I'm not a mind reader but I'm reading the signs......

The concert last night was one of the best nights ever! No, I didn't actually get to marry Joey McIntyre. We have decided to postpone that until after the next time they come here. C-C-W and I devised an epic plan for the next concert. Sorry, I can't share it, but I don't want anyone to steal it. Its LITERALLY our BEST! PLAN! EVER! For real! And we have had a ton of good schemes and plans.  This one is the best!!

NKOTB puts on a killer show. They know that the 40 year old women (and the 29 year old me) are in the audience to hear the old songs, and they play the best ones. I got tons of compliments on my Joey shirt and my shoes. And I peed in the mens bathroom not once, but twice. While men were in there. It was the most hilarious thing ever. Maybe because I was a bit tipsy. lol

Most of my pictures turned out terribly. I super suck at taking pics. But heres Joey, and yes, he was pointing at me:

I checked my work email and there are a couple things I'm going to have to deal with, but at least I can handle them in my pajamas on my couch in my Joey t-shirt. I really don't want to get dressed all day, but there is a part of me that would really like to shower and go to the grocery store to get stuff to grill hamburgers for dinner. These dilemmas, I swear.!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC8N9WywIqY

Well, I guess, it's a brand new day after all....

TONIGHT!!!  I am so excited for the concert tonight!! And C-C-W volunteered to drive! This means that Joey and I can toast our impending nuptials with a bottle of champagne!! I don't know how I'm going to get through the next few hours trying to work when all I want to do is sing!!!

I'm also excited that I get to help plan CH's baby shower! And I get to make chicken bow-tie pasta salad with pistachio-pesto dressing, which is pretty much my single greatest recipe invention ever!

And shoot! I just realized that I left my coffee in my car. and I have been here for over an hour so it's probably cold. Why do I continuously do that? I guess I will just make more.

I added 2 minutes to my tanning time last night, and apparently that was just enough to cause me to burn. I can't wait until I'm tan and can wear dresses! Just a couple more sessions, I think.

I got my Don't Sweat the Small Stuff workbook yesterday, so I think I'm going to work on that over my 5-day weekend. Maybe I will come back to work Monday a completely different, and better, person!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTo3N73hpPg

It's a fool's game, Nothing but a fools game.....

Two more work shifts until NKOTB!!! I'm so excited! I got my Joey T-shirt last night, and I am so excited to wear it. I'm so glad I got it in time!

I took my dryer apart last night. It seems the problem is a broken drum belt, so I ordered a new one online and I am pretty sure I should be able to fix it myself. Because I am just that awesome! And the belt was under $8!! So even if that doesn't make it work, I'm only out a few dollars.

Last night I reconnected with an old friend from high school. Actually, I'm not entirely sure we were more than casual acquaintances in school, but I think we could be friends now! We chatted for about an hour about where life has taken us. Oh! I just remembered that we were on the speech team together in 9th grade. We spent a lot of time together on the bus going to meets.

The speech team was a great experience for me. Everyone always assumes I'm shy because I don't always talk a lot. But the exact opposite has always been true. I have no fears of getting up in front of a group and giving a speech. I started out in serious prose, doing The Giving Tree. But I wasn't really feeling that, so I switched categories and wrote my own speech. It was about moving "across the universe. Well, not the universe, exactly, but across the entire state". I did not ever win anything, but it was a wonderful experience that I'm glad I went through.

Anyhow, KS, I'm glad we got the opportunity to talk and I hope we can be friends. You have always been a lovely, sweet, kind person!

In other news, I'm having one of those moments where I am certain the universe is conspiring against me and wanting me to fail. But I will not. I'm worth way more that!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZ6hKIUvZ9w

Stars have their moment and then they die.....

It's another Monday, but not just any Monday. It's only 3 work shifts until I see NKOTB and marry Joey McIntyre!! I'm so excited for the concert. I haven't taken down the posters I hung up in my living room for Glee night. I want to leave them up forever!

I'm thinking I may skip yoga tonight and go tanning and then tear apart my dryer. And hopefully go to bed early.

I feel like I should be listening to the New Kids today, but I'm sort of in a Nick Cave kind of mood. maybe I will finish off this album and then switch over to something not quite so dark and gloomy.

I have a 3 day work week!!! And I have absolutely nothing planned for Thursday and Friday, and I'm so happy about that. Saturday night I have movie night at ZammyZou's. I think I might call Becky and see if she wants to hang out one night. Yes, I think I will.

Okay, off to start my Monday work day!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNCArPzIbBQ

Wish you well, I cannot stay, You deserve an award for the role that you played.....

Last nights 80's Glee event was awesome. It was our best Glee event ever!! C-C-W and I had a little dance party to NKOTB. I don't dance. I'm worse at dancing than singing, and I sing terribly! But it was so much fun. I have the best friends ever!

I'm pretty sure I still might be drunk. We passed a bottle of Fireball around taking shots to the late great Michael Hutchence. And to Inxs. And to Tabby-Wabby for being a cat. Pretty much everything got a shot dedicated to it. I really should know better than to drink Fireball, especially after the disaster that was St. Patricks Day. I just never learn, do I?

Speaking of disasters, I accidentally sent a very, very, very inappropriate text to my daughters friend. I really should not have my phone when I'm drinking!! "oops, sorry, wrong person" just can't undo the nature of this particular text. All I can do is LMAO. I mean, really, why do I make such stupid mistakes?? And then when I finally got the text to the right person, I couldn't stop laughing.

I'm going to spend the day on the couch watching Netflix. And I have to do a couple loads of laundry.  I decided that tomorrow when I get home from work I'm going to take apart my dryer and see if its the belt that needs replacing. I hope its something easy like that because I decided that I don't really want to buy a new dryer when this one is still relatively newish. I'm so indecisive.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDeiovnCv1o

And this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyFzpBAZICc

I know it's like trying to turn around on a one way street.....

I slept for 12 & 1/2 hours last night, and it was AWESOME! And now I have to clean my house for tonight. The Princess did a lot of it, but now I've got to finish it and get it set up. I have a ton of NKOTB posters to hang up!! And I still have to buy ice and I want to pre-make the mac & cheese this morning so I just have to throw it in the oven tonight. I love that I have friends wonderful and dorky enough to have a "Glee Club" with me, and that they are willing and wanting to sing out loud!! I know I really can't sing well, but they have never complained or laughed at me! And I love that!

I woke up thinking about a super greasy, high calorie delicious breakfast. But then I weighed myself and saw I lost 2.5 more pounds and decided I'd go with cereal and a banana. I'm getting so much better at making good choices!!

I need to pull out my New Kids video dvd because I think I'm going to have that playing tonight while we eat dinner and get drunk enough to sing! Josie gave me the dvd before one of the concerts we went to together. We've gone to 3 or 4, and I feel super bad that I didn't even think to invite her this time. We were best friends back in 2010, and I'm not sure what happened. Nothing dramatic, no fight, we just grew apart I guess. And I'm sad about it.

I'm now singing NKOTB to Tabby-Wabby and apparently she is not a fan. My poor cat is probably so traumatized by my solo concerts. But she does not need to lay right in front of me, she could go lay on the other couch. So maybe she enjoys it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivu2ktfompc

Cause the day I thought I'd never get through, I got over you......

It's going to be a fabulous Friday! I'm back to being myself and liking myself, and I'm so happy for that. And by myself, I mean me both prior to my most recent lapse in judgement and prior to the whole 2010 b.s. that nearly ruined me. I'm good and I'm happy! And I'm finally not just saying that to try and convince myself it's true. I really feel it!

I'm over the hurt and confusion, and I'm over YOU! And by you, I do not mean Joey McIntyre. Joey, we are still so getting married next week.

I'm going to spend the day having an NKOTB concert in  my office to get ready for next week. I'm so glad I have the privacy to sing out loud uninterrupted! But then by the same token, what other adult that has their own office cranks up New Kids on the Block and sings along??? I'm certainly my own person!

