Let them say we're crazy, What do they know?

It's Tuesday!!! And I just spent nearly 2 hours in my car driving to work. It was like a winter snow storm commute in July.

So my wonderful friend Ggg suggested I write a novel. He had no way of knowing that this has always been one of my dreams, and that I have started many novels. Some fiction and some the painful truth. I am so fortunate to have his encouragement, and with that I may actually get it done.

Like my blog, even if no one reads it, I have things to say. Things that need to be said. Everyone has a story. And maybe mine will inspire someone. Or entertain someone. Or just give someone something to do on a Saturday. We shall see where the story takes me, as I'm being pulled in two different directions. All I know is that I don't want it to be a sob story, because my life is not a sob story. I've gone through stuff. I've had my heart broken, I've been hurt in unspeakable ways, I've had to fight both inner and outer demons. But despite that, I have also persevered. I've lived to tell, so to speak.

I also need to say a huge thank you to Ggg, who unknowingly helped me through one of the most difficult times of the year yesterday. Emailing with him and listening to the songs he sent me proved to be just the distraction I needed before I made that dreaded phone call to wish my dad a Happy Birthday. I love my dad, and he really has been a terrific father. But this phone call is so hard because I never know where his mind will be at on his birthday. He made it clear 6 years ago when my mom died (on his birthday) that he never wanted to celebrate it again. But I can't not call him.

I'm happy to say that time really has healed, and he spent the afternoon out playing cards. And he didn't sound sad, which is a really good thing. I know it's still hard, it probably always will be. But we are definitely moving forward.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBQVrCflZ_E

But I'm young and still got time, I got to get away.....

Monday....yeah.....Monday. I really wish this was a 3 day weekend, I could use one more day away from work. I contemplated calling in, but unfortunately we've got 2 people out this week, so I kind of need to be here. And if my manager is out, who would I call into anyway.

I did accomplish finishing the first 5 seasons of Gossip Girl, so I guess that's something. And I'm on level 1051 of Candy Crush. Oh, these accomplishments!!!

Overall, I had a fantastic weekend. Spending Friday night with a great friend, a Saturday recovery day, and Netflix and laundry all day Sunday. A pretty ideal weekend.

I just got an email reminder that I have to finish some training classes. Maybe that's what I will do today. I can play the classes on one screen and work on the other.

And one of my other co-workers just called me to say she's not coming in today. We are a department of 6 people, and 3 will be out today. I'm going to need more coffee......


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zzKUtEQF9Y

And this is the part where you find out who you are: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pt2874dcth8
And for my mom: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_3cB8Trcec

And remember me tonight when you're asleep......

Apparently I am the only person in the universe who likes Pizza Hut. Well, maybe not the universe, but at least in my house. This makes me sad because P-Hut is my favorite. The breadsticks are one of my most favorite foods ever. But whatever, I will order Papa Johns. Pizza is pizza, right??

So I went here http://www.theroadsidemn.com and had the best taco I have ever had in my life. I guess I've never really considered tacos to be something you could consider as exquisite. But that is really the only word to describe it. I was a tiny bit skeptical about even trying it. I mean, it was pork belly. I knew it would be at least good because, well, its food. But I did not expect to fall madly in love with it. The description from the menu:  house smoked pork belly, queso fresco, chile lime slaw and sriracha aioli  

It was absolutely fantastically awesome! The onion rings were amazing, too. And I will most definitely be going back there. It s a cute little gas station converted into a restaurant.And you can rent out the car wash for special events. I had the best dining company and it was a perfect night.

I did maybe drink a little bit too much last night. But I had a great night just hanging out and laughing and reminiscing. A lot of times when we think about the past, we focus on the negative and the bad times and our view of history gets distorted by that. But there were also so many good times. And some truly amazing times. And I'm really glad to be reminded of those. And I'm really happy to be creating new amazing times!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1O9DyFLIKo

Those were the happiest days of my life......

It's a wet, soppy mess outside. And so now I'm a wet, soppy mess inside. Perhaps I should invest in an umbrella. But then I'd have to deal with a wet, soppy umbrella. And who wants more wet and soppy things to deal with??

At least it's Friday.

My morning started out fantastically with having to bring the demon kitty into the bathroom with me while I did my hair because she would not let TabbyWabby drink her water in peace. There is nothing like being trapped in a tiny bathroom with a monster attacking both your ankles and the power cord to your hair straightener. I hope she outgrows this soon!!

It's not even 7:00, but I'm thinking about how nice a nap would be. and I have to go to the grocery store tonight. Unless it's raining still.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsgICaEBOX4

But at least I'm enjoying the ride, at least I'll enjoy the ride......

It is way too beautiful of a day to be cranky, so I am deciding to be in a good mood. But before that good mood starts, I will say this - there are 3 possible excuses I could accept for not doing your dishes: your hands got cut off, the house is on fire, or you're dead. I would possibly accept a zombie apocalypse, but only if we are abandoning the house. The good news is that your dishes will still be there when you wake up. And if not done, they will be waiting for you when you get home from work tonight. There, I'm done with that. Now to  move on to happier things!

The weather is absolutely perfect out. Why can't it always be like this? I went to bed at 8:30 and slept through the night. It was fantastic!

C-C-W and I are going to see Margaret Cho in October. She's hilarious. This should be fun! The last stand up person I saw was Kathy Griffin, and that was several years ago. Plus I love hanging out with C, we always have such a good time. I need to get her to commit to a date to celebrate her birthday. I'm not entirely sure what the plan is, but it will likely involve lots of alcohol and singing. Because that's what we do best!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cH7I6ibA-SM

I'm the satellite, and you're the sky.....

Weigh-In Wednesday! I have lost enough to enter into a new weight "decade". This is super exciting! I love successes. Still a long way to go, but it's working!! And my weekly points reset today. Here's to another week of staying on track!

So I gave in this morning and stopped to get a cinnamon-vanilla latte. My reasoning for this decision: I'm an adult and I can do whatever I want to! And plus, if I have the points, why can't I use them on whatever I want? I've wanted this stupid latte for WEEKS! And if I can go another 6 weeks without one, I'm way ahead of where I've been.

This latte did make me 5 minutes late for work this morning, but it is totally and completely worth it. And I'm leaving on time today because I need to pick up the princess and drop her off at her dads. and then I can go home and cook chicken! I never imagined I would be eating chicken 7 days a week. I have this Sicilian sauce packet that I'm going to use to make some sort of chicken parmesan, except not fried and no cheese. Almost the same. Almost.

I have apparently made the decision that the bangs are staying since I trimmed them this morning. Sometimes decisions make themselves!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_zY_jSVXSU

And a little bit of DMB:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzr7HKyHubk

There is nothing in the world that can change my mind

So I woke up this morning to the very painful confirmation of what I have been in denial of for the past 2 weeks. There are few things more painful than stepping out of bed and feeling the sensation of stepping on sharp glass. Plantar Fasciitis sucks! At least I'm super experienced with it, as this will be my 5th or 6th go round with it. But I really do not look forward to 6-8 weeks of sleeping with a hot, sweaty brace on my leg and spending the day icing my arch. But at least it's not shin splints, so there's that.

