I'm highly amused.....

Somehow someone ended up writing a critique of my blog. Here's the link:

http://kallikyea.blogspot.com/2014/02/unit-one-blog-critique.html

Some highlights:

"After reading this blog, I've come to the conclusion that this women is very dramatic"

"She is always talking about how much she drinks and how she is taking medication by the handful."

"Those posts do not make her sound very smart; its almost like she is begging for attention."

'These types of people never fail to impress me with their stupidity, clearly she's looking for attention and you can tell she overdramatizes the most insignificant things such as breaking a nail."

At least I got this: "Her blog is very organized and easy to read."   LMAO

All of the above is true, except for the begging for attention part. My target blogging audience is very simple: Me. I write for me. And as long as I'm entertained, that's what matters. I don't expect anyone to read what I write. If they read it and something somewhere makes them at least smile a little bit, that is a huge bonus for me. I write because it is an escape from real life. I write because it makes me feel better. I write to leave a record for myself so I can go back and reflect on where I have been and what I have gone through. I write because I enjoy it.

 Am I overly dramatic?? YES!! Did I drink a lot and take too many pills at one time?? YES!! but that doesn't mean I'm dumb!  I am actually quite book smart. I just lack common sense sometimes. I can appreciate how this person came to the conclusions they did, and I can even agree with most of it. And it made me laugh a lot, so there's that!!!

Anyhow, thank you to them for taking the time to read my writing!!!

If home is where the heart is, Then my home is where you are

It's Wednesday! My allergies have been so terrible the past couple days. I think that's why I love winter so much, less allergy symptoms!

I love the people who have posted the entire Relient K MMHMM album on youtube! I could listen to it over and over and over. The songs are so catchy and the lyrics are so meaningful. I think they wrote some of the songs for me personally!! I actually bought 2 copies of the CD because I was so afraid of something happening to one of them. This is the only CD I can say that about!!

My husband told me I could get a new dryer, although I'm not exactly sure I was asking permission. And actually his response was "do what you want to do, you're going to anyway". And that's probably true. But we do need a new dryer. I've been hanging up all our laundry, but it gets all crunchy.

So I'm playing Trivia Crack and I love when I get a string of super easy questions. Which book includes Genesis and Exodus? Too easy! I like winning!


But it's getting, oh, so hard
To spend these days without my heart
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvG5TLd8yGc

I think you're so mean, I think we should try, I think I could need this in my life

Tuesday is one more day closer to Friday, although I am not entirely sure why I even want the weekend to come?? So I can spend another 48 hours listening to sad songs on Pandora and pondering the dramedy that is my life? I've been trying to go all Pollyanna on this sh*t, and usually I can find the glad. But maybe sometimes there just is no glad!  Whoever said "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" should be pushed down the stairs!

We are having an 80's themed Glee night on May 16th. We've done 80's twice before, and it has always been fun. The music is so great to sing to, and everyone always knows the songs. And the costumes!! The costumes are so awesome! And it is so much fun to douse yourself in AquaNet and wear fluorescent colored clothing and talk like a valley girl!! Now I need to find something to wear that I haven't worn yet and I need to decide what to serve for dinner. I love the planning, I just wish I didn't need to clean my house for the execution!

Yoga was really good last night, but I wish I was more flexible. And I wish my stomach didn't get in the way of some of the poses. I don't want to be a teeny tiny ballerina because I would hate to lose my cleavage. But I do want to be a thinner version of myself! And the scale is cooperating, but soooo very slowly!!

Okay, time to get some work done!! Working while at work is so overrated!


I think I'm just scared - I think too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clKAdQnwJ7A

Bonus song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPC2Fp7IT7o

Had I known my heart would break, I'd have loved you anyway.......

It's Monday! Yay for yoga night!!

Skating did not go as planned. And by that I mean it didn't happen! Apparently someone booked out the whole skating rink for a private party. How could they do that on a night when we are planning our greatest ever skating reunion? At least I did get to have a wonderful dinner with Zenny and catch up and gossip!

I walked out of the house without my coffee this morning. This could have been a tragedy, but I decided to say screw being late and I went back to get it. Because I need coffee!! And plus my coffee cup is pink and purple and makes me happy!

Why isn't "For a While" by Trisha Yearwood on youtube?? I have the cd, but I had to buy it on iTunes this morning so I could listen to it. And I have the feeling I will be playing it over and over all day. For one, I need to make sure I get my .99 worth. And for two, it makes me happy!!




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nasCf9VQs0o

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life......

I'm not sure why I am awake at 5 am on two weekend days in a row. I love and miss sleep so much! And I'm awake at a time when it is just too late to go back to sleep. I need to be up in an hour and a half to start getting ready for the baptism anyway. It would probably take me an hour to fall back to sleep. Not even worth it.

