen Curry! What an awesome game! And what a great series!!!

And even more exciting??? Just over a week until the draft! And the T-Wolves with the #1 pick!!! Please, please, please make the right choice!!

And then its the countdown to College B-ball!!!

I'm so happy I have this passion back! Aside from blogging, its the thing I missed most!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iwBM_YB1sE

I’m sitting pretty in my brand new scars and......

It's Wednesday and I think it might rain. But I guess that's okay since I'm trapped in  my windowless office for the day. Actually, there is a window. But the view is a hallway. At least I have my own HUGE office, right?? I'm still not sure I deserve it, but after spending my entire working career in a cube, I appreciate a door I can close and more desk space than I know what to do with!

I'm still waiting for my sister to get back to me on what she is planning for Fathers Day. If I had known it would be this difficult to get her to commit to something I would have just planned it myself.

Tonight I am going to a taste test for something. Not sure what. All I know is that it pays $35 and I love doing taste tests. But I don't know how to calculate Weight Watchers points for sample servings. I will just have to be extra careful the rest of the week and not use my weekly points.

I'm not sure if I have ever even listened to a Panic! At The Disco song before. But I am in love with Hallelujah, it is the perfect song!

The best youtube comment ever happened on this song:
"I want to make this song into a human so I can take it to Vegas and marry it"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoe9ST8gQhQ

We keep repeating mistakes for souvenirs.....

Back to another Monday. I had an excellent weekend, I finished season 3 of Orange is the New Black. And I started season 11 of Grey's Anatomy. I never expected to like Grey's, but it has become one of my favorite shows.

Yesterday I went to C-C-W's nieces grad party. She has the greatest family, they are all so nice and welcoming. And there was a pasta bar. It was so hard to only have one bread stick. But I did! And it was so good. I also limited myself to one beer even though I wasn't driving.I can totally do this healthier eating thing, I think.

My company is having a summer long ice cream sale to raise money for the Humane Society. They are going to constantly stock the freezer with ice cream and sell it for $1. Ice cream is one of my favoritest foods ever. This is going to be a long, hard, tempting summer. But I am saying no. I have worked way too hard so far to throw it away for ice cream that I don't need. I bought a new dress to wear out for my birthday and I need to make sure it not only fits, but that it looks good!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Yqru5UXWGY

So I guess the fortune teller's right......

There's another new Bingo Blitz board. I'm never going to finish all the boards. I was debating to going back to being an admin, but BB is making it so hard to help people.

Tonight the Princess and I are having a movie night. Nick is going over to a friends house, so her and I are going to hang out. Last time we had a movie day we watched Clueless, which I love! I hope she chooses something just as good!

I spent the morning making the Princess a cross body bag. I think it turned out adorably! I think I may make one for myself, but out of different fabric. I'm not a super huge fan of sugar skulls. But I really like the combo of lace and skulls.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VV1XWJN3nJo

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness.....

It's Friday! Season 3 of Orange is the New Black was released on Netflix, so this weekend I 'm going to watch that and do some more sewing. And laundry. I have so much laundry. Sunday I'm going to one of C-C-W's nieces grad party for at least a little bit. I'm trying to be super careful with my WW points, so this is going to be hard. Grad parties = food and cake. And I really want to lose at least 12 more pounds before my birthday. It was suggested that I wear a dress and look hot. That is a bit difficult since I don't feel "hot" at this weight, but 12 pounds would do it, I think. The less I weigh, the more confidence I get. And confidence is HOT!

Pro tip for messaging with me: sending me a message after we haven't talked for a few days that just says "What the f***, b*tch" as the way of a greeting does not endear you to me. Not even a little. All it really does is make me cranky. Next time try "Hi" or any of a dozen variations of hello that do not involve calling me names. I'm one of those B's you can catch better with honey.

My iBotta account is back up to $28.50. I absolutely love that app! I've already cashed out over $90 since November. And it is so easy to use. I started using mr.rebates back in 2006. Since then I have earned almost $800 in cash rebates on things I would have bought online anyway. I cash that account out every Christmas for shopping. Here's a link to mr.rebates if you are interested in joining. I can't imagine why you wouldn't want FREE MONEY! Mr. Rebates


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY

It's such a magical mysteria.....

I'm so excited that I get to go the Def Leppard/Foreigner/Tesla concert!!! I'm going with C-C-W and our husbands. I just wish I didn't have to wait until October! Unless you count Edgefest in 1999 -which I don't because we left after an hour- Nick and I have never gone to a concert together. Our musical taste are just another one of our incompatibilities I guess. I have awesome, diverse musical taste, and he listens to music that pretty much sucks.