I have tried to be so careful. Once I felt the first twinge, I quit running and now only walk and jog. I thought I could avoid it. But alas, I was wrong. And now I guess I just have to deal with it. I will not let it derail my work out plans. Will! Not!

I think I've heard Jukebox Hero on the radio on the way to work every morning for the past 2 weeks. Pretty soon I may have to start changing the channel. Or not, since I really like Foreigner.

I just started season 5 of Gossip Girl last night. There are only 6 seasons, so I have to start thinking about what to do next. The Princess really thinks I should watch 90210. I'm still thinking about that. She says its "like the greatest show ever". But really, Psych was the greatest show ever!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4_woZ-LUvM

Shouldn't I have all of this, and.....

Another Monday....So I fell asleep at like 7:00 last night, woke back up around 10 for an hour, and then slept through the night. I love sleeping. A lot.

I saw the new Magic Mike movie with Josie on Saturday. It was good. Not great, but good. The plot kind of sucked, but Channing Tatum half naked could never be bad. And it was nice seeing Josie.

All of the things from my past, talking to ggg, seeing a movie with Josie, looking at old pictures, listening to old school rap on the radio, have led to a lot of reminiscing about the music I listened to when I was 16.

One of the most significant songs was one that I was given on a cassette single following a tumultuous break up.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8IIo4muGjM  It always evokes memories of the stupid fighting and then the following wonderful making up.

Another is this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbUPjwCEZlY.

And then there is the song that to this day I still can't listen to. Whenever More Than Words by Extreme comes on the radio and I'm by myself, I always change the station. I don't know why, but I just have not been able to listen to it, even after over 20 years.

I am sooooo glad that the AC is off at work! I love being hot and sticky.  At least I have a fan on my desk that will blow the hot air around. Hopefully it will be reset before I melt. =)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TCMpA5TfHc

Wearing your shirt 'cause it smelled so sweet......

Thanks to a couple of cats fighting with each other, I am awake at 5 am on a Saturday. The little kitty keeps attacking Tabby Wabby, and Tabby still won't fight back. And little Teagan is so hyper. Right now she is chasing herself around a chair leg. She's not the smartest kitty.

I can't decide if I should try to find some motivation and start my day, watch netflix, or try to go back to sleep.

I still have not watched the final episode of Sons of Anarchy. I really don't want to see the ending, but I would also like to put the show behind me so I can stop thinking about it. I wish I didn't know how it ended. But I'm also glad I have the heads up so I won't be surprised. Maybe I will finally watch it today. Or maybe I will wait a while longer.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR57iCHNFI0

Is love so fragile And the heart so hollow.......

It's Friday! I love Friday's because when I get to work, I am the only one here. And it's so quiet. On Fridays I don't even need to be here until 7:15 instead of 6:30, and most people don't get in until 8. So I have the place to myself.  And I get to leave at 2:30!! That is the best part about a 38.75 hour work week.

Until recently, I never realized exactly how important music is to me. There are some songs that say things that words just can't express. And yes, I know that songs contain lyrics, which are words. But sometimes you just can't say what you are feeling. But a song can. and then there are the songs that really make you feel not so alone in whatever you are going through.

Last night I was looking for a picture from one of the Princesses birthday parties when she was like 10. I wanted to find the picture because I know that my hair was just past shoulder length and absolutely fabulous. And I want to cut it/grow it like that again. I didn't find the picture. But I found a lot of other memories. Things I didn't know I had kept for 25 years. I've gotten rid of a lot of stuff over the years, but there are some things I've held on to. And they are the most special things ever. And I'm at a point where I can look back and not feel the heartbreak and pain associated with them, only the hope and love from way back then.

The Princess was not born into ideal circumstances, 2 messed up teenagers struggling to figure themselves out, balancing school and jobs and parenthood. But she was born to 2 people who really, truly loved her and each other. There are a lot of things I doubt from my teenagers years. But I do not doubt that.  And we did the best we could. Alyssa, I love you more than you could possibly comprehend and you are the single greatest thing that has ever happened to me.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ew4pMpzC5B8

Baby over and over the passion starts again.....

One of my favorite things are random early morning texts. I got one this morning from my old friend Josie. It said "Hey I'm thinking u may like Amy Schumer lol" What a random and hilarious thing to text me at 6 am. I think this weekend I'm going to go and see the Magic Mike movie with her. I don't think I've seen her since our 20 year high school reunion, so that's like a year and a half.

We were best friends in 9th grade, bonding over our mutual adoration of New Kids on the Block. And then we kind of lost touch over the summer, but reconnected in the middle of 10th grade. We lost touch again and reconnected our senior year. I didn't really go out a lot in 12th grade, having a baby at home and all, so friendships were a bit difficult. After graduation, we didn't talk for several years. But then we reconnected via classmates.com. We became super close again and that lasted for several years. I don't know what happened, we just kind of drifted apart I guess. We've never, ever had a fight and always had fun. Just one of those things I guess. Sad, but it happens. Anyhow, I'm excited to see her.

I can never say enough how lucky I am to have such wonderful people in my life. There are only a few people I'm super close to, but every single one of them are wonderful. I hope they all know how much I appreciate them.

For you:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Qis6VhHWuA

I can see the new horizon underneath the blazin' sky.....

It's Weigh-In Wednesday. The scale did exactly what I expected it to, so I can't really be disappointed. A very small gain is not the end of the world, and based on how much I drank and how terribly I ate this past weekend, it's not a surprise. But it was my birthday and I love cake! And shots! I'm back on track, and next week will be different. But it does reaffirm that I need to stay within my daily points and continue on the treadmill.

The dentist last night was incredibly easy and painless. Since it wasn't a real filling, there was no drilling. And no novocaine. And it took less than 10 minutes. And now my crown is fixed!

I cut my ankle shaving. Pretty sure I need stitches. Or a skin graft. Or maybe even someone to finish my near amputation. Or I just need to quit whining about something that a band-aid will fix.

Some nice kid in my Bingo Blitz group just sent me the craw fish to finish the New Orleans room. I still question why I continue to play this game. It used to be so much fun. Now it just frustrates me. But I can't stop playing. And now I have 1300 more credits for finishing the room.

Its not humid outside, but inside its icky. It's about a million degrees and sticky.

I just got an email that we are having a pizza party tomorrow. After today's weigh in, that is not an option. So I will skip the pizza. While I will regret not having pizza, I will have more regrets if I do have it. Yes, I could make it work with my points, but its just not worth it.

Thanks to the great songs that someone is sending me, my musical appreciation has grown exponentially. I thought my music choices were very diverse, but  there are so many songs I've never heard before. And I really like many of them. No pressure, but I think I've found my musical soulmate. Even the old school songs he sends like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kr0tTbTbmVA bring back so many memories!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOvMpND2OZY

Thanks for the joy you've given me....

Back to work....ugh! I could have used another few days off. I'm not sure that there is enough coffee to get me through all these emails and phone messages. And, the dentist tonight!! Yay!!

In better news, I stopped and got my mail. And there was my favorite hot pink foil package from Ipsy. I would post a link, but that seems like too much effort. Anyhow, this months products included a super nice pair of tweezers and some sea salt spray. The bronzer I can do without, but the exfoliater looks nice.  I'm also not sure about the bronze eye crayon, but it might make a fun eye shadow. Anyhow, I love Ipsy and it is the best $10 a month I spend!

