No stars are out tonight but we're shining our own light....

Monday, Monday.....

Yesterday was CH's baby shower. It went well, and she got a lot of adorable stuff. Including, of course, the quilt I made her. I really am impressed with myself for making it.  =) and the pistachio presto bow tie chicken salad - always yummy! And lots of leftovers.

In an odd turn of events that should surprise no one, I won the word unscramble game. It's actually not even fair to let me play word games. I have never lost one. I am not super good at very many things, but I excel at anything with words.

So I overheard something I shouldn't have, and am struggling with whether or not to interfere. I'm absolutely torn because it could be nothing. Or it could be horrible and terrible. And I just don't know. I tried to get more info, but was shut down. I don't want to overstep. But I also know how this could end up, and if I do nothing or say nothing.... I hate being in this position. There are so many levels of complications in this. Part of me says I should mind my own business. But another part is filled with worry and concern. UGH!!!!


https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0jF9yVnA83A

The world outside looks so unkind............

Friday!! My third favorite day of the week. I like Saturday and Sunday more, but Friday will do!!!  And I'm leaving at 11:30 to taste test frozen yogurt. $25 for half an hour of eating- could anything be better?? I've tried to get the Princess to do taste tests, but apparently signing up on the website is too hard or something???

So in my favorite movie, The Stand, there is a scene where Mother Abigail makes a huge dinner and everyone is sitting around the picnic table discussing if they are going to move on to Col-oh-ray-do. Ralph is reading Nick Andros' note to Mother Abigail and it says that Nick doesn't believe in Mother Abigail's God. Mother Abigail starts laughing and says "God bless ya, Nick! But it don't matter! He believes in you."

I guess that's where I'm at right now. It doesn't matter how anyone feels about me or towards me, because that doesn't change how or what I feel. And that is so true in so many circumstances right now. And The Stand is the ultimate metaphor for life. So many circumstances can be summed up by a quote from this movie. 

Lucy Swann, after hearing that Larry sacrificed himself in Las Vegas: "He's gone… but I'll have his baby. Maybe… it's not all I wanted, or all I dreamed of having… but it'll have to be enough." And Glen Bateman: "It's the old way. And the old way was a death trip." 

Anyhow, I'm thinking I need to watch the movie again soon. Something about good and evil meeting up for a showdown and good winning, well I can never see that too much. And maybe I just need to quit thinking and overthinking and rethinking and just go with the flow.


Yes, I'm recycling songs. But I love this song so very much. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLK9fbk4Lp4

It's being on that road that makes me free.....

Last night for dinner I had curry couscous with chicken and broccoli. The couscous was actually pretty good. I think I will make it again. But a little bit spicier would have been better. The Princess disappeared to her bedroom well before dinner was done. She made herself buttered noodles while claiming we had LITERALLY no food in the house. I find that really interesting because I just spent over $200 at Target on food.

And tonight I have to go shopping to get the stuff to make the salad for the baby shower. and I need to figure out a present.I have the quilt I made, but I need to find something to go with it. For as much as I love shopping, this is hard. The baby does not need clothes. And they seem to be set for diapers for awhile. And they have limited storage space. I need to think about this.

At least I will have all of Friday night and Saturday to figure it out. A nice slow weekend with nothing to do. Sort of my favorite kinds of weekends!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9-8ysPqCTc

Do you think we both should let it show.....

Another Weigh-in Wednesday. And down another pound. This week I'm happy about that considering all of the breadsticks and beer I consumed Saturday night.

My rice krispie bars on a stick turned out okay for how messy I usually am. I really don't like potlucks. I hate eating something someone else has touched and wondering if they washed their hands. We used to have someone in our department who would always want to make something, but we always asked her to bring plates and silverware.

August is nearly over. And I have so many fun things coming up. I have a pedi play date with ZarahZou, the Foreigner/Tesla/Def Leppard concert, Margaret Cho, Shinedown, the Vikings game, and GOPHER's BASKETBALL!! We are getting so close to tip off time! I really hope Ggg remembers he told me he would go to a game with me. And I want it to be a Big Ten game. I would love to see them play Wisconsin or Iowa live. I can't wait until tickets are available!!