And C-C-W and the Princess have planned an excellent birthday party for me. A girls night full of my favorite people, barhopping, and the promise of singing!! I can't imagine a better way to spend a night. I'm so excited! I was not looking forward to turning 40 and having to be an adult. But how could I not be excited to spend an evening with my best friend and my wonderful daughter?!?

Last night my old friend Jocelyn came over and we drank wine and caught up. A few years ago we were super close, practically best friends. We hung out at least once or twice a week and talked every day. I'm not sure what happened. We did have a bit of a disagreement over a facebook page she set up. I felt that it was extremely mean spirited and I didn't like it. So I called her on it because she was posting some really cruel things. Maybe I overreacted a little, but making fun of people is just not something I can sit back and watch. Anyhow, that is pretty much when we stopped hanging out. We have mutual friends, so we still saw each other and everything was fine, but we just never hung out after that. Anyhow, it was nice to spend an evening catching up with her.

Two years ago I bought these super cute shoes, and rarely get to wear them because they don't match a lot of my outfits. But I got to wear them today and I super love them!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SluRyO4EA4

But someday you'll pay the price, I know......

Well, the basketball game did not turn out the way I wanted. I hope Golden State fairs better in game 4.

Foreigner is coming in concert with Def Leppard and Tesla. I really want to go. I'm just waiting for someone/anyone to agree to go with me. I think C-C-W might. I love Foreigner. When I was in 10th grade I used to listen to Records on my walkman until eventually the cassette just got worn out. It was rather funny, because hardly any of my friends even knew who Foreigner was. but it was my favorite. I cycled between Foreigner, TMBG, The Cure and Troop. I've always had diverse musical tastes.

Last night the Princess made salsa chicken and it was phenomenal. We had it in tortillas with brown rice. We will definitely be making it again.

I have been at work for almost 2 hours. I just now realized that I left my coffee in my car. Again. What is wrong with me? How can I forgot coffee??? Well, it's probably cold and gross now. So I guess I will just make some new stuff.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMqfWoFjgto

You know I think it's time to give this game a ride......

I've come to realize that the music I listen to on the way to work in the morning really affects my mood. There are some songs that just automatically put me in a good, upbeat mood. Centerfield by John Fogerty is one of those songs. How can you listen to it and not smile? I think today is a good day to listen to CCR!!!

I super scored at The Goodwill on Sunday. I got 2 brand new with tags pairs of Ann Taylor dress pants in the size smaller than I currently wear for $7 each. AND THEY FIT!!! Unfortunately they are lined and way too hot to wear now. Which is probably good, because they will fit even better if I lose another 10 pounds. The point is, they do fit, even if they are a little tight. I could wear them! And some nice lady who works in our building came up to me and said she noticed I was losing weight. And then she said I look awesome. She was exaggerating a bit with "awesome", I still have work to do. But it was nice to hear that she noticed!!

I found a super cool gold gel glitter pen in my desk. I don't remember buying it, but I can't wait to find a project to use it on. I will have to make a card for someone or something like that. I also need to get organized and order the rest of C-C-W's birthday present. I really hope she likes it, I've been thinking about it for 4 months. I know she'll say she likes it no matter how she feels about it, but its something I really want her to love!

I am in love with this nail color. It's a gel color by SensatioNail called Purple Orchid. It's a dark purple with tiny flecks of glitter. I'm so happy that my nails are all long and fantastic. I'm loving gel polish!! And yes, my nails are real! Thank you Pink Armor Nail Gel!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04KQydlJ-qc

And I have met my destiny in quite a similar way....

ZarahZou's grandparents are steadily improving. Grandpa has been moved out of ICU, so I'm happy for that. They still have a lot of recovering to do, but things are looking up. 


Saturday night I watched Muriel's Wedding for the 10,345th time. It's one of my all time favorite movies. One of the best quotes ever is from that movie:

"But since I've met you and moved to Sydney, I haven't listened to one Abba song. That's because my life is as good as an Abba song. It's as good as Dancing Queen." 

There have been multiple times in my life I've felt that way, that my life was as good as a great song like Dancing Queen. I hope I can find a way to get there again soon, because lately it seems like my life is more like SOS or The Winner Takes It All.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sryOCnuj7c 

Golden State lost last night in OT. Unfortunately (or fortunately??) I fell asleep at half time. I wonder if I will eventually be able to stay awake for a whole game. 