Time to get some work done so I can get out of here at 2:30!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m02-RHN_hQE

Don't you know you're my kind? You're just what I like...

Oh, oh, she's my cover girl
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5d0T015ZA4

I'm so excited! I found what I'm wearing to the NKOTB concert! I just won it on eBay. I paid way more than I should for a 25 year old t-shirt, but AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! I can't wait until I get it! Now Joey HAS TO marry me!!! And yes, I realize I am both immature and obsessed. But I've had this stupid crush since I was 14 years old! 

I need more of you, changin' my rain into sun....

It's a perfect day out, 55 degrees and sunny. I wish the weather was like this year round.

I will soon be the proud owner of a New Kids on the Block sleeping bag. I have no idea what I'm going to do with it, but for some reason I NEEDED it. I need to stay away from eBay! I also have a door sized poster and a complete poster book. And 22 packs of trading cards. And a lunch box. And a water bottle. I so need an intervention STAT!

I'm doing my nails tonight for 80's Glee. I'm thinking clear polished nails with fluorescent colored tips, all different colors. Or if I can't find 10 different neon colors, then I could do 5. I have to sort through my polishes.

C-C-W keeps asking me what I want to do for my birthday. I'm going to be 30-10. How do you celebrate turning 40?? 40 sounds so old!  I want to do everything and nothing all at the same time. And that probably only makes sense to me. 

We are doing a fundraiser at work for the Ronald McDonald House, and so far we have raised enough money to wear jeans every Friday from Memorial Day to Labor Day, plus 2 extra days to use anytime. And for every $100 additional we raise, we get another floating jeans day. I'm not entirely sure why I'm so excited about this, I only have one pair of jeans that fit me right. But maybe its a good excuse to go shopping!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArwjReLirIw&index=2&list=PLyBBBocR84sHzoYV-Y_QhOOowQrL63F2I

I don't care what consequence it brings, I have been a fool for lesser things.....

It's Wednesday! The middle of the week, and just a few short days away from 80's Glee. And one week away from the wedding of my dreams!! JOEY!!! Both of these events are going to be SO! MUCH! FUN! It's been almost 2 years since I've seen NKOTB. The last time was July 2013. It was right in the middle of "Cabin Time", so I had to drive 2 hours home super hungover, go to the concert, and then drive 2 hours back to the cabin afterwards. Totally worth it!

I'm putting together the lyrics and playlist for Saturday and am having trouble narrowing it down to a reasonable number of songs. I want to sing everything! I got a lot of input from the other Glee'ers, but I also want to add so many songs. This party is going to end up lasting 52 hours with all the songs I want to sing.

There's a bake sale at work today. I just went and made a donation in exchange for NOT being able to buy anything. I hope they abide by my wishes and don't let me buy anything. I do not need any of the yummy cookies and bars. This is going to be hard, but I really don't want to eat anything with 11,000 calories. The princess made some Lucky Charms bars, and they look so good. I hope they sell.

I have a 3 day work week next week. I'm taking off Thursday and Friday for the wedding and honeymoon. Joey better come through for me!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_XgQhMPeEQ

And this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSq4B_zHqPM

You know that I have from the start......

I finished the Don't Sweat the Small Stuff book last night. I'm going to reread it because I want to highlight some parts and take notes and make lists of all the things I want to/need to work on. I think it may be hard to "love everyone, even the people who don't deserve it", but I'm committed. I'm committed to the concept and I know I can get there.

Saturday night is our 80's Glee event. I'm so excited, I love 80's clothes and hair. And I have a fantastic menu planned, I'm going with homemade mac & cheese and chicken fingers. And I think the Princess is making some cute little cupcakes. Otherwise I may make some Snickerdoodles because C-C-W has never had them and didn't even believe they were a real thing.

I'm currently bidding on a New Kids on the Block sleeping bag on ebay. Because this is something I so really need! I bought a bunch of posters to decorate for Saturday. And I may or may not have bought a shirt that says "Hello, my name is Mrs. Joey McIntyre".

Tonight I need to go to the grocery store. Tomorrow we are having a bake sale fundraiser and I need to create something to bring in. I'm leaning towards some kind of rice krispy bars, maybe Lucky Charms? I'm hoping I will get inspired once I start making my shopping list. I also need to get some fluorescent nail polish. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my nails, but I want them to be bright but also something I can wear to work. All these decisions......


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iol0B-clFFM

I'll bet you think this song is about you, Don't you? Don't you?

I had a fantastic Mothers Day. The princess and I spent the day playing cards and then we watched Clueless, which is one of those awesome movies that you can watch over and over and it's good every single time! She made me some awesome homemade foot scrub and lotion, which I love. But it wasn't the wonderful presents, it was spending time with her. I'm so lucky!!

Yesterday I made a set of note cards, and they are going to come in super handy for my next betterment project. I started reading Don't Sweat the Small Stuff....and its all small stuff. Yes, this book is almost 20 years old and I'm a little late getting on the bandwagon. But now, today, is when I need the messages the most. I need to find a way to reduce the stress and toxic thoughts I sometimes have. I want to be a loving and forgiving person towards everyone, even the people I don't really like or the people that I don't feel like deserve it. Because I want to feel that everyone deserves it.

Some of my actions have not been conducive to aspiring to be a good person. Like writing a blog post with the sole intent of making someone feel guilty or bad for hurting me. That's just really not fair to them. Everyone needs to take the actions that make the most sense to their life. I don't need to agree with what anyone else does. But I do need to accept it. I should not be projecting my hurt on to anyone else. They don't deserve it. And I'm sorry.

This being a better person thing is going to be a process. But I'm committed. The book has a lot of projects, and I'm going to try my hardest to complete them every single day. So first up:

I want to say thank you to my third grade teacher, Kris Gruber. There is very little chance she will remember me, and no chance she will remember what she wrote in my end of the school year "autograph" book. But its something that has stuck with, even though it's been over 30 years! I knew even in third grade that I loved writing and wanted to write, and even needed to write. She wrote a note encouraging me to continue writing. And it validated my desire to write. I don't want to write a novel, I just want to write for the sake of writing. And my blog fulfills that desire. And I owe Miss Gruber a huge thanks for her seemingly simple words that have had a huge impact on me!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j13oJajXx0M

and this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOIo4lEpsPY

We Could Fly So High, Let Our Spirits Never Die....

It's Mothers Day.....one of those days that are both happy and sad. I want it to be a celebration, but I can't help being just a little sad. My mom was truly a wonderful mom. The greatest compliment I've ever received was after she passed away, someone told me that I reminded them of my mom and I was as nice and kindhearted as she was. I only wish that was true!

Since I'm feeling a little blah, I decided I NEEDED to make a list of the wonderful things in my life, the things I am so thankful for. So here goes:

*My wonderful daughter and how caring and thoughtful and kind she is.
*My Faith. Its been a struggle, but I am at a place where I can truly trust in God and his plan.
*My husband who loves me more than anything in the world.
*My family. My dad is a great guy who would do anything to help his kids.
*My friends. I have the two best friends in the entire universe and a bunch of very good friends.
*My Health. Yes, there is the high blood pressure and cholesterol, and I weigh more than I should. And the anxiety and depression. And the bursitis in my hip. And the.....Well, I'm leaving this one on the list because I am able to get out of bed every morning and stand on my own two feet. Even if I do have plantar fasciitis and it feels like I'm stepping on broken glass.
*My job. I know I complain about it, but I am so fortunate to have not just a job, but a career. A successful career that I'm really good at.
*Having enough money to buy everything we need and a lot of things we want. We are by no means rich, but we have more than enough. And we are so lucky for that.
*My home. Yes, I wish we had a 2 car garage and a basement and more storage. But our house is within our budget, its a place to live, and it's ours!!!
*Music. Where would I be without it?
*My problem solving ability and my lack of fear in undertaking new projects. Not very many people would just decide to rewire their furnace and move the thermostat across the room. Or re-do all of the floors in their house by themselves. But me, I will tackle any project!
*Tabby-Wabby. Although she is the biggest brat in the universe, she is overall a pretty good cat.
*My car. Its old, but its paid for. This is the longest I've ever had a car, and as much as I complain about it, I've had few problems (knock on wood) with it.

