Learning to love yourself.....

I finally have my outfit for 70's Glee Night all completed! I'm so excited for this event. It is always fun to hang out with the girls, and I could really use a distraction from real life. I just have some stuff that I need to figure out and get through on my own. But, as always, I'm hopefully optimistic and certain that things will turn out exactly as they were meant to.

I know that I will never be the thinnest, the most beautiful, the richest.....but I also know that I can be the best me possible!!  And I can be the nicest, kindest and most caring. I know that I am truly blessed to have kindness be my natural instinct, and I would do anything to help the people most important to me, and even to help people I've never met. I really hate when my actions contradict who I am. It's an internal struggle when I know what the right thing to do is, but my heart is pulling me in a different direction. I just need to sort this all out and figure out my next step and my future direction.

I am super looking forward to dinner with ZarahZou tonight. For one, I get to see her. But as a bonus I get a dinner that is not chicken, brown rice and cauliflower! Then off to Watertown and a play. This will be an excellent night, even if I won't get home until 10 since Watertown is practically in another country.


...It is the greatest love of all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYzlVDlE72w

Oh, you probably won't remember me, It's probably ancient history.....

It's Wednesday! And I still have not come up with a costume for our 70's Glee event. I have a few ideas, but ideas cannot be worn to a party!! I have to get this all figured out tonight because tomorrow night I am meeting ZarahZou and we are going out to dinner and then to see our bff Brigit in a play. Brigit is in high school and she is adorable! She was Jo in Little Women and was fantastic!! Anyhow, that means I can't work on my costume tomorrow night. Friday night I need to clean and grocery shop. So tonight I must get this all worked out!! I'm excited. Our Glee events are so much fun! I will be honest, I can't sing. But I do enjoy trying!

So I decided a couple weeks ago to cut my anti-depressant dosage in half. Since I am in such a good mood, it seemed like the right time to try. And I must say that (knock on wood) so far it is going really well. Despite all the reasons I have right now to be sad and mad, I feel like I am experiencing the exact right amount of emotions. And I am in a very good mood. So this may be working! I'm trying to pay careful attention to how I feel so I can make adjustments if needed. But I think I am making the right decision!

Every morning when I get to work at 6:15 am, there is a guy sitting in a taxi minivan in the parking lot. It's weird. I have no idea what he is doing. I suppose I should ask someone if they know. But that would require talking to people. And I prefer to just hide out in my office. By myself. I'm not antisocial, I just prefer to talk to myself. I'm my favorite person!

I'm one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch
I fell too fast, I feel too much
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nrGWwHalCU

I didn't know until my soul broke free.....

Last night was my second ever Yoga class. It went very well. I'm not nearly as flexible as I would like to be, but I think I'm getting there. It is so relaxing and yet such an intense work out. For sure more physically demanding than the treadmill.

Saturday night we are having a 70's theme Glee Event. My favorite girls are coming over and we are going to get drunk and sing 70's songs. I have not yet put together my costume. I'm torn between a disco outfit and a Marcia Brady-like outfit. I need to get myself together and figure it out! I'm running out of time!

My dear friend C-C-W (and her husband) gave me their old rice cooker. This is so awesome! I now feel obligated to continue on the chicken and brown rice diet. Don't tell anyone, but I'm actually rather enjoying it. It tastes way better than I anticipated, and I end up full. And way less sodium than the frozen meals I used to eat for lunch.

Did you know that there is a "Mirror" app for the iPhone? I find it amusing because all it really does is access your camera. Which you could do without an app. But I downloaded and have yet to delete it because I find it so amusing. These are the types of things that entertain me to no end!



....I've got these angels watching over me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcTVr6yLD7k

Shine on me sunshine Walk with me world, it's a skippidy doo da day .......

My favorite time of the day is mornings, when I wake up and everything is peaceful and quiet and I am all by myself. No one to disturb me or ask me for anything. Just me, alone with my thoughts and day dreams. Every day is a fresh start, a clean slate. A chance to do better and be better. A new opportunity to help someone, love someone, and to take care of myself.

This is why it makes me so cranky when I go down to the kitchen to make coffee and there is a sink full of dirty dishes that are not mine! All of the positivity and hope that I wake up with dissipates and I am instead faced with the reality that I may very well spend the rest of my life cleaning up after someone else. And the thought of that breaks my heart a little more each morning. Yes, it's just a few dishes. But it's not the dishes, its the sentiment behind them. It's the damper it puts on what should be a beautiful morning.

I do the dishes because who else is going to? And then I have to fight with myself to get back to the place where I am hopeful and excited for a new day and new adventures. Thankfully, I am always able to get back there. But it's exhausting, the back and forth between happiness and feeling defeated. And what would happen if I were unable to get back to the happy place?

So, I will live each day cherishing the happy and banishing the building resentment I feel. I want to be happy all the time. I want every moment of every day to be spent basking in joy, love and peace. And I don't want that tarnished by a few dirty dishes.



.....I'm the happiest girl in the whole U.S.A.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DD0L0nyM7OY

I can't figure out just what to do.....

In the last 2 days, I have slept a total of 5 hours. I don't know why I can't fall asleep and stay asleep, but it super sucks! Sleeping is one of my most favorite things to do. Tonight I am going to try trazedone and see what happens. I'm going over to ZammyZou's for a movie-fest tonight. First,
C-C-W and I are going out to dinner. Then we are going over to Zam's. I have decided that I am not drinking tonight. I am hoping that way I can sleep better. Guess we shall see!

I tried to take a nap, but was unsuccessful. I spent 12 hours last night/this morning singing songs to Tabby-Wabby. She was into it for about the first 15 seconds. Then she just glared at me for the remaining 11 hours, 59 minutes and 45 seconds. I also played a lot of solitaire. And did a couple sudoku's. I often wonder if I am the only person in the universe that starts in the back of sudoku books with the super hard ones? I also read magazines from back to front. I have no idea why, I just always have. Just more of the idiosyncrasies of being me!

I think I am going to take a shower and try to figure out what I'm wearing tonight. It really shouldn't be such a hard decision, but for me getting dressed is always complicated. Do I just wear jeans and a sweatshirt? Or since I am actually going out, do I wear a dress? Nice pants and a sweater? Or jeans and a sweater? And should I wear flats? Boots? These should really not be hard choices, but sometimes I overthink! Okay, off to wash  a load of clothes and then try on 182 articles of clothing.


.......When the cause and cure is you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBczCuv_Zwc

The song remembers when.....

Its Friday! And I have a vacay day!!! This makes me happy. However, for some reason I've been awake since 4:30. I love sleeping, so I don't know why I can't. Last night I went out with Zecky (who still needs a better nickname) and we had a whole lot of 2 for 1's. Like a whole lot. It's 1:30 in the afternoon and I'm a little surprised I'm not still drunk.

I think this has been the most amazing day of my entire life. For realz!  I started the day with a phenomenal cupcake, then had a pedicure, followed by a super awesome lunch courtesy of ZammyZou. Thank you sir!!!! It has been the most PERFECT day!!!

I'm not sure what could complete this fantastic day, but I think maybe a nap would be exceptional! I know that the realities of tomorrow will wake me up around 3:00 am  and slap me in the face, but for today I am going to enjoy this high!!!

We were headed straight for Eden
It was just around the bend
And though I have forgotten all about it
The song remembers when
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AygRmWnow1w

Just when I believed I couldn't ever want for more.....

So we are going through a system conversion at work and have been unable to access our customer database management system. My work is stacking up! But I am still going to take a vacay day tomorrow to get a pedicure with ZammyZou. I love pedicures!!! And the calendar says its spring, even if the thermometer disagrees.

Last night I really wanted candy, but the only thing I could find in the house was this:

And I really don't like yogurt, but I wanted candy. So I ate all of the yogurt and was about to eat the M&M's. But then I looked up and saw the treadmill and knew that I needed to start making better choices. So, I did not eat the M&M's. This makes me both happy and sad. Happy because I am capable of making good decisions sometimes, but sad because I really wanted the candy! But in the end it is just not worth the guilt that I would feel for working so hard but throwing away it all away for a handful of M&M's that I don't need and really am not sure if I even wanted.