I was in bed at 6:30 last night and was sleeping by 8:30. I shouldn't be tired. Maybe all that cleaning yesterday was just exhausting. But my kitchen is SPOTLESS! Or at least it was when I went to bed. Lets hope it stays that way. I still smelled bleach this morning, so that's a good sign!!

I'm not sure what is up with my bangs today, but they are not being bangs.

If I ever tell you that you are one of most favoritest people, I really mean that. I reserve that for people like the Princess and C-C-W. So if I tell you that, it means you are super important to me.

Ok, off to tackle some of these emails. And by tackle, I mean accidentally delete them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gr_eVcCAUXo

So why not start where we began.....

Vacation day!! Cleaning my kitchen is a tempting thought, but so is sitting on the couch watching Gossip Girl. Maybe coffee and Netflix is the morning, and cleaning in the afternoon?

I had the most perfect birthday party ever Saturday night. Thank you C-C-W. We met up at C-C-W's house and had a few drinks. Then her awesome husband dropped us off at Betty Dangers. http://bettydangers.com It was so much fun, we went on the ferris wheel and then took some pictures with the animals on the mini golf course. Then we took the Tiki Tram to Psycho Suzi's. http://psychosuzis.com And drank some more. Finally we ended the night with a dance party at C-C-W's.

She decorated in an awesome 80's theme, and it was fantastic. I'm so happy to have such a wonderful friend who would go all out and get me a tiara and birthday sash. And the best cake ever! I love you, C-C-W!! And thank you to the Princess and Lena for helping to make such fantastic memories!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiMUVPWE7ec

Put on a little Dylan, sitting on a fence......

It's a fabulous Thursday that doubles as a Friday! and its almost Saturday! I'm so excited for my birthday celebration. Have I mentioned that I have the best friends ever. I have the best people in  my life. All of them. I am so fortunate!

I think Sunday I need to go through my clothes. I am running out of things to wear. I guess its a good thing, except for the fact that pants are generally not optional at work.

I joined a Wells Fargo survey site and have already amassed $25 in Amazon gift certificates. I think I may use it to buy more gel nail polish. Or I could save it up. Hmmmm, all the choices!

I had the best birthday ever. I was in bed at 7:30. This was even after I went on the treadmill and took a shower. I used the time to play Bingo Blitz and Candy Crush. At the same time. There are more levels of CC. I am now on level 1001. Some of these levels are REALLY hard.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cD-2j6JzazY
And this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLK9fbk4Lp4

Not a cloud in the sky, got the sun in my eyes......

Its such a beautiful day out. The weather is perfect! I celebrated my birthday this morning by NOT stopping to get a cinnamon-vanilla latte. I really wanted to, but I didn't. And I'm happy with that decision. Sort of. Its been a long time since I've had one. Maybe someday....

Speaking of a long time, last night I had the most wonderfullest glass of wine. It's been a VERY long time since I've had a glass. And it was phenomenally fantastic! Maybe the best wine ever! Sometimes not having something for a very long time makes you really appreciate when you do finally have it. But now I most definitely want another glass!! Most definitely!

I think 40 may be the best year in a long, long time!!

Weigh in this morning. I thought it was going to be bad, but I actually lost weight again. This makes me very, very happy! Now to continue this success!!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gRiWWcBKvs

Some things in life you cannot measure by degrees....

It is such a beautiful day out. So nice that I decided to wear jeans. Actually the jeans are because I was originally wearing a pair of capri pants, but they were just too big in the hips. So emergency wardrobe change! And I think I may even wear jeans for the rest of the week. I have like 10 jeans day banked, so I may as well use them!

I have an awesome friend who is sending me a ton of songs to listen to. I can't believe that there is so much music I haven't heard before. His taste in music is exceptional, which I find a bit odd since back in the day he listened to Bell Biv Devoe and had Vanilla Ice hair. Actually, that is not fair because he did also introduce me to Cream and Joe Satriani, both of which I still listen to. Anyhow, I have loved every single song he has sent me. Except one, but maybe if I listen to it a few more times.....but probably not!

Tonight the Princess and I are going to make "mashed potatoes" out of cauliflower. That should be a nice change from the broccoli we usually have with the chicken and brown rice. Last night I went out with Sam and C-C-W. I had half of a cheeseburger. I know it was not the best choice, but it was so good. And then we went back to Sam's and watched 2 movies. I liked them both. We watched Dracula's Daughter, which is like 100 years old. And then we watched Radio Days. I don't always love Sam's movie choices, but last night was excellent!

Happy birthday, Matt-Matt. Not sure if you deleted your facebook entirely, or just deleted me. Either way, I could never forget your birthday!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxkJHX7ukKE

Sometimes I'd like to quit, nothin' ever seems to fit.....

Rainy Days and Mondays......yeah, it seems like its going to be one of those mornings. Nothing specific is wrong, I just kinda want to go home and go back to bed. And not think. Or feel. Brilliant idea: I should probably stop listening to The Carpenters and find something a bit more upbeat.

It's a 4 day week, and Friday is going to be a total "ME" day. I am contemplating a hair cut. Well, a trim. And I am going to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's for the 18 billionth time. And redo my nail color to the new one I bought. And possibly a pedicure. And maybe tanning. Or I could lay outside in the actual sun. And pretty much do nothing else. And I always have Netflix! So many options!

I guess it's time to pretend like I'm working.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjFoQxjgbrs
And a little bit of this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NctEnrxGVHE

If ever you need a friend.....

Unless you count watching nearly an entire season of Gossip Girl as doing something, this weekend has been extremely unproductive. I did finish 2/3 of my continuing ed, but I also got sidetracked by Netflix. I've tried to watch Gossip Girl a few times but couldn't get into it. But the last time I got my hair cut, the stylist told me that I would love it if I gave it another chance. And she was right!

So my dryer is broken again. This does not make me happy. So I guess I will be tearing it apart again.  I hope the fix is as easy as the belt was. A dryer repairman I am not. But I'm sure I can figure it out. Fingers crossed!

I bought a new nail color for my birthday party, its turquoise and is called Island Oasis. I'm so excited  for next weekend and my party!! And my new dress!! And I think I need to trim my bangs. So much to do!!!

Tomorrow night is movie night at Sam's. Before the movie, he is taking me and C-C-W out for dinner. I also think I need to plan a girls night with C-C-W. Like soon!


I've never heard this song before. thank you youtube autoplay!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wo7rgmzxUbU

Straddle the line in discord and rhyme.....

I was driving in the car with the Princess yesterday and she asked to play her music instead of having to listen to me sing with whatever awesome 70's or 80's song I was listening to. When she put on Duran Duran, I was so excited! Her music tastes have certainly evolved from the days of her Screamo phase. I'm glad we can both FINALLY enjoy listening to music in the car together!

I safely deposited her at her dad's for the weekend, and I got to meet his cute little dog. Anyone that knows me knows that I am generally not a fan of pets. I don't get all emotional and gooey at the sight of a puppy or kitten. I tolerate Tabby Wabby the same way she tolerates me. I do not hate pets. And I am certainly never, ever mean to them. But the point I was getting to is that his little doggy is actually rather adorable. This may actually be a first for me. Have I ever called a dog adorable before? What is happening to me????