Hopefully next time I'm having a bad day I can look back at this list and know that I have so much to be happy about. I may have lost people, but I have so much left in my life.

It seems like every year holidays get harder and harder without my mom here. Maybe part of it is the guilt because I know she would not be very happy about some of the choices/mistakes I've made. But I know that her love, acceptance, and understanding was always unconditional and that she would take my side every single time. Even when I was clearly wrong.

The past few weeks have been especially challenging, but I think I am in a good place mentally and will celebrate the day with a few of my favorite things: coffee, leftover pizza, diet coke, and spending time with my daughter. And maybe a movie or something on netflix. Or a trip to the fabric store to get the rest of the stuff I will need for the blanket I'm making for C-H's baby. Or I might make some note cards. Or go tanning. Or go for a walk. I have so many options!!!

I love you and miss you Mom!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWf-eARnf6U

You can feel bad if it makes you feel better......

I woke up super early for a Saturday morning, but since I went to bed at 7:30, that kind of makes sense. I slept straight through until 5:30 am. I love sleep soooooo much! But now I've got to get up and get my day started. I'm going to go garage saleing (or is it saling? or does it matter since I'm making up the word?) with the Princess and her friend CH. It will be so much fun shopping for baby stuff!!

Last night C-C-W came over for dinner and we ordered pizza. It has been so long since I've ordered pizza, at least a month! lol For a long time we were ordering pizza at least once a week, usually twice. But ever since I started the chicken & brown rice diet, we've had pizza so much less. I really missed it! And C-C-W is so nice. She brought me a couple bottles of wine. I think tonight I will drink one. Or maybe both. We'll see how the day goes. I just love her to pieces and I'm so glad she's my friend! Not because she brought me wine, but because she's so nice and she makes me laugh!

I love love love the auto play option on youtube. I had no idea that Patty Loveless and George Jones did this song as a duet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M17i77wh730&list=PLehGdj7AH-dhmfCqj64-M7GZp_ZDGch6v&index=4 and it is fantastic!! I love finding new songs and new versions of songs!!!

Ok, time to shower and get dressed and start this day!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6qfOdET2KA

And this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eopNLWRW0IM&list=PLehGdj7AH-dhmfCqj64-M7GZp_ZDGch6v

Let's not let what never was bring us down...

It's Friday! This has been a long week. But I got through all but 3 of the 7,253 stacks of paper on my desk. And today I will get through 2 more. I hope. Then I can tackle my email mess. 

The scale was my friend today as I moved down into a new weight "decade". I only need to lose 30 more pounds before May 20 when I marry Joey McIntyre! Totally doable! 30 pounds in 12 days is very realistic!!

I got my new phone yesterday. LOVE IT! Its so pretty. The only really negative is that it imported ALL of the emails from one my accounts. All 3,721. and I am sadly not exaggerating with that number. Its going to take hours to delete them all. I guess that will be my weekend project. 

I'm not sure what I'm doing this weekend, but hopefully it's nothing. Sunday is mothers day, and that's always such a hard day. My mother-in-law usually plans a dinner, but I'm not really feeling it. I don't want to celebrate, I want to do Sudoku puzzles and listen to music. And spend time with  my daughter. 

I ordered a pair of pants online and the color is called "Reunion Navy". Basically it means that it is an almost blueish-green color that doesn't really match anything. I did find one shirt in my closet that will work with them, so what a great wardrobe investment I made! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1A0-2dfil88

It's all a part of me, And that's who I am.......

So last week I deleted a blog post and ever since I've been trying to figure out why.  This is MY blog, and I write it for ME. My blog is public, and anyone and everyone is welcome to read it. I have nothing to hide. And I will never apologize for WHO or HOW I am. I have done NOTHING that I feel I need to defend, and I stand by all my choices and decisions. They were mine and mine alone. Just like this blog is MINE and MINE ALONE! Nothing in my life or my blog is about YOU!! It is about ME!! It is my thoughts and feelings. Its how I feel and who I am. And I should not have to censor who I am.

I'm not malicious or vengeful or vindictive, and I'm not angry or upset. I just don't do those kinds of negative emotions, I don't have them in  me. I am, however, hurt and confused. All I ever wanted was for us to be friends, and I thought we were. But involving a third party as a go-between to deliver the message that we can't be friends?? Are we in junior high??  I thought we were all adults? Yes, some of our conversations were flirty. And that flirtation was MUTUAL. And the flirting was harmless and fun. But the rest of our conversations were about music and movies and television shows and kittens and other things that friends talk about. We have a lot in common and it was fun chatting with you about all that. And you are very good friends with my bestest friend in the entire universe. It sort of makes sense that we would become friends.

The only thing I'm sorry about is that we can't be friends. And the only thing I'm hurt about is that you couldn't figure out a way to tell me yourself. I'm like the most accessible and least private person ever. My blog accepts anonymous comments, my email address is on my google+ profile, you could have gotten my phone # from multiple people, I have the market cornered on all things zenniezou, My email addresses: zenniezou@gmail.com, @yahoo.com, @outlook.com. My twitter is (surprise!), @zenniezou. My Facebook is Facebook.com/zenniezou, my myspace (does anyone even use that anymore) is myspace.com/zenniezou, you know where I live....I am completely public and am not at all hidden. You could have figured out a way to tell me yourself. And if you were not "allowed" to do that, then that is just sad. So the only alternative I can come up with is that you simply did not care enough to address this personally.

You can never have too many real friends and people that care about your well-being. And anyone who tries to limit that does not have your best interests at heart. I'm sorry for saying that, but its the truth. We all need people who care about us. We all need as many good, decent, kind, caring people in our lives as we can find.

I'm married and would not do anything to jeopardize that. But I'm also allowed to have friends and talk to whomever I want. My relationship is not a punishment or a jail sentence. Its a partnership based on mutual respect, love, consideration and understanding. And within it, I'm allowed to be an adult. And I would not tolerate a relationship any other way. I don't need to ask permission to hang out with my friends. Or to have friends for that matter.

Love should not imprison or trap you, love should make you feel free. Love should let you grow and encourage you to be surrounded by people who care about you. Love should trust and want you to be happy. Love should not dictate or demand. Love should want you to have real friends and love should trust your choices in friends. That's what love should want for you. And that's what I want for you.

--Insert the obligatory comment about always being here for you if you need anything. But you already know that because you KNOW that I am a kind, caring, selfless generous person--

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jd9zYKLepCw

You're the reason why I sing this song....

I'm counting down to the New Kids on the Block concert on the 20th and the night I FINALLY become Mrs. Joey McIntyre! Joey, it's been 25 years!! After that long Joey, you owe me! I'm so excited to go see them with C-C-W. This will be the first time she gets to experience NKOTB with me. I hope she can handle me screaming like a 12 year old girl!!! We are in section 114, row 6, which are AWESOME seats. I'm so excited!!

Today I am going to clear one pile of the massive piles of paperwork on my desk. That is my goal, and I'm staying here until its done! I want to go tanning after work, so hopefully I can get through it quickly so I can get out of here.

OOOHH!! There is a sale at the Coach Outlet online! I hope I can find what I'm looking for! As a gift for someone, because I can't really justify buying myself another Coach. Plus I really think I want a D&B for my next handbag.

To YOU: I'm sorry, too. I also hope maybe someday we can be friends again. You are a beautiful person and I will forever be grateful for the changes in me you helped to inspire. I'm happier with myself than I have been in a very long time. I have running and writing back, and I missed both of those things so much. And they are here to stay! If you ever want to talk or need anything, you know where I am. And you have an open invitation to stop by my house anytime ever without even calling first!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbIEwIwYz-c

And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again.......