And then just as I type that I'm making good decisions, my manager brings me this:

There really is a conspiracy against me!!!

......This ever changing world pushes me through another door
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBmNTLxclXE

Wanna be impulsive... reckless....

Last night was my first ever yoga class. Aside from being a sweaty mess, I think it went well. I am not very flexible, but I think I might get there someday. And I only almost fell over once! I'm thinking I will definitely go back next week.

So the Princess decided she is moving to California with her girlfriend at the end of summer. This leaves me with two overwhelming thoughts. 1) My baby is leaving me! She's just a kid and what am I going to do without her around and what is she going to do without her mommy and I will miss her terribly. 2) This is probably the best thing for her. She is 23 years old and needs to see what the real world is like. This will be a good wake up call for her. BUT SHE'S MY BABY!! The moment she leaves is going to be the most gut-wrenching, proudest moment of my entire life. I think it's good that she will be relinquishing her dependence on me. But I am going to miss her so very much. And maybe she will change her mind and stay!!

I have a pedi appointment on Friday with ZammyZou. Can you ever really have too many pedicures? Plus I have the day off. Maybe I will go tanning and shopping and possibly switch over to my spring clothes. It is spring, right?

I do not like coming into work and having 12 voice mails. Voice mails scare me, I'm always afraid that I screwed something up. Although the likelihood of that is small, it has maybe happened once or twice.

It's 7:00 in the morning, and I think I may already need a nap!! I bet it's going to be a long day!

.....and lose myself in your kiss.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cP3Zn6_VFBw

Woah, woah, I've had all of this life I can handle...

It's Monday!! And it's raining! Usually this would put me in a Carpenters type of music mood. But instead I'm feeling like an upbeat singalong. I have just decided that my greatest dream would be to have someone do a karaoke duet of this song with me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzigxnezaIo  Hopefully someday that dream will be realized!!

Tonight I start yoga with C-C-W!! Aside from being my best friend, she is one of my most favoritest people in the universe. I can't get over how blessed I am to have so many fantastic people in  my life! Not sure what I did to deserve it, but I appreciate every single one of them so very much!!

Yesterdays Easter dinner went phenomenally well. My sister and I got along swimmingly! And I've always wanted to use that word in a sentence! I ate Salmon, and I liked it! She also made fantastic steaks. And aside from the overcooked mushy potatoes, my potato salad was not terrible. Not like my moms, but totally edible! And for the first time in the history of the world, I took a selfie with my sister. I hate pictures, and am extremely unphotogenic (which is apparently not a word, but you get my point). And so for me to initiate a photo really goes to show what a good mood I am in!!

I have so much work to get done. I just took Friday off because I'm going to try to hang out with Zecky, who needs a better blog nickname because Zecky just looks and sounds awkward. Anyhow, we discussed drinking away all of our messes Thursday night, and that is something I am totally down with!

Yes, I know alcohol solves nothing. But a couple of bottles of wine would certainly make me temporarily forget a lot of junk!!

.....Meet me underneath that big Montana sky
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2mefSW4bYw

I like to see you, but then again....

Easter morning.....for the first time in 23 years, I did not buy the Princess an Easter basket. I'm just not feeling holiday-y. I did, however, give her some money and drop her off at the mall. So, same difference really.

It just seems like I keep playing games that I can't possibly win. Why do I do that to myself? Every time I think I have everything all worked out, I break a nail or step on a lego and it all implodes. Shouldn't the second rule of Fight Club be to never engage in a battle that you can't win? Why would you purposely choose to take on a fight that can only end with a loss? I just want to be able to think logically. But for some reason I can't.

In a couple of hours I am going over to my sisters for Easter dinner. I have no idea what she is making, but I'm bringing potato salad. I used my moms "recipe" but it is not nearly the same as when she used to make it. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I really wish I could ask her.

Tomorrow night, C-C-W and I start yoga. I'm very excited. I've never done an organized exercise class, so this will be very new to me. And I have a purple yoga mat!! I think this is going to be so much fun! And I get to hang out with C-C-W, and she is fantastic!

I'm performing a concert for Tabby-Wabby, and she seems to be okay with today's music. I am listening to my most favoritest song ever. There are very few songs I can listen to 100 times in a row, but this is one.  http://www.rdio.com/artist/Lari_White/album/Stepping_Stone/track/Stepping_Stone/
I am still wondering why it keeps getting deleted from youtube, but the rest of the songs from the same album don't. Anyhow, the is the most painful, most inspirational, most positive, most everything song I have ever heard. Sometimes it makes me sad, and sometimes it makes me so hopeful. Today it's a little of both. I reflect on all I've lost, but I know that something better is around the corner. And even if I never figure it out, I can still live in this very moment.

That doesn't mean you mean that much to me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxdcM-bTIyA

This single minded fascination I've got ......

It's Saturday morning, and I've already been up for 3 hours. I really want to do laundry, but I don't want the neighbors to complain. They usually complain if we do laundry too early or too late. Apparently the washer and dryer vibrate through the floor boards and sound like an airplane in their bedroom. My washer and dryer are about a year old, and are quiet on my side. Not sure what to do to correct this problem, so it's easier just to run the machines between 9 am and 10 pm.

My dad just called me and said he is bringing me 5 boxes of cereal to Easter dinner because he is basically a hoarder and they expire this month. My philosophy on expiration dates: food does not know when it expires! Go by the food and not the date on the box!

I'm trying to sing this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCWVuCCWqzQ to my kitty, Tabby-Wabby. But she is just not enjoying it. I'm not sure if it's my singing or her ears, but something is not working. She usually tolerates my singing pretty well, meaning she hasn't killed me yet. But today she is alternating between looking at me with her eyes closed (her sign for utter annoyance) and trying to jump onto my laptop and shut it off. That's the last song she gets from me today!!!

Do you call it love 
If you don't then what
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPfmZCTv2gM

But the smile that I sent out returned with you......

It's Friday! I love Fridays!  Except I walked into the office this morning, and there are bowls of candy everywhere. And not just candy, but the chocolate kind of candy. I did really well resisting yesterday, but why am I having temptation shoved down my throat?? I must resist!!

I have finally been sleeping really, really well! That is probably going to end because I just got an email from our corporate communications department about pest control being on site today to deal with the bee problem IN our suite. I had no idea we had a bee problem. But now I'm going to have dreams I'm being attacked by killer bees. Who want to pierce my soul.

I am a true "apple" shape, and finding pants that fit right is a terrible process. They are so outrageously huge in the hip area. And when I exercise, the problem gets worse. I lose weight in my hip are, and seem to gain weight in  my waist. I am certainly ill-proportioned. And eating candy will not solve that! So I will avoid it at all costs.

But I would kill for a diet coke!!  Yes, I would kill.  But I will not go down 4 floors to the vending machine. Because, well, that just sounds like too much work for something I shouldn't have in the first place. Sometimes I don't even make sense to myself.


I thought there was no reason
For all these things I do
But the smile that I sent out returned with you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zt7kEqWlSyc

Life's a dance, you learn as you go....

How come you always want what you can't have? Doesn't it seem like the things that taste the best are the absolute worst for you? The clothes that fit the best are the most expensive? Your basketball team doesn't have the most talent AND the best coach at the same time? The lipstick that lasts the longest contains lead? The people that are the most perfect fit for you are not in a position to give you what you want and need?

