And it feels like I'm drowning, Pulling against the stream

Another Monday....I had a great weekend of doing absolutely nothing. Those really are some of the best weekends. I went through one of my totes of clothes and found like 20 pairs of pants that actually fit. I was super excited about that!!

I went to my dad's yesterday to watch the Vikings game. And we won! Things seems to be coming together and I think it's going to be an awesome season.Well, first we need a kicker who doesn't miss point afters. I hope he can work out whatever his issues are.

Once upon a time the Lions were my second favorite team. But that was only because I had a huge crush on Charlie Batch. Because really that's the best way to pick your favorite team - whoever has the hottest quarterback. I think that might have been the year they went 1-15. He wasn't the best quarterback, but he was the hottest.

I need more coffee......

I love this version of this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a5WyAjL1MM

Were you starting to worry I was finally getting over you.....

I'm so glad it's Friday! It's been a very long week.

This song reminds me of a funny story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5UOC0C0x8Q

Actually, the story isn't really funny now that I think about it more. There was this guy that I worked at a restaurant with and we flirted quite a bit. But he was really dumb, like he was ALWAYS stoned, and the pot destroyed more than a few of his brain cells. Anyhow, eventually, of course,  he asked me out. Because back in the day I was not bad looking.

So he was going to pick me up after work. I spent an hour in the work bathroom making myself look hot. I even bought new lip gloss. So, he shows up and he brought a girl with! He said she was his best friend, and they were just friends, and he wanted me to meet her. So you bring her with on a first date??? It's nice you wanted to introduce me to your friends, but maybe that should have waited for the second date? Or at least a heads up? And if threesome was your goal, you should have at least found a hot girl to bring with!!

It was a disaster of a date. We just went back to my house and ordered pizza and listened to my STP cassette. There was no goodnight kiss, and definitely no second date despite his repeated attempts to ask me. Although I did say yes when he asked me to go to his prom with him. But only because I really wanted to have a better prom experience than my senior one. We ended up not going because I had surgery on my feet and couldn't really walk. So, the moral of my story is that no matter how hot you are, if you bring a girl with on our first date, there is not going to be a second.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAbrk3OISyo

A guy like you should wear a warning.....

My allergies suck today. Actually they have been bad this whole week. And its pouring out so I'm dripping wet. And not in a good way. At least tomorrow is Friday.

So I am totally in love with this website I found. It's a site where you can write and publish anonymously. I'm not saying what the website is, as that would defeat the purpose of anonymous. It's nice to have an outlet where I can say anything and not have my name attached. I mean, I can and do say just about anything in my blog, but some thoughts should remain private. And this allows me the writing outlet I so desperately need without having to be accountable for my feelings at the current time. and so many of the postings are so similar to what I want to say. Please don't go looking for the website. Please.

Yesterday on the way home I saw this guy driving in the lane next to me and I just knew that he was going to cause an accident. He was stopping way to close to the car in front of him. About 3 minutes after I had that thought, his car drifted into the next lane and he rammed into a car. Thankfully we were not going fast enough for anyone to get hurt and there was only minimal damage to both cars. But seeing things like that is kinda scary.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCRT8IItGpw

When it's right, the light just comes shinin' through.....

United Way Bake Sale Day.....I spent hours last night baking cookies, brownies and rice krispie bars. Actually, the Princess did most of it. Thank you darling for all your help. So very appreciated. I hope the sale is a success. I haven't actively participated in very many United Way events the past couple years, so I hope my yummy donations make up for it. And I'm not buying anything!!!

Weigh-In Wednesday....I am exactly even from last week. What is going on??? I mean, it's good I haven't gained, but I am the exact same to the ounce. I even moved my scale to make sure it was right. and then I picked up a hand weight to make sure it was accurate, and it is. So odd!!

I'm not sure why I'm so tired today, I was sleeping by 9:15. I feel like I need a nap already and I've only been up for 2 & 1/2 hours.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zg21Rkew874

If you put 2 and 2 together you will see what our friendship is for......

Thanks NFL Schedule Maker Guy, lack of sleep makes me choose this as my song today:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ro0FW9Qt-4

Actually, I really like that song, but in order to make myself seem less dorky I'm blaming the choice on circumstances beyond my control. Like a 9:30 kick-off time. I like to finish what I start, but half-time at 11 is sooooooo late. I took a 3 hour nap, but I require lots and lots of sleep. In the future can we please start all games by 7:30? Pretty please and thank you.

And another thing, I would only ask you to pay me 1/10 of the salary to miss field goals. Actually, I would be willing to kick wide right for free and you could use the money to invest in energy drinks or something.

It's United Way week. I paid a bunch of money to enter a bunch of raffles for a bunch of crap I don't need. I really don't need a gift basket full of smelly lotion I will never use. I sometimes think for a second I want to be able to use that Bath & Body Works junk, but I hate smelling like I took a bath in Country Apple Puke. There is a Starbucks gift basket I wouldn't mind winning, it includes a gift card. But there is also a bag of ground coffee in it, and I don't have a coffee pot. There's a movie night gift basket I entered to win, but only because there is a diet coke in it. Not sure what I will do with a stack of family oriented movies and microwave popcorn.

I'm usually not so cranky about the United Way fundraiser, but that's what happens when I get 3 hours of sleep.

If only I could stay asleep, At least I could pretend you're thinkin' of me

Another Monday......I went to bed at last night at 7:30. I mean, I was actually sleeping at 7:30, and I slept until about 3 when I woke up for about 3 minutes and then went right back to sleep. I should not feel as tired as I do. Maybe I slept too much. But is that possible??

I had a great weekend, pedi playdate days are always fantastic. I have pretty toes, and I got to spend a couple hours with ZarahZou. I'm kind of unhappy that Regency has discontinued their rewards program. We used to be able to get enough pedi's to get a free facial and have a mini-spa day. I guess those days are over.

I spent the rest of the weekend sorting through  my clothes. I have so much to sell and get rid of.

I'm continuing to watch Person of Interest on Netflix. I'm still not even sure if I like it. I just can't get into the characters. I love the concept of the show, but....

Vikings game tonight! Unfortunately it starts at like midnight. I'm going to go over to my dads to watch at least the first half. But I'm not sure how much past that I can stay awake.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8MlK_bsW8U

Though I want to be with you, Be with you night and day, Nothing changes

It's Friday! This has been one of those long weeks, even though it was a short week. Something about spending over 5 hours in the hospital makes a day seem 3 times as long. At least my dad is doing well. During the angiogram the doctor was able to clear out his blocked artery and he said that the bypass arteries were pristine. I'm so glad, its great to get good news at the hospital for a change. Now here's to hoping that he will follow the doctors (and Jennie's!!) orders and improve his diet and start exercising again.