I spent all of yesterday doing an insurance course on workers comp. It was one of the most boring experiences of my life. Obviously when I took the exam I got 100%. Which just reinforces what a waste of time it was. I already know everything, why spend a full day being bored out of my mind? Today I am doing an ethics course and maybe flood. I haven't decided because there are so many option to choose from and they all sound just as exciting as 8 hours of reading about workers comp.

So when I finished last night, I decided I needed a break and I watched Titanic. I don't think I've watched it in its entirety since I saw it in the theater when it first came out. The first I saw it, it was truly epic. This time, I was bored.

Okay, back to ethics. Maybe I will actually learn something......


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOg5VxrRTi0

I got a feeling I'm not the only one.....

It's one of those fantastic Thursdays that double as a Friday! I am so ready for a 3 day weekend followed by a 4 day workweek and then a 4 day weekend! And so much to look forward to over the next week. Rollerskating, my birthday, my birthday party.....And my manager just texted me that he is bringing me coffee. Could a greater thing happen today?

C-C-W has requested that I no longer refer to my baby daddy as "baby daddy". So out of respect for her, we've found him a new nickname. Originally it was "Gregg with 3 g's", but that's just cumbersome.So he is officially just ggg. Which is actually kind of our best nickname creation ever. Because it makes us both giggle for some reason. I'm so fortunate to have friends that make me laugh so much!

Ggg and I are, dare I say, becoming actual friends. That's something we have not really been in 20 years. I mean, for the most part we were friendly. But not actual friends. We had a common goal, raising our daughter successfully. And there were a few fights and disagreements along the way. But now that she is an adult, we can actually talk (and laugh) without it coming down to parenting decisions and money.

I hope he realizes how thankful I am for the most precious gift I've ever gotten. I've had more wonderful in my life than I probably deserve. We have the best, most kindhearted daughter ever. I would not change anything. Things worked out exactly as they should have. And if we can now be friends, that is just a phenomenal bonus. To say I'm blessed would really understate it.

Today our manager is taking the dept out to lunch to celebrate writing $2.1 million in new premium through June. To put that in perspective, in all of 2014 our new business premium was $2.4 million. We are on track to nearly double that. I wish I could take more credit for it, but my focus has been on personal lines and bonds, with a little bit of work comp mixed in. I sell plenty of accounts, but my average account premium is about $750. Although, I did start the year writing a huge $150,000 account. Because I'm pretty much awesome.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGr6i5Sar5s

And that one guitar, made his whole life change.......

Another Wednesday and another super successful weigh in day. I'm still kind of struggling with living in the day to day instead of dwelling on how far I have left to go. Because I do have a ways to go. But I have also made a lot of progress. But I think I am finally done punishing myself with my weight and done doing the self-sabotaging thing. Yes, I've made some bad choices. But taking that out on my health and well-being is just dumb!

Speaking of dumb, I will be spending my 3 day weekend doing the 24 hours of continuing ed I have to complete before my birthday. Why did I put it off so long? My goal is to complete it Friday and Saturday so that I can have fun Sunday. I'm thinking I may go rollerskating with my old friend Jenny. I asked the Princess if I could borrow a dress and she can't believe I would wear a dress skating. I say why not? Plus, I would wear biker shorts under it. Just like the old days!

I need to call the stupid help desk because my computer is not cooperating. Something about a faulty network drive. I hate spending the morning on the phone with the help desk. For awhile I had to call them every morning to get my password reset because it wasn't saving. It was such a waste of time.


Because sometimes one guitar really can change your whole life!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7tzi8wkYgI
And maybe a little of this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tl-kOcnn1U

But sooner or later it comes down to fate, I might as well will be the one......

It's an absolutely beautiful Tuesday!! The only really bad part is that I have a dentist appointment tonight. Just a cleaning and check up, but I hate the dentist. It seems like I was just there, but apparently its been 6 months. My last several cleanings have resulted in no cavities, and I expect the same tonight. But I can't help being scared that the dentist is going to want to root canal all my teeth and charge me $18,000,000. Yes, that is absolutely absurd. But I can't help thinking it.

This is probably the Princess's last ever dental trip. She comes off my insurance in January, and I can't imagine her going on her own. I have had to bribe her to go since she was 7 years old. Yes, I bribe a 23 year old.

I'm wearing turquoise pants today. And it is probably going to be the last time I ever get to wear them since they are too big. This makes me sad because I just got them in the spring. And this is the second pair of nearly new pants that I am going to have to get rid of. I know I should be glad. But what am I going to wear????

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhjNm20XbXw

I can't escape this now, Unless you show me how.....

The Pride parade was phenomenal. It was so special to be part of something so wonderful. So much love and acceptance! people from all walks of life. And I just love seeing all these corporations having floats. Target, Best Buy, Macy's.....I just love that they are all a part of it.

So I finally found someone who not only did not laugh at me, but actually understood and agreed, about how I like my steak cooked. Generally when I explain it, I am either met with a laugh or an eye roll. But finally someone who gets it! I want it cooked to exactly the middle point between rare and medium rare. I don't want it rare. Asking for rare typically involves a steak that is cold inside with an almost jelly-like look. I don't want it medium rare, that's just too cooked for a perfect steak. I want it in the middle.

It's Monday, but at least its a 4 day week. I have huge plans for this weekend. I am going to take 17 naps, watch more Graceland on Netflix, get caught up on laundry, maybe clean my kitchen, and I'm getting highlights in my hair. If the weather is nice, I am also going to lay outside and try to tan my shoulders more. It's less than 2 weeks until my birthday party. I need to be tanner!

I wore a dress today AND heels. Well, not really heels, but wedges. I have been living in flats, so this is kind of a big deal.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWRsgZuwf_8

The next time we hang out I will redeem myself.....

So I didn't wear yoga pants to movie night. I tried, but I jut could not leave the house in them. I went with capris and my Joey McIntyre shirt. Which is, quite honestly, the best shirt ever!!

I went on a Facebook deleting spree. I was actually shocked at how many people posted anti-gay marriage stuff. I'm probably alone in this opinion, but I believe that everyone is entitled to their opinion, whatever it is.  Whether or not I will agree with or respect them is an entirely different matter. But everyone's entitled to think or feel however they want. But they are NOT allowed to speak or post hate related messages or posters. Think what you want, but don't plaster it all over Facebook.

And if someone could come up with an argument against homosexuality and gay marriage that did not involve the bible or marrying toasters, I would most definitely be willing to LISTEN to it. I can't imagine it would change my mind, but I would listen and respect their point of view.

But I will not tolerate the bible and God being used to justify hate. I've read the bible, and I know God as much as anyone can. And the God I know is about love and acceptance. And he would not  approve of his name being used to promote an antigay agenda.

I hope it doesn't literally and figuratively rain on my parade. C-C-W is picking me up in half an hour to head to the Price parade, and I'm very excited. I'm always in awe at how amazing it is to actually feel the love and acceptance in the air.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC8N9WywIqY

I'll be there and you'll be near, And that's the deal my dear

I had an absolutely wonderful night last night hanging out with a very old friend. And by old I mean we've known each other for a very long time AND that he is almost 41 years old =)  It's been a long time since I've laughed so much without alcohol being involved somehow. Over 6 hours of wonderful conversation, and even a little bit of dancing. Anyhow, it was a wonderful night. Every single part of it was absolutely perfect.