I've been having the same daydreams and night dreams about cupcakes every day and night for the past 3 weeks. I get on the straight and narrow, start exercising, eating right, blogging again, quit smoking, am finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. But then all I want is freaking cupcakes. And the thing with cupcakes is, one bite is never enough. And anything more is just too much.  Cupcakes are truly the best thing ever: sweet and nice and just absolutely perfect. But what if you just can't have the cupcake because it belongs to someone else? And even if they are willing to share, you won't get the whole cupcake to yourself. Do you want just part of a cupcake? Or do you want the whole thing? OF COURSE YOU WANT THE WHOLE CUPCAKE!! But what if you can't have it? Do you walk away from the best cupcake in the world because you can only eat the frosting? Or do you wait in hopes that someday maybe you will get the whole thing? And what if that can never happen? And what if you really shouldn't have it? What if the calories are not worth the risk?

Sometimes the stars align and you find something that feels magical. That perfect cupcake. Of course it has its flaws, no cupcake is perfect. But what if its the perfect cupcake for you? What if it's a cupcake that makes your heart beat a little faster, makes you giggle, makes you feel good about yourself? But what if its just not your cupcake to feel that way about? Why oh why oh why must life be so complicated? Why do thoughts and feelings have to get in the way of something that could otherwise be perfect?

Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow
Don't worry about what you don't know
Life's a dance you learn as you go
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPzO38kPvkg

I just want someone to say to me, oh, oh, oh, oh

So I have been playing this game on Facebook called Bingo Blitz since 2011. But the developers have made some changes that have just simply made the game no fun anymore. I was an admin in a trading group for awhile, and it was so much fun. But after the changes, we were just not able to help people as much. We could not get extra items for comp prizes, and we couldn't make the trades the members needed. So, I decided I needed to step down from admining, at least for a little while.

I got a message from my old friend Zenny. She is organizing a get together for the old gang at a roller rink. The old Skateland days are quite possibly the most tumultuous time of my life! I was a very, very typical teenage girl with very, very typical teenage girl emotions. With constant new crushes that always lead to devastation and heartbreak. My life was "over" so many times back then. It's a bit comical now to look back at all of the drama. It is such a good thing that we did not text messaging or social media. Or caller ID!

We went skating every single Friday and Saturday night. And a whole bunch of Sundays. And Tuesdays in the summer. For years!! I still have my old skates, although I am not sure they still fit. And I have no idea why I have held onto them. Maybe the feeling of nostalgia? Maybe because I just really want to go rollerskating again? Please send prayers that I do not break anything. Or fall and crack my phone screen. (Can you text and skate?)

I came into work today, and this was on my desk. CANDY!!! Two thoughts: 1) BREAKFAST!! 2) I'm probably going to cry when I have to give this candy to someone else since I really, really shouldn't eat it. I super love candy. A lot. Candy might be my most favoritest food ever. But I am working so hard at eating healthy, I don't want to go down a slippery slope into making all kinds of exceptions to making good choices. But I love candy so much! But the scale is finally showing my progress. But I love candy! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll always be there when you wake.....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNny8w18QOs

Don't put another dime in the jukebox.....

I am so excited to be wearing sandals today!! Now I'm wondering when I can wear capri's. Soon, I hope! I am ready to switch my clothes over to summery stuff. And I need to start tanning so I can wear skirts and dresses. And I have to try on every single pair of my sandals!!!

I'm trying to decide what my musical theme of the day will be as I sort through a mountain of paperwork that may very well cause my desk to collapse. I've sort of been leaning towards old country love songs, but I feel like I want something just a little more upbeat than that. 

So Sunday is Easter, and we are having dinner at my sisters. But she still hasn't told me what I am supposed to bring. I'd bet a million dollars that she tells me on Saturday night at 8:00 that I'm supposed to be bringing some elaborate concoction that I don't have any of the ingredients for, and that if I don't bring it, dinner, and Easter, and even life, will be ruined for everyone. Might as well cancel the holiday. 

What's the worst that could happen if I just don't want to check my work voice mail today? I would rather just take some cheesy facebook quizzes to find out which flower my personality is most associated with.

.......I don't wanna hear that song no more

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kohs_nlQzpM

Ninety miles an hour, One kiss every minute, It's my favorite car, As long as you're in it ......

So every once in awhile, really, really super good things happen. Overwhelming wonderful things. Things that make you feel honored and humbled and filled with joy! I have been fortunate and blessed enough to have 2 things of this magnitude happen to me! Well, 3 if you count anything having to do with cupcakes!!  ;)

First, C-C-W added me into a facebook group with Zecky and Zean. I am so happy to be included in this group. All 3 are some of the most wonderfullest people in the entire universe. I am so lucky to have them all in my life!! We have lots of groups, so it may not seem like a super duper huge thing, but to me it is. I just feel so special to be included in this. They have been friends for so very long, and I'm so happy to have infiltrated!! Thank you!!

And second, ZarahZou asked me to be one of the Godmothers to her newest adorable munchkin. This is a great honor. The very instant I met ZarahZou, I knew I needed to be her friend!!! She is the very first person ever to make me giggle uncontrollably! And it was probably about something really super dumb, like emailing IT to ask about inserting credit cards into the disk drive. Or Break Bucks Scholarships!  Or family heirloom snow globes! We have laughed about so many things! Thank you for bestowing me with this honor!

In case no one ever wonders, most of my blog titles are songs or lyrics to what I'm listening to when I'm typing. What would I do without youtube or iTunes? And why does Stepping Stone by Lari White keep getting deleted on youtube? I've listened to that song more than every other song ever.

It's almost 9:30. I am going to bed. Tomorrow is Wednesday!And I am going to wear sandals!!!! Maybe.

No, I don't care where we go
As long as you take me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pl1yBCkYKU

Footloose and Fancy Free.....

So I think we have already established that I think I have a near-genius level IQ, right? But sometimes the simplest things just absolutely confuse the heck out of me. Today I was quoting a wind and hail application in Georgia. And I could not figure out how many 1000's are in 25,000. This is simple, basic, 2nd grade math! I can solve complex algebra problems, but I apparently can't add 2 + 2. I spent nearly 10 minutes trying to decide if the answer was 25 or 250, based on some kind of insane logic regarding decimal points and the thousandth place, neither of which apply to the conversion.

5 minutes prior to my inability to function without a calculator, I was leading a training session via conference call explaining the complexities and variations in commercial insurance markets. And on the success scale of 1-10, the session was at least an 11.5. Maybe even a 12. Because occasionally I am awesome.

Sometimes people just leave you wondering and shaking your head. And sometimes I'm the person that leaves people wondering and shaking their head. At least head shaking burns calories!!

I am having a really, really good hair day! After donating nearly 12 inches of hair, I thought it was going to be a long while before I loved my hair again. But today it did exactly what I wanted it to. Whenever I wish it was long enough for a ponytail, I remember that maybe some kid got an awesome new wig out of my donation and then I know I can wait for a ponytail!

Oh! My new shoes. I am sooooooooooo in love with them! I can't wait for sandal weather. If ever there were 2 pairs of shoes that screamed ZENNIEZOU!, these are them!

When stars collide like you and I, No shadows block the sun.......

It's an Elton John kind of day. But then, couldn't every day be an Elton day? Yesterday I listened to a lot of Sara Evans and Billy Joel. I set up my own personal facebook group to post my favorite songs in. I'm the only member of the secret group,  I'm not sure many would appreciate the diversity of my musical tastes. Plus, it's a lot of country love songs....

I have a friend who is going through a hard time at the moment, and I hope he truly understands that I am here for him. I know I can't fix anything, but I can't help wanting to. There are very, very few people I let into my world. I just don't like letting people close., So very few people "get" me. But he does, I think. So, Cupcake, you are very, very, very important to me and I'd do anything for you.

I think I might need to quit watching Parks & Rec because I love it so much and don't want it to end. Ever. I hate getting to the end of my favorite shows because then they are gone. I'm thinking next I might rewatch either How I Met Your Mother or Will & Grace. Oh, these decisions.....

Ooooh!! James Taylor just came on the Elton Pandora station. Must sing along!!

If you always do what you've always done.....