I should have enough time between the baptism and rollerskating to take a nap, I hope!

My dryer quit working. It won't turn on. And yes, I checked that it was plugged in! It comes on, but it won't start when I hit the go button. If I'm making a list of all the things I need in my life, it would be: my family, my friends, coffee, concealer, and clean clothes. Oh, and a cupcake!!

I hope I'm choosing the right outfits for my events today, although I'm not sure why I'm worried about how I'm dressed. I think I usually dress just fine and appropriate. But maybe my mirror has misled me???


I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lyu1KKwC74

Scars are souvenirs you never lose, the past is never far

Woke up at 5:00 on a Saturday morning. I've been up for an hour so now I have to decide if I should take a nap or a shower. Oh, these hard decisions!!

I woke up to a sink full of dishes. He just does not get it!!! I do not nag, and I never ask for anything. Except to not wake up to a sink full of dishes. In 17 years, that is the only thing I've ever asked for. That, and to not drive home drunk. Just those 2 things. Why is it such a battle???

I got pink sparkly shoelaces for my roller-skates. I'm so excited for tomorrow night! And tomorrow morning is Baby E's baptism. I'm also excited for that. But I have to go to the grocery store today to get stuff to make the salad that I need to bring. I also need to do another coat of nail polish at some point today. And laundry, always laundry!!

I think the princess wanted to go see a movie today, but I can't remember which one. And she won't be awake for another 5-7 hours. What a horrible life, sleeping all day! She got a new kitty and it is so little and cute. But it is also locked in her bedroom because Tabby-Wabby is just not a fan. And the world revolves around the Tabby-Monster!


And did you lose yourself way out there?
Did you get to be a star?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7it5wioGixA

Well, I'm not paralyzed, But, I seem to be struck by you

It's Friday!! Too bad I have to work until 4 instead of my normal 2:30. No one else should be allowed to take vacation days except me!! Speaking of vacation, I could really use one! Not to go anywhere, but just to do nothing. I just need to get away from EVERYTHING!

I read that Fox is remaking The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Am I the only one that thinks that can't end any way but badly?

My scale is moving in the right direction, but oh, so slowly. I am killing myself on the treadmill 4 times a week and eating baked chicken, brown rice and broccoli for every lunch and dinner. I feel like I should have lost 50 pounds by now. I know how it works, and its a process. Buy why does everything have to be a process? Why can't things just happen overnight?

I tried on my old rollerskates last night. I am seriously wondering if I can still skate. I used to be pretty good. Last night I could barely stand on them. I need to go get new laces this weekend. And I need to get stuff to make a pasta salad for the baptism. I should be making a grocery list. Or working since I'm at work. But in my defense, I don't actually need to be here for another half hour. At least its Friday!!


I wanna make you move
Because you're standing still
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJk6gZuPKRE

There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how......

Its Thursday, and that means tomorrow is Friday!! Yay! I'm sort of over this week and would like the weekend to recharge and then I can come back to work Monday and deal with my piles of paperwork. And it seems like for every email I delete, I get 10 more coming in. I'm not sure if I will ever get caught up.

Dear cupcake, I miss you. I really, really miss a certain yummy cupcake.

I leave the house in the morning wearing bracelets because I love bracelets. But then I take them off because they get in the way and clang on my keyboard. And now I have quite the collection of bracelets on my desk. I really should bring them home. Someday, right?

Retail therapy is perhaps the best way to fix any problem. But because all my money is going towards paying off my credit card bills from years of shopping therapy, I'm rather broke. But I stopped at Target and decided I could buy myself one thing. So I chose a new gel nail polish. The kind that needs to be set with a UV light. The color I chose is called Miss Behave. It is very similar to I'm Not Really a Waitress, and I love it! But I really suck at polishing my nails! Gel polish is not very forgiving, and I'm kind of messy. But once I file away the extra polish, my nails will be beautiful!!!



I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hzrDeceEKc

Whenever you call me, I'll be there, Whenever you want me, I'll be there.......

It's Wednesday!! I know I'm trying to cut out bad stuff, but I absolutely HAD to stop at the gas station this morning to get a diet coke. Actually, I got a Cherry Coke Zero, but same difference.

It's 31 degrees outside and it's almost May. The cold weather will not stop me from wearing capris and pretending that it's 70 degrees and sunny. It snowed yesterday. Even though the snow didn't stick, it was not a very pleasant experience.

I have 600 emails to deal with. I'm really beginning to dislike emails. The convenience is nice, but when I'm not even sure my responses are going through, it gets frustrating!! And I also have voice mails. And a huge stack of paperwork to sort through. It's going to be a very busy day, and I hope it goes fast!!