The princess's best friend, CH, is pregnant and having a little girl. I'm so excited, I love babies. But CH just lost her mom a couple months ago and I know how hard this is going to be for her. One of main reasons I don't have any more kids is because I'm not sure I could do it without my mom around. Well, I know I COULD do it, but I don't want to. I had the best mom in the universe, and without her advice and guidance, I just don't want to try to raise another child.

So one of my friends IRL was selling a baby swing on a Facebook garage sale site. It was a great deal, so I thought it would be perfect for CH. And, she was selling a huge box of diapers, so I bought those, too. Thank you so much for the great deals, AC!!! I stopped by her house tonight to get the items and I also got to see her adorable, smily little boy. He is just the happiest little guy ever!

CH- I am here to help you! Of course I will always babysit, but more than that, if you ever want to talk.... I've been both a young mom and someone dealing with the loss of their own mom. You'll get through this, and me and the princess will help in whatever ways we can!

Someone said something to me in passing that should not have affected me, but it sort of shook up my world a little tiny bit. Its not something that they would ever in a million years expect to have any effect on me at all,  but it was like a sharp knife in the heart. It just made me question some things that I really believed to be true. I guess I always knew that liars lie and cheaters cheat, but I've always told the truth. Always. And you lied. You didn't have to, but you did. And I have no idea why.

I'm going to go on the treadmill and run away my frustration. Well, I'm going to walk/jog/maybe run a little. =)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dltxQGr0AKQ

And I LOVE this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9Y6irYBlRY

Cause you know I love the players, And you love the game.....

I almost didn't go to yoga last night, but I'm so glad I did. I'm getting more and more flexible, which is super awesome! I was so tired, and it would have been so easy to skip it. I need to remember to remind myself that doing things like this are good for me, and I always feel better afterwards!

Last night I had a horrible dream that I was on a road trip with 2 of my sisters and it was like 4 in the morning and we needed to keep driving. We stopped at a gas station to get coffee, but when we went to the machine the cashier told us that the coffee machine didn't work. Then she offered us glasses and told us we could have a free pop. But the only pop choices were Sprite, 7-Up, Root Beer and Orange. What do they all have in common? NO CAFFEINE! And this is my life! LMAO

I decided yesterday that I need to get a new phone. My home button doesn't work and it is getting more and more annoying. Unfortunately since the phone I have is only a year and a half old, I can't really justify an upgrade. So I'm thinking my next phone will be a lateral move. I have an iPhone 5c, and I'm thinking of getting a gold 5s. I never really pictured myself as an iPhone fanatic, but I really do love my phone. Its not a Blackberry, but will I ever love a phone as much as I loved that one??


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-ORhEE9VVg

Swept away for a moment by chance.... And we danced, danced

For a Monday, I'm in an insanely good mood. Maybe it was all the sleep I got this weekend?? Even knowing that I have 66 emails to deal with isn't making me cranky. I hope this lasts!! Yoga tonight, but first a trip to the grocery store. The Princess has decided that she too wants to eat chicken, brown rice and broccoli. This will make cooking and shopping so much easier!! Yesterday we assembled several days worth of lunches and dinners into plastic containers and filled the fridge. I'm glad that we will all be eating healthy!

I'm so excited that I only have one meeting on my calendar for this week. I swear last week was back to back meetings all week. For someone who is a true introvert like me, meetings are hard. All of the small talk and being expected to have something to say....it is just exhausting. People assume that I am shy, but that is not the case. I am not afraid to talk to people. I excel at public speaking, and can give speeches without being scared or nervous. I did all those plays without even batting an eye. But for some reason small groups are just so hard for me.

I went to Walgreen's yesterday, and on a scale of 1 to 10, I needed this at least an 11.5:

It's a post it note purse paperweight. And it is a lovely addition to my disastrously messy office!! Because I truly needed one more thing to take up space and add to the chaos!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zB1Q-PfUvN0

And I'm pouring straight tequila over mixed emotions.....

I had a fantastic time at C-C-W's house. We did not accomplish all we wanted with our business venture, but we did get a lot done. And we sang lots of awesome songs, and I nearly finished a bottle of tequila. So, yes, I may still be a little bit tipsy. =)

I slept for 14 hours last night and this morning, so I'm wide awake. And very well rested! So I decided I would log into some of my alternate Facebook accounts to play Bingo Blitz. I was an admin in a bingo group for awhile, and when I took a leave, one of the other admin's volunteered to collect my daily credits. So I've got 2 Facebook accounts with over 3500 credits in each. I tried to play, but the caller was going too fast for my current level of drunkenness.

I really wish sometimes I would take the advice of the people I trust the most, but for some reason I rarely do. AB, I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. You were so very right. Again!! And I didn't listen tonight when you told me to stay offline. So, I hope tomorrow this does not turn out to be a blog post I regret.  I know you're usually right, and I know you want nothing but the best for me. And I appreciate that and I love you to pieces for still being my friend even when I do such stupid stuff.

I sort of want to watch an episode of SoA, but I also want to keep listening to music.

p.s. If you knew me, I know you would like me. I've made mistakes and have some regrets, but at the end of the day I really am a kind, caring, considerate person who tries to help everyone I can and tries not to hurt people. And I am so sorry for anyone I've inadvertently hurt with some of my choices.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-cm7c4GwZY

Next time I see you, I'm giving you a high five.....

 Well, B is safe and sound in California. I did find a great way to stop the princess from crying at the airport yesterday and make her feel not so sad. She is so lucky I'm her mom! So lucky! Lol. I told her when we were walking into the airport that if she started to cry I was going to start to singing out loud. And when she inevitably got teary, I started singing. So she had to smile and laugh. This happened three times. When we were in the car, she thanked me for cheering her up, so it was a good plan. So then I took her shopping because really, shopping fixes everything. And she will be with B again in a few months and it will be her who has to sing to stop me from crying!!

I'm so excited that the 7th season of Son of Anarchy is on Amazon Prime!! I love Jax!! and I love the show. Even though I know how it's going to end, I'm still excited to watch. I'm going to try to not binge watch it so I can make it last longer. But that's going to be so hard!!

I really need another pedicure. I have a pedi play date with ZarahZou on the 23rd, but I may need to get one before then. Can you ever really have too many pedicures??

'cause hugs are overrated, just FYI
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8JUvbJekM88

But if somewhere in the middle's what you're lookin' for......

It's Friday!! And I get to wear jeans and leave work at 10:30. This would be a great day if it wasn't for the fact that B is moving back to Cali today. I'm dropping her off at the airport and then I get to go home and deal with my princess, who is likely to be a sobbing mess since her girlfriend is moving a billion miles away. And on top of that, I have to live with the fact that MissAlyssa will be moving to California in just a few short months. I'm not sure how I'm going to survive my baby leaving.

So now I'm stuck reflecting on the past. I've tried my hardest to be the best mom possible. I know I've made mistakes, but I tried. I really did. And I hope when she thinks back she will remember all of the game nights, the endless hours spent on bike rides and at the park, swimming in the ocean, the vacations, the 3 books at every time bedtime, making up the words to songs......

The only thing I really ever did wrong was not be as tough as I should have been. And maybe I was too overprotective. I know this, and I know she probably needed more discipline. But I really did try. And all I ever wanted for her has been accomplished. I wanted her to be a person who would be kind and caring and compassionate with little kids, old people and animals. And she is all that. She has a beautiful heart. And I don't know what else I could ask for. I'm so fortunate to be her mom.

Dammit! Now I'm getting all teary-eyed and she hasn't even left yet! I will most definitely miss B, she's lived with us for 2 years. But I know that the girls need to take the chance and try it on their own. I just need to let her go and find her own way. =(

On a happier note, tomorrow night I am going to go over to C-C-W's and we are finally going to get started on our most brilliant business plan ever!! Obviously I can't go into details on a public blog, but I think out of all of our plans this one is going to be the most fun and most successful! We've had good plans before, but we usually get to drunk to execute them.  But this time, we are determined!! I so love that my best friends are so supportive of my love for glitter and glue sticks!!!