On Saturday night I reconnected with my old bff ZammyZou via FB messenger. He knows me so well, and gives the most honest (and harsh) advice ever. Harsh only because he doesn't tell me what I want to hear, he tells me what I need to hear. And I think I need that sometimes. If only things were easy! 

I had a HORRIBLE weekend as far as eating healthy goes. It started out Friday night at dinner with C-C-W. We went to this fabulous hibachi place and the fried rice is so very delicious. This was followed by 3/4 of a bottle of rum and a cupcake. Then Saturday morning breakfast from McD's. And then pizza at night. then ice cream and brownies. And finally taco's last night. It was all so delicious. and so very unhealthy. But it's Monday so I am back on the brown rice and chicken thing. 

I have tried 180,000 times to turn off twitter notifications on my phone, but it just won't work. Apparently I am doing something wrong, but I have followed the directions exactly as written. I rarely even go on twitter anymore, but I don't want to have to uninstall it. 

This morning I hit the snooze button about 47 times too many. I just did not want to get out of bed. I slept super well. Thank you, Trazodone. I could even take a nap right now! 

A Girl's Gotta Do......

So this is what I have been listening to today:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zyr061QCyJg

I wanna know what's on the other side
Of this kiss, that look
I wanna read you baby, like a book

Actually,  I've been listening to a lot of Mindy McCready today. She had by far one of the most amazing voices ever, and her illness was a true tragedy. She could have made so much more beautiful music. And I could really use her ten thousand angels right about now!! Although, honestly, I'm not sure even the ten thousand angels could help!! I just might be a lost cause. And maybe, for a while, thats okay!!

I really want to spend the day painting my nails and watching Netflix. Unfortunately I need to do laundry. And then I need to do my husbands dishes, because he couldn't possibly do them for fear he would hurt himself. And we don't want that, do we??  But couldn't he at least rinse them off?

I wish tomorrow wasn't Monday. I would love one more day away form work. I need to plan to take some time off this summer, but its so hard to go back to stacks of work waiting for me. But if I don't take time off, I'm going to lose vacation days since we can only carry over 30 days. I think I need to take at least 2 more weeks off to avoid losing days. I guess that is what happens when you start the year off with 56 days.

I really can't wait for sandal weather. I'm getting kind of sick of the cold. But I don't want it to be super hot either. The weather is just not going to win with me!

I want my mommy......

Every now and then I have one of those moments where I really, really miss my mom and could use her advice. Today was one of those times. I can imagine that the 50's era housewife in her would tell me to suck it up and take care of my house and home and just do the dang dishes and not expect anyone to clean up after themselves because the mom will do everything. But not everyone can be as good of a wife/mom/housekeeper as she was.

I suspect that the mom in her would do exactly what I need right now, she'd hug me and tell me that everything is going to be okay, and everything will work out exactly as it should, and that she loves me no matter what choices I make. Then she'd go back to 50's housewife role and shake me and ask me what the hell I'm doing.

"Everything always works out okay, because we believe and we hope and we pray...."

Lunchtime.....

Lunch today = sunflower seeds. Why? Who knows?!? Because I'm an idiot??  Because they taste good? They offer absolutely zero nutritional value and a ton of salt and fat. Just another one of my brilliant yet not so smart choices. Wow, do I tend to make a lot of those!!

I went shopping and bought the 2 absolutely cutest, most perfectest pairs of shoes. I would post a picture, but getting the picture from my phone to my laptop requires more steps than its worth at the moment.

I drank nearly an entire bottle of rum last night. (Yes, another one of my famous brilliant yet not so smart choices). Actually, I'm not hungover. I'm just tired. Maybe a nap is in order? Or more coffee and an episode of Parks & Rec. These Saturday afternoon decisions are exhausting!!

I have had a song stuck in my head for 3 days. "When I Think About Angels" by Jamie O'Neal. The second verse and chorus will not go away! I so need it to go away soon! I shall leave you with the lyrics that floating through my mind:

The taste of sugar sure reminds me of your kiss
I like the way that they
Both linger on my lips
Kisses remind me of a field of butterflies
Must be the way my heart is fluttering inside
Beautiful distraction
You make every thought a chain reaction

When I think about rain
I think about singing
When I think about singing
It's a heavenly tune
When I think about heaven then
I think about angels
When I think about angels
I think about you

You make me wanna....

Its finally Friday!! Actually this week has not been bad. And tonight is going to be awesome! Dinner with C-C-W and then girls night at her house! I think I need that. An escape from real life for a while. And a break from all the brown rice and chicken. actually, to be honest, eating healthy has not been completely terrible. But I do so miss cupcakes!!

I can't decide if I should do some actual work or make a grocery list. Or continue looking at this huge zit in the mirror. That's the bad part about exercising, it makes me break out. I am almost 40 years old, I should not have to deal with both wrinkles and acne!

I know better than to weigh myself every day, but I just can't help it. Yes, I have a lost a few pounds. But it makes me mad that the scale doesn't reflect all of the work I've done with exercising and eating right. But I know that the scale is merely a number and the real progress is measured in inches and cholesterol readings. But I want to see the reflection in the scale, too! I've been here enough times to know that the scale is not the most accurate measure of accomplishments, but I can't help wishing. Maybe I need to set up a sticker chart and then every day that I eat well and exercise I can add a sticker? Because, yes, I'm a kindergartner who needs visual incentives!

OK, still need to decide between work or grocery list. I think I will get some coffee while I try to decide if I should do some work while I'm at work.

Just another day, just another blog post.....

So I've become pretty consistent at this blogging thing. Will it continue? I don't know. It's not like I really have anything to say. But it's also not like I am writing this for anyone but myself. Maybe one day I will go back and read it and wonder what was wrong with me? Or maybe I will read it with the sole purpose of amusing myself. Who knows??

I just ordered a book called La Bella Principessa: The Story of the New Masterpiece by Leonardo Da Vinci. I am beyond excited to get it. It's the story of the analysis as to whether or not La Bella Principessa was drawn by Da Vinci. I really don't think it has ever been conclusively determined. But I am so fascinated by the work that I wanted to learn more about it. I don't know if that makes me inquisitive or just a huge dork!

Tomorrow night I am having an epic dinner with my friend Cristin to celebrate a number of things, like how I got a bonus check and a pretty decent annual review. Then we are having a slumber party at her house. This will likely involve a lot of alcohol!! And a lot of laughing and singing. Because that's what we do.

I have, quite possibly, the best friends in the entire universe!! I am so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life. p.s. I really need a pedi-play date with ZarahZou!!!

Hindsight is 20/20 and All That Jazz.....

So, in retrospect, a townhouse was probably not the best idea for a place to live. We are just too loud. And by we, I do not mean me!! I love not having to shovel or mow. I love the lower property taxes we pay. I love the small, condensed sized. But.....I do not love the neighbors being so close. I do not love having to be so quiet. I do not love the other residences of my household being so loud. The pros and cons lists are each a mile long. But at the end of the day they don't really matter, because this is where we live and we must make the best out of it. We are stuck here, this is our home.

I've used up all the internet on my phone listening to youtube songs and playing Bingo Blitz. How am I going to go 2 days without music? I mean, I know I can sing to myself, but I sound so much better when I am accompanied by the background music.

Ooooooh, today I get to eat the brown rice, turkey ham and cauliflower!! I am way more excited than I should be, especially since I am having nearly the exact same thing for dinner tonight! But all these changes are working, and I feel really good, so its worth it!!

Decisions, decisions....

I have a decision to  make that I am dwelling on  way more than its worth. I just can't decide what to have for lunch today. The options are brown rice, turkey ham, and cauliflower or brown rice, turkey ham, and green beans. I just can't decide. Maybe I should post pictures and a poll on my facebook and let the masses decide?? I fear I won't get any work done until I figure this out. p.s. the one I don't choose today will be my lunch tomorrow.