Whenever you need me, I'll be there
I'll be around
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojCikI9npJQ

Well I don't want a shrink, Don't even want a drink.....

It's Tuesday!! Yoga was fantastic last night, except C-C-W couldn't go because she hurt her back. I hope she feels all better today! I missed having her there.

I remembered to bring my coffee in to work today, so it is going to be a great day! We are having major system issues, but I've realized that crying about it will not help. So I'm going to be more positive today and just do what I can. I mean, what other choice do I have?

I have to find 2 outfits for this weekend, one for the baptism and one for rollerskating. I know how to get dressed to go to church, but I have no idea what to wear skating. I think I'm going to have dinner with my oldest friend Zenny before skating. Oldest as in longest, she's 3 months younger than me.

I think I'm going to spend my day having a Trisha Yearwood concert in my office and thinking about how the girls are making spaghetti for dinner while I am going to eat chicken, brown rice and cauliflower. Trisha will make it all better, right?


Give me some chocolate and a magazine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjrLSFDfRAQ

Bonus song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCdCuduv0H0
Born to be a leaver
Tell you from the word go, destined to deceive her
He's the wrong kinda paradise
But it was just another lesson in life

You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em......

So sometimes you lay all your cards on the table and you lose. The other person folds, and even though you'd win the pot if you were playing poker, you lose when it's not a card game you're playing. If you go all in and take a chance, there is always a risk of losing. And when you don't even know the rules, victory is all but impossible. And you need to know when it's time to get up from the table and walk away. Even when you know it's the right thing to do, it's still a hard thing to do. When you take a gamble, you always risk walking away broke(n). 

Special shout out to my BFF Broker Guy from Cali for the poker analogy. Thank you for being so nice and listening to me as I poured out my soul yet again. And for not judging me for crying, and for being so honest, and even a bit harsh in your assessment. I needed that. I'm glad we've been friends for 5 years so far and that you at least pretend to understand me!! I appreciate your insight! You're the best broker guy ever!!

Some doors just need to be slammed shut so we can go through the next door. If one door is not right, there will always be another. And maybe you return to your very first door because that is the right door after all. It's all a process. And you just have to learn when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em!!! 

Know when to walk away and know when to run

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Jj4nJ1YEAp4

Another B grade movie for lifes big silver screen.....

It's Monday. Yoga tonight! I'm super excited for that. I don't know why I don't exercise on the weekends, I really should. But I'm just soooooo unmotivated sometimes. I did not get nearly enough laundry done over the weekend.

Speaking of lacking motivation, I left my coffee in the car this morning, and I'm feeling too lazy to go back and get it. So much easier to just make more, right??

I've only been up for a couple hours, but I so need a nap already. I slept okay, so not sure why I'm so tired. I wish I could sleep for a couple days straight. And my nails look like crap and I need a manicure. Anything else I can complain about? I'm actually in a perfectly good mood, but sometimes it seems like everything that can go wrong does. I just need to remind myself that everything always turns out exactly the way that it was meant to!! I may not agree or like the way it turns out, but I do have to accept it.


But the king of hearts, he always takes the queen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRxV4ffHc_U

So we'll just let it go, Don't be afraid to lose control, no

I went over to my dads house this morning in my pajamas and finished his property tax refund form. Then he wanted me to watch a 9/11 documentary with him. It was full of interesting theories on the conspiracy, but really, I don't want to waste any of my energy sorting it all out.

Then I came home and took a wonderful nap! It was so awesome. But now I wonder if I am going to be able to fall asleep tonight??

ZickyZou went and got pizza for dinner. It was awesome, pepperoni and black olive - my favorite. And then he even brought me home a diet coke. So very nice of him!!! Last night he actually fixed the blinker on my car after me waiting like 3 months! Yes, I'm sure I could do it  myself. And I am also sure that I could take it somewhere and get it done. It was really the principle of the situation. He's a mechanic, its his job to fix my car!!!

I'm going to spend the next 2 hours doing sudoku puzzles before I got to bed. I'm excited!!!



Because I've had The time of my life No I never felt
This way before Yes I swear it's the truth And I owe it all to you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BQLE_RrTSU

And this is the part where you find out who you are.......

Happy hungover Sunday!! Actually, I'm surprisingly not super hung over. but then I was passed out pretty early, so that makes sense! 70's Glee Night was fantastic!! We are so much fun! We sang a variety of songs, from country to disco. Well, I sang country while C-C-W shook her head at me. She is just not a country fan, which is totally fine! She (reluctantly) accepts that my musical taste is quite diverse and sometimes quite different from hers. We take turns choosing songs so that no one (meaning me) monopolizes the choices and only chooses songs that they like. But, there is also the rule that if it is your turn and you don't have a song, then I am choosing for you! and then I will be having my own little concert all by myself!!!