Last night I leveled up to 159 in Bingo Blitz. And then I finished 2 slot rooms and ended up with a ton of coins. Enough that I thought I could maybe level up to 160 in one night. For reference, it took me 3 weeks of daily play to go from 158 to 159. So anyway, I realized what an absolute nerd I am when I pulled out my calculator to see exactly how many spins I needed to level up. It's 1331. So then I had to figure out how many spins I could do with the coins I had if I didn't win anything. It was 660. But then I won huge and I have enough coins to level, but I ran out of time last night. Then I started to wonder if this is normal behavior? Am I the only one in the entire universe that would do something so totally dorky and pull a calculator for a facebook game??

Anyhow, that's my story for today. I am a huge nerd who is going to level up to 160 in Bingo Blitz today. Today I am thankful for autospin.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlDi4hpJsaY

The next thing I did was put my red dress on.....

Today I am thankful for coffee and undereye concealer. The 2 minutes of sleep I got last night does not really qualify as beauty sleep. I hate that when I get stressed that out two things happen - I can't sleep and I break out. And I never know I can't sleep until its too late to take something. So then I'm up all night. And I really love sleep so much.

So, my sister is in Italy. Because every time there is a family crisis she is conveniently out of the country. At least this time it's not Iraq. Because that time super sucked because there was no easy way to contact her. And she will be home Saturday. I really think before she flies across the ocean she should tell her sister where she is going to be. A text or facebook message would suffice. Or even a status update. Something so at least I would know she is okay if she doesn't return one of my 19 voice mail messages.

I am so glad that Saturday is Pedi-Playdate day with ZarahZou. I need a pedicure and lunch with one of my bff's. I'm so glad she's my friend. Not sure what I would do without her.

And then there's this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcEGfu_a1hw

But your love made me a prisoner, yeah my heart's been doing time.....

Wednesday. And I totally forgot to weigh in since it feels like a Tuesday. But the weather is perfect and it's going to be a good day. Or a long day. Or both. I'm already thinking I could use a nap.

Today is my wedding anniversary. No idea how I managed to stay married for 8 years. Thank you to Facebook for the reminder, or else I may have actually forgotten.

This was going to be my blog song today : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHRNSeuvzlM
but Ggg sent it to me before I could use it. I am seriously a little freaked out. I would say something about great minds thinking alike, but its actually rather eerie. You can't even make stuff like that up.

I just got an email for our United Way week. I'm a little bit sad that I'm no longer running the campaign, but then I remember how much work it was and I'm kind of glad. And now 3 people are doing what I did by myself. Maybe if I had accepted help I would not have found it so stressful. But I work better alone. And I really don't miss all the meeting with the execs and all the written proposals. I think some day I'd like to go back to chairing it, but maybe I will wait a few more years before I volunteer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=340oHecvuIw

And you need her and she needs you.....

It's rainy today, but at least the temp is down. I'm so sick of the humidity. And is it horrible that I'm sick of it because of what it does to my hair?? I'm not sure why I'm so vain sometimes.

Saturday night was another successful glee event, if success means we got super drunk and sang really loud. We had the best song list. And I only drunk texted one person, so that's a win! And it was just AB, so that doesn't even count because it was just my obligatory drunk text. Even if I couldn't spell obligatory at the time. He knew what I meant.

Waking up and feeling at peace is such a new, wonderful feeling. Sharing my story with Ggg was such a great thing. And it shows exactly how much I trust him, because there were lots of hard truths in it. About him and about me. And I never once felt like he would hold anything I had to say against me. Because that is the scary thing about sharing such personal things and feelings, you never know how someone will react. But I never doubted him. Anyhow, my whole point was that I feel like a weight has been lifted and I can let go of everything bad. And that is such a good feeling.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-xpJRwIA-Q

So the hearts keep breaking, and the heads just roll....

I stayed up way too late last night. But totally worth it. A 6 point loss to the #2 team in the country is almost like a win. Well, a win would have been fantastic. But dare I say we may have an actual defense this year?? Go, Gophers!!

And the Vikings played last night.....

I am super stuck on level 1145 of Candy Crush. This is most definitely one of the hardest levels yet. I wish there was a way to skip past it. But then again, I do like a challenge. But I like an easier challenge more.

I've got to sort through all of my lyrics for Saturday. I'm super excited to get drunk and sing!!!

I heard this song on the radio this morning. Love! Love! Love! We are going to sing it Saturday night!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uLI6BnVh6w

For you I've lived and for you I will die....

I just spent like 2 hours making copies of our song lyrics for Saturday night. We have some really good songs to sing, and I'm super excited. Unfortunately Lena can't come, and I haven't heard from Becky yet, but Mandy will be there. I hope she wears a costume this time. With an open theme, she can do most anything.

Last night I started writing the final chapter of my novel. And I woke up feeling really good, like a weight had been lifted. As painful and horrible as some of the things were to put on paper, I really think I did need to write them and deal with it. And I feel better for doing it. And it didn't hurt that I had an adorable baby to cuddle with. Babies really do make some things better. How can you be sad when you are holding a tiny piece of perfection?

For once I'm choosing to listen to Nick Cave not because I'm sad, but because I actually like his music. That may actually be a first for me. I may be healing! And wherever this journey takes me, I think I'm finally ready for it.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brFB5yjda58

You go your way, I go mine But I'll see you next time

It's raining. I'm Only Happy When it Rains: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esEdC0c3YI4

Weigh-In Wednesday and down 1/2 a pound. I guess that's okay. I wanted more, but I guess a loss is a loss.

Yesterday C-C-W and I decided to have a Glee Event this weekend. It's been awhile since we've just gotten drunk and sang. I think I need this. We are doing "Open Theme" and I'm going 80's and she is going goth. the open theme means we can sing just about any song, so we are putting together a list. I know she is going to hate some of my choices, but this is my new favorite song so she is just going to have to sing it. At least twice. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Q9Gou6d9Uo  And I want to include some of the other songs I've been listening to lately, even though they are not exactly her type of music. I guess that's the reward for not only hosting, but self-appointing myself president and CEO of our club.

My outfit is all picked out. My "dress" is not actually dress. I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be a shirt. But it is totally perfect as an 80's dress, even if it is rather short. And I have awesome lavender tights to wear thanks to the Princess. I think I'm going to crimp my hair, I haven't done that in so long.

I need to put together our lyric sheets!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zs3xXlXSOKk

Just as soon as I get what I want I get unsatisfied....