Can two negatives ever equal a positive outside of math and science? If you're making a pros and cons list, and the cons way outnumber the pros, what if you can't focus on anything besides the pros? What if the cons are so huge and so major, but you just keep trying to push them aside? What if the consequences of your choice are so life-changingly huge that you just want to live on the pros list for a bit longer?? What if the cons are so horrible that you can't even face them but the pros are so wonderful you don't want to let them go? How do you choose when there are winners and losers no matter which choice you make? What if no matter what you choose you are not going to win? How do you decide the lesser of two evils? Dammit, I'm just going to go with the green beans today. I will deal with tomorrow when it comes.

Monday, Monday.....

I'm very glad to be back blogging, why did I stay away so long? 

It's just another spring Monday in Minnesota with freshly fallen snow on the ground. I actually had to wear socks today. And a jacket.  Thankfully I've been in an unbelievably good mood for the past week or so. Maybe it's all the healthy eating and exercising?? Maybe it's being back to blogging? Maybe it's just that the stars have aligned and ZennieZou is back!!!

I fell to 2nd place in the bracket thing I'm in. If I wasn't at work I would try to figure out if it was numerically possible for me to win, but that just seems like a lot of work. I don't want to have to work while I'm at work! I'm just going to ride it out and be surprised with the results. 

In a hilarious turn of events, my manager has gotten onto the "ZennieZou gives ZarahZou awesome homemade presents" bandwagon, and he has given me something that I can use to create a most perfect gift for her. Now I just need to figure out exactly how to use it to make the Best! Present! Ever! I'm so lucky to have friends that not only tolerate, but encourage, my wacky dumb gift giving. Thank you ZarahZou for being so fabulous! 

Sunday Sundae

The clock just turned over to Sunday, and I would kill for some ice cream! I am starting a new healthy eating plan, and ice cream is not on the menu. Pants that fit or ice cream? No one should have to make such a hard choice! For dinner tonight I had brown rice, pork roast and 182 pounds of broccoli. With no butter on it. But then I had a bottle of wine. This is going to be a process!

Well, I dropped to 7th place in my bracket tourney. While disappointing, there is still lots of basketball left to be played!!

I started watching Parks & Rec on Netflix. It is absolutely hilarious. I tried to watch it before, but I couldn't get into it. I'm so glad I tried again.

Someone just posted this on Facebook, and it is very fitting for how I am feeling right now. I'm a little bit tipsy from that bottle of wine, and need to remind myself that no good will come from thinking with my heart. I need to be guided by my genius level IQ. Sometimes I wonder how I can be so smart but so dang dumb at the same time?

Friday, I'm in love.....

I have been listening to Pandora a lot, the 80's stations are fantastic, especially the 80's country one. I'm rather sick of the limited selection on my ipod, so being able to turn on Pandora before going on the treadmill is so very awesome. That way I can sing along as I walk. And I've even been listening to The Cure again! In fact, I'm listening to Fascination Street as I type. What a great day!

I decided I am going to again start eating super healthy. I have a friend who did a brown rice and chicken diet and lost a ton of weight (although she didn't actually need to lose any). I so wish I didn't hate chicken. But I'm going to eat it anyway.

Bracket update - I know it's only Friday, but I am in first place! There is no prize or money involved and its just for fun. But it's fun to be in first place for a few minutes =)

All the small things.....

I feel like I am suddenly a different person. One small thing happens, and my entire outlook on life changes. Or rather, my entire outlook on ME changes. I actually RAN on the treadmill yesterday. I haven't ran since 2010. I mean I didn't run for long, only a very small portion of the time I spent on the treadmill, but I did do it.

And then I actually turned on the TV in my bedroom and tried to find a basketball game to watch. I wasn't successful, but I did try. I have not turned on that television set for at least a year. And there was some kind of problem with the connection to the satellite. But the point is that I wanted to watch a basketball game again.

And finally, I actually sought out the scale to weigh myself this morning. I couldn't find it, but the point is that I was willing to step on it and at least see what it had to say.

I think I've turned a corner and am in a really good place.

Is this a resurrection??

I'm not sure what led me back to my blog, but I realized that I really missed writing. Maybe I needed a 5 year hiatus to realize that even if I have nothing to say, I still want to say it. And even if nobody reads it, it still needs to be said. I think I needed to realize that its okay to write for just me. Its okay to do a lot of things for just me. I need to be the most important person to me.

I think I'm finally at a really good place in life. I have terrific friends, a semi-clean house, 9000 lip glosses..... I've accomplished a lot of things in the past several years that I did not think were possible. I ran a couple 5k's, I designed and sewed a dress by hand, I donated a large portion of my literary library, I'm a year and a half away from having all my credit card debt paid off, and finally I've swooned. I didn't think swooning was even really a thing. But it happened. The circumstances are irrelevant to this blog, but it happened.

So now the question is if blogging will again become a regular thing? And I just don't know. I would like it to. It would be nice to have an account of just the day to day stuff. So, I guess we shall see!

Devastation.....

So, a truly horrible tragedy occurred two days ago that I just can't seem to get over. I broke a nail. Now this might not seem to be a big deal to many people, but anyone that knows me knows the struggles I have overcome concerning my nails. I used to bite them until they bled. Then I wore artificial nails for years and damaged my nails so horribly that I didn't think they would ever be okay. And now they only seem to grow for about one month out of the year. And so I have one chance to have long, polishable nails. They were all 10 long and beautiful, and I had a wonderful french manicure. and then I was opening up a package, and one of them not only broke, it nearly tore off half of my finger. It broke so low that it was bleeding. It was very hard not to cry. So, here's to hoping that it will grow out quickly and I can have another shot at a french manicure since I spent $50,000 on the supplies.

I have 45 fans in my fan club! I find this exciting, because I was all set to be sad about only having 3 or 4. But apparently there are people who will join anything they get an invite to. I heart those people. I did invite my bff from Cali to join, but he said he was too busy doing family stuff. Sounds to me like an excuse to not admitting to being a fan of me. Someday he will give in, because I know that you can only ask someone something 8 million times before they either give in or throw a stapler at you.

Last night I had dinner at Zam-Zam's. He tricked me into eating mock duck. It was actually pretty good. But I don't think it's eating fake duck that makes me gag. It is the thought of eating real duck. And had me tricked me into eating real duck, then he would have been cleaning up my puke and would have found he had one less member in the Zam Zessin Fan Club. I will not EVER eat duck. NEVER!

I should maybe get some more work done......or go on facebook. One or the other.

A fan club? For me?

My bff Zam has created a facebook fan club for me. At this moment I have 34 fans. If I'm counting myself. Can you even believe that Zam-Zam would bestow such an honor on me? Pretty sure that he is starting it now so that when I am a famous actress he can say that he started the very first club to wprship my talents. Or he was bored.

We are having a 2nd trailer park reunion at the legion. Pretty sure I'm going to get drunk. Especially since I haven't for months and months. And yes, I grew up in a trailer park. And I am very, very trashy. Or not.

I went to a Vikings pre-season game last Saturday night with my sister, Zisa. And I only had to watch Favre play for the first half. Still not a fan, but I haven't said one bad things about him tso far this season. It's not his fault he sucks. And that I hold a grudge. I had the company seats: lower level, row 16, 40 yard line. Best seats in the house!! You wouldn't want to be any closer. And the row in front of us was partially empty, so Zenny, who has season tickets in row 999999, came down to sit by me. Haven't seen her for ages, so that was great.

My dryer broke. There is no heat it in, but it does work with cold air. Which doesn't really dry anything. So I went over to my dad's yesterday to use his washer and dryer. His washer and dryer are electronical and extremely complicated. I think he told me that with all the options and choices available, there are 279 different ways you can wash your clothes. My washer has a "start" button. I did 5 loads and watched 2 movies while I was at his house. At least I have clean clothes.

Ok, off to see if somehow I got a 35th member in my fan club.

Another addiction.....