So I had a friend that I messaged with multiple times a day every single day for 5 weeks. Every! Single! Day! Even on super busy days, there were at least quick hellos and always good nights. Sometimes deep convo's about spirituality, and sometimes just back and forth finishing song lyrics. So yesterday was the very first day of radio silence.  The first of many, I fear, considering they had to delete me as a Facebook friend. And I understand that, I really do. But that doesn't stop me from being sad about it. And however they feel about me and whatever their intention was, I hope they realize how important they are to me and how much I value the friendship that was blossoming. This is not how I wanted it all to turn out.

I need to get dressed and go to my dads house to help him fill out his property tax refund forms. But I would so much rather just take a nap. I love naps. But I also love my dad, so I will get dressed and go to his house. Eventually. And if I go soon, I can come home and take a long nap!

I also have an absolute ton of laundry to do. I really hate doing laundry. I wish I could just throw the clothes away and buy new ones!


And these are the friends, those who've been there from the start
So to hell with the bad news
Dirt on your new shoes
It rained all of May 'til the month of June
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfKICVasIDI

Just take your love and hit the road,.....

It's 2:00 in the morning and I can't sleep. I slept for a couple hours and woke back up and can't fall back asleep. I'm so tired! I slept pretty okay all week, but tonight for some reason sleep is just not happening. I don't want to be tired for Glee Night! I'm trying to decide between taking a sleeping pill, getting a snack, or doing a sudoku. Although I guess I could do all 3.

I have so much to do tomorrow. I need to paint my nails. But first I need to look up what people did with their nails in the 70's. I still need to figure out a hairdo. I have to bake the cookie brownies, which are pretty much the best things ever! Thankfully I cleaned my kitchen tonight, but tomorrow I need to clean the downstairs bathroom and the living room. I need to find time for 3 or 7 naps. I need to go to the liquor store to get enough alcohol to make me think I can actually dance.

I also have about 118 loads of laundry. And whoever did the grocery shopping (me, of course) forgot to buy fabric softener. Its a good thing that I love crunchy clothes and towels!!


....There's nothing you can do or say 
you're gonna break my heart anyway,
So just leave the pieces when you go.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mu6sdbxD3gU

I've got pride I'm takin' it for a ride......

I had an excellent time last night with ZarahZou. Brigit was the STAR in The Little Mermaid, and she was awesome! I think she has a really bright future ahead of her! The only down point was that this was not the Disney version of the play and there was no happy ending. Just like in real life, huh? lol

I have had to hide so many people on my facebook so they don't go through my newsfeed. I do not understand the need to plaster your relationship all over the place. Why the need for everyone to know how "wonderful" your relationship is? If you love someone, tell them. No need to make a facebook post about it. Unless you need people to see it?? Relationships are between two people, period. And any relationship that needs facebook "likes" to validate it is NOT a healthy relationship.

And I will also never understand the girlfriends/fiances/wives of men who cheat and then blame the girls and not their men. If someone cheats, especially multiple times, then there is clearly something wrong with the relationship. And it takes two to tango!  But, hey, if you make a facebook post about how much you love your man then it negates the actual cheating! And if the guy tells his girl that the one he cheated with was throwing herself at him and is in love with him and pursuing him, then it is okay that he slept with her somewhere between 7 and 19 times. LMAO Some of these situations are so dang amusing!

Sometimes I wonder why I even have a facebook. Then I remember that I love Bingo Blitz and that C-C-W and I have exchanged nearly 30,000 messages. And THAT is why I still have a facebook!



............Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVoKkdVNSvo

Learning to love yourself.....

I finally have my outfit for 70's Glee Night all completed! I'm so excited for this event. It is always fun to hang out with the girls, and I could really use a distraction from real life. I just have some stuff that I need to figure out and get through on my own. But, as always, I'm hopefully optimistic and certain that things will turn out exactly as they were meant to.

I know that I will never be the thinnest, the most beautiful, the richest.....but I also know that I can be the best me possible!!  And I can be the nicest, kindest and most caring. I know that I am truly blessed to have kindness be my natural instinct, and I would do anything to help the people most important to me, and even to help people I've never met. I really hate when my actions contradict who I am. It's an internal struggle when I know what the right thing to do is, but my heart is pulling me in a different direction. I just need to sort this all out and figure out my next step and my future direction.

I am super looking forward to dinner with ZarahZou tonight. For one, I get to see her. But as a bonus I get a dinner that is not chicken, brown rice and cauliflower! Then off to Watertown and a play. This will be an excellent night, even if I won't get home until 10 since Watertown is practically in another country.


