You don't seem to know, Seem to care what your heart is for....

New Years Eve Day!! And a 3 day weekend coming up! Yesterday was a great day off. My dryer was delivered and I did a bunch of laundry and the princess and I finished the Halloween movie series.

I have to make a really hard decision about my bangs again. Grow them or cut them??? I just really don't know which way to go. They are kind of a pain. But they cover up my forehead. Ugh! What to do??

I wasn't going to make any New Year's resolutions, but there is one I need to make. It's not appropriate to discuss here, but I will have to write it down somewhere. Just one of those things I need to deal with. I hate dealing with things.

I think tonight will be a night of Netflix and wine. I really did think about going out, but I would rather be home in my pajamas if I can't do what I really want to do.

I have a 3 pound bag of wild rice so I think I'm going to make soup tomorrow. Because yum!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VV1XWJN3nJo
And this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cwkej79U3ek

I don't want to be adored for what I merely represent to you....

So I brought my work laptop home last night and was all prepared for 6-12 inches of snow and working from home. But I was unable to connect to the work network and we only got like 3 inches of snow. I couldn't really justify a snow day when it would only take me about 45-50 minutes to get to work. Maybe the next snowfall. First I need to figure out how to overcome a "cannot connect to network, you are near a hotspot" error. I guess I could call the help desk, but that requires effort and initiative, which I sort of kind of lack.

And I have tomorrow off!! And my new dryer is being delivered!!

I've been listening to a lot of Alanis Morissette. I remember listening to the Jagged Little Pill cd on repeat back in '95 when I was feeling particularly angsty. I had a lot of anger and hurt to get over back then. And thanks to Alanis, I did get over it.

The awesome NFL scheduling people flexed the Vikings-Packers game to 7:30. This makes me so very happy. I love not getting enough sleep. Hopefully the Vikes take out Rodgers early and the game is decided at halftime. That would be the most ideal scenario.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdG7DYopRkM

Gonna make you, make you, make you notice....

Monday! I need way more coffee. Getting up was so hard this morning. I slept with my two favorite things - my Vikings blanket and my NKOTB sleeping bag. It was awesome!

I was up way too late last night, but totally worth it! I watched a fantastic Vikings game and got to see the Packers lose. Couldn't ask for a better Sunday. Well, actually, a better Sunday would have had the game being played at noon. But for a win, I will sacrifice sleep. And the Vikings absolutely dominated!  And next Sunday's game is major!! But it totally sucks that I had to stay at my dads to see the end of the game, so I got home about 2 hours past my bedtime.

Saturday the Princess and I had a movie marathon over at Ggg' s house. He was gone, so we took over his house and watched Halloween 1-6, except 3. It was awesome to spend time with her doing something we both enjoy: sitting on the couch watching tv. If she wakes up early enough, we are going to watch a few more Halloween movies on Wednesday since I have the day off.

I was going to go for New Years, but I've decided to just stay home with Netflix. I'm happier at home alone. Maybe the Princess will want to watch a movie.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7Hy7uAb_eU

the longer I live the more I believe....

I really tried to sleep in this morning. But I've been up for about an hour. And I even stayed up until 11:30 watching Once Upon a Time. Maybe a nap later!

There's this app game I've been playing for a few years called Wordament. You play live against real people, 2 minute rounds and try to make as many words as you can. The highest number of people I've ever seen playing is about 1700. People from all over the world play. A coworker just asked me if I played because she saw my name on the scoreboard. It's just so weird that she plays too when only about 1000 people in the whole universe are playing at one time. Anyhow, it's one of my favorite games. And it's such a small world!

We went over to ggg's last night to pick up the Princesses phone case. She accidentally had it shipped there. Because sometimes eBay sucks and before you even know it happened, you've set up shipping to the wrong address. Anyhow, we did the Christmas present thing, and she absolutely flipped out over what he got her. She was so excited about a pair of Freddy Krueger socks. They are so weird, and so totally her. She talked about them the whole way home. And she also loved the Amazon fire stick thingy. And she was so excited that he picked out a movie she loves. Her and I saw it in the theater when it first came out and it scared me a little bit. She so loves horror movies. He honestly got her the best presents ever. But it's not the presents, it's that they are so perfectly her.

Ggg got me a Vikings scarf, which I love. But even more so I love that it is a truly thoughtful gift. Those are the kinds of things that are so meaningful. Someone taking the time to think about it, that's a gift that no amount of money can buy. I so appreciate him.

I think he liked his presents. Alyssa got him a shirt that so makes me lol. It's a beer mug plus a football that equals a thumbs up. And thumbs up make me giggle for some reason.

It's too early to start my day, but too late to go back to sleep. Merry Christmas Eve to me! Lol


https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7k4ujBGRGf8

Trying to keep up with you, And I don't know if I can do it

Wednesday/Friday!! I'm so glad. It has been a super long week. Like 90% of my auto policies renew on 1/1, so I've been processing them all week. And I've been fielding all the phone calls from the happy customers who are thrilled with the rate increases. Apparently yelling at me makes it all better. Pro tip: if you are at least cordial with me, I will work with you to find ways to lower the premium.

My new dryer is being delivered next Wednesday! And it's a super nice one! I have pretty much the greatest dad ever! I never thought I would be so excited about a dryer, but I can't wait to actually dry my jeans so they won't be so crunchy! You gotta do what you gotta do, and I'm not really complaining about it. Just excited to not have to do it!

I'm not sure how it happened, but I'm carrying over 28 PTO days. I thought I used more than 23. This means I will start 2016 with 54 days. I could make every week a 4 day week and still have a couple days left. Not that I can, but I could. That's a lot of days. I guess that's what happens when you work here for 17 years and have 2 years in a row where taking any days off is discouraged.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=if-UzXIQ5vw

Why am i so dizzy when you're looking at me....

It's Tuesday/Thursday! I am so ready for a 4 day weekend. I just need to get through 2 more days.

I finished nearly all of my Christmas shopping last night thanks to Target.com and their guaranteed Christmas delivery. I still have a couple little things to pick up, but nothing major. I need the presents for the dice game. No idea what I'm going to get for that. I also need some glitter and glue for a quick project if I have time. But I'm not entirely sure. I need to think about this a bit more, I'm running out of time.

I'm loving this December. No socks and festive shoes on Dec. 22nd!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0VkDI86Jr0

Only yesterday was the time of our lives.....

The Monday before Christmas.....this month has flown by. I can't believe I only have a few days to wrap up all my shopping and cooking. I need to make a shopping list so I don't forget anything. So, the first thing on my to-do list is to make a list.

I had a pretty good weekend. I finished Hart of Dixie. Such a cute show. And then I started Once Upon a Time. I've tried to watch it a couple times but couldn't really get into it. But I gave it another chance and I really do like it.

Yesterday I went over to my dad's and cleaned out several cabinets and cupboards. We ended up with 4 huge boxes to donate, a full trash can and I took home a few bags of sheets and towels. The towels will be nice since we always seem to run out. This not having a dryer thing kind of sucks. We always have clothes hanging from every available surface. But getting a new dryer is not exactly a priority right now.

Thank you to my wonderful co-worker TK who told me that my weight loss program is really working. That was a super sweet compliment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQl3WQQoQ0

One guy's wasted and the other's a waste.....

FRIDAY!! I'm so glad this work week is almost over. I need a weekend. Tomorrow is my usual laundry and Netflix. Sunday the Princess (if she wakes up in time) and I are going over to my dad's to clean out a couple cabinets. He's finally admitting he needs to downsize. He doesn't really need 172 sheet sets or 87 bottles of Windex. So that and the Vikings game are what is on the agenda.

I'm a little bit sad that I wasn't able to get Adele tickets yesterday. I was stuck in a meeting until 10:15 and by the time it was over and I was able to log on to ticketmaster, both concerts were sold out. Oh, well. That's the way it goes sometimes. I'm just not used to not getting what I want. LOL

I haven't listened to this in FOREVER:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWH85xlhZbI

Nobody knows if it's something to bless or to blame....

Weigh in a day late. And the scale has not moved. This is good since I have had to skip my workouts since I've been sick. I need to get back on the treadmill, but at least I'm eating well enough that I'm not gaining weight. And maybe being on a plateau for a while will make the next round of losing easier. Here's to hoping.

I've spent 7 hours over the last 2 nights playing Bingo Blitz trying to help some people in my trading group. 7 hours and I've managed to help 3 people. I so hate the changes to BB and how hard they have made it to win extra items to help people.

The Princess is sick and does not want to go Christmas shopping tonight. I need to remember to stop and pick up cards so I can get them mailed out. Why am I such a procrastinator?

I bought the cutest tank top and was super excited to wear it today with a hot pink sweater over it. I didn't try it on when I got it, and I'm so cranky that it is way too big. So I had to scramble around to find something to wear this morning. I hate when that happens. I guess I should be happy that it was too big. But now what to do with it??


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ecE1UML1q8

And heart to heart you'll win.....

It snowed last night so the roads are wet and icky. Note to the car behind me: it defies common sense to expect that I can drive faster than the car in front of me. I am in the right lane, and there is exactly 1.5 car lengths between me and the car in front of me. I can not possibly go faster. I can't. So maybe switch lanes and go around me??

I heard a Trader Joe's commercial this morning trying to sell blue cheese. Note to trader Joe's: talking about how you inject it with penicillium 138 and 147 and then coat it with black wax and pierce it does not make it sound at all appealing. Maybe try to sell it based on taste and not on the chemically-sounding virtues. Just a thought.