Today I need to take the Princess to the pet store for some cat supplies and then we need to go to Target and get groceries. And I need to remember to pick up my prescription. And then maybe a nap before movie night at ZammyZou's. Tomorrow I am going to the Pride parade with C-C-W. Last year was so much fun, but this year will be even funner!!!

I also need to figure out how to get these 2 cats to stop fighting . Or really, how to get the little kitty to stop attacking Tabby-Wabby. Tabby will not fight back, which is good I guess. But I feel kinda bad for her, being constantly attacked by a kitten. I teller to fight back, but she doesn't listen very well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=weRHyjj34ZE

I can't even believe this is Miley Cyrus: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOwblaKmyVw
Its absolutely amazing!

Finally!!!

So what could happen that would result in a midday post without a song lyric title, or even a video link? This:

"The Supreme Court on Friday delivered a historic victory for gay rights, ruling 5 to 4 that the Constitution requires that same-sex couples be allowed to marry no matter where they live and that states may no longer reserve the right only for heterosexual couples."

http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/gay-marriage-and-other-major-rulings-at-the-supreme-court/2015/06/25/ef75a120-1b6d-11e5-bd7f-4611a60dd8e5_story.html


There is no song special enough to celebrate this. I've been a long time supporter of equality, and this is a decision that was way overdue! Affording the same rights to everyone, regardless of sexual orientation, is just plain decency and common sense. Discrimination, especially in 2015, is just unacceptable. 

Just be yourself.....It doesn't matter if that's good enough for someone else

Today I almost almost almost stopped and got a cinnamon-vanilla latte. But that would have been about 1,200 calories that I don't need. So I got a diet coke instead. And black coffee, which is just fine. Not quite a latte, but a much better option. Yay for good choices!

Tonight I am meeting up with an old friend. The biggest decision of the night will be what to wear. I don't want to be too dressed up. But I don't want to wear jeans. I was thinking about a dress (because, really, my legs are tan and pretty much awesome). But a dress feels like I'm trying too hard. But anything less than a dress feels like I didn't care enough to plan out an outfit. These are the things I obsess about.

And for the record, I am having the same dilemma about what to wear to movie night tomorrow at ZammyZou's. He said we could all "dress comfortably" and that he will be wearing pajama pants. The only time I leave the house in yoga pants is when I'm going to yoga. Which is how it should be. But since I always end up sitting on the floor, it would be nice to be comfortable. Why is getting dressed such an issue for me???

I've been tanning pretty regularly, but my arms don't seem to be getting any tanner. I am wearing a sleeveless dress out for my bday. It is imperative that my arms be tan! Tan fat looks way better than white fat. And tanning is way cheaper than liposuction. Maybe I should splurge and move up to the highest level bed. Or since its summer, I could lay outside for free. But 12 minutes in a bed vs. half a day outside......I have lots of thinking and decision making to do! #tryingtogetatangirlproblems


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKsxPW6i3pM

Bonus song because, well, just because.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3sMjm9Eloo

But if you're willin' to play the game....

Another Thursday.....this week is flying by! Maybe because I've been so busy at work. Last night I really did not want to go on the treadmill. But I did anyway, and I 'm so glad I did. Sometimes it's frustrating to realize how far I have left to go. But then other times, I look at my progress and know I'm slowly chipping away at my goal. I'm actually halfway there. So, I can most definitely do it!

I spent a couple hours texting with my baby daddy last night. I don't think we've ever actually talked-talked before last night. Ever. We were together for 3 years starting when I was 15. That was so long ago. And we were both kids. And since then its been mostly pleasantries and small talk with a few fights thrown in. We've both really grown up in the past 20 years. And he's going through something and I'm more than happy to be a sounding board. Although I did advise him to not ever take advice from me, as I'm the queen of bad decisions!

Anyhow, I made him laugh and definitely threw him for a loop with how much I've changed. He assumed I was still sweet, naive and innocent. haha! He was so wrong! I've really stopped caring what people think of me. And I'm not afraid to say anything. I like who I am, and I know that despite a few questionable choices, I am a very good person who just wants to help people and make people happy.

I have this huge stack of paperwork to sort through. And 12,000,000 emails. But I'm just going to take them all one at a time. Because really, that's always the best plan!


So don't mind if I fall apart, there's more room in a broken heart....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0A7jAVDPJU

Day drunk into the night.....

Later today I have an appointment with a nutritionist. I hope she can give me some ideas of what to eat besides chicken, brown rice and broccoli. Today was my weigh in day. Based on my new weight, I lost a daily WW point. I'm torn about this. It means I'm having success and losing weight. But it also means less food! And less food equals more planning to make it all work. Oh, these dilemmas!!

Saturday night is movie night at ZammyZou's. Normally this would mean at least a couple drinks and lots of movie snacks. But not this time! I'm determined to continue to make good food choices. And with my birthday coming up, I need to make sure every decision I make up until then is a good one. My birthday is going to be filled with lots of alcohol and yummy bad food. I can't wait!

I haven't been to the MN State Fair in years. I really don't like the fair all that much. But I think this year I'm going to go with C-C-W. They put out a list of all the new foods, and some of them sound so seriously delicious. I think it will be worth it to break my fair hiatus in order to partake in all of the yumminess. I haven't had State Fair cheese curds in like 10 years. and the thought of them makes me drool!



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzRyxGBGiAE

How on earth did I get so jaded, Life's mystery seems so faded.....

Well, I finished all 995 levels of Candy Crush. Now what am I supposed to do with my time? That was such a good distraction, but I don't really want to start playing another game. Before the last set of new levels came out, I went back to try and get 3 stars on all the levels. I guess I could continue that mission. Or I could read a book or something.

I'm having an interesting hair day. Whenever I use Pantene conditioner, my hair gets super bouncy. So I usually don't use it. But it was what I grabbed last night in the shower, so today my hair has lots of bounce. If it was longer that would be a good thing. But with it being so short, it's just too....something?  I don't know? Bouncy??

And a note to myself - I need to buy clothes that fit. I am wearing the cutest shirt ever, but it is clearly 2 sizes too big. Why do I want to look bigger than I am? That's just dumb. This weekend I am going to sort through my too big clothes and get rid of them. I so hope laziness doesn't get in the way.

Back in 1992/93 I worked at a restaurant with a bunch of guys. They hated my taste in music and so I asked them to go with me to the record shop down the hall in the mall and pick out a couple of cassettes that they thought were acceptable for me to listen to. I ended up with Grave Dancers Union by Soul Asylum and Core by Stone Temple Pilots. I listened to them over and over. I should thank them again for expanding my already diverse musical interests.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRtvqT_wMeY

And Hollywood's calling for the movie rights.......