...It is the greatest love of all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYzlVDlE72w

Oh, you probably won't remember me, It's probably ancient history.....

It's Wednesday! And I still have not come up with a costume for our 70's Glee event. I have a few ideas, but ideas cannot be worn to a party!! I have to get this all figured out tonight because tomorrow night I am meeting ZarahZou and we are going out to dinner and then to see our bff Brigit in a play. Brigit is in high school and she is adorable! She was Jo in Little Women and was fantastic!! Anyhow, that means I can't work on my costume tomorrow night. Friday night I need to clean and grocery shop. So tonight I must get this all worked out!! I'm excited. Our Glee events are so much fun! I will be honest, I can't sing. But I do enjoy trying!

So I decided a couple weeks ago to cut my anti-depressant dosage in half. Since I am in such a good mood, it seemed like the right time to try. And I must say that (knock on wood) so far it is going really well. Despite all the reasons I have right now to be sad and mad, I feel like I am experiencing the exact right amount of emotions. And I am in a very good mood. So this may be working! I'm trying to pay careful attention to how I feel so I can make adjustments if needed. But I think I am making the right decision!

Every morning when I get to work at 6:15 am, there is a guy sitting in a taxi minivan in the parking lot. It's weird. I have no idea what he is doing. I suppose I should ask someone if they know. But that would require talking to people. And I prefer to just hide out in my office. By myself. I'm not antisocial, I just prefer to talk to myself. I'm my favorite person!

I'm one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch
I fell too fast, I feel too much
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nrGWwHalCU

I didn't know until my soul broke free.....

Last night was my second ever Yoga class. It went very well. I'm not nearly as flexible as I would like to be, but I think I'm getting there. It is so relaxing and yet such an intense work out. For sure more physically demanding than the treadmill.

Saturday night we are having a 70's theme Glee Event. My favorite girls are coming over and we are going to get drunk and sing 70's songs. I have not yet put together my costume. I'm torn between a disco outfit and a Marcia Brady-like outfit. I need to get myself together and figure it out! I'm running out of time!

My dear friend C-C-W (and her husband) gave me their old rice cooker. This is so awesome! I now feel obligated to continue on the chicken and brown rice diet. Don't tell anyone, but I'm actually rather enjoying it. It tastes way better than I anticipated, and I end up full. And way less sodium than the frozen meals I used to eat for lunch.

Did you know that there is a "Mirror" app for the iPhone? I find it amusing because all it really does is access your camera. Which you could do without an app. But I downloaded and have yet to delete it because I find it so amusing. These are the types of things that entertain me to no end!



....I've got these angels watching over me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcTVr6yLD7k

Shine on me sunshine Walk with me world, it's a skippidy doo da day .......

My favorite time of the day is mornings, when I wake up and everything is peaceful and quiet and I am all by myself. No one to disturb me or ask me for anything. Just me, alone with my thoughts and day dreams. Every day is a fresh start, a clean slate. A chance to do better and be better. A new opportunity to help someone, love someone, and to take care of myself.

This is why it makes me so cranky when I go down to the kitchen to make coffee and there is a sink full of dirty dishes that are not mine! All of the positivity and hope that I wake up with dissipates and I am instead faced with the reality that I may very well spend the rest of my life cleaning up after someone else. And the thought of that breaks my heart a little more each morning. Yes, it's just a few dishes. But it's not the dishes, its the sentiment behind them. It's the damper it puts on what should be a beautiful morning.

I do the dishes because who else is going to? And then I have to fight with myself to get back to the place where I am hopeful and excited for a new day and new adventures. Thankfully, I am always able to get back there. But it's exhausting, the back and forth between happiness and feeling defeated. And what would happen if I were unable to get back to the happy place?

So, I will live each day cherishing the happy and banishing the building resentment I feel. I want to be happy all the time. I want every moment of every day to be spent basking in joy, love and peace. And I don't want that tarnished by a few dirty dishes.



.....I'm the happiest girl in the whole U.S.A.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DD0L0nyM7OY

I can't figure out just what to do.....

In the last 2 days, I have slept a total of 5 hours. I don't know why I can't fall asleep and stay asleep, but it super sucks! Sleeping is one of my most favorite things to do. Tonight I am going to try trazedone and see what happens. I'm going over to ZammyZou's for a movie-fest tonight. First,
C-C-W and I are going out to dinner. Then we are going over to Zam's. I have decided that I am not drinking tonight. I am hoping that way I can sleep better. Guess we shall see!

I tried to take a nap, but was unsuccessful. I spent 12 hours last night/this morning singing songs to Tabby-Wabby. She was into it for about the first 15 seconds. Then she just glared at me for the remaining 11 hours, 59 minutes and 45 seconds. I also played a lot of solitaire. And did a couple sudoku's. I often wonder if I am the only person in the universe that starts in the back of sudoku books with the super hard ones? I also read magazines from back to front. I have no idea why, I just always have. Just more of the idiosyncrasies of being me!