The 4th season of Hart of Dixie is on Netflix. I can't wait to watch it this weekend. It's not that it's even that good of a show, but it is totally mindless. And I could use totally mindless.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47y5bo8wtqM
Oh, and this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_50-gOeBilc

We all chase something and maybe this is a dream.....

Last night I was sleeping by 7. Not sure why I went to bed so early, but I love sleep so much! And at least I shouldn't be tired today. I had some super odd dreams. I keep dreaming that I'm super late for work because it takes me HOURS to get ready. Even on the days I shower and have to blow dry my hair I can get out of the house in 45 minutes. Such a strange dream. And plus I'm always here early, usually half an hour or so early.

I need to get my Christmas cards written out and mailed. I exchange cards with a few members of my facebook bingo group, and I've gotten their cards so I need to mail out mine. Why am I such a procrastinator? I love cards!

I was thinking about some of the best presents I've ever received and how special they are. Probably the best one is a poem that the Princess wrote me and framed a couple years ago. And the scrap book she made me. And the pictures of her and I that she put together in a frame last year. Her friend CH wrote me a letter for Christmas a couple years ago and that was so awesome. I keep it at work in case I'm having a bad day. I can take it out and read it and feel appreciated. Those are the best presents I've ever gotten. I am so fortunate and blessed!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jd_p93TC8Hw

But somehow it's just not that easy.....

Monday....and it's raining on Dec 14th. I love this weather. It's wet and windy, but it's not super cold. I hope it stay this warm out for a bit longer, I love not wearing a jacket. Jeans starting today through the end of the year. This would normally be a super awesome thing, but I can't wear any of my holey jeans, so that limits what I can wear. And I don't have very many pairs that fit me well. Today I am wearing a pair with a couple of small rips. I will just hide out in my office all day and avoid people and then no one will know.

I had a nice weekend of nothing. Laundry and Netflix.  I started watching Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. I think I kind of like it. So now C-C-W wants to introduce me to the Marvel Universe or whatever it's called. I guess I'm open to anything.

I read a lot of posts on this anonymous writing site called novni. novni.com I write a lot there, too, but I usually don't post it for public viewing. There are numerous settings, you can post so no one (including you) can ever see it again. That's what I usually do. You can also post and choose whether or not to allow comments. It's all completely anonymous. And you can comment on peoples posts if they choose to allow it. It's a nice place to write with no judgement. Sometimes just writing things down helps. Even if no one ever reads it.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcNyk54b3ZU

I ain't the woman in red, I ain't the girl next door......

I stayed up way too late last night. I had a super great time over at C-C-W's, even though we lost. It was actually a pretty good game, and we stayed in it. Which surprises me a little bit. Her husband apparently had Larry Fitzgerald playing on his fantasy team, because he really wanted LF to score.

We had fantastic pizza and the oreo ice cream cake I made was phenomenal! If only we could have won the game!

I was just reading through my texts from Ggg last night and they make me laugh. It's basically just a bunch of F words back and forth. Not sure why that makes me giggle. Probably because I don't say that word a whole lot. C giggled too when I showed her what we were texting back and forth. Although the reasons for the words were not funny. Fumbles and missed tackles. Ugh! the turnovers did them in. I think I need to burn the Bridgewater jersey. I wonder if I can return it as defective?? 

It's the middle of December and I didn't wear a jacket. I hope all winter is like this!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-HVP01goE4

Anything you want, we can make it happen.....

Thursday!! Yesterday Tegan went to the vet and got spayed. And it cost about $100 less than I expected! She's doing great, although the Princess pointed out to me that I've spelling her name wrong. It's Tegan, not Teagan. Oops!!

Tonight is going to be a great night! BFF time with C-C-W, pizza, oreo ice cream cake, and the Vikings game! Maybe she will become a football fan! We can hope, right? Anyhow, it's going to be a late night but so worth it! Thank you, C-C-W for letting me come over! You are the bestest!!

I have an excellent weekend of nothing planned! Laundry and maybe (just maybe) cleaning the kitchen. We shall see. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWzy5q_M5Ho

You put the sparks to the flame....

Tuesday.....I went to bed super early last night and slept through until 3 without waking up coughing. Maybe, just maybe, I might be getting better. I almost forgot my coffee this morning, so I had to run back home to get it since I wasn't very far away yet. How can I forget my coffee??

As soon as I got to work I ditched my socks. In the trash. because I really do hate wearing socks. I've been wearing them since I'm sick, but so not worth it. Not sure why I hate them so much. I'm wearing heels today. I hate heels as much as socks. But these pants deserved something a bit more dressy than my normal flats.

That's it. My super interesting life condensed down to two paragraphs about coffee and socks.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_T2Dxgn-lls

I'm just a notch in your bedpost....

Monday. It's going to be a long day. I can't quit coughing. I was sleeping by 7:30 last night, so I think I got enough sleep. Hopefully that will help the cough go away.

My weekend was okay, but I don't want to talk about the Vikings game. I watched netflix pretty much nonstop. It was great. I started watching The Flash. I didn't expect to like it, but it's a good show. I watched a movie on Prime called If I Stay. It was just not very good.

I made 2 crock pots of chili on Saturday. It may have been my best kitchen creation yet. I brought some over to my dads for the game. And we will probably be eating chili all week.

One of my favorite lines from a song: "Wishing to be the friction in your jeans".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhG-vLZrb-g

You could be my someone, You could be my scene

Did I really stay up an hour and a half past my bedtime to watch the worst football game in the history of football games? What the hell, Detroit?? To be very clear, the Packers didn't win, the Lions lost. How did they not expect and guard against what they had to expect the final play would be??? Yeah, you could blame the refs, but it never should have come down to the final 6 seconds. I want my lost time back.

At least it's Friday.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJJsoquu70o
and this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPC2Fp7IT7o

Who do you need? Who do you love?

So somehow last night I finished a bottle of wine. And slept for 5 straight hours. That is more that I have slept in the prior 3 nights combined. It was awesome! I did still wake up around 2 coughing, but at least I slept a lot. Thank you to the person who suggested I drink myself to sleep. although I do have a bit of a hangover today. Totally worth it!! And sorry for the drunken text convo. I can be slightly obnoxious!

I super hope that the t-shirt I ordered for C-C-W comes before next Thursday so I can give it to her. It's so funny!!! I'm going over to her house to watch the Vikings game. Well, I'm going to watch it, and shes going to pretend to. She hates football, but she likes me. LOL Plus I'm bringing an oreo ice cream cake. I'm betting before the end of the first quarter she is watching netflix on her laptop with her headphones.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-eUufUZYgA

Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time....

Weigh-in Wednesday.....I'm down half a pound from last week, and considering Thanksgiving and several restaurant trips, I am very happy with that! 

Who needs sleep anyway?? It's been several days since I've slept through the night, and I can only hope it happens soon. I'm sick of being sick. I'm sick of coughing. I'm just sick in general. 

Nothing else to say, except this: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvl7240TZTc 

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find....

Let's summarize today in bulletpoints:

1. I went to bed at 5 pm and ended up getting a total of 37 minutes of sleep. Every time I would fall asleep I would wake myself up coughing.
2. I have too much work to do to call in sick.
3. Life is not fair, and it is never going to be fair. So sometimes you just gotta say whatevs and suck it up.
4. It's dumb to cry over spilled milk because at the end of your crying jag, you still have milk to clean up.
5. Sometimes the little, seemingly meaningless things hurt more than the big things. But then you just have to put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
6. I was once again reminded why C-C-W is the very best friend I've ever had in my entire life. I'm pretty sure I don't deserve to have such a wonderful friend. Thank you for being the solution to my problem and for making me both laugh and cry!!! It's nice to cry over good things for a change. I love you more than can be conveyed with words.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7k0a5hYnSI

I'll leave it in your hands until you're ready....

Monday.....I swear I was just sick and now I am again. This cough is going to be my death. If I was not on vacation last week I would have called in sick today. That's how icky I feel. I can count on one hand, with fingers leftover, how many times I've called in sick in  the 17 years I've worked here.

At least I got to watch an excellent football game yesterday. Where was that defense against the Packers?? I ordered my Teddy Bridgewater jersey over the weekend. So excited to get it!

I think I am all done Christmas shopping. I just have one more order to place tonight, but I'm waiting for the Princess to decide exactly what it is since it's one of her gifts for somebody.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TB54dZkzZOY

I don't want to be your downtime....

Thanksgiving dinner was great. My turkey turned out exceptionally, and I'm pretty sure it was the best stuffing I've ever made. But I was so tired, I couldn't sleep Wednesday night and was up until about 2:30 am. And then having to get up at 6....ugh! I came home from my sisters house and tried to take a nap, but I just can't sleep. Not sure what's going on, but my mind is just a chaotic mess. I tried drowning it with wine, but that's not really helping. It's not even making me drunk, just giving me a headache. I think I'm going to be up for awhile. And I have the house to myself, so it's nice and quiet.

I've been a bad blogger-person this week. I've been writing on an anonymous site because what I'm thinking and feeling are not quite appropriate for public viewing. I'm so glad I have multiple outlets for my thoughts.