I'm beginning to truly believe that I have a problem with addictions. Lip gloss, chai tea, Facebook, and now my blackberry. I never really thought I needed one, but when it was time to upgrade my Gravity, I decided to go the blackberry route. And now I can't put the stupid thing down. It provides me with 24/7 access to the internet (meaning facebook, of course) and is so easy to text and e-mail on. Although it doesn't make chai, it does allow me to purchase lip gloss with 2 clicks.

And to make matters worse, Zam got a blackberry last week. So now I spend 27 hours a day blackberry messaging with him. And he told me about a really cool app I could download that would make the blinking light change colors when certain people call or text me. So now when Zam and Zalyssa text me, the light blinks in a cool pattern called "disco". I freaking love this phone.

This phone is both the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. With both Zam and ZarahZou having gone from a set amount of texts to unlimited, I am now spending an outrageous amount of time texting. I used to average around 200 per month. My number is now more than 10 times that. Not nearly as many as MissZalyssa's 12,000, but I'm working on it. I may need to have the phone surgically removed from my hand.

And yes, I could even blog from my phone if I wanted to. So I have no excuses for not blogging.

Autumn.....

I can't believe that summer is almost over. This has been one of the best summers I can remember in a very long time. But, on the other hand, it is also the summer that I became certifiably loony toons cuckoo clock crazy, so maybe not?? I have learned a lot about me these past couple of months. And I have also learned that I have the best friends that anybody could ask for. When I really needed them, they were here for me. And that is despite the fact that all the drama I was going through was completely my fault. They listened, they didn't judge (to my face), and they offered the advice that I needed to hear. So, ZarahZou, Zosie, and Zam: I zove you all. Thank you!

This is also the summer that I met my bff Zam. I am so grateful for all of the times you listened to me whine about the mess I created. And you didn't hold my bad choices against me. I love knowing that I have multiple people that I can really count on, and I'm not sure if I've felt that before.

Then, of course, there are the things that led me to a near breakdown. And I'm a little bit sad that I lost a few people that I found out I couldn't trust or count on. So, to the boy who looks like a goat, coffee guy, and ex-therapist-guy: I don't regret to have met you, but I most certainly regret that I trusted you all with my inner-most thoughts and dreams and feelings. Maybe I was too forthcoming with personal information? Or maybe I just am that naive? If nothing else, I will no longer immediately trust or believe the new people I meet. I have always been pretty good at judging people's character. Until you 3. and it sucks to get so completely f*cked over 3 times in 2 months. But I think going through these situations has helped me to find myself. And I am not nearly as cuckoo clock as I was in June. And yeah, maybe it's all the prescription drugs. Or maybe it's just the experiences I had that made me see who I am and who I want to be. Although the drugs are certainly nice. ;)

And so, I am ready to bid adieu to summer and move forward into the fall. Fall means football and it means it is almost time for college basketball. Even with Favre as the quarterback, I am looking forward to an excellent season. I'm going to the game next Saturday, and even though it's pre-season, it's still exciting. And with the good news that Mbakwe will be playing for the Gopher's, I can not wait for the first tip off. It is going to be a great basketball season!!

So much to look forward to..........

And the Oscar goes to.....

Um, Me! I am making my off-off-off Broadway Debut in a community production of Peter Pan. And because my reputation proceeds me, I didn't even need to audition! Plus, I know people. I have the most stage time of anyone. And I'm playing the most important role. I will soon be known as the actress that played Fluff the Sleeping Cloud. With 2 whole lines, within the first 5 minutes. I spend the rest of the time sleeping on stage. This is perfect for me! After we wrap up the production, I'm moving to Hollywood to audition for a starring role opposite Jake Gyllenhaal. Or not.

I gave up my virtual fish on facebook in order to devote more time to practicing my lines. You'd think I would be able to remember 2 sentences. But, not really.

Tomorrow is pedicure playdate day with my friend ZarahZou. She is also the costume director for the theater. And she is playing the mother and a pirate. And my favorite 5 year old friend Josh is playing little Michael!

After my pedi, I'm driving up to the northernest most point in MN to pick up MissZalyssa's bestest friend who moved up there after graduation. They haven't seen each other in weeks, so it is imperative that I drive 4 hours to pick her up. I am such a good mom!

I have a new bff. And since he might be reading this, Hi!! to my new bff in CA!

It's United Way time. And as co-chair, I'm soliciting donations. So if my loyal reader has anything else she wants to donate, please let me know.

Still sick....

this cough just won't go away. It's after 11, I should be in bed. But I can't sleep and the coughing is driving me crazy. Plus I now have a sore throat. Ugh! It is getting so old. and I still have nothing to really blog about.

I have a lot on my mind, but it is not appropriate for this type of forum. Or any type of forum, for that matter. I'm just really mentally exhausted. I could really use a vacation. But I have used up so much PTO with being sick. I've never taken off so much work in such a short period of time. But sitting at work coughing is terrible. and then everyone comes up to me to ask if I'm okay. Geez, I'm just coughing.

And now I've written 2 paragraphs about coughing. This should be a very interesting blog. It used to be a funny, intelligent and witty blog (in my opinion). And now it has become quite lame. And for that I'm sorry. I promise that as soon as I feel better, I will post a blog that will make you AGU. or GOL, whichever is your thing.

Today I spent 6 hours on facebook. 6 straight hours. Is that not pathetic? That is 6 hours I will never get back. And I didn't really accomplish much on facebook, either. Except I did get my fish fed. And I iced a couple of rival mafia people. What a nice Sunday!

I'm very glad I don't have to work tomorrow. Another day of rest! Hopefully tomorrow will be the day I wake up not coughing!

Ok, back to facebook......

Good intentions.....bad follow through......

I had very good intentions to blog regularly, but I just haven't had much to say. Plus, I've been really sick. I don't think I have ever been this sick before. I've been to the doctor 3 times in 2 weeks. I'm on antibiotics and have 2 different prescription cough medicines, but it is not really helping. This sucks! Not sure how much longer I can go without sleeping through the night. I wake up coughing at least 5 times a night. I'm so tired. But I just can't sleep. at least I have a 3 day weekend to hopefully rest.

I have not been able to exercise for 2 weeks. I miss walking, but I just can't quit coughing long enough. And I feel woozy-ish. Going for a walk would probably not be a good idea if I'm going to pass out a mile from home.

I now have a house full of teenagers. 3, including MissZalyssa. Two teenage boys. It's crowded, but comfortable. The two boys are very good kids, they just really needed a place to stay, and maybe some positive guidance. Yeah, I'm probably not qualified for that. But, I'll try.

There is not much else going on in my life. I've only had one pedicure so far this season. ZarahZou suggested a couple days, but family obligations prevent those days from working for me. I think we have a date set, but I need to make the appointments. I forgot. All of the drugs I'm taking to make me get better are making me quite forgetful.

Ok, I am going to try to go back to bed.

Nothing to say.....

It's hard to blog when you have nothing to say. And I don't feel like I have anything to say. Good thing that won't stop me from trying, huh? My free time is currently being consumed by a quest to lose weight. And Facebook. I sort of have an addiction to Facebook. I spend hours (and hours, sometimes) a day feeding my fishies, icing people on mafia wars, and lurking on people's profiles. I also, with the help of a couple of enablers, started a cult. Because cults are way cool. It's actually turning out to be not unsuccessful, and it amuses me greatly. I am also greatly entertained by new fbf (facebook friend) Sam. He has a quite hilarious page about referring to conditioner as cream rinse. It makes me AGU (audibly giggle uncontrollably) sometimes.

Saturday is my first pedicure of the season. CAN! NOT! WAIT! I really need one, I have had to resort to polishing my own toenails. And this will be the first ever appointment booked by ZarahZou, so we are not quite sure if it is for 2 people with 2 feet at 9 am, or 9 people with 2 toes at 2 pm. I guess we will see on Saturday at 9 am. That means I have to get up at 7 am. On a Saturday. But a pedi is totally worth it.