I think I am going to take a shower and try to figure out what I'm wearing tonight. It really shouldn't be such a hard decision, but for me getting dressed is always complicated. Do I just wear jeans and a sweatshirt? Or since I am actually going out, do I wear a dress? Nice pants and a sweater? Or jeans and a sweater? And should I wear flats? Boots? These should really not be hard choices, but sometimes I overthink! Okay, off to wash  a load of clothes and then try on 182 articles of clothing.


.......When the cause and cure is you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBczCuv_Zwc

The song remembers when.....

Its Friday! And I have a vacay day!!! This makes me happy. However, for some reason I've been awake since 4:30. I love sleeping, so I don't know why I can't. Last night I went out with Zecky (who still needs a better nickname) and we had a whole lot of 2 for 1's. Like a whole lot. It's 1:30 in the afternoon and I'm a little surprised I'm not still drunk.

I think this has been the most amazing day of my entire life. For realz!  I started the day with a phenomenal cupcake, then had a pedicure, followed by a super awesome lunch courtesy of ZammyZou. Thank you sir!!!! It has been the most PERFECT day!!!

I'm not sure what could complete this fantastic day, but I think maybe a nap would be exceptional! I know that the realities of tomorrow will wake me up around 3:00 am  and slap me in the face, but for today I am going to enjoy this high!!!

We were headed straight for Eden
It was just around the bend
And though I have forgotten all about it
The song remembers when
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AygRmWnow1w

Just when I believed I couldn't ever want for more.....

So we are going through a system conversion at work and have been unable to access our customer database management system. My work is stacking up! But I am still going to take a vacay day tomorrow to get a pedicure with ZammyZou. I love pedicures!!! And the calendar says its spring, even if the thermometer disagrees.

Last night I really wanted candy, but the only thing I could find in the house was this:

And I really don't like yogurt, but I wanted candy. So I ate all of the yogurt and was about to eat the M&M's. But then I looked up and saw the treadmill and knew that I needed to start making better choices. So, I did not eat the M&M's. This makes me both happy and sad. Happy because I am capable of making good decisions sometimes, but sad because I really wanted the candy! But in the end it is just not worth the guilt that I would feel for working so hard but throwing away it all away for a handful of M&M's that I don't need and really am not sure if I even wanted.

And then just as I type that I'm making good decisions, my manager brings me this:

There really is a conspiracy against me!!!

......This ever changing world pushes me through another door
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBmNTLxclXE

Wanna be impulsive... reckless....

Last night was my first ever yoga class. Aside from being a sweaty mess, I think it went well. I am not very flexible, but I think I might get there someday. And I only almost fell over once! I'm thinking I will definitely go back next week.

So the Princess decided she is moving to California with her girlfriend at the end of summer. This leaves me with two overwhelming thoughts. 1) My baby is leaving me! She's just a kid and what am I going to do without her around and what is she going to do without her mommy and I will miss her terribly. 2) This is probably the best thing for her. She is 23 years old and needs to see what the real world is like. This will be a good wake up call for her. BUT SHE'S MY BABY!! The moment she leaves is going to be the most gut-wrenching, proudest moment of my entire life. I think it's good that she will be relinquishing her dependence on me. But I am going to miss her so very much. And maybe she will change her mind and stay!!

I have a pedi appointment on Friday with ZammyZou. Can you ever really have too many pedicures? Plus I have the day off. Maybe I will go tanning and shopping and possibly switch over to my spring clothes. It is spring, right?

I do not like coming into work and having 12 voice mails. Voice mails scare me, I'm always afraid that I screwed something up. Although the likelihood of that is small, it has maybe happened once or twice.

It's 7:00 in the morning, and I think I may already need a nap!! I bet it's going to be a long day!

.....and lose myself in your kiss.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cP3Zn6_VFBw

Woah, woah, I've had all of this life I can handle...

It's Monday!! And it's raining! Usually this would put me in a Carpenters type of music mood. But instead I'm feeling like an upbeat singalong. I have just decided that my greatest dream would be to have someone do a karaoke duet of this song with me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzigxnezaIo  Hopefully someday that dream will be realized!!

Tonight I start yoga with C-C-W!! Aside from being my best friend, she is one of my most favoritest people in the universe. I can't get over how blessed I am to have so many fantastic people in  my life! Not sure what I did to deserve it, but I appreciate every single one of them so very much!!