It's hot and sticky outside and it's hot and sticky inside. Hopefully it cools off inside, or its going to be a very long day. I have decided I need to take a step back from this novel thing, it's just bringing back way too much that I don't think I'm capable of dealing with at the current time. I've got 20 chapters done, and I just need a break from having to deal with the past.

I had an important epiphany last night, and it's kind of scary. I realized that I tend to overshare with people in an attempt to push them away. Because if I can push them away, then they can't hurt me. I've gone over the past, and I think I've always sort of been that way. If I can tell people enough about the real me and my real feelings, then they will get scared away. This is not how I want to be, but it is how I am. There have been parts of my life that have been really, really bad. My life really has been one big Lifetime movie.

Someone pointed out to me last night that I can't change the past. And that is true. But I also think I need to deal with at least some of it in order to move past it. But there are also some things I just need to let go of. I can not hold myself responsible for other peoples choices. And I need to realize that their choices are a reflection of them, and not me. And that's a hard one.

Maybe the hurt they've caused me is not because I was broken, but because they were. And maybe with knowing that, I can let it go. I can't control people's actions, but I can control my reactions. and I need to let go of all the past hurt and feelings of brokenness, and focus on how I can use what I'm learning to make myself be better.

And maybe there are some things I will never know the answers to. And maybe it's better that I don't. I'm not sure I want to or need to know why I wasn't the one who was worth changing for. Because knowing wouldn't change the past. and so that's a question I need to let go. There is a lot I just need to let go of.

And on a similar note, there are certain things I need to do to be able to move past the past. I have made the very difficult decision that I'm going to spend this 3 day weekend finishing the book "Missing Mom". It is the only book I've ever had to put down because it was just too painful and emotional to read. But I think I need to finish it so I can move past it. It's one of the unfinished things that I need to find closure for. I don't think anyone could argue when I say that my mom was one of the most wonderful people to ever live, and I was very fortunate to have had her for as long as I did. And anyone that knew her would understand the horrible loss and the huge void she left in my life. But I need to instead focus on how lucky I was to have had her as my mom. And I think once I finish this book then I can let go of the pain and focus on the good. Because there was so much good.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKMGp1jHYq0
and maybe this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2jOB2zj_jU

No stars are out tonight but we're shining our own light....

Monday, Monday.....

Yesterday was CH's baby shower. It went well, and she got a lot of adorable stuff. Including, of course, the quilt I made her. I really am impressed with myself for making it.  =) and the pistachio presto bow tie chicken salad - always yummy! And lots of leftovers.

In an odd turn of events that should surprise no one, I won the word unscramble game. It's actually not even fair to let me play word games. I have never lost one. I am not super good at very many things, but I excel at anything with words.

So I overheard something I shouldn't have, and am struggling with whether or not to interfere. I'm absolutely torn because it could be nothing. Or it could be horrible and terrible. And I just don't know. I tried to get more info, but was shut down. I don't want to overstep. But I also know how this could end up, and if I do nothing or say nothing.... I hate being in this position. There are so many levels of complications in this. Part of me says I should mind my own business. But another part is filled with worry and concern. UGH!!!!


https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0jF9yVnA83A

The world outside looks so unkind............

Friday!! My third favorite day of the week. I like Saturday and Sunday more, but Friday will do!!!  And I'm leaving at 11:30 to taste test frozen yogurt. $25 for half an hour of eating- could anything be better?? I've tried to get the Princess to do taste tests, but apparently signing up on the website is too hard or something???

So in my favorite movie, The Stand, there is a scene where Mother Abigail makes a huge dinner and everyone is sitting around the picnic table discussing if they are going to move on to Col-oh-ray-do. Ralph is reading Nick Andros' note to Mother Abigail and it says that Nick doesn't believe in Mother Abigail's God. Mother Abigail starts laughing and says "God bless ya, Nick! But it don't matter! He believes in you."

I guess that's where I'm at right now. It doesn't matter how anyone feels about me or towards me, because that doesn't change how or what I feel. And that is so true in so many circumstances right now. And The Stand is the ultimate metaphor for life. So many circumstances can be summed up by a quote from this movie. 

Lucy Swann, after hearing that Larry sacrificed himself in Las Vegas: "He's gone… but I'll have his baby. Maybe… it's not all I wanted, or all I dreamed of having… but it'll have to be enough." And Glen Bateman: "It's the old way. And the old way was a death trip." 

Anyhow, I'm thinking I need to watch the movie again soon. Something about good and evil meeting up for a showdown and good winning, well I can never see that too much. And maybe I just need to quit thinking and overthinking and rethinking and just go with the flow.


Yes, I'm recycling songs. But I love this song so very much. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLK9fbk4Lp4

It's being on that road that makes me free.....

Last night for dinner I had curry couscous with chicken and broccoli. The couscous was actually pretty good. I think I will make it again. But a little bit spicier would have been better. The Princess disappeared to her bedroom well before dinner was done. She made herself buttered noodles while claiming we had LITERALLY no food in the house. I find that really interesting because I just spent over $200 at Target on food.

And tonight I have to go shopping to get the stuff to make the salad for the baby shower. and I need to figure out a present.I have the quilt I made, but I need to find something to go with it. For as much as I love shopping, this is hard. The baby does not need clothes. And they seem to be set for diapers for awhile. And they have limited storage space. I need to think about this.

At least I will have all of Friday night and Saturday to figure it out. A nice slow weekend with nothing to do. Sort of my favorite kinds of weekends!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9-8ysPqCTc

Do you think we both should let it show.....

Another Weigh-in Wednesday. And down another pound. This week I'm happy about that considering all of the breadsticks and beer I consumed Saturday night.

My rice krispie bars on a stick turned out okay for how messy I usually am. I really don't like potlucks. I hate eating something someone else has touched and wondering if they washed their hands. We used to have someone in our department who would always want to make something, but we always asked her to bring plates and silverware.

August is nearly over. And I have so many fun things coming up. I have a pedi play date with ZarahZou, the Foreigner/Tesla/Def Leppard concert, Margaret Cho, Shinedown, the Vikings game, and GOPHER's BASKETBALL!! We are getting so close to tip off time! I really hope Ggg remembers he told me he would go to a game with me. And I want it to be a Big Ten game. I would love to see them play Wisconsin or Iowa live. I can't wait until tickets are available!!

I am so excited to be excited again about football and basketball. I didn't realize how much I missed it!!!! 40 is flipping fantastic!!!!

One of my favorite songs:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLEa6CDT_0s

I wanna stick around till I can't see straight.....

It's another Tuesday, but it kind of feels like it should be Wednesday. I think this is going to be a long week. On a positive note, with the cooler weather I am able to wear all of the brand new Ann Taylor pants I got a couple months ago. In a smaller size. And they fit PERFECTLY! This makes me very happy!