I'm that kind of girl, yeah I'm that kind of girl
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-HVP01goE4

I'm highly amused.....

Somehow someone ended up writing a critique of my blog. Here's the link:

http://kallikyea.blogspot.com/2014/02/unit-one-blog-critique.html

Some highlights:

"After reading this blog, I've come to the conclusion that this women is very dramatic"

"She is always talking about how much she drinks and how she is taking medication by the handful."

"Those posts do not make her sound very smart; its almost like she is begging for attention."

'These types of people never fail to impress me with their stupidity, clearly she's looking for attention and you can tell she overdramatizes the most insignificant things such as breaking a nail."

At least I got this: "Her blog is very organized and easy to read."   LMAO

All of the above is true, except for the begging for attention part. My target blogging audience is very simple: Me. I write for me. And as long as I'm entertained, that's what matters. I don't expect anyone to read what I write. If they read it and something somewhere makes them at least smile a little bit, that is a huge bonus for me. I write because it is an escape from real life. I write because it makes me feel better. I write to leave a record for myself so I can go back and reflect on where I have been and what I have gone through. I write because I enjoy it.

 Am I overly dramatic?? YES!! Did I drink a lot and take too many pills at one time?? YES!! but that doesn't mean I'm dumb!  I am actually quite book smart. I just lack common sense sometimes. I can appreciate how this person came to the conclusions they did, and I can even agree with most of it. And it made me laugh a lot, so there's that!!!

Anyhow, thank you to them for taking the time to read my writing!!!

If home is where the heart is, Then my home is where you are

It's Wednesday! My allergies have been so terrible the past couple days. I think that's why I love winter so much, less allergy symptoms!

I love the people who have posted the entire Relient K MMHMM album on youtube! I could listen to it over and over and over. The songs are so catchy and the lyrics are so meaningful. I think they wrote some of the songs for me personally!! I actually bought 2 copies of the CD because I was so afraid of something happening to one of them. This is the only CD I can say that about!!

My husband told me I could get a new dryer, although I'm not exactly sure I was asking permission. And actually his response was "do what you want to do, you're going to anyway". And that's probably true. But we do need a new dryer. I've been hanging up all our laundry, but it gets all crunchy.

So I'm playing Trivia Crack and I love when I get a string of super easy questions. Which book includes Genesis and Exodus? Too easy! I like winning!


But it's getting, oh, so hard
To spend these days without my heart
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvG5TLd8yGc

I think you're so mean, I think we should try, I think I could need this in my life

Tuesday is one more day closer to Friday, although I am not entirely sure why I even want the weekend to come?? So I can spend another 48 hours listening to sad songs on Pandora and pondering the dramedy that is my life? I've been trying to go all Pollyanna on this sh*t, and usually I can find the glad. But maybe sometimes there just is no glad!  Whoever said "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" should be pushed down the stairs!

We are having an 80's themed Glee night on May 16th. We've done 80's twice before, and it has always been fun. The music is so great to sing to, and everyone always knows the songs. And the costumes!! The costumes are so awesome! And it is so much fun to douse yourself in AquaNet and wear fluorescent colored clothing and talk like a valley girl!! Now I need to find something to wear that I haven't worn yet and I need to decide what to serve for dinner. I love the planning, I just wish I didn't need to clean my house for the execution!

Yoga was really good last night, but I wish I was more flexible. And I wish my stomach didn't get in the way of some of the poses. I don't want to be a teeny tiny ballerina because I would hate to lose my cleavage. But I do want to be a thinner version of myself! And the scale is cooperating, but soooo very slowly!!

Okay, time to get some work done!! Working while at work is so overrated!


I think I'm just scared - I think too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clKAdQnwJ7A

Bonus song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPC2Fp7IT7o

Had I known my heart would break, I'd have loved you anyway.......

It's Monday! Yay for yoga night!!

Skating did not go as planned. And by that I mean it didn't happen! Apparently someone booked out the whole skating rink for a private party. How could they do that on a night when we are planning our greatest ever skating reunion? At least I did get to have a wonderful dinner with Zenny and catch up and gossip!

I walked out of the house without my coffee this morning. This could have been a tragedy, but I decided to say screw being late and I went back to get it. Because I need coffee!! And plus my coffee cup is pink and purple and makes me happy!

Why isn't "For a While" by Trisha Yearwood on youtube?? I have the cd, but I had to buy it on iTunes this morning so I could listen to it. And I have the feeling I will be playing it over and over all day. For one, I need to make sure I get my .99 worth. And for two, it makes me happy!!




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nasCf9VQs0o

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life......

I'm not sure why I am awake at 5 am on two weekend days in a row. I love and miss sleep so much! And I'm awake at a time when it is just too late to go back to sleep. I need to be up in an hour and a half to start getting ready for the baptism anyway. It would probably take me an hour to fall back to sleep. Not even worth it.

I should have enough time between the baptism and rollerskating to take a nap, I hope!

My dryer quit working. It won't turn on. And yes, I checked that it was plugged in! It comes on, but it won't start when I hit the go button. If I'm making a list of all the things I need in my life, it would be: my family, my friends, coffee, concealer, and clean clothes. Oh, and a cupcake!!

I hope I'm choosing the right outfits for my events today, although I'm not sure why I'm worried about how I'm dressed. I think I usually dress just fine and appropriate. But maybe my mirror has misled me???


I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lyu1KKwC74

Scars are souvenirs you never lose, the past is never far

Woke up at 5:00 on a Saturday morning. I've been up for an hour so now I have to decide if I should take a nap or a shower. Oh, these hard decisions!!

I woke up to a sink full of dishes. He just does not get it!!! I do not nag, and I never ask for anything. Except to not wake up to a sink full of dishes. In 17 years, that is the only thing I've ever asked for. That, and to not drive home drunk. Just those 2 things. Why is it such a battle???

I got pink sparkly shoelaces for my roller-skates. I'm so excited for tomorrow night! And tomorrow morning is Baby E's baptism. I'm also excited for that. But I have to go to the grocery store today to get stuff to make the salad that I need to bring. I also need to do another coat of nail polish at some point today. And laundry, always laundry!!

I think the princess wanted to go see a movie today, but I can't remember which one. And she won't be awake for another 5-7 hours. What a horrible life, sleeping all day! She got a new kitty and it is so little and cute. But it is also locked in her bedroom because Tabby-Wabby is just not a fan. And the world revolves around the Tabby-Monster!


And did you lose yourself way out there?
Did you get to be a star?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7it5wioGixA

Well, I'm not paralyzed, But, I seem to be struck by you

It's Friday!! Too bad I have to work until 4 instead of my normal 2:30. No one else should be allowed to take vacation days except me!! Speaking of vacation, I could really use one! Not to go anywhere, but just to do nothing. I just need to get away from EVERYTHING!

I read that Fox is remaking The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Am I the only one that thinks that can't end any way but badly?

My scale is moving in the right direction, but oh, so slowly. I am killing myself on the treadmill 4 times a week and eating baked chicken, brown rice and broccoli for every lunch and dinner. I feel like I should have lost 50 pounds by now. I know how it works, and its a process. Buy why does everything have to be a process? Why can't things just happen overnight?

I tried on my old rollerskates last night. I am seriously wondering if I can still skate. I used to be pretty good. Last night I could barely stand on them. I need to go get new laces this weekend. And I need to get stuff to make a pasta salad for the baptism. I should be making a grocery list. Or working since I'm at work. But in my defense, I don't actually need to be here for another half hour. At least its Friday!!


I wanna make you move
Because you're standing still
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJk6gZuPKRE

There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how......

Its Thursday, and that means tomorrow is Friday!! Yay! I'm sort of over this week and would like the weekend to recharge and then I can come back to work Monday and deal with my piles of paperwork. And it seems like for every email I delete, I get 10 more coming in. I'm not sure if I will ever get caught up.