This has been the fastest week of vacation ever. I so do not want to go back to work in a few days.


https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MW6E_TNgCsY
And a side of this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OCyL6pa_L4Mu
And maybe this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_U_j6vr21sY
And finally: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Zy3fJ8Nmzyw

me gusta cantar

it's 10:30 Monday night and I just gave Layla back to her mom. I spent several hours talking to her, she's a great listener when she's not crying. I told her all about the Vikings game. She is not nearly as devastated about the loss as I am. I know it's just one game, one week, but it was supposed to be this wonderful experience. Seeing the game with someone super special, and a huge win that would set the tone for the rest of the season. Although I had a fantastic time, I wanted it to be the best night ever. And it wasn't because of the loss. I mean, I had the perfect night. Except for the loss. Maybe we can try it again someday.

I just finished making my grocery shopping list for thanksgiving. I love holidays, but they so make me miss my mom. Not in a sad way, but in a I wish she was here to celebrate with us kind of way. I really could use some motherly advice, and I know she would tell me what I should do. Above all else, she wanted her kids to be happy. And I know she would just want me to be happy, no matter what I needed to do to get there.

I haven't been up this late in a long time. I think I'm going to watch another episode of Medium and go to bed. I'm sleeping on our new couch, and it is so comfortable!!!

This is what I was singing to Layla tonight, but I made up my own words in Spanish. She seemed to like it, and me gusta cantar (I like to sing).

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_xVZtNtFnlQ

We were liars in love and we danced....

Friday! Yay! Just need to make it through today, and I get a whole week off!! And Thanksgiving!!!

So there have been a lot of posts on Facebook about Paris and Syria and refugees and terrorists. Generally I would avoid writing about anything political, but I have just a couple thoughts I need to get out. I will preface this by saying my political affiliations run liberal. I was raised by a pro-union, card carrying Democrat, and I am supportive of most social programs. Yes, reform is needed. A lot of reform. But that is not what I want to write about. I will save that conversation for another day.

So, my personality and my instincts and who I am - I want to help people. I'm a helper and I'm a carer. I care about all of humanity. And I am so frustrated with seeing all of the anti-refugee posts. The fact of that matter is that if terrorists want in, they are going to get in. How can we deny helping innocent people, innocent women and children, who truly need our assistance?

Some of the people on Facebook that I know personally are posting about how we should help our homeless and vets here in the States before we help refugees. Well, of course we should! But why can't we help everyone? Helping people should not be limited to just one group. We all should help everyone who needs it. And the sad fact is that most of the people posting this are not helping anyone. They have never done any sort of volunteer work or donated money to a homeless shelter. They have not stocked the shelves at a food bank or spent an entire day sorting and folding clothes for a community closet. I have. Many times I have. I am doing my part. And if a piece of "my part" is wanting to help Syrian refugees, then I am entitled to do so. My wanting and yearning to help is not limited to any specific race or class or religion or country. I want to help as many people as I can, in as many ways as I can. The thing that we all have in common, regardless of where we live, who we love, and what we worship is that we are human. And no human in the entire world should go without food, clothes and a safe place to live. No human should live in fear of violence.

We should most definitely help our homeless and vets in the US. But that doesn't mean we can't also help those that are outside of the US. If we all worked together and helped everyone, the world would be a much better place. and really, isn't it our responsibility to make it that better place???


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zB1Q-PfUvN0

She's half out of her head.............

Thursday! Or the day before Friday!! I'm so ready for the weekend!

Tonight after a quick trip to the grocery store (I haven't been to Target in nearly 6 days!) I'm going to watch Layla for awhile. I think I'm going to introduce her to RHCP and see if she likes them. She loves Shinedown!! My life has become "baby" and it's not even my kid! lol

Just a few more days until the Vikings game! I am so excited!

I think/hope that I'm getting new furniture this weekend. Well, new to me. My sister is selling me her stuff for practically free. And its way nicer and cleaner than what we've got. I just need to be able to work out the logistics. and I need to get the other decision-maker (haha) in my house to agree.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1BTURu7oAc
and this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-zP66eSLto

Thinkin' no one could open my door....

Weigh-in Wednesday! And down another .2 from yesterday, so 3.2 down from last week. The scale is finally going down. I guess I just need to be persistent and not give up!

And I just have 3 more days to get through before a whole week off! And Thanksgiving! My sister decided she is buying a smoker and she wanted to smoke a turkey for Thanksgiving. Um, no! She is more than welcome to smoke whatever she wants for Christmas and any other holiday. But my turkey needs to go in the oven. The entire dinner depends on it! My stuffing would not be the same if it wasn't cooked inside the turkey! And the gravy! How could I possibly make it without the juice the turkey was cooked in?? It wouldn't be the same! One year she wanted to have garlic roasted red potatoes instead of mashed. I thought after my tirade she would never again try to ruin my traditional dinner. She just doesn't get it.

I actually had to take Advil for my cramps. I haven't had cramps since I was like 16 years old.

Countdown to the most important game of the season: 5 days! I'm trying hard to not get too excited, but I did not anticipate just how big this game would be when I got the tickets. It very likely could be the pivotal game that decides who wins the division. No pressure or anything. But the Vikings are 1-0 vs. Green Bay when I've gone to the game, and I have my lucky bra, so I think we can do this. The Packers are going to be playing with a vengeance, but our defense can actually defend this year. It should be a great game and I can't wait!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOpwA6rGUR4

And looking back now, Ain't it funny how I've been trying to get back home, yeah.....

I know it's not Wednesday, but I felt like I needed to step on the scale today. I'm glad I did, because I'm down 3 pounds from last week. I find this amazing considering I feel bloated and gross. I'm so very happy about this!

At work on Friday we are having a "Vikings/Packers game day potluck" and are supposed to bring the types of food you'd eat during a game. And we are supposed to dress in our team colors. But I absolutely cannot wear my jersey and risk the good luck its been bringing. So I need to find some other purple to wear. I'm thinking I will wear my purple boots because I love them. And maybe just a sweatshirt? I don't know. Just anything except my jersey. Maybe I will bring a veggie platter so I can eat something without it affecting my points and weight.

So I saw a post on Facebook that said "I'm not a rock, don't take me for granite". I thought it was cute. It reminded me of these pins my dentist used to give out that said "Ignore your teeth and they'll go away". I guess it's because if you replace "teeth" with "people" it makes a lot of sense. And I try really hard to not take any of the important people in my life for granted. There are so few people in my life that are truly important to me, and I need to remember to cherish these relationships. I know I'm a hard person to get close to, I don't like letting people in. When you let people in and when you need them in your life and you trust them, that's when they also have the power to destroy you. I don't like needing people. But there are a small number of people I need in my life. And I hope I never take them for granted. Or for granite, since they aren't rocks. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYVUy_jgCcU

You fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you get .....

Another Monday. But if I can just get through this week, then I have a whole week off!!! I had a pretty good weekend, Saturday the Princess and I watched a movie called Would You Rather. It was the most effed up movie I've seen in a long time. It was good, just messed up. Then Layla came over and we hung out and listened to Rage Against the Machine. She seemed to like it.

Sunday was the Vikings game!! I went to my dads and brought food from Sweet Taste of Italy. I used a groupon and got a great deal!!  They have the best spaghetti ever! Everything else is okay, but the spaghetti is super duper awesome! And when I bought the groupon, I used a 20% coupon code and went through Mr. Rebates, so it was like practically free!!

Plus, we won!! And the Packers lost! It was a very good game, and I'm so excited for next week! The game is going to be HUGE! And The Princess even asked a few questions about the rules and I tried to explain how downs work. Even when I changed "downs" to "chances" I'm still not sure she got it, but she listened and asked questions. Maybe she will become a football fan! If that happened, I would so find a way to fit season tickets into my budget. Actually, if I could find anyone to commit to going I would get season tickets.

I finished Chasing Life and started watching Girlfriends Guide to Divorce. Love it!! It's a great show.

And in this episode of "It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to", I'm going to whine for a second. One of the benefits/side effects of an IUD is supposed to be not having to deal with a monthly cycle. And it was that way for 10 years. But the past 2 months I have not been so lucky. And currently I am experiencing PMS and all of the classic symptoms: bloating, cramps, mood swings, and my face has EXPLODED into one big zit. So, because of that, we get teen angst:
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UMT1HyOyos

Well this is just a little Peyton Place, and you're all Harper Valley hypocrites....

Friday! I am so glad this week is nearly over. Yesterday was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. But today I can start over and celebrate that it's the end of the week! And one week of work left until I get a week off!

I hope this nice weather continues for at least another week or so until the Vikings game!

I am pretty sure that my Kuerig is broken. That sucks because it's a newer model and I haven't had it that long. I guess I will screw around with it when I get home and see if I can fix it. Otherwise I guess I have my old one in the garage some place.

I got this nail polish in an Ipsy shipment:  http://loveaila.com/collections/nail-colors/products/mister-pookies?variant=1095159127     I absolutely love the color. But it costs $17. It pains me to pay $10 for a gel color that I know will last for 2 weeks. Paying $17 is just way too much for a polish that will chip in a few days.  I just checked ebay and a few people are selling it for $6-7 a bottle. So do I buy them all and assume I will continue to love this color or do I buy reasonably and risk that if I want more I need to pay $17?? Sometimes it really, really sucks being a girl!! These dilemma's are so unfair!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08QH3rVqokw

He plays a melody born to tear me all apart...........

Weigh-In Wednesday. I will be honest and say I was slightly terrified to step on the scale. I skipped last weeks weigh-in, and based on how much beer and junk I've eaten, I didn't think it was going to be good. But I was only up 1.6 pounds. And in the whole scheme of things, that is not bad. And I am back on track and next week should see me at least down that much.

So way back like 100 years ago, my very first ever ebay purchase was this cd single: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kmEsJFwxgQ  I have no idea why, other than that it is such a super fun song. It reminds me so much of rollerskating.