I tried to get drunk last Saturday night to help me sleep since I've been sick and unable to sleep. But even after 52 quarts of vodka, all I had to do was pee really bad. And I felt a slight bit tipsy-ish. But not drunk. that made me sad.

A week ago I had beautiful fingernails. But, sadly, 4 of them have met their demise. Is it pathetic to cry over broken fingernails? Because I am. They were so lovely. And now they suck.

I'm out of things to say. But I am blaming the large quantities of cold medication that I have consumed. As soon as I am no longer eating Sudafed by the handful I will try blogging again.

Where there used to be a blog.....

there is now an empty space. Well, not an empty space really since all the previous blog postings are still there. I don't know why, but I just haven't felt like blogging. and I've always got something to say, so I don't know what's going on. I still don't feel like blogging. But I am anyway. I thought I would share one of my most favoritest po-ems in the entire universe, since it's a little how I'm feeling right now.

The Puppet

The music is soft
yet it is deep
it is slowly begininning to seep
into the inner most thoughts I keep

He hits the piano, his fingers leap
from note to note and key to key
It's hard to believe he's playing for me.

But he is.
Or so he said
by now he's got control
of my head.

I will do
whatever he may say
I am his puppet,
it is me he will play.

~jw 1991

New BFF.....

Sorry, google. You've been replaced. Google and I have been best friends for the past 5+ years. Google has been able to help me with everything from phone numbers to funeral appropriate dressing. But in light of the fact that I'm sleeping less than 3 hours a night, I've had find a replacement best friend. My new BFF is Sheer Cover light/medium concealer duo. Yes, a few more syllables than google, but it definitely comes in handy in covering up the dark circles under my eyes. I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I run out, because I am not buying a best friend that costs $22. The one I have came in a kit for $25 for 12 pieces. hopefully I can find a concealer in my price range that works just as well. But I doubt it.

This past Saturday I helped ZarahZou move practically across the universe. Her new house is quite cute. And much more conveniently located. She's right down the road from the Mall of America. That would be awesome! My entire body hurts from the physical exertion. I carried at least 3 boxes, so it's understandable why I would be in so much pain. And I got a really nifty "Moving Day Swag Bag". It contained a jar of Olay Pro X wrinkle cream. I am using it around the eye area, hopefully it will eliminate the deep lines under my eyes, and maybe even help with the dark circles. Thank you, ZarahZou.

Saturday night I went to see Always....Patsy Cline. It's a 2 woman play about a lady who loves Patsy's music and then gets a chance to meet her and become friends. It was one of the most entertaining shows I've ever seen. It was quite funny and the music was beautiful. I'm so glad I went. But I've Had "Crazy" stuck in my head since the show. her music is so wonderful.

I've started Christmas shopping. So far I am done with Alyssa's stocking and my m-i-l. I still have some shopping to do. Oh, and I'm done with ZarahZou's either birthday or Christmas present. Probably birthday because it may be sacrilegious to give her this gift for Christmas. So I should probably get started on her Christmas present since I am 23% sure what I want to do, and 187% sure that it probably beyond my skills/motivation. I guess we'll see if I can work it out. If not, she is getting something I find in the back of my closet or garage.

Ok, work to do.

I'm so dizzy, my head is spinning....

I'm wondering if I set a record today for the most OTC pills taken by a non-drug addict? I'm so freekin' sick (Thanks Zindy). So this morning I took: 1 claritin (Allergies), 1 Mucinex (for my extra mucus - ewww), 1 multi- vitamin (cause I do every day), 1 flax seed oil pill (for my triglycerides), 2 sudafed (decongestant), 2 fish oils (cause my dr. told me to), 4 advil (cause I have a headache), and 6 vitamin c's (cause I can). That is a total of 18 pills. I'm really, really, really sick. And I'm feeling whiny. And tired. And dizzy.

I got 4 inches cut off my hair. For probably the first time in 10 years I do not have any layers. And I'm not sure I like it. I think I might need the layers for volume. It took me over 30 minutes to get my hair to look "wash and go". And I think it might make my face look fat(ter). But I'd like to grow it all out with no layers. Hair is so complicated.

In case anyone (besides me, of course) cares, Dusty Rychart commented on one of my blog postings - from July of 2006. http://zenniezou.blogspot.com/2006/07/my-dusty-autograph.html I just now noticed it when I was re-reading some of my past entries. Not sure when he commented, so I'm not going to respond to the comment. My Dusty autograph is my third most prized possession, the first two being my child and my mom's anniversary ring. I got the autograph by mailing him the picture to Australia and then he signed it and mailed it back to me. My 4th most prized possession is the envelope that he mailed it to me in. While that may seem to some people to be a pretty lame prized possession, it doesn't have much competition. The only other things I own are lip gloss and hand bags. My fake Kate Spade is #5, followed by my authentic Coach scribble tote at #6. I guess if I was making a list, my Dooney & Bourke is #7. My wedding ring comes in at #8- does that make me terrible? I would rate my marriage at my #2 most prized intangible possession, being a mom is #1. If I lost the ring, I'd still be married. I guess ZickyZou is stuck with me. The ring is much less important than the marriage.

MissZalyssa really wants to go to the Jingle Ball concert. She should probably have chosen a better time to ask me. Right now my head is spinning and I feel like crap. The thought of 10,000 teenage girls screaming makes me want to throw up. The thought of spending at least $50 per ticket makes me want to throw up even more. And the concert is at the Xcel. Driving in St. Paul = throw up. Maybe she'll get tickets for Christmas, because I'm such a good mom.

Ok, back to work......

Favoritest is my favoritest word.....

I found a bottle of my very favoritest lotion while cleaning out my bathroom closet. It's from Mary Kay and is called Kisses by Candlelight. They retired the scent about 4 years ago, so this bottle is OLD. I decided to use it anyway because it smells(ed) so wonderful. So today I smell like 1/2 cinnamony-vanilly yumminess and 1/2 rancid. I hope when people get close to me they only detect the cinnamony-vanilly yumminess. I wish they'd bring the lotion back so I wouldn't have to smell half rancid.

I have a good tip for anyone who commutes to work. If you leave 10 minutes late for work because you just had to feed your virtual fish, there is a good chance you will arrive at work late. I don't actually know this from experience, but I'm guessing that's the way it works. Two days in a row. So if your virtual fish need fed, get up ten minutes earlier to take care of them to avoid being late.

I decided to wear my glasses today, since I did make an agreement with my eye doctor that I would only wear contacts half the week and I'd wear glasses the other half. So I got dressed and was certain I looked great. My hair was perfect, my remnants of acne scarring was exquisitely covered up, I acheived the perfect level of skin evenness, my eyes were expertly lined in a deep purple-plum.. then I put my glasses on and my hair turned into a ratty mess, the scars showed, my skin looked blotchy and pale, and my eyes looked racoonish. This is why I don't wear my glasses more often, they make me look terrible. So I applied an extra coat of blush, because that fixes everything.

I gave in to temptation and bought a new pair of pants so I would have something to wear. They are not a size 8, although I did try on the 8's. And I promptly returned them to the rack for a size (or 2) larger. Someday, hopefully soon, I will be able to wear an 8 again. I can't believe that just one year ago I was wearing an 8. I also can't believe what a huge difference 10 (or 15) pounds makes. But because I'm so undertall, and tend to gain weight in the midsection, 15 pounds is two sizes. Not really fair, but entirely my fault. Eat less, exercise more. And I really am trying to do just that.

I wish I lived with someone who could give me fashion advice. When I ask "Does this look okay", the Zalyssa-monster tells me "Yes" just so I'll leave her alone. And ZickyZou says "You look great in everything you wear" because he thinks I'm fishing for a compliment. But I'm not a fisher-person, I just really want to know if the colors and styles coordinate and if if the top looks a little bit sexy or a lotta bit trashy. I never ask unfair questions like "does this make me look fat". I have a scale to answer that question. I want to know if I match. I'd like them to be more helpful.