Dear cupcake, I miss you. I really, really miss a certain yummy cupcake.

I leave the house in the morning wearing bracelets because I love bracelets. But then I take them off because they get in the way and clang on my keyboard. And now I have quite the collection of bracelets on my desk. I really should bring them home. Someday, right?

Retail therapy is perhaps the best way to fix any problem. But because all my money is going towards paying off my credit card bills from years of shopping therapy, I'm rather broke. But I stopped at Target and decided I could buy myself one thing. So I chose a new gel nail polish. The kind that needs to be set with a UV light. The color I chose is called Miss Behave. It is very similar to I'm Not Really a Waitress, and I love it! But I really suck at polishing my nails! Gel polish is not very forgiving, and I'm kind of messy. But once I file away the extra polish, my nails will be beautiful!!!



I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hzrDeceEKc

Whenever you call me, I'll be there, Whenever you want me, I'll be there.......

It's Wednesday!! I know I'm trying to cut out bad stuff, but I absolutely HAD to stop at the gas station this morning to get a diet coke. Actually, I got a Cherry Coke Zero, but same difference.

It's 31 degrees outside and it's almost May. The cold weather will not stop me from wearing capris and pretending that it's 70 degrees and sunny. It snowed yesterday. Even though the snow didn't stick, it was not a very pleasant experience.

I have 600 emails to deal with. I'm really beginning to dislike emails. The convenience is nice, but when I'm not even sure my responses are going through, it gets frustrating!! And I also have voice mails. And a huge stack of paperwork to sort through. It's going to be a very busy day, and I hope it goes fast!!


Whenever you need me, I'll be there
I'll be around
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojCikI9npJQ

Well I don't want a shrink, Don't even want a drink.....

It's Tuesday!! Yoga was fantastic last night, except C-C-W couldn't go because she hurt her back. I hope she feels all better today! I missed having her there.

I remembered to bring my coffee in to work today, so it is going to be a great day! We are having major system issues, but I've realized that crying about it will not help. So I'm going to be more positive today and just do what I can. I mean, what other choice do I have?

I have to find 2 outfits for this weekend, one for the baptism and one for rollerskating. I know how to get dressed to go to church, but I have no idea what to wear skating. I think I'm going to have dinner with my oldest friend Zenny before skating. Oldest as in longest, she's 3 months younger than me.

I think I'm going to spend my day having a Trisha Yearwood concert in my office and thinking about how the girls are making spaghetti for dinner while I am going to eat chicken, brown rice and cauliflower. Trisha will make it all better, right?


Give me some chocolate and a magazine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjrLSFDfRAQ

Bonus song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCdCuduv0H0
Born to be a leaver
Tell you from the word go, destined to deceive her
He's the wrong kinda paradise
But it was just another lesson in life

You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em......

So sometimes you lay all your cards on the table and you lose. The other person folds, and even though you'd win the pot if you were playing poker, you lose when it's not a card game you're playing. If you go all in and take a chance, there is always a risk of losing. And when you don't even know the rules, victory is all but impossible. And you need to know when it's time to get up from the table and walk away. Even when you know it's the right thing to do, it's still a hard thing to do. When you take a gamble, you always risk walking away broke(n). 

Special shout out to my BFF Broker Guy from Cali for the poker analogy. Thank you for being so nice and listening to me as I poured out my soul yet again. And for not judging me for crying, and for being so honest, and even a bit harsh in your assessment. I needed that. I'm glad we've been friends for 5 years so far and that you at least pretend to understand me!! I appreciate your insight! You're the best broker guy ever!!

Some doors just need to be slammed shut so we can go through the next door. If one door is not right, there will always be another. And maybe you return to your very first door because that is the right door after all. It's all a process. And you just have to learn when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em!!! 

Know when to walk away and know when to run

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Jj4nJ1YEAp4

Another B grade movie for lifes big silver screen.....

It's Monday. Yoga tonight! I'm super excited for that. I don't know why I don't exercise on the weekends, I really should. But I'm just soooooo unmotivated sometimes. I did not get nearly enough laundry done over the weekend.

Speaking of lacking motivation, I left my coffee in the car this morning, and I'm feeling too lazy to go back and get it. So much easier to just make more, right??

I've only been up for a couple hours, but I so need a nap already. I slept okay, so not sure why I'm so tired. I wish I could sleep for a couple days straight. And my nails look like crap and I need a manicure. Anything else I can complain about? I'm actually in a perfectly good mood, but sometimes it seems like everything that can go wrong does. I just need to remind myself that everything always turns out exactly the way that it was meant to!! I may not agree or like the way it turns out, but I do have to accept it.


But the king of hearts, he always takes the queen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRxV4ffHc_U

So we'll just let it go, Don't be afraid to lose control, no

I went over to my dads house this morning in my pajamas and finished his property tax refund form. Then he wanted me to watch a 9/11 documentary with him. It was full of interesting theories on the conspiracy, but really, I don't want to waste any of my energy sorting it all out.

Then I came home and took a wonderful nap! It was so awesome. But now I wonder if I am going to be able to fall asleep tonight??

ZickyZou went and got pizza for dinner. It was awesome, pepperoni and black olive - my favorite. And then he even brought me home a diet coke. So very nice of him!!! Last night he actually fixed the blinker on my car after me waiting like 3 months! Yes, I'm sure I could do it  myself. And I am also sure that I could take it somewhere and get it done. It was really the principle of the situation. He's a mechanic, its his job to fix my car!!!

I'm going to spend the next 2 hours doing sudoku puzzles before I got to bed. I'm excited!!!



Because I've had The time of my life No I never felt
This way before Yes I swear it's the truth And I owe it all to you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BQLE_RrTSU

And this is the part where you find out who you are.......

Happy hungover Sunday!! Actually, I'm surprisingly not super hung over. but then I was passed out pretty early, so that makes sense! 70's Glee Night was fantastic!! We are so much fun! We sang a variety of songs, from country to disco. Well, I sang country while C-C-W shook her head at me. She is just not a country fan, which is totally fine! She (reluctantly) accepts that my musical taste is quite diverse and sometimes quite different from hers. We take turns choosing songs so that no one (meaning me) monopolizes the choices and only chooses songs that they like. But, there is also the rule that if it is your turn and you don't have a song, then I am choosing for you! and then I will be having my own little concert all by myself!!!

So I had a friend that I messaged with multiple times a day every single day for 5 weeks. Every! Single! Day! Even on super busy days, there were at least quick hellos and always good nights. Sometimes deep convo's about spirituality, and sometimes just back and forth finishing song lyrics. So yesterday was the very first day of radio silence.  The first of many, I fear, considering they had to delete me as a Facebook friend. And I understand that, I really do. But that doesn't stop me from being sad about it. And however they feel about me and whatever their intention was, I hope they realize how important they are to me and how much I value the friendship that was blossoming. This is not how I wanted it all to turn out.

I need to get dressed and go to my dads house to help him fill out his property tax refund forms. But I would so much rather just take a nap. I love naps. But I also love my dad, so I will get dressed and go to his house. Eventually. And if I go soon, I can come home and take a long nap!

I also have an absolute ton of laundry to do. I really hate doing laundry. I wish I could just throw the clothes away and buy new ones!


And these are the friends, those who've been there from the start
So to hell with the bad news
Dirt on your new shoes
It rained all of May 'til the month of June
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfKICVasIDI

Just take your love and hit the road,.....

It's 2:00 in the morning and I can't sleep. I slept for a couple hours and woke back up and can't fall back asleep. I'm so tired! I slept pretty okay all week, but tonight for some reason sleep is just not happening. I don't want to be tired for Glee Night! I'm trying to decide between taking a sleeping pill, getting a snack, or doing a sudoku. Although I guess I could do all 3.