Last night I was so excited to be using my ipod again that I walked an extra mile on the treadmill. I really do have the best music on it. It's just a little shuffle and only holds like 225 songs, but I got that size for running, and it really is perfect. And the music ranges from Martina McBride to Nirvana to Shakira. A little bit of everything.

My Jehovah Witness friends stopped by last night. They have been visiting me once a month for a year. They are very nice, and I actually don't mind their visits, but I so hope they know that they can't convert me. Me and God are good and I don't for one second doubt my faith. But if they knew how much of a sinner I was, they would likely run screaming.

Tonight the Princess and I are going to make rice krispie bars on a stick for my work potluck. Special shout out and thank you to Ggg for finding the recipe. We got some red, white and blue marshmallows so we are going to make 3 different colors of bars. And the Princess has a huge sprinkle collection from when she wanted to be a professional baker, so we should be able to make them pretty! I'm excited to get started on them!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxKCPjcvbys

Sometimes your words just hypnotize me.....

Another Monday......I had a fantastic weekend. Saturday night C-C-W and I went out to dinner and then saw Trainwreck. The movie was good. But dinner was fantastic. We were pretty much trashed by the time our appetizer came. I got her to try calamari, and she liked it!! She even ate more than one piece. And then I got her to try eggplant and she liked that, too! She usually won't try new things, so this was kind of epic! I will not admit to bringing a bottle into the movie theater and continuing my drinking escapade.

I spent 4 hours yesterday afternoon cuddling on the couch with baby Layla. I am so head over heels in love with this baby! She is just a tiny little piece of perfection. I'm so glad C-H is willing to share her. I think there is always going to be a small part of me that regrets not having another baby. But unfortunately life just didn't work out that way. And it's probably for the best.

I finished 90210. Honestly, I'm just glad it's over. I have no idea what to watch next. I started watching a show called "The Gates", but I'm not really feeling it. I may give one more episode a try.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glEiPXAYE-U

You hold me in your arms and I start singin' once again....

So last night was an amazing night. My dinner date is really the best company ever. He makes me laugh so much. And he just makes me smile for no reason. It's amazing how some people make you feel so comfortable and like you can really just be yourself. Even when you are as quirky as I am. I just feel like I can say anything and be myself and not have to hide any of the things that make me me. I like that feeling!  I can't wait for our next get together!!

And I got the best present! An awesome pair of sunglasses. I've been looking for a pair I could love for years, and I think I've got them! They are absolutely perfect and what I've been looking for, but I never wanted to spend that much money on a pair. I hope the gift giver realizes how much I appreciate both the gift and them. I'm so thankful to have such a wonderful person in my life. Not because of the present, but for a million other reasons.

I tried fried pickles for the first time ever and they were so yummy! I love pickles, and frying them???? Best! Idea! Ever! So yummy!!

It's Friday! That means tomorrow is Saturday. And dinner and a movie with C-C-W. We are going to the Olive Garden. When the princess was like 3, my sister and I wanted to go there for lunch. But Alyssa started crying and said she hated the Olive Garden. So we convinced her that we were going to a brand new restaurant called "The Garden Olive".  She was agreeable to that. She went and had fun and enjoyed her color crayons and spaghetti. And wanted to go back again the next day. I don't usually condone lying, especially to kids. But sometimes when you want bread sticks you gotta do what you gotta do!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPseJvXVVfo

Through it all nothings really changed.....

Today the weather is absolutely perfect, it's 55 and cool. I love this kind of weather so much. It's been so rainy, I hope the sun comes back. But not the hot sun....

Someone called me quirky yesterday as a compliment and it kind of seems like the perfect word to describe me. I am absolutely quirky!! I mean, I make myself laugh a million times a day over totally dumb stuff. I sing along with the Jonas Brothers. I solve algebra problems for fun. There are a million things about me that are just weird, but I hope in a fun way.

I need to remember to go with my instincts sometimes. I know they have led me to make some seriously bad choices, but sometimes, and with some people, they really are right. It's just hard to trust myself sometimes. When you make a series of really bad decisions, its hard to get back to the place where you feel like you know what you are doing. But the fact is that sometimes I do.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Zmnr47gKhE
And a side of this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ue2-ZVxpVjc

Is it any wonder I'm sane at all?

It's a rainy, dreary weigh-in Wednesday. I lost a pound, and I should be happy about that. That's the safe amount to lose each week. But I can't help wanting to wake up and just magically be at my goal weight. I guess I just need to keep making healthy food choices and treadmilling every night. Eventually it will happen.

I am super excited that I finally found my ipod charging cord. I was just about to buy a new one, but decided to make one last effort to find it. And I did. As much as I like watching netflix while walking exercising, I much prefer to listen to music - my favorite songs over and over.

I think it's time to change my  nail color, but I'm really loving Pat on the Black. I do have a new color called "Red Zin" and I think I might do that next. Maybe this weekend? I just wish taking the gel color off wasn't so much work. Soaking in acetone for 20 minutes.....and I can only do one hand at a time.I tried to do them both, but I just can not wrap my right hand in aluminum foil after my left hand is wrapped (or vice versa). That's something I want to figure out how to do.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4Kc_mB9N_M

And I know I'm never letting this go.....

Tuesday.....I just looked at my calendar and I have a 2 hour meeting this morning. I should have never checked it. But I needed to add a couple fun things - ZarahZou and I have a pedi appointment  Sept. 12 (which seems like 100 years away) and Cristin and I have bff time scheduled for this Saturday. This means I need to get started on Cristin's present. I know what I'm making, but I need to figure out the logistics. And since I'm limited to the items on my desk right now.....

I super love challenging myself with making presents out of just what I have on and in my desk. Last year we had a Christmas ornament contest, and I limited myself to just what was on my coffee table at the time. I wish I would have taken a picture of the result. It was actually pretty cool. I made a bell ornament out of a plastic cup and gold nail polish. Sadly, I took 2nd place. I could not compete with the lady who used an ornament kit to make some fancy schmancy thing. But I only lost by 2 votes, so there's that. But anyone can buy a kit. I'd rather do something that requires more effort. Plus, I'm sort of a dork. And I like making things.

Anyhow, I need to get started on her present. But I no longer have a glue stick. I need to restock! Glue sticks and glitter are some of my favorite things ever!!



I am absolutely in love with this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Q9Gou6d9Uo

When all your promises are gone......

It's Monday!! It seems like forever since I've driven to work in the dark. And getting here at 5:30 is pretty awesome. There is no one else here yet, and it's so quiet. I could get used to working like this.