I am so excited to be excited again about football and basketball. I didn't realize how much I missed it!!!! 40 is flipping fantastic!!!!

One of my favorite songs:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLEa6CDT_0s

I wanna stick around till I can't see straight.....

It's another Tuesday, but it kind of feels like it should be Wednesday. I think this is going to be a long week. On a positive note, with the cooler weather I am able to wear all of the brand new Ann Taylor pants I got a couple months ago. In a smaller size. And they fit PERFECTLY! This makes me very happy!

Last night I was so excited to be using my ipod again that I walked an extra mile on the treadmill. I really do have the best music on it. It's just a little shuffle and only holds like 225 songs, but I got that size for running, and it really is perfect. And the music ranges from Martina McBride to Nirvana to Shakira. A little bit of everything.

My Jehovah Witness friends stopped by last night. They have been visiting me once a month for a year. They are very nice, and I actually don't mind their visits, but I so hope they know that they can't convert me. Me and God are good and I don't for one second doubt my faith. But if they knew how much of a sinner I was, they would likely run screaming.

Tonight the Princess and I are going to make rice krispie bars on a stick for my work potluck. Special shout out and thank you to Ggg for finding the recipe. We got some red, white and blue marshmallows so we are going to make 3 different colors of bars. And the Princess has a huge sprinkle collection from when she wanted to be a professional baker, so we should be able to make them pretty! I'm excited to get started on them!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxKCPjcvbys

Sometimes your words just hypnotize me.....

Another Monday......I had a fantastic weekend. Saturday night C-C-W and I went out to dinner and then saw Trainwreck. The movie was good. But dinner was fantastic. We were pretty much trashed by the time our appetizer came. I got her to try calamari, and she liked it!! She even ate more than one piece. And then I got her to try eggplant and she liked that, too! She usually won't try new things, so this was kind of epic! I will not admit to bringing a bottle into the movie theater and continuing my drinking escapade.

I spent 4 hours yesterday afternoon cuddling on the couch with baby Layla. I am so head over heels in love with this baby! She is just a tiny little piece of perfection. I'm so glad C-H is willing to share her. I think there is always going to be a small part of me that regrets not having another baby. But unfortunately life just didn't work out that way. And it's probably for the best.

I finished 90210. Honestly, I'm just glad it's over. I have no idea what to watch next. I started watching a show called "The Gates", but I'm not really feeling it. I may give one more episode a try.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glEiPXAYE-U

You hold me in your arms and I start singin' once again....

So last night was an amazing night. My dinner date is really the best company ever. He makes me laugh so much. And he just makes me smile for no reason. It's amazing how some people make you feel so comfortable and like you can really just be yourself. Even when you are as quirky as I am. I just feel like I can say anything and be myself and not have to hide any of the things that make me me. I like that feeling!  I can't wait for our next get together!!

And I got the best present! An awesome pair of sunglasses. I've been looking for a pair I could love for years, and I think I've got them! They are absolutely perfect and what I've been looking for, but I never wanted to spend that much money on a pair. I hope the gift giver realizes how much I appreciate both the gift and them. I'm so thankful to have such a wonderful person in my life. Not because of the present, but for a million other reasons.

I tried fried pickles for the first time ever and they were so yummy! I love pickles, and frying them???? Best! Idea! Ever! So yummy!!

It's Friday! That means tomorrow is Saturday. And dinner and a movie with C-C-W. We are going to the Olive Garden. When the princess was like 3, my sister and I wanted to go there for lunch. But Alyssa started crying and said she hated the Olive Garden. So we convinced her that we were going to a brand new restaurant called "The Garden Olive".  She was agreeable to that. She went and had fun and enjoyed her color crayons and spaghetti. And wanted to go back again the next day. I don't usually condone lying, especially to kids. But sometimes when you want bread sticks you gotta do what you gotta do!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPseJvXVVfo

Through it all nothings really changed.....

Today the weather is absolutely perfect, it's 55 and cool. I love this kind of weather so much. It's been so rainy, I hope the sun comes back. But not the hot sun....