Yesterdays Easter dinner went phenomenally well. My sister and I got along swimmingly! And I've always wanted to use that word in a sentence! I ate Salmon, and I liked it! She also made fantastic steaks. And aside from the overcooked mushy potatoes, my potato salad was not terrible. Not like my moms, but totally edible! And for the first time in the history of the world, I took a selfie with my sister. I hate pictures, and am extremely unphotogenic (which is apparently not a word, but you get my point). And so for me to initiate a photo really goes to show what a good mood I am in!!

I have so much work to get done. I just took Friday off because I'm going to try to hang out with Zecky, who needs a better blog nickname because Zecky just looks and sounds awkward. Anyhow, we discussed drinking away all of our messes Thursday night, and that is something I am totally down with!

Yes, I know alcohol solves nothing. But a couple of bottles of wine would certainly make me temporarily forget a lot of junk!!

.....Meet me underneath that big Montana sky
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2mefSW4bYw

I like to see you, but then again....

Easter morning.....for the first time in 23 years, I did not buy the Princess an Easter basket. I'm just not feeling holiday-y. I did, however, give her some money and drop her off at the mall. So, same difference really.

It just seems like I keep playing games that I can't possibly win. Why do I do that to myself? Every time I think I have everything all worked out, I break a nail or step on a lego and it all implodes. Shouldn't the second rule of Fight Club be to never engage in a battle that you can't win? Why would you purposely choose to take on a fight that can only end with a loss? I just want to be able to think logically. But for some reason I can't.

In a couple of hours I am going over to my sisters for Easter dinner. I have no idea what she is making, but I'm bringing potato salad. I used my moms "recipe" but it is not nearly the same as when she used to make it. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I really wish I could ask her.

Tomorrow night, C-C-W and I start yoga. I'm very excited. I've never done an organized exercise class, so this will be very new to me. And I have a purple yoga mat!! I think this is going to be so much fun! And I get to hang out with C-C-W, and she is fantastic!

I'm performing a concert for Tabby-Wabby, and she seems to be okay with today's music. I am listening to my most favoritest song ever. There are very few songs I can listen to 100 times in a row, but this is one.  http://www.rdio.com/artist/Lari_White/album/Stepping_Stone/track/Stepping_Stone/
I am still wondering why it keeps getting deleted from youtube, but the rest of the songs from the same album don't. Anyhow, the is the most painful, most inspirational, most positive, most everything song I have ever heard. Sometimes it makes me sad, and sometimes it makes me so hopeful. Today it's a little of both. I reflect on all I've lost, but I know that something better is around the corner. And even if I never figure it out, I can still live in this very moment.

That doesn't mean you mean that much to me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxdcM-bTIyA

This single minded fascination I've got ......

It's Saturday morning, and I've already been up for 3 hours. I really want to do laundry, but I don't want the neighbors to complain. They usually complain if we do laundry too early or too late. Apparently the washer and dryer vibrate through the floor boards and sound like an airplane in their bedroom. My washer and dryer are about a year old, and are quiet on my side. Not sure what to do to correct this problem, so it's easier just to run the machines between 9 am and 10 pm.

My dad just called me and said he is bringing me 5 boxes of cereal to Easter dinner because he is basically a hoarder and they expire this month. My philosophy on expiration dates: food does not know when it expires! Go by the food and not the date on the box!

I'm trying to sing this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCWVuCCWqzQ to my kitty, Tabby-Wabby. But she is just not enjoying it. I'm not sure if it's my singing or her ears, but something is not working. She usually tolerates my singing pretty well, meaning she hasn't killed me yet. But today she is alternating between looking at me with her eyes closed (her sign for utter annoyance) and trying to jump onto my laptop and shut it off. That's the last song she gets from me today!!!

Do you call it love 
If you don't then what
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPfmZCTv2gM

But the smile that I sent out returned with you......

It's Friday! I love Fridays!  Except I walked into the office this morning, and there are bowls of candy everywhere. And not just candy, but the chocolate kind of candy. I did really well resisting yesterday, but why am I having temptation shoved down my throat?? I must resist!!

I have finally been sleeping really, really well! That is probably going to end because I just got an email from our corporate communications department about pest control being on site today to deal with the bee problem IN our suite. I had no idea we had a bee problem. But now I'm going to have dreams I'm being attacked by killer bees. Who want to pierce my soul.

I am a true "apple" shape, and finding pants that fit right is a terrible process. They are so outrageously huge in the hip area. And when I exercise, the problem gets worse. I lose weight in my hip are, and seem to gain weight in  my waist. I am certainly ill-proportioned. And eating candy will not solve that! So I will avoid it at all costs.

But I would kill for a diet coke!!  Yes, I would kill.  But I will not go down 4 floors to the vending machine. Because, well, that just sounds like too much work for something I shouldn't have in the first place. Sometimes I don't even make sense to myself.