Yesterday I started on the girls kimono shirts. CH picked out a sugar skull fabric and the Princess picked out a floral lace. I'm about half done with CH's, but not sure if I will have time to sew until next weekend. The Princess also asked for a cross body bag out of the sugar skull fabric. I think I can manage that. This whole sewing thing is really out of my comfort zone, and its nice to have projects that push my creativity and (lack of) skill. I'm glad I'm not afraid to try new things.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sj_9CiNkkn4

Anyone who's ever had a dream......

My bff ZarahZou and her family need lots of prayers. Her grandparents were in a serious car accident today, and her grandpa is in the ICU. So, ZarahZou, hugs and prayers and love to you.

I just finished watching the movie The Best of Me. I'm at a loss at how to describe it. I pretty much started crying 3 seconds in, and am still feeling a little teary. I mean, WTF! Seriously??!??  I think the ending was supposed to leave you feeling good, love in a complete circle or some crap like that. I just ended up feeling sad and mad. I really wanted the fairy tale ending, and maybe in some ways that's how it did end.  But it was not the ending I wanted. I wanted true love to persevere. And I suppose you could argue that it did. But not in the way I thought it should. I just feel kind of ripped off. I want love to prevail, I want to believe in fate and destiny. And if it doesn't exist in really life, can't it at least exist in Hollywood? (And yes, you could argue that it did exist in the movie, but not the way I wanted it to)

I spent the early part of the day shopping with The Princess and CH. We went to the fabric store, which may very well be my most favoritest place ever.  but now I have 6 yards of lace trim that I decided not to use on the quilt. So what am I going to do with $30 worth of lace?? I need to find a new project.

The girls picked out fabric so I could make them kimono cardigans. I think I will start on those tomorrow. I don't think they realize that I kind of suck at sewing. After that we went to lunch at The Pita Pit. Yum! That may be my new favorite place to eat. It turned out to be an excellent day.

I finished the quilt. I'm happy, well happyish, with how it turned out. The trim could be more even and the stitches could be evenly spaced. But for having no idea what I'm doing, I'm thrilled with the finished product.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHRFZFmEq9o

A hundred days have made me older.....

One of the bad things about going to bed at 8:00 on a Friday night is waking up at 4:30 on a Saturday morning. It's way too early to have any motivation to do anything, but I'm wide awake.

I started watching The Blacklist on Netflix last night. Its really good so far.

I think later today (much later) the Princess and I are going to go shopping. I need to get the trim so I can finish the quilt. Or work on the quilt, I still have a lot to do. I'm so excited for the baby! Only 2 months to go!! I hope I get to babysit a lot.

I've been trying to get rid of some tan lines, and I ended up with a burned stomach. I think that is why I had a dream last night that my alarm clock was also a toaster oven, cotton candy maker, and tanning lamp. Because that makes total and complete sense. Anyhow, I used my alarm clock to even out tan lines. And of course I did it on a work day, and ended up being super late to work. Sometimes I have the oddest dreams!



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPBzTxZQG5Q

Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.....

Woo-hoo!! It's Friday! And Golden State won the first game of the finals! I should never underestimate the power of my screaming at the TV! Curry with 50% field goal shooting and 8 assists?!? He is the best! But blowing a 10 point lead to force OT?? Yikes! I can't wait for the next game!

I'm looking forward to a weekend of nothing! Cleaning and working on CH's quilt. I started watching Warehouse 13 on Netflix. I like it, but I don't love it. It's making me want to re-watch Psych. I really, really loved that show. Why did it have to end?

Before I left for work this morning, I put a roast in the crock-pot with some Hawaiian BBQ sauce mix. Because that's what the Princess wanted. Unfortunately. I will not eat it because for one, it's pork. And for 2, there is pineapple in it. And that breaks one of my few food rules. I will not eat anything that mixes fruit and meat. Because yuck! I will eat just about anything, but mixing fruit and meat just makes my stomach feel all topsy-turvy. I'm sure it's delicious, but I will never find out.

 I brought chili for lunch today, but I'm also wearing a white shirt so I'm going to have to think about that decision a bit more. Not to say I'm messy, but....


Sometimes I wish I was older so I could have seen concerts like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhH3mRkKDX8

And the grand facade, so soon will burn....

Yesterday at the insurance conference I got an awesome swag bag. It included items like a mini flashlight, chap stick and dental floss. And a really cool pen! Those items alone made it worth going, but they also offered attendees an extra 2 points in commission for 60 days. So now I've got to SELL!

Say Anything is one of my most favoritest movies ever. It may have been what spurred my love and appreciation for pens. Because, after all, what better way to let them know you care? "I gave her my heart. She gave me a pen". hahahaha!! I think I'm going to watch that movie this weekend. Yes, I've seen it 118,000 times. But it gets better each time!