I got my monthly Ipsy shipment on Saturday. I'm so excited that it included a lip gloss. I absolutely love Ipsy, its the best $10/month I spend. This month I got a perfect lip gloss and a great nail polish color. I'm not so big on liquid eyeliner, but maybe I can use it for a Glee Night. The other 2 items were a Moroccan hair oil and a face moisturizer. They are okay, but its the lip gloss that makes me excited.

Yesterday my brother-in-law left for a year in Korea to teach English. I would love to have that kind of experience, but I don't think I could leave my family for an entire year. Well, of course I couldn't leave the Princess, but her aside, I couldn't leave everyone else.

My moms anniversary ring finally fits me again. Well, its about half a size too small, but I'm wearing it anyway. She absolutely loved it, and I'm so blessed to be the one my dad gave it to. I'm so glad I can wear it again.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCphbDRkZSo

With so much more than I deserve.....

It's Friday!! And I have 3/4 of a diet coke leftover from yesterday, so pretty much best day ever! Except for the whole having to work thing. But it is Friday and I am leaving at 2:30, so.....

This weekend I am cleaning out my closet. Maybe I will even find more clothes that fit, and that would be fantastic. I need to start sorting stuff for the sale. I also need to go to the grocery store. and take a nap. And watch Netflix. I have such big plans!!! LOL



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOLFxiLl39U

Words are sometimes hard to find....

It's the day before Friday! So glad about that. I shut off my alarm clock and slept in until 6:30. It was fantastic. I was feeling a bit blah, but on the drive to work I saw the most beautiful, vivid rainbow. That really made it all worth it. I wouldn't have seen that at 6 am.

Last night I tried on about 20 pairs of pants. And I found a couple that actually fit. This makes me very excited! I also decided that I am getting rid of half my clothes. Yes, half. That is going to be hard, but so worth it. So, that is my project for this weekend.

I'm really enjoying my life right now. Well, most parts of it. And the parts I'm enjoying are fantastic. I can't recall being this happy in forever. Thank you to the people who have contributed to that. You'll never understand how much I appreciate having you in my life. I can tell you, but the words are just not enough.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmgIIDkWr1o
And a side of Sabotage:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5rRZdiu1UE

You stole my heart but I love you anyway.....

Weigh-in Wednesday.....I seem to have hit a plateau and am even again. I guess there are worse things that could happen. I will just need to reevaluate and make some changes. I'm following the plan, but maybe I just need to mix things up a bit.

I have a 2 hour long meeting today. This should be wonderful. The kind where I can't even bring my cell phone or even a pen and paper to doodle. Those are the best! I was already cranky because someone left me THEIR car with no gas in it. I've asked a million times to at least text me if I need to stop at the gas station so I can plan my morning accordingly. Is that too much to ask?

I need to find some happy  music to get into a better mood. I hate being cranky. And listening to this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iDPw_qjhtM should help. I am totally and completely in love with this song. I think I've listened to it 17 times since yesterday. and I will probably hear it 17 more today. C-C-W is probably going to be the cranky one when we sing it at our next glee meeting.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZY5eTP6fCmA

If I feel so mesmerized it's because of the things that you do......

It's such a beautiful day out, 62 degrees and sunny. For some reason I woke up in an exceptional mood. Let's hope that it lasts through checking all of my voice mails. At least my email isn't that bad because I've gotten into the habit of checking it every night from home and responding to whatever I can.

To celebrate my rare super good mood, I stopped and got a diet coke. Because I left super early this morning, and because I wanted a diet coke. Do I really need a better reason?

I had a dream last night that I was singing Supersonic with my nieces. It was just weird. They knew all the words.

I was going to write about the one and only Vikings/Packers game I've gone to, but I think I need to save that story for my novel because there is a chapter about that fall. And the game was part of a significant learning experience. Not about football, about me. And now I get to go to another Vikings/Packers match up, and this one should be so much better and much more fun. I'm excited!!!

I *think* Ggg agreed to go to a Gophers basketball game with me. I will have to remember to save that email. I love love love going into Williams Arena. It's an experience that can only be described as electric. The air is just charged with excitement. It's one of my most favorite experiences. And I want to share it with him.

I've gone to several games, but always with people that were only going because I begged. And while I appreciate both my sister and Jocelyn for going with me multiple times, neither really understands or likes basketball. And I know that Ggg isn't really a fan, but maybe going into The Barn will convert him. There is probably a greater chance of turning him into a college basketball fan then getting him to jump on the boy band train. And even if he doesn't wind up going to sleep singing the Rouser every night, at least he will have given it a try.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J9A6aFd2RU
And this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMGjy9TFyD4

And I won't gamble on a love If I can't win it....

It's another Monday. I had an excellent weekend of doing laundry and watching Netflix. I'm halfway through season 3 of 90210. and I was sleeping by like 8:30 last night.

I finished 3 more chapters in my novel. Well, they are not done-done, but they are mostly done. They are the funner ones about ZarahZou and C-C-W. This novel thing is moving along nicely. I never realized how much I actually have to say. And yes, some parts are painful, but I've realized that its pain I've never really dealt with. And so I think getting it all out is a good thing. There are things I've wanted and needed to say, but just wasn't ready to. I just hope everyone knows that it is not my intention to hurt anyone or bring up the hard parts of the past. It's just things I need to deal with so I can move past all of the hurt of the past. Because that's what I want to do. I want to move forward.

So Ggg gave me a couple of cd's by The Pretty Reckless. And I really think I have a new favorite band. There are only a handful of cd's I listen to without skipping over at least a couple of tracks. But these cd's deserve to be listened to from start to finish. I absolutely love them. Every song. They make me kind of want to go on a road trip. although I'd probably have to go by myself because the Princess would likely complain about my music choices.

Thank you my dear musical soulmate! I appreciate the cd's so very much. And I love them. (And the bonus songs - SCORE!). Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

These are my 2 favorite songs I think. But I really like them all!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXY0j_PeUYE 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocl9tU516a8



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaQinT45Tzk

But you don't know what he means to me, Jolene......

Current mission: Finish an entire bottle of champagne, with a straw, alone, on my couch, in my pajamas, on a Saturday night. Well, I guess I'm not alone if you count my cats.  And yes, I'm claiming Teagan as my cat today since the Princess is not home and this cat will not leave me alone.  She keeps licking my toes. What a weird kitten she is.

I spent the day pretty much in the same way, in my pajamas. Although I did take a shower and do 7 loads of laundry. So I did accomplish something. I'm watching 90210 and I really like it. I so did not think I would.

I would expect tomorrow will be another day spent in my pajamas since I will likely have a killer hangover. It's so good to have goals!!