Someone called me quirky yesterday as a compliment and it kind of seems like the perfect word to describe me. I am absolutely quirky!! I mean, I make myself laugh a million times a day over totally dumb stuff. I sing along with the Jonas Brothers. I solve algebra problems for fun. There are a million things about me that are just weird, but I hope in a fun way.

I need to remember to go with my instincts sometimes. I know they have led me to make some seriously bad choices, but sometimes, and with some people, they really are right. It's just hard to trust myself sometimes. When you make a series of really bad decisions, its hard to get back to the place where you feel like you know what you are doing. But the fact is that sometimes I do.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Zmnr47gKhE
And a side of this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ue2-ZVxpVjc

Is it any wonder I'm sane at all?

It's a rainy, dreary weigh-in Wednesday. I lost a pound, and I should be happy about that. That's the safe amount to lose each week. But I can't help wanting to wake up and just magically be at my goal weight. I guess I just need to keep making healthy food choices and treadmilling every night. Eventually it will happen.

I am super excited that I finally found my ipod charging cord. I was just about to buy a new one, but decided to make one last effort to find it. And I did. As much as I like watching netflix while walking exercising, I much prefer to listen to music - my favorite songs over and over.

I think it's time to change my  nail color, but I'm really loving Pat on the Black. I do have a new color called "Red Zin" and I think I might do that next. Maybe this weekend? I just wish taking the gel color off wasn't so much work. Soaking in acetone for 20 minutes.....and I can only do one hand at a time.I tried to do them both, but I just can not wrap my right hand in aluminum foil after my left hand is wrapped (or vice versa). That's something I want to figure out how to do.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4Kc_mB9N_M

And I know I'm never letting this go.....

Tuesday.....I just looked at my calendar and I have a 2 hour meeting this morning. I should have never checked it. But I needed to add a couple fun things - ZarahZou and I have a pedi appointment  Sept. 12 (which seems like 100 years away) and Cristin and I have bff time scheduled for this Saturday. This means I need to get started on Cristin's present. I know what I'm making, but I need to figure out the logistics. And since I'm limited to the items on my desk right now.....

I super love challenging myself with making presents out of just what I have on and in my desk. Last year we had a Christmas ornament contest, and I limited myself to just what was on my coffee table at the time. I wish I would have taken a picture of the result. It was actually pretty cool. I made a bell ornament out of a plastic cup and gold nail polish. Sadly, I took 2nd place. I could not compete with the lady who used an ornament kit to make some fancy schmancy thing. But I only lost by 2 votes, so there's that. But anyone can buy a kit. I'd rather do something that requires more effort. Plus, I'm sort of a dork. And I like making things.

Anyhow, I need to get started on her present. But I no longer have a glue stick. I need to restock! Glue sticks and glitter are some of my favorite things ever!!



I am absolutely in love with this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Q9Gou6d9Uo

When all your promises are gone......

It's Monday!! It seems like forever since I've driven to work in the dark. And getting here at 5:30 is pretty awesome. There is no one else here yet, and it's so quiet. I could get used to working like this.

I got my monthly Ipsy shipment on Saturday. I'm so excited that it included a lip gloss. I absolutely love Ipsy, its the best $10/month I spend. This month I got a perfect lip gloss and a great nail polish color. I'm not so big on liquid eyeliner, but maybe I can use it for a Glee Night. The other 2 items were a Moroccan hair oil and a face moisturizer. They are okay, but its the lip gloss that makes me excited.

Yesterday my brother-in-law left for a year in Korea to teach English. I would love to have that kind of experience, but I don't think I could leave my family for an entire year. Well, of course I couldn't leave the Princess, but her aside, I couldn't leave everyone else.

My moms anniversary ring finally fits me again. Well, its about half a size too small, but I'm wearing it anyway. She absolutely loved it, and I'm so blessed to be the one my dad gave it to. I'm so glad I can wear it again.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCphbDRkZSo

With so much more than I deserve.....

