It's 7:00 on a Saturday night and I am at a crossroads. A large part of me wants to eat everything in sight until I can no longer feel anything. But the smarter part of me knows I should walk on the treadmill until this feeling goes away. I think at least for tonight the exercise is going to win. I wish there was a way, aside from drugs or alcohol, to just not feel anything for awhile. To just forget everything. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes I just get so emotional. About nothing and everything all at the same time.
Tomorrow is Father's Day. I am so blessed to have a wonderful dad. I can't even count how many times he has dropped everything to come over and help me disconnect my dishwasher or look at my broken furnace, or a hundred other things I needed help with.
And July is coming up. I'm excited for my birthday, but the rest of the month not so much. My birthday party is on my parents anniversary. That's usually a hard day, but I'm hoping the distraction will be enough to make me not think about it. I have a new dress, I've lost over 20 pounds, I'm going out with my daughter and my best friend. So many reasons to be happy. So I'm going to try really hard. Especially since I feel like the end of July is going to be especially hard. I am now more convinced than ever that the anti-depressants made it possible for me to not have to deal with all of the emotional stuff. But this year at the reduced dosage, I am probably going to have to deal with it. But I think I'm ready. I made it through Mother's Day, I can make it through July!!!
Ok, off to the treadmill because its either that or eat. And I don't want to binge on anything besides Scandal on Netflix.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjFt75KtcF0
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