Ok, work to do......

5-0!!! Rock On!

Even with Favre, the Vikings are 5-0! This has been a fantastic season so far. I'm trying really hard to not get too excited, while still trying to be helplessly and hopelessly optimistic. It is so fun to see them win.

So just 2 hours after I posted my last blog entry, I received the company newsletter. I know I'm avoiding writing about work, but this is only semi-work related. So anyhow, there was an article about communication and vocabulary. I won't go into the whole article, but it said that people that tangle words come across as silly. So I assume that goes for people that make up and use words such as electronical, clothesetically, and wonterfullerific. When I told the writer that his article offended me, he seemed to have gotten a little offended. I wasn't really offended, but he may have been. So I hope he knows I think his article was excellent, and I'm sorry if he was unhappy with my comments. I thought my vocabulation-extraordination was part of my endearing charm, but maybe it does make me silly. I can accept that. Anyhow, he's a good-article-writer-guyer, and an all-around-good-guyer, and I don't want him mad at me. And I wonder if he has any idea how hard using spellcheck is for me. =)

Last night I had the house to myself. Zalyssa was at her dad's house and ZickyZou went some kind of hunting. So what did I do? I cleaned my facebook virtual fish tank. then I cleaned other people's virtual fish tanks so that I could get more money to buy more fish for my fish tank. I am officially the LAMEST person I know. I could have gone out somewhere, or watched a movie, or even read a book. Instead, I cleaned online fish tanks. And now the very next question is - why did I start another online thing when I hardly have enough time to take care of my real life, let alone mafia wars and bejeweled blitz. I haven't planted in farmtown in at least 2 weeks. Do I need a fish tank to take care of?

Ok, I have laundry to do and a treadmill to walk on.

Friday.....I'm in love

Not only is it Friday, and I'm blogging, but I have started to reestablish my infatuation-relationship with the English language. I don't think we'll get past the honeymoon stage, but for today I'm in heart with it. I have always wanted to use the word thwarted in a sentence where it fits. And now I finally have one. It is one of the coolest words ever because of the thw combo. Yes, you may call me a nerd or whatever other name you feel suits me. it is a very multipurposeful word.

Anyhow, my plans about letting the bank have my house have been thwarted. My adjustable mortgage rate has adjusted. To 4.375%. I expected it to remain stable or even adjust UP to the current rate. But, no, it goes down. I cannot walk away from 4.375. It's too good of a rate. So I'm thinking we are going to be stuck in this house for at least another year. Our payment went down over $100 and now the payment is less than the rent would be on the rental I was looking at. My dreams of a swimming pool have been thwarted. And I got to use thwarted twice (or 3 times?) in one paragraph.

Another word I have been liking is electronical. I'm not sure it's actually a word, but it sure sounds cool. Maybe it will catch on.

I'm quite clothesetically challenged at the moment. I'm pretty sure I made up the word clothesetically. Nothing in my flipping closet fits me. I need to lose 10 pounds if I want to wear pants this winter. And since pants are typically not optional at work, I am increasing my workouts. Yes, I could wear skirts, but those don't fit either. It's been a long six months, and I'm okay with only gaining 10 pounds with all the stress I've been under. But don't you think I should have lost weight with all of the hardcore 5k training? And I am now walking 2-3 miles at least 5 times a week. I can't run right now because I'm waiting for the PAINFUL shin splints to heal. One of my poor shins still hurts. But at least I finished a 5k in a semi-decent time. The plan is to do another one in April, and then a 10k next September. This should allow ample time for my shin to heal. The time goal for April is 35 minutes. That should be no problem. Maybe a marathon is not so far-fetched. Or maybe it is. I guess we'll see.

I still have not changed my mind about Favre being a whiny crybaby, but I will say that if he gets me a ring I will apologize to him on my blog and take back 62% of what I said about him. Or maybe 68% if the game is a blowout.

I have to make a heart wrenching decision about what to do with my hair. I'm due for a trim, but do I just trim or do I cut. I don't know if I'm ready to go with a new style, but I would really like a change. I have not colored my hair for a year and I am very happy with the natural color, even though some people don't believe that it's my real color. But now what do I do with it style-wise? Do I grow it out? Or cut it all off? I'm so torn and confused.

I can not wait for the start of the college bball season. If I was counting, which I'm not, I would say that we're about 35 days, 12 hours, 14 minutes, and 11 seconds away from the season opener. But since I'm not counting, the time is not exact. I could be off by a few seconds. I

Back to work.....

Two in the same week!

Maybe blogging will become a regular thing again. lol I spent the day in Becker at a family reunion. We have one every year, my moms side of the family. Kinda weird without her being there. But I'm glad we went. Lots of food, it was very hard to eat just a regular amount, especially from the dessert table. I could eat brownies all day. But I just had one. And next year, I get to be on the reunion planning committee. I am very good at committees.

I forgot I had an ipod, but I do. And I decided I should use it. So as I running/walking on the treadmill, I pulled out the pretty hot pink ipod. I know a lot of people say that they like all types of music, but I when I say I do, I really mean it. My ipod (thank you MissZalyssa for loading it) has such a wide variety of my favorite cd's. Nirvana, Hole, Poison, Martina McBride, Wilson Phillips, George Michael, Foreigner, Elton John, Everclear. It is a good mix of all of my fav's.

I finished my 3 miles in 44:10 today, so I am certain that I will be 5k ready next month. I was so tempted to take today off, it is Saturday and you shouldn't have to exercise on Saturdays, right? But then I remembered that it is not strictly for exercise, and that if I don't do it today, tomorrow will be that much harder. And plus what if I really need a day off sometime?? So I ran/walked and am glad I did.

I'd like to spend the day on the couch tomorrow in front of the tv, but I think I may need to go to the grocery store. I hate to get dressed for such a quick trip, maybe ZickyZou will stop and pick up a couple things? That would be so nice of him. And he's such a nice guy (as I type, he's looking over my shoulder).

Okay, it's midnight and I'm tired.

Yes, I know I still have a blog...

I have not blogged in what seems like forever. But I haven't really had much to blog about. My life has been consumed by two things - my mom and work. All of my time and energy has been focused on those two things, and neither are topics that belong in my blog.

But now that I am starting to get back into what is the new "normal", I'm planning on blogging a lot more. Something exciting- I am going to be doing my first ever 5k in September. I have no doubt that I can finish it, I've walked many more than 3 miles, I'm more focused on finishing it by hopefully running/jogging the whole way. Thank you, ZarahZou, for asking me to do this with you. This has been an excellent way to both focus on something positive and get a lot of exercise. I have been on the treadmill every night trying to get myself ready.

Sometime down the road I am planning on volunteering for a hospice program. I'm not ready yet, but eventually I know that it would be a really rewarding experience to visit with patients that are in hospice. I'm thinking that by the spring I should be able to do this. It would be wonderful to be able to give back something to the program that offered so much to my family.

ZickyZou and I are strongly considering moving to Minnetonka. We could rent a place with more room than we have now, for less than our mortgage. And since we both work in Minnetonka, we would save a total of 80 miles per day in commuting. At first I was hesitant about an apartment, but really what is the difference between an apartment and a townhouse? I think home ownership is way overrated. Every time something breaks, we need to pay to fix it. We've spent $1000 on our furnace over the past 3 years. I am okay with renting, and if we made a list of the pro's and con's about moving, there are way more pro's. The money savings, the commute, gas, and we would definitely go with a place that has a swimming pool. and a work out room. Then we wouldn't have a treadmill and an elliptical machine in our living room. We won't be making any moves until the spring, but I'm thinking that it makes the most sense to start packing.

So the Vikings signed Brett Fav-re. I've never been a big fan of him, and that has not changed. I could write pages about my objections to signing him ( like that he's 78 years old, he flip-flops more than I do after a pedicure, and his name is pronounced wrong) , but it's just not worth my time. Maybe later.

Ok, it's way past my bedtime......