It's Friday!! And I have 3/4 of a diet coke leftover from yesterday, so pretty much best day ever! Except for the whole having to work thing. But it is Friday and I am leaving at 2:30, so.....

This weekend I am cleaning out my closet. Maybe I will even find more clothes that fit, and that would be fantastic. I need to start sorting stuff for the sale. I also need to go to the grocery store. and take a nap. And watch Netflix. I have such big plans!!! LOL



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOLFxiLl39U

Words are sometimes hard to find....

It's the day before Friday! So glad about that. I shut off my alarm clock and slept in until 6:30. It was fantastic. I was feeling a bit blah, but on the drive to work I saw the most beautiful, vivid rainbow. That really made it all worth it. I wouldn't have seen that at 6 am.

Last night I tried on about 20 pairs of pants. And I found a couple that actually fit. This makes me very excited! I also decided that I am getting rid of half my clothes. Yes, half. That is going to be hard, but so worth it. So, that is my project for this weekend.

I'm really enjoying my life right now. Well, most parts of it. And the parts I'm enjoying are fantastic. I can't recall being this happy in forever. Thank you to the people who have contributed to that. You'll never understand how much I appreciate having you in my life. I can tell you, but the words are just not enough.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmgIIDkWr1o
And a side of Sabotage:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5rRZdiu1UE

You stole my heart but I love you anyway.....

Weigh-in Wednesday.....I seem to have hit a plateau and am even again. I guess there are worse things that could happen. I will just need to reevaluate and make some changes. I'm following the plan, but maybe I just need to mix things up a bit.

I have a 2 hour long meeting today. This should be wonderful. The kind where I can't even bring my cell phone or even a pen and paper to doodle. Those are the best! I was already cranky because someone left me THEIR car with no gas in it. I've asked a million times to at least text me if I need to stop at the gas station so I can plan my morning accordingly. Is that too much to ask?

I need to find some happy  music to get into a better mood. I hate being cranky. And listening to this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iDPw_qjhtM should help. I am totally and completely in love with this song. I think I've listened to it 17 times since yesterday. and I will probably hear it 17 more today. C-C-W is probably going to be the cranky one when we sing it at our next glee meeting.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZY5eTP6fCmA

If I feel so mesmerized it's because of the things that you do......

It's such a beautiful day out, 62 degrees and sunny. For some reason I woke up in an exceptional mood. Let's hope that it lasts through checking all of my voice mails. At least my email isn't that bad because I've gotten into the habit of checking it every night from home and responding to whatever I can.

To celebrate my rare super good mood, I stopped and got a diet coke. Because I left super early this morning, and because I wanted a diet coke. Do I really need a better reason?

I had a dream last night that I was singing Supersonic with my nieces. It was just weird. They knew all the words.

I was going to write about the one and only Vikings/Packers game I've gone to, but I think I need to save that story for my novel because there is a chapter about that fall. And the game was part of a significant learning experience. Not about football, about me. And now I get to go to another Vikings/Packers match up, and this one should be so much better and much more fun. I'm excited!!!

I *think* Ggg agreed to go to a Gophers basketball game with me. I will have to remember to save that email. I love love love going into Williams Arena. It's an experience that can only be described as electric. The air is just charged with excitement. It's one of my most favorite experiences. And I want to share it with him.

I've gone to several games, but always with people that were only going because I begged. And while I appreciate both my sister and Jocelyn for going with me multiple times, neither really understands or likes basketball. And I know that Ggg isn't really a fan, but maybe going into The Barn will convert him. There is probably a greater chance of turning him into a college basketball fan then getting him to jump on the boy band train. And even if he doesn't wind up going to sleep singing the Rouser every night, at least he will have given it a try.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J9A6aFd2RU
And this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMGjy9TFyD4

And I won't gamble on a love If I can't win it....

It's another Monday. I had an excellent weekend of doing laundry and watching Netflix. I'm halfway through season 3 of 90210. and I was sleeping by like 8:30 last night.