My second ever ebay purchase was this cd single: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r21tdXEfJn0
I may or may not have been pining after a lost love who had broken my heart and married someone else. I listened to the song on repeat so many times that I'm a bit surprised the cd still plays. p.s. I do not like Mariah Carey's cover. Not even a little. Anyhow, it's one of my most favorite songs, even if listening to it makes my heart hurt a little.

I don't remember what my 3rd ebay purchase was, but I'm pretty confident it involved lip gloss of some sort. I just checked and I have 561 feedback transactions. That's a lot of make up!!!

And finally, one of the most beautiful and haunting songs I've ever heard. Most def in my top ten:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNeyF1khFA8

'Cause if I can't have it all......

Its Tuesday, my 6th favorite day of the week. Last night after the treadmill, Layla and I hung out for a couple hours. She is such a good baby. But she was a bit cranky, so I was kind of glad to give her back after a while. The babies you can give back are the best kind!!

I'm so happy with the warmer weather. The longer it stays warm, the longer I can avoid turning on the heat. I hate having the heat on. If it could just stay 45-50 all year round, I would never have to turn on the heat!

I got a super late start today and did not get to work until 6:25. I just felt so unmotivated. I think I'm going to need a lot of coffee.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcXzjK1j35s

You think it's easy finding someone out there....

Monday! I had a fantastic weekend, and am so sad it's over. Saturday was spent on a trip to the grocery store and binge-watching Chasing Life. I really think I like that show. Sunday was lunch and the Vikings game with my dad, followed by 5 hours babysitting Layla.

The Princess actually asked a couple of football-related questions, and I explained the AFC and NFC and divisions. I'm not sure if she has ever asked me anything about sports.

The game was one of the most intense I've seen in a while. I hate going into OT, especially when it so often comes down to a field goal. And when you don't have a kicker you can depend on.....I'm so glad we were able to pull off the win, and shout-out to Walsh for the game winning kick!!

Plus, the Packers lost. We are now tied for first in the division!!

But, my QB-guy got hurt. I really hope Teddy is okay. Our plan b quarterback is the plan b for a reason.

Layla almost cost us next weeks game. She came over right after I got home, and I didn't have time to change. So, I was wearing my jersey when she decided to spit up. Thankfully she did not get any on me, because then I would have had to wash the win out of my jersey. I am now more convinced than ever that we are winning due to my jersey and my purple lace bra. So, that tradition shall continue!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fM44F-M78Vs
And a little of this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeZmJOIzTUY

I hear the magic in your eyes....

Friday!! Its been a long week. I didn't get home until 10 last night, and then I couldn't fall asleep. Brigit's play was good, and it was nice to see ZarahZou. Thank you so much for buying my ticket, ZarahZou! And thank you for the awesome Europe Swag Bag! I'm still not sure about the salted licorice, but I will try it again and see.

I had to stop and get coffee and a diet coke this morning. Because of this:

About 7 or 8 years ago I fell down the stairs and broke my tailbone. Like legit, for real broke. The 2 month healing process was horrible. I couldn't sit, stand, walk, lay down, or breath without a lot of pain. Anyhow, since then, a couple times a year it hurts really bad. There was nothing that could be done then, and nothing that can be done now. Back before my high deductible health plan I went to the doctor several times. The answer was ice, tylenol, and wait. It hurts right now. A lot. But a cinnamon-vanilla latte and a diet coke will help. Right?!?!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_scFjd2pSI

I don't stop and think before I let myself go......

Thursday! As nice as it is to have a day off in the middle of the week, it is so hard to come back and get into the flow of things. I checked my work email multiple times yesterday, and I still have about 80 emails to deal with.

Tonight me and ZarahZou and going to see Brigit in her first college play. I'm not sure how I will handle going out 2 nights in the same week. This is a lot for me! At least I have a whole weekend of absolutely nothing!

So yesterday Ggg sent me a song by : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paloma_Faith  I super liked it, and listened to several more of her songs. I like them all. I think this is my favorite so far:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eihb8RCMlFk&sns=em

Do you still feel the pain......

So why am I awake at 3:30?? Ugh!!!  I got home from the concert, changed out of my sweaty gross clothes, and went to sleep. The concert was fantastic. And by that I mean I had an excellent time, despite the fact that it was 1,722 degrees. Dripping with sweat does not even describe it. So very icky!! I hope the person I used as a sweat rag is not annoyed with me!! Sorry and thank you!!

I'm so very happy that my favoritest people met and seemed to like each other. Not that I was worried  they wouldn't, but it's awesome when that happens. Especially since I don't really like too many people.

Today is going to be spent doing laundry and taking lots of naps. My most favorite and least favorite things, not in that order.


https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=y-yYKvHp2sw

Have you ever had the odds stacked up so high.....

Tuesday! And concert day! Yay! I'm super excited Plus, I get to leave at 11 and I have tomorrow off! Unfortunately I'm still feeling a bit icky from Saturday, but I'm hoping I can drink that feeling away tonight. Probably not one of my better ideas, but we shall see!

Last night Layla and I spent an hour trying to find something for me to wear tonight. She wasn't a lot of help, she just kept giggling. So then I had to call in the pros, and The Princess and her friend C found my outfit. It's a little out of my comfort zone, but they insist it's perfect. We shall see. I don't think I've ever worn a sweater with studs on it.

Today we are taking a group picture to send to our former VP. He is from WI and is a Packers fan. So we are all dressing up in Vikings clothes. I had to explain to someone in the elevator that I could not wear my jersey because the last several times I have worn the jersey and my purple lace bra, we have won. And I can't risk any other vibes on my jersey. And it might not appreciate being in a picture for a Packers fan. So I wore a purple sweater. That's my compromise.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIGMUAMevH0

It's just a silly phase I'm going through....

Monday.....I'm still hungover from Saturday night. I drank way too much. But I got a new high score on the SUPERantispyware drunk scale! So, I guess I win. I did have a lot of fun. Or at least what I remember was fun. The band was great, and I kind of remember dancing a little. But that could be my imagination.

Tomorrow night is Shinedown!! I need to feel better so I can drink again. I will most definitely not be drinking as much as I did Saturday, I hate getting sick. I am so excited for the concert! And I'm super excited for my 2 favorite people to meet. I hope they like each other since I like them both so much. But then, how could they not?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ln86-fteBOc

Once you know you can never go back.....

It's Friday!! Yay!!! And a few hours until the weekend starts. I'm so excited for Halloween, I want to put on my costume and do my make up. And DRINK! A LOT!!

I spent 2 hours last night setting up wifi for my mother-in-law. And she has a ChromeBook, and apparently there is not an official Skype app for Chrome. And all she wanted was Skype. So I decided it would be easier to just give her my old laptop since it has Skype installed already. Its slow and old, but if she is only going to Skype it will be fine for her.

I need to go shopping tonight to get the rest of my Halloween supplies. I need blood and bandages and bobby pins. And candy! And Vodka! Lots of vodka!!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rn_YodiJO6k
And this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnfyjwChuNU

I know right now you don't care.....

Its the day before Friday! Yay!! I had a horrible time trying to find the motivation this morning to get up and take a shower. I really just wanted to stay in bed. But here I am at work.

Tonight the Princess and I are having dinner with my mother-in-law and then we are going to teach her to Skype so she can talk to her youngest son who is in Korea teaching. The Princess is incredibly good at Skype, so hopefully it is easy to teach her to use it!

Last night we took Layla over to meet Ggg. I was surprised and impressed with how well his son handled her. She started crying and he didn't even try to hand her back. Most adults try to hand back a crying baby. But he was so patient with her. It was so nice to see. He's a good kid.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StFfXP4eAgU

You dream again it seems in vain.....

Wednesday! I dropped my favorite coffee cup and broke it the other day. My life has just not been the same since.

Last night I had a dream that I left work early and went home and booked a vacation to Hawaii and left that afternoon. Because I most definitely have that much flexibility and money! The Princess came with and she just wanted to hang out in the hotel room while I wanted to go lay on the white sand beach. Laying on a white sand beach by turquoise water is one of my greatest dreams, and I hope I get to realize it one day.

So bobby pins come in packs of like 100. I have bought somewhere around 500 packs in the past couple years. How come I can never find any when I need them? This morning I had to go through 7 drawers and baskets to find 2. Next time I go to the store, I am buying a billion of them!


My all-time favorite song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vw-iI_pprIU

Everything crumbles sooner or later....

I had dinner last night with one of my most favorite people in the universe. Great company and yummy food. Thank you, we need to do it again soon!!

I was also informed last night that the Shinedown concert is in a week. Holy cannoli, time is flying. I thought I would have more time to figure out my outfit. I need to get on that STAT! I'm super excited, I get to hang out with my two most favoritest people ever!! But only if I can figure out what to wear!!

I filed all my nails down last night because one of them broke. Plus, the gel polish removal was killing them. But they will grow back. I'm going to miss them!! I need them back by the Vikings game so I can do purple and gold!!!

Pedi play date with ZarahZou on Nov 14. I can't wait!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABSXJiYQFuI

You're waiting for someone to push you away....

Another Monday. I had a pretty good weekend. I finished nearly all of my laundry. Friday night baby Layla came over to play for several hours. Well, she doesn't actually play yet, but she laughs when I talk to her. and she listens to all of my chatter. Saturday afternoon I babysit her for a while and then when her mom got off work, C hung out with the princess while me and Layla played more. She is just the best baby ever. Well, my baby was the best baby ever. But Layla is definitely second.