Its a gloomy day and probably going to rain. But I wore a dress anyway. I'm finally tan enough, and I love wearing skirts and dresses. Plus my only pants that fit right need to washed. That's the only negative of losing weight - clothes not fitting right. At least tomorrow I can wear jeans!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MstUBwkyTB4

Price you gotta pay when you break the panorama....

I've got an insurance convention thing to go to this morning. That usually means donuts. Not! Going! To! Happen! I love donuts. But today I will say no. I also have 24 hours of continuing ed to do before my birthday to maintain my license. I should probably get started on that. Soon.

Today was my first official weigh in for Weight Watchers. I lost 2 pounds, which I suppose is okay. But I want to be at the end of the weight loss part so I can begin the maintenance. And buy new clothes. None of my pants fit right since I only seem to be losing weight from my thighs. I hope it evens out soon.

I think I decided to grow my bangs out. I'm still considering the options, but if I'm going to continue to exercise, I really want to be able to put all my hair back into a ponytail. These kinds of decision should not require so much contemplation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MR9OH6BjOo

So I dub thee unforgiven.....

I've tried to avoid all things Duggar for the past several years. 19 kids equals way too much exploitation for my taste. But I can't seem to avoid having this whole Josh Duggar "scandal" shoved down my throat every time I turn around. Its all over Facebook, Twitter, People Magazine, cnn.com, the grocery store, the gas station, the water cooler.....I put scandal in quotes because I don't see this as so much of a scandal as an unconscionable act of travesty against both religion and justice. By both Josh and his parents.

I am not writing (or judging) as a representative of morality or Godliness, I am writing as someone who has experienced firsthand how being sexually abused can DESTROY you. Something that happens to you when you are 9 years old can follow you through your entire adult life. Yes, therapy can help. But it will never, ever undo whats been done. And therapy (and meds) cannot ever entirely take away all the self-doubt and lingering feelings of hurt, shame, and even guilt.

It is not something you can simply "get over". It is ALWAYS there. And then there are also the never-ending, unanswerable questions: What would I be like had this never happened? Would I be happier? Would I like and respect myself more? Would I have respected myself enough to not let that horrible, drunk & passed out thing happen to me when I was 15? Would I care more about the people that could be hurt by some of the choices I've made?  And the big one: Would I even have done some of the things I've done had this never happened????

It's not an excuse. And it's not a reason. It just simply is what it is. And I am who I am. And I know right from wrong. But sometimes how I feel about myself and my need for approval and acceptance overpowers common sense. I would guess that most days, 99.9% of the day I do not give the past any thought at all. But if we do the math, that still means that I spend about a minute a day HATING myself and what I've been through.

But this isn't about me. It's about the girls who have been hurt and completely disregarded. And this is what makes me both angry and sad. I feel like they've been forced into forgiving someone who violated them in ways that no one who hasn't been there (and even some people who have) can never truly understand. They've been preached at that since God forgives, they must too.

But one of the fundamental thoughts I've carried with me for over 30 years is that some acts are truly unforgivable, and that eventually he would die and go to Hell and pay for what he did. And since he's dead now, I want to believe (need to believe!) that he was not forgiven and is rotting in Hell. I know this is not a very Christian way to think,. But hurting a 9 year old like that is not a very Christian thing to do.

So to the innocent girls Josh Duggar hurt, I pray you can find the peace that I'm still searching for. Please know that he was entirely wrong and at fault, and your parents actions and reactions were wrong and you deserve better. Forgiveness is a nice theory, but some things are UNFORGIVABLE! All you can do is accept and deal. But don't deal like I have. Have enough love and respect for yourself to not need the approval of others, and try not to hurt people through your actions.

I hesitate to post this, but why should I continue to be ashamed of something that happened to me through no fault of my own? I did nothing wrong. This is one of my every day struggles, and maybe someone will read it and feel not quite so alone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ckom3gf57Yw

Boys and things that come by the dozen.....

Another Monday, but I have lots of coffee and a sunny disposition! For real! Listening to The Black Crowes really ups my mood.

I've been looking at new cars for 5 years now, but I can't find anything that I think I will like as much as I love my Saturn. I've never had a car this long, and did not expect to keep it for over 10 years. But I really love it. This was my second brand new Saturn, the first I kept for 5 years. And that's how long I expected to keep this one. But I really do it like it, and can't imagine getting rid of it. Oh, what to do??

After nearly 16 hours of sewing, I have finished attaching all the quilt squares together. Its the picture that makes it look crooked. I think. It  may actually be crooked, I'm not sure. I'm very happy with the way this part has turned out. The hardest parts are next. And I still need to get a trim of some sort.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Acmb6tk0Yj4