I have so much to do tomorrow. I need to paint my nails. But first I need to look up what people did with their nails in the 70's. I still need to figure out a hairdo. I have to bake the cookie brownies, which are pretty much the best things ever! Thankfully I cleaned my kitchen tonight, but tomorrow I need to clean the downstairs bathroom and the living room. I need to find time for 3 or 7 naps. I need to go to the liquor store to get enough alcohol to make me think I can actually dance.

I also have about 118 loads of laundry. And whoever did the grocery shopping (me, of course) forgot to buy fabric softener. Its a good thing that I love crunchy clothes and towels!!


....There's nothing you can do or say 
you're gonna break my heart anyway,
So just leave the pieces when you go.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mu6sdbxD3gU

I've got pride I'm takin' it for a ride......

I had an excellent time last night with ZarahZou. Brigit was the STAR in The Little Mermaid, and she was awesome! I think she has a really bright future ahead of her! The only down point was that this was not the Disney version of the play and there was no happy ending. Just like in real life, huh? lol

I have had to hide so many people on my facebook so they don't go through my newsfeed. I do not understand the need to plaster your relationship all over the place. Why the need for everyone to know how "wonderful" your relationship is? If you love someone, tell them. No need to make a facebook post about it. Unless you need people to see it?? Relationships are between two people, period. And any relationship that needs facebook "likes" to validate it is NOT a healthy relationship.

And I will also never understand the girlfriends/fiances/wives of men who cheat and then blame the girls and not their men. If someone cheats, especially multiple times, then there is clearly something wrong with the relationship. And it takes two to tango!  But, hey, if you make a facebook post about how much you love your man then it negates the actual cheating! And if the guy tells his girl that the one he cheated with was throwing herself at him and is in love with him and pursuing him, then it is okay that he slept with her somewhere between 7 and 19 times. LMAO Some of these situations are so dang amusing!

Sometimes I wonder why I even have a facebook. Then I remember that I love Bingo Blitz and that C-C-W and I have exchanged nearly 30,000 messages. And THAT is why I still have a facebook!



............Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVoKkdVNSvo

Learning to love yourself.....

I finally have my outfit for 70's Glee Night all completed! I'm so excited for this event. It is always fun to hang out with the girls, and I could really use a distraction from real life. I just have some stuff that I need to figure out and get through on my own. But, as always, I'm hopefully optimistic and certain that things will turn out exactly as they were meant to.

I know that I will never be the thinnest, the most beautiful, the richest.....but I also know that I can be the best me possible!!  And I can be the nicest, kindest and most caring. I know that I am truly blessed to have kindness be my natural instinct, and I would do anything to help the people most important to me, and even to help people I've never met. I really hate when my actions contradict who I am. It's an internal struggle when I know what the right thing to do is, but my heart is pulling me in a different direction. I just need to sort this all out and figure out my next step and my future direction.

I am super looking forward to dinner with ZarahZou tonight. For one, I get to see her. But as a bonus I get a dinner that is not chicken, brown rice and cauliflower! Then off to Watertown and a play. This will be an excellent night, even if I won't get home until 10 since Watertown is practically in another country.


...It is the greatest love of all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYzlVDlE72w

Oh, you probably won't remember me, It's probably ancient history.....

It's Wednesday! And I still have not come up with a costume for our 70's Glee event. I have a few ideas, but ideas cannot be worn to a party!! I have to get this all figured out tonight because tomorrow night I am meeting ZarahZou and we are going out to dinner and then to see our bff Brigit in a play. Brigit is in high school and she is adorable! She was Jo in Little Women and was fantastic!! Anyhow, that means I can't work on my costume tomorrow night. Friday night I need to clean and grocery shop. So tonight I must get this all worked out!! I'm excited. Our Glee events are so much fun! I will be honest, I can't sing. But I do enjoy trying!

So I decided a couple weeks ago to cut my anti-depressant dosage in half. Since I am in such a good mood, it seemed like the right time to try. And I must say that (knock on wood) so far it is going really well. Despite all the reasons I have right now to be sad and mad, I feel like I am experiencing the exact right amount of emotions. And I am in a very good mood. So this may be working! I'm trying to pay careful attention to how I feel so I can make adjustments if needed. But I think I am making the right decision!

Every morning when I get to work at 6:15 am, there is a guy sitting in a taxi minivan in the parking lot. It's weird. I have no idea what he is doing. I suppose I should ask someone if they know. But that would require talking to people. And I prefer to just hide out in my office. By myself. I'm not antisocial, I just prefer to talk to myself. I'm my favorite person!

I'm one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch
I fell too fast, I feel too much
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nrGWwHalCU

I didn't know until my soul broke free.....

Last night was my second ever Yoga class. It went very well. I'm not nearly as flexible as I would like to be, but I think I'm getting there. It is so relaxing and yet such an intense work out. For sure more physically demanding than the treadmill.

Saturday night we are having a 70's theme Glee Event. My favorite girls are coming over and we are going to get drunk and sing 70's songs. I have not yet put together my costume. I'm torn between a disco outfit and a Marcia Brady-like outfit. I need to get myself together and figure it out! I'm running out of time!

My dear friend C-C-W (and her husband) gave me their old rice cooker. This is so awesome! I now feel obligated to continue on the chicken and brown rice diet. Don't tell anyone, but I'm actually rather enjoying it. It tastes way better than I anticipated, and I end up full. And way less sodium than the frozen meals I used to eat for lunch.

Did you know that there is a "Mirror" app for the iPhone? I find it amusing because all it really does is access your camera. Which you could do without an app. But I downloaded and have yet to delete it because I find it so amusing. These are the types of things that entertain me to no end!



....I've got these angels watching over me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcTVr6yLD7k

Shine on me sunshine Walk with me world, it's a skippidy doo da day .......

My favorite time of the day is mornings, when I wake up and everything is peaceful and quiet and I am all by myself. No one to disturb me or ask me for anything. Just me, alone with my thoughts and day dreams. Every day is a fresh start, a clean slate. A chance to do better and be better. A new opportunity to help someone, love someone, and to take care of myself.

This is why it makes me so cranky when I go down to the kitchen to make coffee and there is a sink full of dirty dishes that are not mine! All of the positivity and hope that I wake up with dissipates and I am instead faced with the reality that I may very well spend the rest of my life cleaning up after someone else. And the thought of that breaks my heart a little more each morning. Yes, it's just a few dishes. But it's not the dishes, its the sentiment behind them. It's the damper it puts on what should be a beautiful morning.

I do the dishes because who else is going to? And then I have to fight with myself to get back to the place where I am hopeful and excited for a new day and new adventures. Thankfully, I am always able to get back there. But it's exhausting, the back and forth between happiness and feeling defeated. And what would happen if I were unable to get back to the happy place?

So, I will live each day cherishing the happy and banishing the building resentment I feel. I want to be happy all the time. I want every moment of every day to be spent basking in joy, love and peace. And I don't want that tarnished by a few dirty dishes.



.....I'm the happiest girl in the whole U.S.A.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DD0L0nyM7OY

I can't figure out just what to do.....

In the last 2 days, I have slept a total of 5 hours. I don't know why I can't fall asleep and stay asleep, but it super sucks! Sleeping is one of my most favorite things to do. Tonight I am going to try trazedone and see what happens. I'm going over to ZammyZou's for a movie-fest tonight. First,
C-C-W and I are going out to dinner. Then we are going over to Zam's. I have decided that I am not drinking tonight. I am hoping that way I can sleep better. Guess we shall see!

I tried to take a nap, but was unsuccessful. I spent 12 hours last night/this morning singing songs to Tabby-Wabby. She was into it for about the first 15 seconds. Then she just glared at me for the remaining 11 hours, 59 minutes and 45 seconds. I also played a lot of solitaire. And did a couple sudoku's. I often wonder if I am the only person in the universe that starts in the back of sudoku books with the super hard ones? I also read magazines from back to front. I have no idea why, I just always have. Just more of the idiosyncrasies of being me!