I went over to my dads house to watch the Vikings game. As has been the tradition, I brought lunch. The game started out to be really stress-inducing. For a minute I thought we might not win. But then my team came back with a strong second half. Skol!

After the game I stopped at the Goodwill and found the last piece to my Halloween costume. Well, actually Ggg has a couple of important pieces but I am getting them tonight. I hope my costume works out. I haven't gone out for Halloween in like forever. I also found an awesome winter jacket for $12.99. I'm super excited about that.

I'm wearing my Old Navy clearance dress score today. And boots. As much as I hate wearing socks, I love wearing boots. I'm so excited to wear my new purple ones to the Vikings game. I kind of want to wear them other times, but they are so very purple.

Dinner tonight with Ggg. We haven't done dinner in months.

I'm really sad about Flip Saunders. I had some (probably misguided) hope that he would come back and coach the Gophers. He was my long-shot dream coach. He always seemed like such a nice guy. Prayers to his family.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZoD8JEFjAE

If you don't know now, here's your chance.....

Friday!!! Yay!!

My big plans for this weekend include laundry and a trip to the grocery store. I'm 2 rebates away the level 4 Ibotta bonus. I've totally scored this month. There have been so many items on there with coupons and on the cartwheel. And some of the items were even on clearance. It takes a bit of time to match up coupons and cartwheel and Ibotta savings, but it is so worth it for how much money I've saved! Yesterday I saved $14.70 with just cartwheel.

I also saved $150 yesterday by NOT buying a new Coach handbag. I really, really wanted it. I even called my coworker over to my desk to get her opinion. It was so cute. But then I decided that I don't need it, and I still have Christmas presents to buy. This was one of my smarter decisions. But I'm still a bit sad about it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_hKXk2qSuw

Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken......

I woke up today thinking it was Thursday, and it actually is. I love being right.

I started antibiotics yesterday, so my sinus infection will go away and  I will be all better by Halloween!! I love how when I pick up a new prescription from Target they try to insist that I meet with the pharmacist to go over instructions. I don't have a lot of talents, but I am EXTREMELY good at taking pills. Plus, it's Amoxicillin. That's not even like a real drug.

I talked with someone on the elevator today who hates wearing socks and shoes as much as I do. And she had a Coach handbag. Obviously she is my new best friend. She wants to make it to Thanksgiving in sandals. That's a great goal, but I want to make it to Christmas with no socks!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGpFcHTxjZs

I'd be the last to help you understand.....

I woke up thinking it was Thursday. It's not.

I saw a car the other morning with the vanity plate NO XUSE. I'm not sure if they were trying to say that there is no excuse or that they won't let their former wife drive their car. But either way, they were driving like a jackass.

I went to bed at 7:30 last night. Tonight I'm going to try to make it to 8. #loftygoals

I'm like 75% done with my Christmas shopping. Thank you Old Navy and Target!!  I have 3 more presents to buy. I know what 2 of them are, but I can'[t think of anything to get C-C-W. Pretty much once you've given some one a light bright and made them some My So-Called Life puppets, you've exhausted the gifting options and need to come up with something amazing. I'm at a loss.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3s1bZLh4mJA
And this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dK9eLe8EQps

Cause the verdicts in, I'm crazy over you.....

Tuesday!! I woke up at 3 am and could not go back to sleep. I hate when that happens. At least I get to be the first one in the office.

The Amazing Princess packed my lunch today. And she included a cookie. She is so sweet sometimes. I'm very, very lucky!

I think there is a radio conspiracy against me - every station either plays commercials or bad songs at the same time. I'm sure this is specifically directed towards me. It has to be!

I got my veil for Halloween yesterday. It is way more awesome than I imagined it would be for $10. I'm super excited!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmOvILJAYK8

You done messed up this time....

Another Monday.....I have 16 voice mails. I really don't want to listen to them. Maybe they are all hang ups! I guess that's what I get for leaving early on Friday. I felt better yesterday, but today not so much. I took a handful of drugs, so hopefully soon I will be able to breathe.

I had a good weekend. The precious Layla came over Saturday night, and me and the girls watched a movie. It was so good I don't even remember the name of it. I spent the weekend on the couch watching cheesy movies. I watched one about an earthquake and one where Miami froze over. Super excellent cinematic masterpieces. Then I started watching Medium. I've already seen a ton of episodes because I used to watch it when it was on TV. But its mindless and I know that every episode will be resolved in 42 minutes. I like closure.

I scored with Ibotta on Friday. I got almost $19 back in rebates and then another $8 in bonuses. I should be able to do my Christmas shopping with my Ibotta money.

I almost broke down and turned my heat on. But its only October. I would love to make it to Thanksgiving, that's my goal. Speaking of Thanksgiving, I need to start making my lists and buying what I can now.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lO5eGEnyRA
And this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMOKlXfXn50

In this place you'll feel there's no hurt or sorrow

Friday! I'm still sick. Ugh! I have a horrible headache.  Last night the Princess made me chicken noodle soup for dinner. She can be so sweet! #greatestdaughterever

I really do hate being sick. Right now I need a hug, a shot of Jack, and my pillow. I think I'm going to leave work early today. I need to be better by Sunday and the Vikings game!

Today is my moms birthday. I miss her more every day.
For you, mom:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGwo6ZdEYMs

Maybe this year will be better than the last.....

I'm sick. I went home last night and went right to bed hoping that the headache I had all day yesterday was just stress. But it wasn't. Because I woke up with some sinus crap. Ugh! But I am determined to make it through the work day.

Breakfast today: a handful of Advil and several Sudafed.

On a positive note, I'm having a really good hair day. My hair looks shiny and my bangs are being bangs.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1D5PtyrewSs
And this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAe3sCIakXo

I have no idea what's happened to that dream....

It's a chilly Wednesday. I'm torn about the weather. I'm excited to wear boots since I have so many awesome pairs. But I am so not looking forward to wearing socks. Once again I am going to put that off as long as possible. Last year I made it to mid-December, so I would like to exceed that this year.

Someone at work keeps filling the Halloween candy bowl. I hate whoever this is. I have not had any, and my goal is to make it through the season without having one single piece. Seems easy, but I love candy so much. But I also like hard goals and winning, so..... And I did make it through the summer without any ice cream, so this is totally attainable.

I went to bed last night at 7:30. As in fast asleep at 7:30. And I slept through to my alarm clock. I love sleep so much.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_T9Drn0lv0

You light up my face with your jokes and your smile....

Tuesday! Yesterday was just all around a bad day, but today is better! I mean, the day has just started but I am certain it will be a greater day than yesterday!

ZarahZou was drunk-texting me Saturday night, and I asked her how drunk she was. Spellcheck auto-corrected whatever she said, and she texted that she was SUPERantispyware drunk. So, obviously this is a new level of drunkenness that I can only hope to achieve. I'm certainly going to try to accomplish this at some point in the near future.

On Saturday I made chili and it is my best chili creation ever. It turned out perfectly! And since I made 2 crock pots of it, we will have chili for centuries! Last night we had chili-mac, which may be the best dinner ever when it's made with homemade chili!

Last night I finished the entire series of Person of Interest, and I'm still not sure if I liked it. And now I don't know what to watch. I started watching Jane the Virgin, but I just don't know. I guess I can go back to Shameless. Or I can find something new, although I think I may have watched everything worth watching. I watched a few episodes of Gotham at the advise of the Princess, but it just didn't click with me. Maybe I will give it another shot.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cng9vxnLdJA

You'll never see me fall from grace.....

Monday....I had a pretty good weekend. Friday night little Layla came over and we played for a few hours. Saturday I actually showered and got dressed to go to the gas station because I really, really wanted a diet coke. Then I went home and marathon-watched Toddlers & Tiara's. Because I love a good train wreck. And I needed a break from zombies and legal dramas.

Yesterday I went back to watching Person of Interest. I'm on season 3 and I still don't even know if I like it. But yet I keep watching. In an unusual turn of events, I went on the treadmill last night. I usually take weekends off, but I really felt like I needed to walk a couple miles. Glad I did, I have a Halloween costume to fit into in a couple weeks.

Yes, I'm wearing yoga pants today. Because I can. And also, I am so over bangs. They never act like bangs and they want to stick straight up. Not sure what to do with them.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_Yr-R11g2I

But I'm young and still got time.....

It's Friday!! And I decided to sleep in since I don't technically have to be at work until 7:15. But yes,  I was still at work at 6:15 because I am so dedicated or something like that.

Yesterday was an icky, emotional day. And I know that it was because I drank too much 2 nights this weekend. I know that drinking that much screws up my meds, and I can see the pattern of drinking way too much and being depressed and whiny one day during the week. But yet I continue to do it. Why?? I'm usually fine if I only drink one night, but 2 nights is just too many if I want to avoid spending time in the bathroom crying over stupid nothing's.

Last night the precious baby Layla came over and we spent 3 hours cuddling. That really is the best therapy ever. And I didn't even take one selfie with her! Lol Its impossible to feel sad holding that baby! She really does make me forget all the things that suck in my life and makes me feel peaceful. And I get to give her back when she starts to cry or needs a diaper change. Best arrangement ever!!

Someone is wearing way too much perfume today. And I'm pretty sure it's Design by Paul Sebastian because I used to wear it. But I never bathed in it!!! I'm so glad I discovered philosophy and amazing grace!! Thank you, QVC!  I've been layering the amazing grace with loveswept, and I love the combo! Every single philosophy scent I've smelled I love! I've been wearing amazing grace for about 10 years now. I will never go back to a regular perfume again!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBSEavzGF8I

Every day you find new ways to hurt me.....