I had a pretty good weekend. Yesterday I went over to my sisters to celebrate Fathers Day. We grilled and I ate without regards to points or calories. I haven't had a steak in so long, and it was excellent. And it was nice to hang out with  my dad, aunt and uncle for an afternoon. And the food was so good. A Bakers Square fresh strawberry pie for dessert, pretty much the best thing ever. I am so glad that I went on the treadmill Saturday night. I actually ran for almost a mile and then walked for 2 more.

This is going to be a challenging week because my husband is on vacation. We've already discussed that I have a routine and intend to follow it. I get home from work, the princess and I make dinner, and then I go on the treadmill. He hates the treadmill and my music on while he is playing his video game. Apparently it makes it hard for him to hear on his headset. But I absolutely need to exercise. and I need to follow my routine.

Tonight we are going to grill hamburgers. It's a lot of points, but if I plan during the day I can make it work. The 93/7 hamburger, including a bun and cheese, works out to 10 points. that's over a third of my daily allotment, but so worth it. I just need to make careful choices the earlier part of the day.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ousaiByU1ko

You used me oh so helplessly.......

It's 7:00 on a Saturday night and I am at a crossroads. A large part of me wants to eat everything in sight until I can no longer feel anything. But the smarter part of me knows I should walk on the treadmill until this feeling goes away. I think at least for tonight the exercise is going to win. I wish there was a way, aside from drugs or alcohol, to just not feel anything for awhile. To just forget everything. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes I just get so emotional. About nothing and everything all at the same time.

Tomorrow is Father's Day. I am so blessed to have a wonderful dad. I can't even count how many times he has dropped everything to come over and help me disconnect my dishwasher or look at my broken furnace, or a hundred other things I needed help with.

And July is coming up. I'm excited for my birthday, but the rest of the month not so much. My birthday party is on my parents anniversary. That's usually a hard day, but I'm hoping the distraction will be enough to make me not think about it. I have a new dress, I've lost over 20 pounds, I'm going out with my daughter and my best friend. So many reasons to be happy. So I'm going to try really hard. Especially since I feel like the end of July is going to be especially hard. I am now more convinced than ever that the anti-depressants made it possible for me to not have to deal with all of the emotional stuff. But this year at the reduced dosage, I am probably going to have to deal with it.  But I think I'm ready. I made it through Mother's Day, I can make it through July!!!

Ok, off to the treadmill because its either that or eat. And I don't want to binge on anything besides Scandal on Netflix.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjFt75KtcF0

We are that movie that never ends......

It's Friday! And I am wearing a new pair of jeans in a smaller size than a month ago! This makes me happy! I'm doing very well following Weight Watchers Mon-Fri. Sometimes the weekends kind of suck. But now that I have an epic new dress to wear out for my birthday, I am determined to lose enough weight before then to make sure that I look awesome. Its only like 3 weeks away and it's going to be so much fun!

I'm still not sure what the plan is for Fathers Day. My sister is, well, she is my sister. And knowing her, she will tell me the plan about 3 minutes before it's supposed to happen. Tomorrow is the grad party for another one of C-C-W's nieces. I think I will go for a little while and drop off my card and then go home and do laundry.

I am now on level 979 of Candy Crush. I really hate this game, but I can't quit playing. This game frustrates and challenges me way more than it should. And maybe that's why I play? Because it's hard, but its possible. And I just love those no-win situations.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANqLKCqDx9o

I wanna show you the peaceful feelin' of my home.....

I got my birthday dress yesterday. It is so cute, and I'm so excited to go out and celebrate. This will only be the 12th time I've turned 29, so it's worthy of a celebration! I do still need to find the perfect bra to wear with it though. I ordered a couple and paid way more than I've ever paid for a bra, but they just don't push up the way this dress requires. So I shall keep shopping. Oh, the horrible plight of being a DD.

I took a break from having Panic! At The Disco on repeat in order to listen to some Loggins & Messina. I actually think I prefer Anne Murray's version of A Love Song, but I haven't heard the L&M rendition for quite awhile.

I left work an hour early yesterday and came in to 16 missed calls and 37 emails. Its going to be a busy day!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4o68A6KXEDE

I'm about to lose control and I think I like it!!!

I was so excited about falling in love with the Panic! At The Disco song that I completely forgot about how EXCITED I am that Golden State won last night!!! I seriously heart Stephen Curry! What an awesome game! And what a great series!!!

And even more exciting??? Just over a week until the draft! And the T-Wolves with the #1 pick!!! Please, please, please make the right choice!!

And then its the countdown to College B-ball!!!

I'm so happy I have this passion back! Aside from blogging, its the thing I missed most!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iwBM_YB1sE

I’m sitting pretty in my brand new scars and......

It's Wednesday and I think it might rain. But I guess that's okay since I'm trapped in  my windowless office for the day. Actually, there is a window. But the view is a hallway. At least I have my own HUGE office, right?? I'm still not sure I deserve it, but after spending my entire working career in a cube, I appreciate a door I can close and more desk space than I know what to do with!

I'm still waiting for my sister to get back to me on what she is planning for Fathers Day. If I had known it would be this difficult to get her to commit to something I would have just planned it myself.

Tonight I am going to a taste test for something. Not sure what. All I know is that it pays $35 and I love doing taste tests. But I don't know how to calculate Weight Watchers points for sample servings. I will just have to be extra careful the rest of the week and not use my weekly points.

I'm not sure if I have ever even listened to a Panic! At The Disco song before. But I am in love with Hallelujah, it is the perfect song!

The best youtube comment ever happened on this song:
"I want to make this song into a human so I can take it to Vegas and marry it"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoe9ST8gQhQ

We keep repeating mistakes for souvenirs.....

Back to another Monday. I had an excellent weekend, I finished season 3 of Orange is the New Black. And I started season 11 of Grey's Anatomy. I never expected to like Grey's, but it has become one of my favorite shows.

Yesterday I went to C-C-W's nieces grad party. She has the greatest family, they are all so nice and welcoming. And there was a pasta bar. It was so hard to only have one bread stick. But I did! And it was so good. I also limited myself to one beer even though I wasn't driving.I can totally do this healthier eating thing, I think.

My company is having a summer long ice cream sale to raise money for the Humane Society. They are going to constantly stock the freezer with ice cream and sell it for $1. Ice cream is one of my favoritest foods ever. This is going to be a long, hard, tempting summer. But I am saying no. I have worked way too hard so far to throw it away for ice cream that I don't need. I bought a new dress to wear out for my birthday and I need to make sure it not only fits, but that it looks good!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Yqru5UXWGY

So I guess the fortune teller's right......

There's another new Bingo Blitz board. I'm never going to finish all the boards. I was debating to going back to being an admin, but BB is making it so hard to help people.

Tonight the Princess and I are having a movie night. Nick is going over to a friends house, so her and I are going to hang out. Last time we had a movie day we watched Clueless, which I love! I hope she chooses something just as good!

I spent the morning making the Princess a cross body bag. I think it turned out adorably! I think I may make one for myself, but out of different fabric. I'm not a super huge fan of sugar skulls. But I really like the combo of lace and skulls.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VV1XWJN3nJo

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness.....