I think I may write a couple more chapters in my novel. Its progressing, but not in the way I had hoped. Its really just making me think way too much. And sometimes I hate feeling feelings. I'm going to write a couple of the funner chapters tonight. I realize that what I've written so far needs a lot of revisions and editing, but I'm happy to have started this process. And I still don't know where its going to go, but I'm determined to just let the chapters unfold. Even if that is a really difficult thing for me to do. Why do I always want to skip ahead and know the ending?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOwblaKmyVw

I'll give a little bit of my life for you.....

It's Friday! I really should have taken today off and made this a 4 day weekend. But I also have 36 missed calls to deal with. I don't know yet how many voice mails that amounts to, I'm scared to find out. At least I dealt with the majority of my emails yesterday, on my couch, in my pajamas. I spent a couple hours putting together a stupid report. It is so much easier to do it from work with the dual screens.

I had a late lunch/early dinner with Becky yesterday. It was nice to just hang out with her, with no alcohol involved. Usually our get togethers involve drinking and singing, so just having lunch was great!

I'm sending my novel to C-C-W today. That will be 2 people I have let in, and its a very scary thing. I know that the people I've shared with won't judge me, but I can't help feeling like exposing so much to them leaves me open and vulnerable. It's hard to explain.

Last night I had a dream I worked at Target. But I didn't really have a job, I just worked there. I mostly just walked around and straightened things out with no set territory or job duties. Is this a sign I've been there too many times? I went yesterday and was going to go today, but I think I will take a day off and go tomorrow instead.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzktQty-sbU

No more charades, my hearts been displayed.....

It is so nice to have a vacation day in the middle of the week. And I'm so happy I finally got through all of my work emails and cleared up 3 huge stacks of paperwork. Because the best way to celebrate being caught up is to take time off so I can get behind again! Honestly, I just needed a break from work. A mental health day. I could actually use several days off, but I will settle for one.

I need to pull out my bins of clothes and get them sorted out for the garage sale. This is going to be a huge purge, and a ton of stuff is going!!

I shared the most fantastic steak with Ggg last night. I haven't had a steak like that in forever!! And he is excellent company. I really like hanging out with him, he makes me laugh. Thank you for the wonderful night!! And thank you for being my friend!!

I'm trying to make the decision between coffee and netflix or trying to go back to sleep for awhile. I hate being up at 4:30 when I can sleep in. It's just not fair that I automatically wake up at that time.

I started watching the new 90210. Its actually kind of good.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bTQrPK3yQU

Though she'll mess up your life, you'll want her just the same....

I posted over 50 clothing items on a Facebook garage sale group. Last night I got a message from the group admin, so I immediately assumed I did something wrong. There are so many rules in some of these groups. But instead she was inviting me to apply to be a seller at their next plus size expo in September. I did one once and was able to get rid of a ton of stuff and make a little money. So I signed up for 2 spaces and my hope is to get rid of some clothes and hopefully leave with more money than the entry fees cost. We shall see.

Back when Jane magazine was still around, I used to frequent the message boards. A couple times a week someone would start a post called "Memo to:" in which you could write a message to someone you wanted to convey something to without them seeing it. So today seems like a good time for that.
So, Memo to:

Frog Face: Nothing, I've got nothing to say at this moment. You make me very cranky. I'm sure later I will think of a billion things to say, but right now please just leave me alone. It's 6 in the freaking morning.

C-C-W: I really hope you actually liked your birthday present and were not just being nice. Thank you for being my best friend.

Becky: I will continue to pray for you. I hope everything works out.

Ggg: I am super excited for dinner. Note that if you cancel, I will probably cry. Thank you for all of the excellent music! And I will try not to shove boy bands down your throat. Note that I said try. =)

The future editor of my book: Sorry for the way it jumps all over the place. That's how my mind works.

The future publisher of my book: Thank you in advance for publishing this book that you do not even know you're going to publish.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XWoBeq28nk

Just lay me down and steal my heart tonight.....

I finally took pictures of about half the clothes I want to sell on a Facebook garage sale site. Now its just a matter of getting the pictures posted. You'd think the money would motivate me....

The treadmill last night was the hardest thing ever. My stomach felt so icky from all the Sunday night drinking. But I pushed through it, and I'm glad I did. It's completely my fault I was hungover, and the treadmill just isn't optional!

I'm so giddy that there is another person in the world that likes both Nickelback and country music. This makes me so happy. C-C-W can't believe that there are actually 2 people that will admit to liking either! Now if he would just get on the boy band train....

There really should be a law against people that are 40 years old having to deal with acne. It's just not fair, you'd think I would have outgrown it like 20 years ago! I know its a result of the sweating on the treadmill, but I can't not exercise. I still use proactiv and I'm very careful about always washing my face. I kinda want to stomp my feet and slam a door. And I would if I thought it would help! Instead I will deal with this zit from Hell and hope it goes away miraculously before tomorrow night.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKpo9B_adh8

And usually it's too late when you realize what you had.....

It's Monday, and today I am thankful for coffee and advil. I went out last night with Becky and we took full advantage of 2 for 1's. We started with whiskey 7's and then she switched to tequila and I switched to rum and diet coke. There wasn't much more than a splash of diet coke in my drinks. I may be a tad bit hungover today. But I had a really good time. And a big thank you to her boyfriend for picking us up!!

So I started moving forward on this whole novel writing thing. I'm not sure what I expected the process to be like, but it's quite painful. As in, it brings back a whole lot of the past. Some good memories, some bad. I'm still not sure what my end game is with this, but I feel like I need to find out. My friend AB texted me over the weekend that life is like a book, and I need to not skip chapters and just let the story unfold. Its funny that he said that, since he has no idea I'm in the process of writing a novel. But it makes total and complete sense to just let this all unfold and go where it will. But I so suck at letting things unfold naturally. I like to skip ahead. I read magazines from back to front, I wikipedia TV shows to see see whats going to happen in the later seasons, I can't help but try to rush things. But there are some things that require patience, and I'm trying!

Before I get to far along, I need to talk with Ggg about it. He is a very significant part of my past, and he is someone I want to read what I'm writing. I'm 5 chapters in, and I want to share it with him. But not until after I talk with him about it. I think this is going to be a life changing experience for me, and it's a little scary. But I'm also excited about the journey. I feel like by the end, I'm going to finally understand myself in a new way. and I so hope that's a good thing!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyhMgXmR3w4

When stars collide like you and I, No shadows block the sun.....

It's Friday!!! Yay!!

I came home from work yesterday with a killer headache, so I just went to bed. Thankfully the headache is gone. I was afraid I was getting sick. My coworker Cindy has a horribly contagious respiratory infection, and I was afraid she had contaminated  me before she finally left. But I think I'm good. Apparently my headache was just the result of spending 5 hours processing commission transactions.