The day before Friday!! How can this have been such a long week when I've only worked 1 day and 37 minutes so far??

I bought a 12 pack of diet Pepsi since it was part of an ibotta deal. I am not a fan of diet pepsi, I think it kind of tastes like cleaning fluid, very chemically. But anything to get back $1, right? Anyhow, drinking out of a can is proving to be a bit challenging for me because it means I need to drink the whole can all at once. I have had 20 oz bottles of diet cokes that have lasted me for 3 days. I don't even understand why. I drink about a gallon of water every day, so its not that I don't drink a lot because I do. I'm just so weird about some things.

There's a myVEGAS blackjack game. How did I not know this??? What a fun way to earn more points. My next trip to Vegas is going to be practically free!!! I killed it at Blackjack last night and turned $5k worth of chips into over $250,000. But then I took that over to the slots and lost most of it. But it was fun!! And I earned another 5000 points towards hotels and food.  I love this game so much!!


I'll keep chasing the soles of your shoes....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTMeQngUqqg

Who's gonna come around when you break....

It's Wednesday, but it feels like a Monday. Coming back to work after a 4 day weekend is so hard. But at least I only have to get through 3 days.

I started watching American Horror Story: Freak Show last night. It's weird. I like it, but it's weird. But I needed a break from Shameless since I binge watched the first 2 & 1/2 seasons.

I need to find a couple pieces to complete my Halloween costume. Still not entirely sure what we are doing, but I think we may do the Serum's party that is not the Serum's party this year. (Thanks for the idea, Ggg. Want to come?) I need to find a mens suit jacket, a veil, and a dead flower. I may need to buy some flowers this week so that it will be adequately dead by the 31st. And I need to get some make up. So much to do!!! I think work may get in the way of that today.


Undecided if I like this version or not:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tF3VPFklA-k
But I do like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I

So I don't wanna be there when you decide to break it.....

So how is it that I can drink way too much, get home at 11:30, watch 2 episodes of Shameless and still be up at 6?? I'm definitely thinking a nap will happen later today.

That was the best concert ever! Foreigner was absolutely amazing, and I'm so glad I finally got to see them. Def Leppard was fantastic, too. The only bad part was that we were in the only sucky section in the whole place with people that sat through 95% of the concert. So for most of it, Cristin and I were the only ones standing. How can you not stand and sing and dance to these songs???

C-C-W and I decided that our next Glee event is going to be all Foreigner songs. Because they are all so good.

I wore my contacts last night for the first time in a few months. Ugh! Now I remember why I started wearing my glasses all the time. My eyes are red and itchy. Ugh!!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0T1IVyXBGjM

The only dream that mattered had come true.....

i had a fantastic time Friday night at Margaret Cho, she is hilarious. And tonight is Foreigner!!!!! And Def Leppard and Tesla!!!!! but mostly Foreigner!!! I'm so excited!

I had a great weekend. I did nothing on Saturday, unless laying on the couch in my pajamas watching Shameless counts as doing something?? Yesterday I went over to my dads to watch the Vikings game. The Princess came with, and she actually watched part of the game. We lost, but it did turn out to be a close game.

After the game we went to the grocery store. I scored my highest Ibotta rebate ever at $11.00, plus a $2 bonus. I'm pretty happy about that. I love free money! After Target, The Princess and I had a movie night and watched Pitch Perfect 2. It was a pretty good movie.

And vacation today!! So happy to not be at work!! But now I have to go find something to wear tonight!!!! Foreigner!!! Yay!!!


https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lCVo_69Gv4w

And if my time don't ever come, For me you're still the one.......

FRIDAY! The Friday that begins a 4 day weekend! I am so glad, I could really use some time away from work, even if it means that my work will pile up. I guess I *could* work from home. Or I could actually take the time off. I just don't yet.

Margaret Cho tonight with C-C-W! But first, the bar and drinks!! I hope the show is funny, I could use some reasons to laugh. And I spent so much time last night getting ready. I did my nails. exfoliated, plucked, tweezed, tried on 17 outfits and sent pics to C-C-W to help me decide what to wear, and I shaved places no one has seen in months. It's almost like getting ready for a date, but no one is getting their hands in my pants. Or, up my dress since that's what I'm wearing.

I went to bed super early last night. I wanted to stay up and watch another episode on The Walking Dead, but I was so tired. And I get to sleep in the next 4 mornings!!!! This makes me so happy. Sleeping is my favorite thing. Well, second favorite thing. I like lip gloss more.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ua3GPt7mI8&list=RD2ua3GPt7mI8

Out of the darkness and into the sun.....

It's Thursday, which means tomorrow is finally Friday! This has been such a long week. I'm training someone and that's always a process because I am a terrible trainer. But I'm working on that.

I've been watching The Walking Dead, and I think I need to begin to assemble my Zombie Apocalypse team. Because really, I've watched far too many movies and tv shows. And the ones like that are my favorite. The Stand, 28 Days Later, even Jericho. Loved them all. And I need to be prepared!

I am so loving the cooler weather. 40 degrees in the morning is perfect!! But then I just know eventually it will get even colder and I will be forced to wear socks. Yuck!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKCGBv65w_M

I should've known you'd bring me heartache.....

Weigh-in Wednesday...I am up 2/10 of a pound, which is pretty much even. I guess that is better than a huge gain.

I was going to make this awesome Vikings Halloween costume, but then I looked at the calendar and decided I should just go through what I have in my costume bins. I tried on a bunch of stuff, and decided I would go with "Zombie Bride" because I love the make up. Still not sure what we are doing, but I'm sure it will be fun. Plus, it won't be me, it will be a dead bride. Now to find a veil and the right earrings....

I decided to make this a 4 day weekend, and so I took off Monday and Tuesday. I already had Tuesday off since it's the day after the concert, so I decided to just take the extra day since I still have so much PTO left. Extra sleep!!

I started watching season 5 of The Walking Dead. Love it. I so love shows like that. Reminds me of The Stand.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cF7b9EnH90

Distant eyes, Promises we made were in vain.....

So I am playing this: http://startribune.profootball.upickem.net/profootball/registration/login.asp  for the like 7th year in a row. I had a really bad first couple of weeks.Week one I went 10/16 and last week I was 8/16. For week 3 I went 15/16. Finally a good week!! Maybe I can make a comeback???
p.s. It is so hard to pick the Packers to win....

My closet is all completed. Mostly. I still have some clean up to do. I have a huge stack of stuff to donate piled up. But all of my clothes are in my closet. And I have a lot of clothes.....At least for once everything in my closet fits me. Today I am wearing a pair of capri pants that have not fit since like 2010. Now I just need to quit buying clothes. And it has been months since I've bought anything new. I may have this shopping thing under control!! Plus, I don't really need any clothes. Except a Bridgewater jersey. That is going to be my next purchase. And I need to start shopping for Christmas. Its going to be challenging since I do not want to get Alyssa any clothes. She doesn't need any, either. and usually thats my default present since it's easy.

So last night I found a box in the bottom of my closet that I completely forget about. It contained every single card I got at my baby shower over 23 years ago. I really can't believe I saved them all. And I found Alyssa's baby book.  It also had my diary from when I was 15 and 16 in it. It was bittersweet to read through it. So many happy times, and so much sadness. But I can read it and be happy about all the good memories. And there were many.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wY6i5vRlUU

Just tell me where to begin cause I never ever felt so much ......

Another Monday....I'm already wishing this week was over.

The garage sale was a minor success, I got rid of a ton of clothes, but I didn't make much money. I left with $100, which I guess isn't terrible until you consider that it was probably $5000 worth of clothes. But since they don't fit me anymore, they did have to go.

Yesterday was okay, but today every single part of my body hurts. I guess that's what you get when you lug huge totes full of clothes 100 miles. There were a few parts of the sale I was not happy with. The vendor part was really well organized, but the garage seller part was a mess. So I just took a spot and that's where I set up. And this was supposed to be a "Body Positive" event, but there were a ton of vendors trying to sell weight loss stuff. One vendor went around to every seller table handing out cards and trying to make sales. Um, we all already know we are overweight. We don't need weight loss crap shoved down out throats, especially when we are trying to promote plus-size clothes.

And then when I got home I got into a fight with Nick. He has been attending fellowship meetings at a friends house, and was trying to convince me I should go, because apparently I need to find God. Asking me to go is fine, but trying to shove it down my throat is not okay. How could he be with me for so long and not understand my feelings about God and religion? My faith and belief are unwavering, but I will not attend church or an organized religious event. And this is not up for debate. And I do not want to be told what and how I should believe. I was so glad he left for the night, because I really thought I might start throwing things at him.

At least the Vikings won! And it was a great game. AP is back!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqlTR91e_LQ

Hope you find your paradise....

Finally Friday!! I've got all my clothes sorted and ready to sell. Please let me make back at least my sellers fees tomorrow!!

So last night CH brought the baby over. As I often do, I took a picture of me and the baby and sent it to C-C-W and Ggg. They both messaged back " You and that baby again". That got me to thinking about why I am so enamored with this baby. I mean besides the fact that she is adorable. And I guess the truth is that I always imagined myself having more kids. At least 2 more babies. I was never lucky enough for that to happen. I love The Princess with all my heart, and I am very happy to have her. But I always imagined I would have more kids when I was more prepared. Because as hard as I tried, I made mistakes. I was young. And sometimes it's hard not to feel self-pity about my lot in life. And as much as my life sucks sometimes, holding the baby reminds me of all the good things in the world.