I thought there was no reason
For all these things I do
But the smile that I sent out returned with you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zt7kEqWlSyc

Life's a dance, you learn as you go....

How come you always want what you can't have? Doesn't it seem like the things that taste the best are the absolute worst for you? The clothes that fit the best are the most expensive? Your basketball team doesn't have the most talent AND the best coach at the same time? The lipstick that lasts the longest contains lead? The people that are the most perfect fit for you are not in a position to give you what you want and need?

I've been having the same daydreams and night dreams about cupcakes every day and night for the past 3 weeks. I get on the straight and narrow, start exercising, eating right, blogging again, quit smoking, am finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. But then all I want is freaking cupcakes. And the thing with cupcakes is, one bite is never enough. And anything more is just too much.  Cupcakes are truly the best thing ever: sweet and nice and just absolutely perfect. But what if you just can't have the cupcake because it belongs to someone else? And even if they are willing to share, you won't get the whole cupcake to yourself. Do you want just part of a cupcake? Or do you want the whole thing? OF COURSE YOU WANT THE WHOLE CUPCAKE!! But what if you can't have it? Do you walk away from the best cupcake in the world because you can only eat the frosting? Or do you wait in hopes that someday maybe you will get the whole thing? And what if that can never happen? And what if you really shouldn't have it? What if the calories are not worth the risk?

Sometimes the stars align and you find something that feels magical. That perfect cupcake. Of course it has its flaws, no cupcake is perfect. But what if its the perfect cupcake for you? What if it's a cupcake that makes your heart beat a little faster, makes you giggle, makes you feel good about yourself? But what if its just not your cupcake to feel that way about? Why oh why oh why must life be so complicated? Why do thoughts and feelings have to get in the way of something that could otherwise be perfect?

Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow
Don't worry about what you don't know
Life's a dance you learn as you go
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPzO38kPvkg

I just want someone to say to me, oh, oh, oh, oh

So I have been playing this game on Facebook called Bingo Blitz since 2011. But the developers have made some changes that have just simply made the game no fun anymore. I was an admin in a trading group for awhile, and it was so much fun. But after the changes, we were just not able to help people as much. We could not get extra items for comp prizes, and we couldn't make the trades the members needed. So, I decided I needed to step down from admining, at least for a little while.

I got a message from my old friend Zenny. She is organizing a get together for the old gang at a roller rink. The old Skateland days are quite possibly the most tumultuous time of my life! I was a very, very typical teenage girl with very, very typical teenage girl emotions. With constant new crushes that always lead to devastation and heartbreak. My life was "over" so many times back then. It's a bit comical now to look back at all of the drama. It is such a good thing that we did not text messaging or social media. Or caller ID!

We went skating every single Friday and Saturday night. And a whole bunch of Sundays. And Tuesdays in the summer. For years!! I still have my old skates, although I am not sure they still fit. And I have no idea why I have held onto them. Maybe the feeling of nostalgia? Maybe because I just really want to go rollerskating again? Please send prayers that I do not break anything. Or fall and crack my phone screen. (Can you text and skate?)

I came into work today, and this was on my desk. CANDY!!! Two thoughts: 1) BREAKFAST!! 2) I'm probably going to cry when I have to give this candy to someone else since I really, really shouldn't eat it. I super love candy. A lot. Candy might be my most favoritest food ever. But I am working so hard at eating healthy, I don't want to go down a slippery slope into making all kinds of exceptions to making good choices. But I love candy so much! But the scale is finally showing my progress. But I love candy! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll always be there when you wake.....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNny8w18QOs

Don't put another dime in the jukebox.....

I am so excited to be wearing sandals today!! Now I'm wondering when I can wear capri's. Soon, I hope! I am ready to switch my clothes over to summery stuff. And I need to start tanning so I can wear skirts and dresses. And I have to try on every single pair of my sandals!!!

I'm trying to decide what my musical theme of the day will be as I sort through a mountain of paperwork that may very well cause my desk to collapse. I've sort of been leaning towards old country love songs, but I feel like I want something just a little more upbeat than that. 

So Sunday is Easter, and we are having dinner at my sisters. But she still hasn't told me what I am supposed to bring. I'd bet a million dollars that she tells me on Saturday night at 8:00 that I'm supposed to be bringing some elaborate concoction that I don't have any of the ingredients for, and that if I don't bring it, dinner, and Easter, and even life, will be ruined for everyone. Might as well cancel the holiday. 

What's the worst that could happen if I just don't want to check my work voice mail today? I would rather just take some cheesy facebook quizzes to find out which flower my personality is most associated with.

.......I don't wanna hear that song no more

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kohs_nlQzpM