It's Friday! Season 3 of Orange is the New Black was released on Netflix, so this weekend I 'm going to watch that and do some more sewing. And laundry. I have so much laundry. Sunday I'm going to one of C-C-W's nieces grad party for at least a little bit. I'm trying to be super careful with my WW points, so this is going to be hard. Grad parties = food and cake. And I really want to lose at least 12 more pounds before my birthday. It was suggested that I wear a dress and look hot. That is a bit difficult since I don't feel "hot" at this weight, but 12 pounds would do it, I think. The less I weigh, the more confidence I get. And confidence is HOT!

Pro tip for messaging with me: sending me a message after we haven't talked for a few days that just says "What the f***, b*tch" as the way of a greeting does not endear you to me. Not even a little. All it really does is make me cranky. Next time try "Hi" or any of a dozen variations of hello that do not involve calling me names. I'm one of those B's you can catch better with honey.

My iBotta account is back up to $28.50. I absolutely love that app! I've already cashed out over $90 since November. And it is so easy to use. I started using mr.rebates back in 2006. Since then I have earned almost $800 in cash rebates on things I would have bought online anyway. I cash that account out every Christmas for shopping. Here's a link to mr.rebates if you are interested in joining. I can't imagine why you wouldn't want FREE MONEY! Mr. Rebates


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY

It's such a magical mysteria.....

I'm so excited that I get to go the Def Leppard/Foreigner/Tesla concert!!! I'm going with C-C-W and our husbands. I just wish I didn't have to wait until October! Unless you count Edgefest in 1999 -which I don't because we left after an hour- Nick and I have never gone to a concert together. Our musical taste are just another one of our incompatibilities I guess. I have awesome, diverse musical taste, and he listens to music that pretty much sucks.

And C-C-W and the Princess have planned an excellent birthday party for me. A girls night full of my favorite people, barhopping, and the promise of singing!! I can't imagine a better way to spend a night. I'm so excited! I was not looking forward to turning 40 and having to be an adult. But how could I not be excited to spend an evening with my best friend and my wonderful daughter?!?

Last night my old friend Jocelyn came over and we drank wine and caught up. A few years ago we were super close, practically best friends. We hung out at least once or twice a week and talked every day. I'm not sure what happened. We did have a bit of a disagreement over a facebook page she set up. I felt that it was extremely mean spirited and I didn't like it. So I called her on it because she was posting some really cruel things. Maybe I overreacted a little, but making fun of people is just not something I can sit back and watch. Anyhow, that is pretty much when we stopped hanging out. We have mutual friends, so we still saw each other and everything was fine, but we just never hung out after that. Anyhow, it was nice to spend an evening catching up with her.

Two years ago I bought these super cute shoes, and rarely get to wear them because they don't match a lot of my outfits. But I got to wear them today and I super love them!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SluRyO4EA4

But someday you'll pay the price, I know......

Well, the basketball game did not turn out the way I wanted. I hope Golden State fairs better in game 4.

Foreigner is coming in concert with Def Leppard and Tesla. I really want to go. I'm just waiting for someone/anyone to agree to go with me. I think C-C-W might. I love Foreigner. When I was in 10th grade I used to listen to Records on my walkman until eventually the cassette just got worn out. It was rather funny, because hardly any of my friends even knew who Foreigner was. but it was my favorite. I cycled between Foreigner, TMBG, The Cure and Troop. I've always had diverse musical tastes.

Last night the Princess made salsa chicken and it was phenomenal. We had it in tortillas with brown rice. We will definitely be making it again.

I have been at work for almost 2 hours. I just now realized that I left my coffee in my car. Again. What is wrong with me? How can I forgot coffee??? Well, it's probably cold and gross now. So I guess I will just make some new stuff.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMqfWoFjgto

You know I think it's time to give this game a ride......

I've come to realize that the music I listen to on the way to work in the morning really affects my mood. There are some songs that just automatically put me in a good, upbeat mood. Centerfield by John Fogerty is one of those songs. How can you listen to it and not smile? I think today is a good day to listen to CCR!!!

I super scored at The Goodwill on Sunday. I got 2 brand new with tags pairs of Ann Taylor dress pants in the size smaller than I currently wear for $7 each. AND THEY FIT!!! Unfortunately they are lined and way too hot to wear now. Which is probably good, because they will fit even better if I lose another 10 pounds. The point is, they do fit, even if they are a little tight. I could wear them! And some nice lady who works in our building came up to me and said she noticed I was losing weight. And then she said I look awesome. She was exaggerating a bit with "awesome", I still have work to do. But it was nice to hear that she noticed!!

I found a super cool gold gel glitter pen in my desk. I don't remember buying it, but I can't wait to find a project to use it on. I will have to make a card for someone or something like that. I also need to get organized and order the rest of C-C-W's birthday present. I really hope she likes it, I've been thinking about it for 4 months. I know she'll say she likes it no matter how she feels about it, but its something I really want her to love!

I am in love with this nail color. It's a gel color by SensatioNail called Purple Orchid. It's a dark purple with tiny flecks of glitter. I'm so happy that my nails are all long and fantastic. I'm loving gel polish!! And yes, my nails are real! Thank you Pink Armor Nail Gel!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04KQydlJ-qc

And I have met my destiny in quite a similar way....

ZarahZou's grandparents are steadily improving. Grandpa has been moved out of ICU, so I'm happy for that. They still have a lot of recovering to do, but things are looking up. 


Saturday night I watched Muriel's Wedding for the 10,345th time. It's one of my all time favorite movies. One of the best quotes ever is from that movie:

"But since I've met you and moved to Sydney, I haven't listened to one Abba song. That's because my life is as good as an Abba song. It's as good as Dancing Queen." 

There have been multiple times in my life I've felt that way, that my life was as good as a great song like Dancing Queen. I hope I can find a way to get there again soon, because lately it seems like my life is more like SOS or The Winner Takes It All.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sryOCnuj7c 

Golden State lost last night in OT. Unfortunately (or fortunately??) I fell asleep at half time. I wonder if I will eventually be able to stay awake for a whole game. 

Yesterday I started on the girls kimono shirts. CH picked out a sugar skull fabric and the Princess picked out a floral lace. I'm about half done with CH's, but not sure if I will have time to sew until next weekend. The Princess also asked for a cross body bag out of the sugar skull fabric. I think I can manage that. This whole sewing thing is really out of my comfort zone, and its nice to have projects that push my creativity and (lack of) skill. I'm glad I'm not afraid to try new things.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sj_9CiNkkn4

Anyone who's ever had a dream......

My bff ZarahZou and her family need lots of prayers. Her grandparents were in a serious car accident today, and her grandpa is in the ICU. So, ZarahZou, hugs and prayers and love to you.

I just finished watching the movie The Best of Me. I'm at a loss at how to describe it. I pretty much started crying 3 seconds in, and am still feeling a little teary. I mean, WTF! Seriously??!??  I think the ending was supposed to leave you feeling good, love in a complete circle or some crap like that. I just ended up feeling sad and mad. I really wanted the fairy tale ending, and maybe in some ways that's how it did end.  But it was not the ending I wanted. I wanted true love to persevere. And I suppose you could argue that it did. But not in the way I thought it should. I just feel kind of ripped off. I want love to prevail, I want to believe in fate and destiny. And if it doesn't exist in really life, can't it at least exist in Hollywood? (And yes, you could argue that it did exist in the movie, but not the way I wanted it to)

I spent the early part of the day shopping with The Princess and CH. We went to the fabric store, which may very well be my most favoritest place ever.  but now I have 6 yards of lace trim that I decided not to use on the quilt. So what am I going to do with $30 worth of lace?? I need to find a new project.