And I have to believe that everything that has happened has been for a reason. All the bad, all the heartbreak, all the pain.....eventually there must be a payoff for that. Or maybe there won't be. Maybe this is it. I just have to remember that God has a plan. And maybe I'm not here for me, but I'm here for someone else, to do good for someone else. And I have to accept that my life is greater than me, and I need to continue to give unselfishly and I need to keep loving unconditionally and know that what I do for others is always the most important thing. Always.

I don't mean any of that in a negative way, but really in the most positive way possible. It's not about me all the time. And I can deal with my pain. So maybe I need to find a way to help others deal with theirs.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gd0-6zGkQe0

Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got.....

It's rainy and wet outside. My hair did not survive the walk from my car into the building, I look like a drowned rat. At least I have a diet coke to make it all better.

Ggg sent me this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xL5spALs-eA  It reminds me of a story about when The Princess and her friend Zemily decided to make a music video to this song. So I recorded them with a 50 pound camcorder. They were like 12 or 13, and the video involved them going out to get the mail while singing. It was so cute!! I wonder if I still have that somewhere. It's hard to believe that Zemily has finished college and has a kid. I'm getting so old!

I had to do a presentation yesterday to my department about all the markets I use and what I use them for. It went well considering I don't think they really care about what I do. But at least they will have the reference sheet I put together to refer to next time I go on vacation.

And speaking of vacation, I really need one. I need to get back to playing My Vegas slots. I have enough points for 2 weekday hotel nights, now I need to win enough to cover food. And I need to find someone to go with me. Flying to Vegas is cheap, and alcohol is free, so maybe if I offer to cover the airfare Becky or someone will come with. Why did I quit playing the slots every night? I was doing so well. I think I will log in right now!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcLDJ8tZHz8

How do you free your soul, after you've found a friend?

Ugh! I have not had any coffee yet. I have a health insurance screening at 7, and will be getting my cholesterol done, so no coffee until it's over. I love coffee so  much....

ZarahZou and her family are in Sweden. She's been texting me all morning. She just sent me a picture of a Swedish bathroom sign. Because that is just the type of thing we do. Mari got coffee and candy for breakfast, so I bet she is bouncing off the walls. She's 7, and is one of my most favorite people ever. She is very into fashion.

I was a bit envious that Sarah gets to go on all these vacations. But then I remembered that she doesn't buy lip gloss, and that if I didn't, I could afford the vacations. And that is just not a trade-off I am willing to make. What does that say about me? Other than that I love lip gloss?



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nrGWwHalCU

And you're the only one I'm thinkin' of.....

Another Tuesday. I'm not sure why I'm so tired, I was sleeping by 9:30 last night. I already want a nap and it's not even 6:30.

So I had to stop over at my sisters house yesterday and pick up my card table and chairs for the sale this weekend. She gave me some stuff she wanted me to sell for her. This stuff included 2 gifts I had given her. A really cute plaque that compared sisters to credit cards because you are always in their debt and a book I just gave her a couple months ago about sisters being like cookies and milk because they go together so well. They were supposed to be thoughtful "just because" gifts, but apparently she lacks any form of sentimentality. I guess next time I want to give her a present, I will just give her some cash.

I ordered some gel polishes from Amazon, and yesterday I got "Slurple Purple" in the mail. I can't wait until I get the gold color so I can turn my nails into a Vikings celebration. Currently they are Ruby Red with Hi Ho Silver tips in a style called "Icicle", meaning the silver drips. down the tips. The people in my house called them both horrorish and whoreish. I like them, they are different and I needed a change.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vwHuCC6nP8

And it feels like I'm drowning, Pulling against the stream

Another Monday....I had a great weekend of doing absolutely nothing. Those really are some of the best weekends. I went through one of my totes of clothes and found like 20 pairs of pants that actually fit. I was super excited about that!!

I went to my dad's yesterday to watch the Vikings game. And we won! Things seems to be coming together and I think it's going to be an awesome season.Well, first we need a kicker who doesn't miss point afters. I hope he can work out whatever his issues are.

Once upon a time the Lions were my second favorite team. But that was only because I had a huge crush on Charlie Batch. Because really that's the best way to pick your favorite team - whoever has the hottest quarterback. I think that might have been the year they went 1-15. He wasn't the best quarterback, but he was the hottest.

I need more coffee......

I love this version of this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a5WyAjL1MM

Were you starting to worry I was finally getting over you.....

I'm so glad it's Friday! It's been a very long week.

This song reminds me of a funny story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5UOC0C0x8Q

Actually, the story isn't really funny now that I think about it more. There was this guy that I worked at a restaurant with and we flirted quite a bit. But he was really dumb, like he was ALWAYS stoned, and the pot destroyed more than a few of his brain cells. Anyhow, eventually, of course,  he asked me out. Because back in the day I was not bad looking.

So he was going to pick me up after work. I spent an hour in the work bathroom making myself look hot. I even bought new lip gloss. So, he shows up and he brought a girl with! He said she was his best friend, and they were just friends, and he wanted me to meet her. So you bring her with on a first date??? It's nice you wanted to introduce me to your friends, but maybe that should have waited for the second date? Or at least a heads up? And if threesome was your goal, you should have at least found a hot girl to bring with!!

It was a disaster of a date. We just went back to my house and ordered pizza and listened to my STP cassette. There was no goodnight kiss, and definitely no second date despite his repeated attempts to ask me. Although I did say yes when he asked me to go to his prom with him. But only because I really wanted to have a better prom experience than my senior one. We ended up not going because I had surgery on my feet and couldn't really walk. So, the moral of my story is that no matter how hot you are, if you bring a girl with on our first date, there is not going to be a second.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAbrk3OISyo

A guy like you should wear a warning.....

My allergies suck today. Actually they have been bad this whole week. And its pouring out so I'm dripping wet. And not in a good way. At least tomorrow is Friday.

So I am totally in love with this website I found. It's a site where you can write and publish anonymously. I'm not saying what the website is, as that would defeat the purpose of anonymous. It's nice to have an outlet where I can say anything and not have my name attached. I mean, I can and do say just about anything in my blog, but some thoughts should remain private. And this allows me the writing outlet I so desperately need without having to be accountable for my feelings at the current time. and so many of the postings are so similar to what I want to say. Please don't go looking for the website. Please.

Yesterday on the way home I saw this guy driving in the lane next to me and I just knew that he was going to cause an accident. He was stopping way to close to the car in front of him. About 3 minutes after I had that thought, his car drifted into the next lane and he rammed into a car. Thankfully we were not going fast enough for anyone to get hurt and there was only minimal damage to both cars. But seeing things like that is kinda scary.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCRT8IItGpw

When it's right, the light just comes shinin' through.....

United Way Bake Sale Day.....I spent hours last night baking cookies, brownies and rice krispie bars. Actually, the Princess did most of it. Thank you darling for all your help. So very appreciated. I hope the sale is a success. I haven't actively participated in very many United Way events the past couple years, so I hope my yummy donations make up for it. And I'm not buying anything!!!

Weigh-In Wednesday....I am exactly even from last week. What is going on??? I mean, it's good I haven't gained, but I am the exact same to the ounce. I even moved my scale to make sure it was right. and then I picked up a hand weight to make sure it was accurate, and it is. So odd!!

I'm not sure why I'm so tired today, I was sleeping by 9:15. I feel like I need a nap already and I've only been up for 2 & 1/2 hours.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zg21Rkew874

If you put 2 and 2 together you will see what our friendship is for......

Thanks NFL Schedule Maker Guy, lack of sleep makes me choose this as my song today:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ro0FW9Qt-4

Actually, I really like that song, but in order to make myself seem less dorky I'm blaming the choice on circumstances beyond my control. Like a 9:30 kick-off time. I like to finish what I start, but half-time at 11 is sooooooo late. I took a 3 hour nap, but I require lots and lots of sleep. In the future can we please start all games by 7:30? Pretty please and thank you.

And another thing, I would only ask you to pay me 1/10 of the salary to miss field goals. Actually, I would be willing to kick wide right for free and you could use the money to invest in energy drinks or something.

It's United Way week. I paid a bunch of money to enter a bunch of raffles for a bunch of crap I don't need. I really don't need a gift basket full of smelly lotion I will never use. I sometimes think for a second I want to be able to use that Bath & Body Works junk, but I hate smelling like I took a bath in Country Apple Puke. There is a Starbucks gift basket I wouldn't mind winning, it includes a gift card. But there is also a bag of ground coffee in it, and I don't have a coffee pot. There's a movie night gift basket I entered to win, but only because there is a diet coke in it. Not sure what I will do with a stack of family oriented movies and microwave popcorn.

I'm usually not so cranky about the United Way fundraiser, but that's what happens when I get 3 hours of sleep.

If only I could stay asleep, At least I could pretend you're thinkin' of me

Another Monday......I went to bed at last night at 7:30. I mean, I was actually sleeping at 7:30, and I slept until about 3 when I woke up for about 3 minutes and then went right back to sleep. I should not feel as tired as I do. Maybe I slept too much. But is that possible??

I had a great weekend, pedi playdate days are always fantastic. I have pretty toes, and I got to spend a couple hours with ZarahZou. I'm kind of unhappy that Regency has discontinued their rewards program. We used to be able to get enough pedi's to get a free facial and have a mini-spa day. I guess those days are over.