I finished 3 more chapters in my novel. Well, they are not done-done, but they are mostly done. They are the funner ones about ZarahZou and C-C-W. This novel thing is moving along nicely. I never realized how much I actually have to say. And yes, some parts are painful, but I've realized that its pain I've never really dealt with. And so I think getting it all out is a good thing. There are things I've wanted and needed to say, but just wasn't ready to. I just hope everyone knows that it is not my intention to hurt anyone or bring up the hard parts of the past. It's just things I need to deal with so I can move past all of the hurt of the past. Because that's what I want to do. I want to move forward.

So Ggg gave me a couple of cd's by The Pretty Reckless. And I really think I have a new favorite band. There are only a handful of cd's I listen to without skipping over at least a couple of tracks. But these cd's deserve to be listened to from start to finish. I absolutely love them. Every song. They make me kind of want to go on a road trip. although I'd probably have to go by myself because the Princess would likely complain about my music choices.

Thank you my dear musical soulmate! I appreciate the cd's so very much. And I love them. (And the bonus songs - SCORE!). Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

These are my 2 favorite songs I think. But I really like them all!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXY0j_PeUYE 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocl9tU516a8



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaQinT45Tzk

But you don't know what he means to me, Jolene......

Current mission: Finish an entire bottle of champagne, with a straw, alone, on my couch, in my pajamas, on a Saturday night. Well, I guess I'm not alone if you count my cats.  And yes, I'm claiming Teagan as my cat today since the Princess is not home and this cat will not leave me alone.  She keeps licking my toes. What a weird kitten she is.

I spent the day pretty much in the same way, in my pajamas. Although I did take a shower and do 7 loads of laundry. So I did accomplish something. I'm watching 90210 and I really like it. I so did not think I would.

I would expect tomorrow will be another day spent in my pajamas since I will likely have a killer hangover. It's so good to have goals!!

I think I may write a couple more chapters in my novel. Its progressing, but not in the way I had hoped. Its really just making me think way too much. And sometimes I hate feeling feelings. I'm going to write a couple of the funner chapters tonight. I realize that what I've written so far needs a lot of revisions and editing, but I'm happy to have started this process. And I still don't know where its going to go, but I'm determined to just let the chapters unfold. Even if that is a really difficult thing for me to do. Why do I always want to skip ahead and know the ending?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOwblaKmyVw

I'll give a little bit of my life for you.....

It's Friday! I really should have taken today off and made this a 4 day weekend. But I also have 36 missed calls to deal with. I don't know yet how many voice mails that amounts to, I'm scared to find out. At least I dealt with the majority of my emails yesterday, on my couch, in my pajamas. I spent a couple hours putting together a stupid report. It is so much easier to do it from work with the dual screens.

I had a late lunch/early dinner with Becky yesterday. It was nice to just hang out with her, with no alcohol involved. Usually our get togethers involve drinking and singing, so just having lunch was great!

I'm sending my novel to C-C-W today. That will be 2 people I have let in, and its a very scary thing. I know that the people I've shared with won't judge me, but I can't help feeling like exposing so much to them leaves me open and vulnerable. It's hard to explain.

Last night I had a dream I worked at Target. But I didn't really have a job, I just worked there. I mostly just walked around and straightened things out with no set territory or job duties. Is this a sign I've been there too many times? I went yesterday and was going to go today, but I think I will take a day off and go tomorrow instead.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzktQty-sbU

No more charades, my hearts been displayed.....

It is so nice to have a vacation day in the middle of the week. And I'm so happy I finally got through all of my work emails and cleared up 3 huge stacks of paperwork. Because the best way to celebrate being caught up is to take time off so I can get behind again! Honestly, I just needed a break from work. A mental health day. I could actually use several days off, but I will settle for one.

I need to pull out my bins of clothes and get them sorted out for the garage sale. This is going to be a huge purge, and a ton of stuff is going!!

I shared the most fantastic steak with Ggg last night. I haven't had a steak like that in forever!! And he is excellent company. I really like hanging out with him, he makes me laugh. Thank you for the wonderful night!! And thank you for being my friend!!

I'm trying to make the decision between coffee and netflix or trying to go back to sleep for awhile. I hate being up at 4:30 when I can sleep in. It's just not fair that I automatically wake up at that time.