The girls picked out fabric so I could make them kimono cardigans. I think I will start on those tomorrow. I don't think they realize that I kind of suck at sewing. After that we went to lunch at The Pita Pit. Yum! That may be my new favorite place to eat. It turned out to be an excellent day.

I finished the quilt. I'm happy, well happyish, with how it turned out. The trim could be more even and the stitches could be evenly spaced. But for having no idea what I'm doing, I'm thrilled with the finished product.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHRFZFmEq9o

A hundred days have made me older.....

One of the bad things about going to bed at 8:00 on a Friday night is waking up at 4:30 on a Saturday morning. It's way too early to have any motivation to do anything, but I'm wide awake.

I started watching The Blacklist on Netflix last night. Its really good so far.

I think later today (much later) the Princess and I are going to go shopping. I need to get the trim so I can finish the quilt. Or work on the quilt, I still have a lot to do. I'm so excited for the baby! Only 2 months to go!! I hope I get to babysit a lot.

I've been trying to get rid of some tan lines, and I ended up with a burned stomach. I think that is why I had a dream last night that my alarm clock was also a toaster oven, cotton candy maker, and tanning lamp. Because that makes total and complete sense. Anyhow, I used my alarm clock to even out tan lines. And of course I did it on a work day, and ended up being super late to work. Sometimes I have the oddest dreams!



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPBzTxZQG5Q

Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.....

Woo-hoo!! It's Friday! And Golden State won the first game of the finals! I should never underestimate the power of my screaming at the TV! Curry with 50% field goal shooting and 8 assists?!? He is the best! But blowing a 10 point lead to force OT?? Yikes! I can't wait for the next game!

I'm looking forward to a weekend of nothing! Cleaning and working on CH's quilt. I started watching Warehouse 13 on Netflix. I like it, but I don't love it. It's making me want to re-watch Psych. I really, really loved that show. Why did it have to end?

Before I left for work this morning, I put a roast in the crock-pot with some Hawaiian BBQ sauce mix. Because that's what the Princess wanted. Unfortunately. I will not eat it because for one, it's pork. And for 2, there is pineapple in it. And that breaks one of my few food rules. I will not eat anything that mixes fruit and meat. Because yuck! I will eat just about anything, but mixing fruit and meat just makes my stomach feel all topsy-turvy. I'm sure it's delicious, but I will never find out.

 I brought chili for lunch today, but I'm also wearing a white shirt so I'm going to have to think about that decision a bit more. Not to say I'm messy, but....


Sometimes I wish I was older so I could have seen concerts like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhH3mRkKDX8

And the grand facade, so soon will burn....

Yesterday at the insurance conference I got an awesome swag bag. It included items like a mini flashlight, chap stick and dental floss. And a really cool pen! Those items alone made it worth going, but they also offered attendees an extra 2 points in commission for 60 days. So now I've got to SELL!

Say Anything is one of my most favoritest movies ever. It may have been what spurred my love and appreciation for pens. Because, after all, what better way to let them know you care? "I gave her my heart. She gave me a pen". hahahaha!! I think I'm going to watch that movie this weekend. Yes, I've seen it 118,000 times. But it gets better each time!

Its a gloomy day and probably going to rain. But I wore a dress anyway. I'm finally tan enough, and I love wearing skirts and dresses. Plus my only pants that fit right need to washed. That's the only negative of losing weight - clothes not fitting right. At least tomorrow I can wear jeans!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MstUBwkyTB4

Price you gotta pay when you break the panorama....

I've got an insurance convention thing to go to this morning. That usually means donuts. Not! Going! To! Happen! I love donuts. But today I will say no. I also have 24 hours of continuing ed to do before my birthday to maintain my license. I should probably get started on that. Soon.

Today was my first official weigh in for Weight Watchers. I lost 2 pounds, which I suppose is okay. But I want to be at the end of the weight loss part so I can begin the maintenance. And buy new clothes. None of my pants fit right since I only seem to be losing weight from my thighs. I hope it evens out soon.

I think I decided to grow my bangs out. I'm still considering the options, but if I'm going to continue to exercise, I really want to be able to put all my hair back into a ponytail. These kinds of decision should not require so much contemplation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MR9OH6BjOo

So I dub thee unforgiven.....

I've tried to avoid all things Duggar for the past several years. 19 kids equals way too much exploitation for my taste. But I can't seem to avoid having this whole Josh Duggar "scandal" shoved down my throat every time I turn around. Its all over Facebook, Twitter, People Magazine, cnn.com, the grocery store, the gas station, the water cooler.....I put scandal in quotes because I don't see this as so much of a scandal as an unconscionable act of travesty against both religion and justice. By both Josh and his parents.

I am not writing (or judging) as a representative of morality or Godliness, I am writing as someone who has experienced firsthand how being sexually abused can DESTROY you. Something that happens to you when you are 9 years old can follow you through your entire adult life. Yes, therapy can help. But it will never, ever undo whats been done. And therapy (and meds) cannot ever entirely take away all the self-doubt and lingering feelings of hurt, shame, and even guilt.

It is not something you can simply "get over". It is ALWAYS there. And then there are also the never-ending, unanswerable questions: What would I be like had this never happened? Would I be happier? Would I like and respect myself more? Would I have respected myself enough to not let that horrible, drunk & passed out thing happen to me when I was 15? Would I care more about the people that could be hurt by some of the choices I've made?  And the big one: Would I even have done some of the things I've done had this never happened????

It's not an excuse. And it's not a reason. It just simply is what it is. And I am who I am. And I know right from wrong. But sometimes how I feel about myself and my need for approval and acceptance overpowers common sense. I would guess that most days, 99.9% of the day I do not give the past any thought at all. But if we do the math, that still means that I spend about a minute a day HATING myself and what I've been through.

But this isn't about me. It's about the girls who have been hurt and completely disregarded. And this is what makes me both angry and sad. I feel like they've been forced into forgiving someone who violated them in ways that no one who hasn't been there (and even some people who have) can never truly understand. They've been preached at that since God forgives, they must too.

But one of the fundamental thoughts I've carried with me for over 30 years is that some acts are truly unforgivable, and that eventually he would die and go to Hell and pay for what he did. And since he's dead now, I want to believe (need to believe!) that he was not forgiven and is rotting in Hell. I know this is not a very Christian way to think,. But hurting a 9 year old like that is not a very Christian thing to do.

So to the innocent girls Josh Duggar hurt, I pray you can find the peace that I'm still searching for. Please know that he was entirely wrong and at fault, and your parents actions and reactions were wrong and you deserve better. Forgiveness is a nice theory, but some things are UNFORGIVABLE! All you can do is accept and deal. But don't deal like I have. Have enough love and respect for yourself to not need the approval of others, and try not to hurt people through your actions.

I hesitate to post this, but why should I continue to be ashamed of something that happened to me through no fault of my own? I did nothing wrong. This is one of my every day struggles, and maybe someone will read it and feel not quite so alone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ckom3gf57Yw