I spent the rest of the weekend sorting through  my clothes. I have so much to sell and get rid of.

I'm continuing to watch Person of Interest on Netflix. I'm still not even sure if I like it. I just can't get into the characters. I love the concept of the show, but....

Vikings game tonight! Unfortunately it starts at like midnight. I'm going to go over to my dads to watch at least the first half. But I'm not sure how much past that I can stay awake.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8MlK_bsW8U

Though I want to be with you, Be with you night and day, Nothing changes

It's Friday! This has been one of those long weeks, even though it was a short week. Something about spending over 5 hours in the hospital makes a day seem 3 times as long. At least my dad is doing well. During the angiogram the doctor was able to clear out his blocked artery and he said that the bypass arteries were pristine. I'm so glad, its great to get good news at the hospital for a change. Now here's to hoping that he will follow the doctors (and Jennie's!!) orders and improve his diet and start exercising again.

Last night I leveled up to 159 in Bingo Blitz. And then I finished 2 slot rooms and ended up with a ton of coins. Enough that I thought I could maybe level up to 160 in one night. For reference, it took me 3 weeks of daily play to go from 158 to 159. So anyway, I realized what an absolute nerd I am when I pulled out my calculator to see exactly how many spins I needed to level up. It's 1331. So then I had to figure out how many spins I could do with the coins I had if I didn't win anything. It was 660. But then I won huge and I have enough coins to level, but I ran out of time last night. Then I started to wonder if this is normal behavior? Am I the only one in the entire universe that would do something so totally dorky and pull a calculator for a facebook game??

Anyhow, that's my story for today. I am a huge nerd who is going to level up to 160 in Bingo Blitz today. Today I am thankful for autospin.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlDi4hpJsaY

The next thing I did was put my red dress on.....

Today I am thankful for coffee and undereye concealer. The 2 minutes of sleep I got last night does not really qualify as beauty sleep. I hate that when I get stressed that out two things happen - I can't sleep and I break out. And I never know I can't sleep until its too late to take something. So then I'm up all night. And I really love sleep so much.

So, my sister is in Italy. Because every time there is a family crisis she is conveniently out of the country. At least this time it's not Iraq. Because that time super sucked because there was no easy way to contact her. And she will be home Saturday. I really think before she flies across the ocean she should tell her sister where she is going to be. A text or facebook message would suffice. Or even a status update. Something so at least I would know she is okay if she doesn't return one of my 19 voice mail messages.

I am so glad that Saturday is Pedi-Playdate day with ZarahZou. I need a pedicure and lunch with one of my bff's. I'm so glad she's my friend. Not sure what I would do without her.

And then there's this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcEGfu_a1hw

But your love made me a prisoner, yeah my heart's been doing time.....

Wednesday. And I totally forgot to weigh in since it feels like a Tuesday. But the weather is perfect and it's going to be a good day. Or a long day. Or both. I'm already thinking I could use a nap.

Today is my wedding anniversary. No idea how I managed to stay married for 8 years. Thank you to Facebook for the reminder, or else I may have actually forgotten.

This was going to be my blog song today : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHRNSeuvzlM
but Ggg sent it to me before I could use it. I am seriously a little freaked out. I would say something about great minds thinking alike, but its actually rather eerie. You can't even make stuff like that up.

I just got an email for our United Way week. I'm a little bit sad that I'm no longer running the campaign, but then I remember how much work it was and I'm kind of glad. And now 3 people are doing what I did by myself. Maybe if I had accepted help I would not have found it so stressful. But I work better alone. And I really don't miss all the meeting with the execs and all the written proposals. I think some day I'd like to go back to chairing it, but maybe I will wait a few more years before I volunteer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=340oHecvuIw

And you need her and she needs you.....

It's rainy today, but at least the temp is down. I'm so sick of the humidity. And is it horrible that I'm sick of it because of what it does to my hair?? I'm not sure why I'm so vain sometimes.

Saturday night was another successful glee event, if success means we got super drunk and sang really loud. We had the best song list. And I only drunk texted one person, so that's a win! And it was just AB, so that doesn't even count because it was just my obligatory drunk text. Even if I couldn't spell obligatory at the time. He knew what I meant.

Waking up and feeling at peace is such a new, wonderful feeling. Sharing my story with Ggg was such a great thing. And it shows exactly how much I trust him, because there were lots of hard truths in it. About him and about me. And I never once felt like he would hold anything I had to say against me. Because that is the scary thing about sharing such personal things and feelings, you never know how someone will react. But I never doubted him. Anyhow, my whole point was that I feel like a weight has been lifted and I can let go of everything bad. And that is such a good feeling.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-xpJRwIA-Q

So the hearts keep breaking, and the heads just roll....

I stayed up way too late last night. But totally worth it. A 6 point loss to the #2 team in the country is almost like a win. Well, a win would have been fantastic. But dare I say we may have an actual defense this year?? Go, Gophers!!

And the Vikings played last night.....

I am super stuck on level 1145 of Candy Crush. This is most definitely one of the hardest levels yet. I wish there was a way to skip past it. But then again, I do like a challenge. But I like an easier challenge more.

I've got to sort through all of my lyrics for Saturday. I'm super excited to get drunk and sing!!!

I heard this song on the radio this morning. Love! Love! Love! We are going to sing it Saturday night!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uLI6BnVh6w

For you I've lived and for you I will die....

I just spent like 2 hours making copies of our song lyrics for Saturday night. We have some really good songs to sing, and I'm super excited. Unfortunately Lena can't come, and I haven't heard from Becky yet, but Mandy will be there. I hope she wears a costume this time. With an open theme, she can do most anything.

Last night I started writing the final chapter of my novel. And I woke up feeling really good, like a weight had been lifted. As painful and horrible as some of the things were to put on paper, I really think I did need to write them and deal with it. And I feel better for doing it. And it didn't hurt that I had an adorable baby to cuddle with. Babies really do make some things better. How can you be sad when you are holding a tiny piece of perfection?

For once I'm choosing to listen to Nick Cave not because I'm sad, but because I actually like his music. That may actually be a first for me. I may be healing! And wherever this journey takes me, I think I'm finally ready for it.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brFB5yjda58

You go your way, I go mine But I'll see you next time

It's raining. I'm Only Happy When it Rains: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esEdC0c3YI4

Weigh-In Wednesday and down 1/2 a pound. I guess that's okay. I wanted more, but I guess a loss is a loss.

Yesterday C-C-W and I decided to have a Glee Event this weekend. It's been awhile since we've just gotten drunk and sang. I think I need this. We are doing "Open Theme" and I'm going 80's and she is going goth. the open theme means we can sing just about any song, so we are putting together a list. I know she is going to hate some of my choices, but this is my new favorite song so she is just going to have to sing it. At least twice. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Q9Gou6d9Uo  And I want to include some of the other songs I've been listening to lately, even though they are not exactly her type of music. I guess that's the reward for not only hosting, but self-appointing myself president and CEO of our club.

My outfit is all picked out. My "dress" is not actually dress. I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be a shirt. But it is totally perfect as an 80's dress, even if it is rather short. And I have awesome lavender tights to wear thanks to the Princess. I think I'm going to crimp my hair, I haven't done that in so long.

I need to put together our lyric sheets!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zs3xXlXSOKk

Just as soon as I get what I want I get unsatisfied....

It's hot and sticky outside and it's hot and sticky inside. Hopefully it cools off inside, or its going to be a very long day. I have decided I need to take a step back from this novel thing, it's just bringing back way too much that I don't think I'm capable of dealing with at the current time. I've got 20 chapters done, and I just need a break from having to deal with the past.

I had an important epiphany last night, and it's kind of scary. I realized that I tend to overshare with people in an attempt to push them away. Because if I can push them away, then they can't hurt me. I've gone over the past, and I think I've always sort of been that way. If I can tell people enough about the real me and my real feelings, then they will get scared away. This is not how I want to be, but it is how I am. There have been parts of my life that have been really, really bad. My life really has been one big Lifetime movie.

Someone pointed out to me last night that I can't change the past. And that is true. But I also think I need to deal with at least some of it in order to move past it. But there are also some things I just need to let go of. I can not hold myself responsible for other peoples choices. And I need to realize that their choices are a reflection of them, and not me. And that's a hard one.

Maybe the hurt they've caused me is not because I was broken, but because they were. And maybe with knowing that, I can let it go. I can't control people's actions, but I can control my reactions. and I need to let go of all the past hurt and feelings of brokenness, and focus on how I can use what I'm learning to make myself be better.

And maybe there are some things I will never know the answers to. And maybe it's better that I don't. I'm not sure I want to or need to know why I wasn't the one who was worth changing for. Because knowing wouldn't change the past. and so that's a question I need to let go. There is a lot I just need to let go of.

And on a similar note, there are certain things I need to do to be able to move past the past. I have made the very difficult decision that I'm going to spend this 3 day weekend finishing the book "Missing Mom". It is the only book I've ever had to put down because it was just too painful and emotional to read. But I think I need to finish it so I can move past it. It's one of the unfinished things that I need to find closure for. I don't think anyone could argue when I say that my mom was one of the most wonderful people to ever live, and I was very fortunate to have had her for as long as I did. And anyone that knew her would understand the horrible loss and the huge void she left in my life. But I need to instead focus on how lucky I was to have had her as my mom. And I think once I finish this book then I can let go of the pain and focus on the good. Because there was so much good.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKMGp1jHYq0
and maybe this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2jOB2zj_jU