That is not part of my regular job, but poor Joan is out due to a horrible sudden flare up of arthritis in her spine. When I talked to her on the phone yesterday she was super loopy from the pain meds. It was hilarious. I mean, I'm sorry, shes miserable. But I was quite entertained by the conversation.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85B_REWeNcM

They just don't write 'em like that anymore.....

Its the day before Friday! Yay! I'm so ready for a weekend of nothing! Lots of laundry, finishing up Gossip Girl, and nothing else.

Last night I tried on 14 pairs of pants. None of them fit right. This is the last time I'm going to whine about this, but it is terribly unfair that the weight I'm losing is all in my hips. All of my pants are tight in the waist and huge in the hip area. I went down to my next size, and they too are even tighter in the waist and still too big in the hips. What am I going to do?

Today I am technically wearing yoga pants. So not appropriate for work. But they fit. And I guess for now that is whats important.

C-H is in labor!! I'm excited for a baby!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgbsEz15SGg

Our old friend fear and you and me....

Wednesday! I have never been so glad to reach the middle of the week! I've already been at work for half an hour. I woke up without my alarm clock, probably because I was sleeping by 8:30.

It's weigh -in day. I'm even from last week. And I'm actually pretty happy with that since I've had to take a break from the treadmill. I think I have this plantar fasciitis thing under control. A few days away from the treadmill and lots of ice, and it seems to be going away. Fingers crossed!!

I burned my thumb on the curling iron this morning. I knew I should have used the straightener. And you would think that after having curled my hair for almost 30 years I would have the hang of it by now.

So far this morning I have used pen and paper, a calculator and algebra. Its way too early to be doing math.  Actually, if I'm being honest, I enjoy it. Hand rating insurance pricing requires extreme problem solving skills. Its a pain, but I really like math. Because I am just THAT girl.

Its a jeans day today. I remember back when I first started here the dress code was "professional" and I had to wear suits and skirts. The only jeans days were the one week a year we could buy for the United Way fundraiser. We went to a "business casual" dress code 7 or 8 years ago. I got to throw away all of my pantyhose and suits. We still couldn't wear jeans, but we could wear capri pants in the summer- which we couldn't do under the professional dress code.

With a change in upper management, we now get a ton of jeans days. Its fantastic. And now that I have jeans that actually fit well, its even better. You really can't appreciate wearing jeans until you have worn a skirt suit, nylons and heels. And that was when I was in a clerical position putting away files. Now I have my own office and I can wear jeans!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wm4F0IotaDk

Let them say we're crazy, What do they know?

It's Tuesday!!! And I just spent nearly 2 hours in my car driving to work. It was like a winter snow storm commute in July.

So my wonderful friend Ggg suggested I write a novel. He had no way of knowing that this has always been one of my dreams, and that I have started many novels. Some fiction and some the painful truth. I am so fortunate to have his encouragement, and with that I may actually get it done.

Like my blog, even if no one reads it, I have things to say. Things that need to be said. Everyone has a story. And maybe mine will inspire someone. Or entertain someone. Or just give someone something to do on a Saturday. We shall see where the story takes me, as I'm being pulled in two different directions. All I know is that I don't want it to be a sob story, because my life is not a sob story. I've gone through stuff. I've had my heart broken, I've been hurt in unspeakable ways, I've had to fight both inner and outer demons. But despite that, I have also persevered. I've lived to tell, so to speak.

I also need to say a huge thank you to Ggg, who unknowingly helped me through one of the most difficult times of the year yesterday. Emailing with him and listening to the songs he sent me proved to be just the distraction I needed before I made that dreaded phone call to wish my dad a Happy Birthday. I love my dad, and he really has been a terrific father. But this phone call is so hard because I never know where his mind will be at on his birthday. He made it clear 6 years ago when my mom died (on his birthday) that he never wanted to celebrate it again. But I can't not call him.

I'm happy to say that time really has healed, and he spent the afternoon out playing cards. And he didn't sound sad, which is a really good thing. I know it's still hard, it probably always will be. But we are definitely moving forward.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBQVrCflZ_E

But I'm young and still got time, I got to get away.....

Monday....yeah.....Monday. I really wish this was a 3 day weekend, I could use one more day away from work. I contemplated calling in, but unfortunately we've got 2 people out this week, so I kind of need to be here. And if my manager is out, who would I call into anyway.

I did accomplish finishing the first 5 seasons of Gossip Girl, so I guess that's something. And I'm on level 1051 of Candy Crush. Oh, these accomplishments!!!

Overall, I had a fantastic weekend. Spending Friday night with a great friend, a Saturday recovery day, and Netflix and laundry all day Sunday. A pretty ideal weekend.

I just got an email reminder that I have to finish some training classes. Maybe that's what I will do today. I can play the classes on one screen and work on the other.

And one of my other co-workers just called me to say she's not coming in today. We are a department of 6 people, and 3 will be out today. I'm going to need more coffee......


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zzKUtEQF9Y

And this is the part where you find out who you are: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pt2874dcth8
And for my mom: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_3cB8Trcec

And remember me tonight when you're asleep......

Apparently I am the only person in the universe who likes Pizza Hut. Well, maybe not the universe, but at least in my house. This makes me sad because P-Hut is my favorite. The breadsticks are one of my most favorite foods ever. But whatever, I will order Papa Johns. Pizza is pizza, right??

So I went here http://www.theroadsidemn.com and had the best taco I have ever had in my life. I guess I've never really considered tacos to be something you could consider as exquisite. But that is really the only word to describe it. I was a tiny bit skeptical about even trying it. I mean, it was pork belly. I knew it would be at least good because, well, its food. But I did not expect to fall madly in love with it. The description from the menu:  house smoked pork belly, queso fresco, chile lime slaw and sriracha aioli  

It was absolutely fantastically awesome! The onion rings were amazing, too. And I will most definitely be going back there. It s a cute little gas station converted into a restaurant.And you can rent out the car wash for special events. I had the best dining company and it was a perfect night.

I did maybe drink a little bit too much last night. But I had a great night just hanging out and laughing and reminiscing. A lot of times when we think about the past, we focus on the negative and the bad times and our view of history gets distorted by that. But there were also so many good times. And some truly amazing times. And I'm really glad to be reminded of those. And I'm really happy to be creating new amazing times!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1O9DyFLIKo

Those were the happiest days of my life......

It's a wet, soppy mess outside. And so now I'm a wet, soppy mess inside. Perhaps I should invest in an umbrella. But then I'd have to deal with a wet, soppy umbrella. And who wants more wet and soppy things to deal with??