I started watching the new 90210. Its actually kind of good.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bTQrPK3yQU

Though she'll mess up your life, you'll want her just the same....

I posted over 50 clothing items on a Facebook garage sale group. Last night I got a message from the group admin, so I immediately assumed I did something wrong. There are so many rules in some of these groups. But instead she was inviting me to apply to be a seller at their next plus size expo in September. I did one once and was able to get rid of a ton of stuff and make a little money. So I signed up for 2 spaces and my hope is to get rid of some clothes and hopefully leave with more money than the entry fees cost. We shall see.

Back when Jane magazine was still around, I used to frequent the message boards. A couple times a week someone would start a post called "Memo to:" in which you could write a message to someone you wanted to convey something to without them seeing it. So today seems like a good time for that.
So, Memo to:

Frog Face: Nothing, I've got nothing to say at this moment. You make me very cranky. I'm sure later I will think of a billion things to say, but right now please just leave me alone. It's 6 in the freaking morning.

C-C-W: I really hope you actually liked your birthday present and were not just being nice. Thank you for being my best friend.

Becky: I will continue to pray for you. I hope everything works out.

Ggg: I am super excited for dinner. Note that if you cancel, I will probably cry. Thank you for all of the excellent music! And I will try not to shove boy bands down your throat. Note that I said try. =)

The future editor of my book: Sorry for the way it jumps all over the place. That's how my mind works.

The future publisher of my book: Thank you in advance for publishing this book that you do not even know you're going to publish.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XWoBeq28nk

Just lay me down and steal my heart tonight.....

I finally took pictures of about half the clothes I want to sell on a Facebook garage sale site. Now its just a matter of getting the pictures posted. You'd think the money would motivate me....

The treadmill last night was the hardest thing ever. My stomach felt so icky from all the Sunday night drinking. But I pushed through it, and I'm glad I did. It's completely my fault I was hungover, and the treadmill just isn't optional!

I'm so giddy that there is another person in the world that likes both Nickelback and country music. This makes me so happy. C-C-W can't believe that there are actually 2 people that will admit to liking either! Now if he would just get on the boy band train....

There really should be a law against people that are 40 years old having to deal with acne. It's just not fair, you'd think I would have outgrown it like 20 years ago! I know its a result of the sweating on the treadmill, but I can't not exercise. I still use proactiv and I'm very careful about always washing my face. I kinda want to stomp my feet and slam a door. And I would if I thought it would help! Instead I will deal with this zit from Hell and hope it goes away miraculously before tomorrow night.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKpo9B_adh8

And usually it's too late when you realize what you had.....

It's Monday, and today I am thankful for coffee and advil. I went out last night with Becky and we took full advantage of 2 for 1's. We started with whiskey 7's and then she switched to tequila and I switched to rum and diet coke. There wasn't much more than a splash of diet coke in my drinks. I may be a tad bit hungover today. But I had a really good time. And a big thank you to her boyfriend for picking us up!!

So I started moving forward on this whole novel writing thing. I'm not sure what I expected the process to be like, but it's quite painful. As in, it brings back a whole lot of the past. Some good memories, some bad. I'm still not sure what my end game is with this, but I feel like I need to find out. My friend AB texted me over the weekend that life is like a book, and I need to not skip chapters and just let the story unfold. Its funny that he said that, since he has no idea I'm in the process of writing a novel. But it makes total and complete sense to just let this all unfold and go where it will. But I so suck at letting things unfold naturally. I like to skip ahead. I read magazines from back to front, I wikipedia TV shows to see see whats going to happen in the later seasons, I can't help but try to rush things. But there are some things that require patience, and I'm trying!

Before I get to far along, I need to talk with Ggg about it. He is a very significant part of my past, and he is someone I want to read what I'm writing. I'm 5 chapters in, and I want to share it with him. But not until after I talk with him about it. I think this is going to be a life changing experience for me, and it's a little scary. But I'm also excited about the journey. I feel like by the end, I'm going to finally understand myself in a new way. and I so hope that's a good thing!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyhMgXmR3w4