I think I am going to take a shower and try to figure out what I'm wearing tonight. It really shouldn't be such a hard decision, but for me getting dressed is always complicated. Do I just wear jeans and a sweatshirt? Or since I am actually going out, do I wear a dress? Nice pants and a sweater? Or jeans and a sweater? And should I wear flats? Boots? These should really not be hard choices, but sometimes I overthink! Okay, off to wash  a load of clothes and then try on 182 articles of clothing.


.......When the cause and cure is you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBczCuv_Zwc

The song remembers when.....

Its Friday! And I have a vacay day!!! This makes me happy. However, for some reason I've been awake since 4:30. I love sleeping, so I don't know why I can't. Last night I went out with Zecky (who still needs a better nickname) and we had a whole lot of 2 for 1's. Like a whole lot. It's 1:30 in the afternoon and I'm a little surprised I'm not still drunk.

I think this has been the most amazing day of my entire life. For realz!  I started the day with a phenomenal cupcake, then had a pedicure, followed by a super awesome lunch courtesy of ZammyZou. Thank you sir!!!! It has been the most PERFECT day!!!

I'm not sure what could complete this fantastic day, but I think maybe a nap would be exceptional! I know that the realities of tomorrow will wake me up around 3:00 am  and slap me in the face, but for today I am going to enjoy this high!!!

We were headed straight for Eden
It was just around the bend
And though I have forgotten all about it
The song remembers when
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AygRmWnow1w

Just when I believed I couldn't ever want for more.....

So we are going through a system conversion at work and have been unable to access our customer database management system. My work is stacking up! But I am still going to take a vacay day tomorrow to get a pedicure with ZammyZou. I love pedicures!!! And the calendar says its spring, even if the thermometer disagrees.

Last night I really wanted candy, but the only thing I could find in the house was this:

And I really don't like yogurt, but I wanted candy. So I ate all of the yogurt and was about to eat the M&M's. But then I looked up and saw the treadmill and knew that I needed to start making better choices. So, I did not eat the M&M's. This makes me both happy and sad. Happy because I am capable of making good decisions sometimes, but sad because I really wanted the candy! But in the end it is just not worth the guilt that I would feel for working so hard but throwing away it all away for a handful of M&M's that I don't need and really am not sure if I even wanted.

And then just as I type that I'm making good decisions, my manager brings me this:

There really is a conspiracy against me!!!

......This ever changing world pushes me through another door
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBmNTLxclXE

Wanna be impulsive... reckless....

Last night was my first ever yoga class. Aside from being a sweaty mess, I think it went well. I am not very flexible, but I think I might get there someday. And I only almost fell over once! I'm thinking I will definitely go back next week.

So the Princess decided she is moving to California with her girlfriend at the end of summer. This leaves me with two overwhelming thoughts. 1) My baby is leaving me! She's just a kid and what am I going to do without her around and what is she going to do without her mommy and I will miss her terribly. 2) This is probably the best thing for her. She is 23 years old and needs to see what the real world is like. This will be a good wake up call for her. BUT SHE'S MY BABY!! The moment she leaves is going to be the most gut-wrenching, proudest moment of my entire life. I think it's good that she will be relinquishing her dependence on me. But I am going to miss her so very much. And maybe she will change her mind and stay!!

I have a pedi appointment on Friday with ZammyZou. Can you ever really have too many pedicures? Plus I have the day off. Maybe I will go tanning and shopping and possibly switch over to my spring clothes. It is spring, right?

I do not like coming into work and having 12 voice mails. Voice mails scare me, I'm always afraid that I screwed something up. Although the likelihood of that is small, it has maybe happened once or twice.

It's 7:00 in the morning, and I think I may already need a nap!! I bet it's going to be a long day!

.....and lose myself in your kiss.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cP3Zn6_VFBw

Woah, woah, I've had all of this life I can handle...

It's Monday!! And it's raining! Usually this would put me in a Carpenters type of music mood. But instead I'm feeling like an upbeat singalong. I have just decided that my greatest dream would be to have someone do a karaoke duet of this song with me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzigxnezaIo  Hopefully someday that dream will be realized!!

Tonight I start yoga with C-C-W!! Aside from being my best friend, she is one of my most favoritest people in the universe. I can't get over how blessed I am to have so many fantastic people in  my life! Not sure what I did to deserve it, but I appreciate every single one of them so very much!!

Yesterdays Easter dinner went phenomenally well. My sister and I got along swimmingly! And I've always wanted to use that word in a sentence! I ate Salmon, and I liked it! She also made fantastic steaks. And aside from the overcooked mushy potatoes, my potato salad was not terrible. Not like my moms, but totally edible! And for the first time in the history of the world, I took a selfie with my sister. I hate pictures, and am extremely unphotogenic (which is apparently not a word, but you get my point). And so for me to initiate a photo really goes to show what a good mood I am in!!

I have so much work to get done. I just took Friday off because I'm going to try to hang out with Zecky, who needs a better blog nickname because Zecky just looks and sounds awkward. Anyhow, we discussed drinking away all of our messes Thursday night, and that is something I am totally down with!

Yes, I know alcohol solves nothing. But a couple of bottles of wine would certainly make me temporarily forget a lot of junk!!

.....Meet me underneath that big Montana sky
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2mefSW4bYw

I like to see you, but then again....

Easter morning.....for the first time in 23 years, I did not buy the Princess an Easter basket. I'm just not feeling holiday-y. I did, however, give her some money and drop her off at the mall. So, same difference really.

It just seems like I keep playing games that I can't possibly win. Why do I do that to myself? Every time I think I have everything all worked out, I break a nail or step on a lego and it all implodes. Shouldn't the second rule of Fight Club be to never engage in a battle that you can't win? Why would you purposely choose to take on a fight that can only end with a loss? I just want to be able to think logically. But for some reason I can't.

In a couple of hours I am going over to my sisters for Easter dinner. I have no idea what she is making, but I'm bringing potato salad. I used my moms "recipe" but it is not nearly the same as when she used to make it. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I really wish I could ask her.

Tomorrow night, C-C-W and I start yoga. I'm very excited. I've never done an organized exercise class, so this will be very new to me. And I have a purple yoga mat!! I think this is going to be so much fun! And I get to hang out with C-C-W, and she is fantastic!

I'm performing a concert for Tabby-Wabby, and she seems to be okay with today's music. I am listening to my most favoritest song ever. There are very few songs I can listen to 100 times in a row, but this is one.  http://www.rdio.com/artist/Lari_White/album/Stepping_Stone/track/Stepping_Stone/
I am still wondering why it keeps getting deleted from youtube, but the rest of the songs from the same album don't. Anyhow, the is the most painful, most inspirational, most positive, most everything song I have ever heard. Sometimes it makes me sad, and sometimes it makes me so hopeful. Today it's a little of both. I reflect on all I've lost, but I know that something better is around the corner. And even if I never figure it out, I can still live in this very moment.

That doesn't mean you mean that much to me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxdcM-bTIyA

This single minded fascination I've got ......

It's Saturday morning, and I've already been up for 3 hours. I really want to do laundry, but I don't want the neighbors to complain. They usually complain if we do laundry too early or too late. Apparently the washer and dryer vibrate through the floor boards and sound like an airplane in their bedroom. My washer and dryer are about a year old, and are quiet on my side. Not sure what to do to correct this problem, so it's easier just to run the machines between 9 am and 10 pm.

My dad just called me and said he is bringing me 5 boxes of cereal to Easter dinner because he is basically a hoarder and they expire this month. My philosophy on expiration dates: food does not know when it expires! Go by the food and not the date on the box!

I'm trying to sing this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCWVuCCWqzQ to my kitty, Tabby-Wabby. But she is just not enjoying it. I'm not sure if it's my singing or her ears, but something is not working. She usually tolerates my singing pretty well, meaning she hasn't killed me yet. But today she is alternating between looking at me with her eyes closed (her sign for utter annoyance) and trying to jump onto my laptop and shut it off. That's the last song she gets from me today!!!

Do you call it love 
If you don't then what
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPfmZCTv2gM