At least it's Friday.

My morning started out fantastically with having to bring the demon kitty into the bathroom with me while I did my hair because she would not let TabbyWabby drink her water in peace. There is nothing like being trapped in a tiny bathroom with a monster attacking both your ankles and the power cord to your hair straightener. I hope she outgrows this soon!!

It's not even 7:00, but I'm thinking about how nice a nap would be. and I have to go to the grocery store tonight. Unless it's raining still.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsgICaEBOX4

But at least I'm enjoying the ride, at least I'll enjoy the ride......

It is way too beautiful of a day to be cranky, so I am deciding to be in a good mood. But before that good mood starts, I will say this - there are 3 possible excuses I could accept for not doing your dishes: your hands got cut off, the house is on fire, or you're dead. I would possibly accept a zombie apocalypse, but only if we are abandoning the house. The good news is that your dishes will still be there when you wake up. And if not done, they will be waiting for you when you get home from work tonight. There, I'm done with that. Now to  move on to happier things!

The weather is absolutely perfect out. Why can't it always be like this? I went to bed at 8:30 and slept through the night. It was fantastic!

C-C-W and I are going to see Margaret Cho in October. She's hilarious. This should be fun! The last stand up person I saw was Kathy Griffin, and that was several years ago. Plus I love hanging out with C, we always have such a good time. I need to get her to commit to a date to celebrate her birthday. I'm not entirely sure what the plan is, but it will likely involve lots of alcohol and singing. Because that's what we do best!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cH7I6ibA-SM

I'm the satellite, and you're the sky.....

Weigh-In Wednesday! I have lost enough to enter into a new weight "decade". This is super exciting! I love successes. Still a long way to go, but it's working!! And my weekly points reset today. Here's to another week of staying on track!

So I gave in this morning and stopped to get a cinnamon-vanilla latte. My reasoning for this decision: I'm an adult and I can do whatever I want to! And plus, if I have the points, why can't I use them on whatever I want? I've wanted this stupid latte for WEEKS! And if I can go another 6 weeks without one, I'm way ahead of where I've been.

This latte did make me 5 minutes late for work this morning, but it is totally and completely worth it. And I'm leaving on time today because I need to pick up the princess and drop her off at her dads. and then I can go home and cook chicken! I never imagined I would be eating chicken 7 days a week. I have this Sicilian sauce packet that I'm going to use to make some sort of chicken parmesan, except not fried and no cheese. Almost the same. Almost.

I have apparently made the decision that the bangs are staying since I trimmed them this morning. Sometimes decisions make themselves!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_zY_jSVXSU

And a little bit of DMB:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzr7HKyHubk

There is nothing in the world that can change my mind

So I woke up this morning to the very painful confirmation of what I have been in denial of for the past 2 weeks. There are few things more painful than stepping out of bed and feeling the sensation of stepping on sharp glass. Plantar Fasciitis sucks! At least I'm super experienced with it, as this will be my 5th or 6th go round with it. But I really do not look forward to 6-8 weeks of sleeping with a hot, sweaty brace on my leg and spending the day icing my arch. But at least it's not shin splints, so there's that.

I have tried to be so careful. Once I felt the first twinge, I quit running and now only walk and jog. I thought I could avoid it. But alas, I was wrong. And now I guess I just have to deal with it. I will not let it derail my work out plans. Will! Not!

I think I've heard Jukebox Hero on the radio on the way to work every morning for the past 2 weeks. Pretty soon I may have to start changing the channel. Or not, since I really like Foreigner.

I just started season 5 of Gossip Girl last night. There are only 6 seasons, so I have to start thinking about what to do next. The Princess really thinks I should watch 90210. I'm still thinking about that. She says its "like the greatest show ever". But really, Psych was the greatest show ever!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4_woZ-LUvM

Shouldn't I have all of this, and.....

Another Monday....So I fell asleep at like 7:00 last night, woke back up around 10 for an hour, and then slept through the night. I love sleeping. A lot.

I saw the new Magic Mike movie with Josie on Saturday. It was good. Not great, but good. The plot kind of sucked, but Channing Tatum half naked could never be bad. And it was nice seeing Josie.

All of the things from my past, talking to ggg, seeing a movie with Josie, looking at old pictures, listening to old school rap on the radio, have led to a lot of reminiscing about the music I listened to when I was 16.

One of the most significant songs was one that I was given on a cassette single following a tumultuous break up.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8IIo4muGjM  It always evokes memories of the stupid fighting and then the following wonderful making up.

Another is this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbUPjwCEZlY.

And then there is the song that to this day I still can't listen to. Whenever More Than Words by Extreme comes on the radio and I'm by myself, I always change the station. I don't know why, but I just have not been able to listen to it, even after over 20 years.

I am sooooo glad that the AC is off at work! I love being hot and sticky.  At least I have a fan on my desk that will blow the hot air around. Hopefully it will be reset before I melt. =)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TCMpA5TfHc

Wearing your shirt 'cause it smelled so sweet......

Thanks to a couple of cats fighting with each other, I am awake at 5 am on a Saturday. The little kitty keeps attacking Tabby Wabby, and Tabby still won't fight back. And little Teagan is so hyper. Right now she is chasing herself around a chair leg. She's not the smartest kitty.

I can't decide if I should try to find some motivation and start my day, watch netflix, or try to go back to sleep.

I still have not watched the final episode of Sons of Anarchy. I really don't want to see the ending, but I would also like to put the show behind me so I can stop thinking about it. I wish I didn't know how it ended. But I'm also glad I have the heads up so I won't be surprised. Maybe I will finally watch it today. Or maybe I will wait a while longer.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR57iCHNFI0

Is love so fragile And the heart so hollow.......

It's Friday! I love Friday's because when I get to work, I am the only one here. And it's so quiet. On Fridays I don't even need to be here until 7:15 instead of 6:30, and most people don't get in until 8. So I have the place to myself.  And I get to leave at 2:30!! That is the best part about a 38.75 hour work week.

Until recently, I never realized exactly how important music is to me. There are some songs that say things that words just can't express. And yes, I know that songs contain lyrics, which are words. But sometimes you just can't say what you are feeling. But a song can. and then there are the songs that really make you feel not so alone in whatever you are going through.

Last night I was looking for a picture from one of the Princesses birthday parties when she was like 10. I wanted to find the picture because I know that my hair was just past shoulder length and absolutely fabulous. And I want to cut it/grow it like that again. I didn't find the picture. But I found a lot of other memories. Things I didn't know I had kept for 25 years. I've gotten rid of a lot of stuff over the years, but there are some things I've held on to. And they are the most special things ever. And I'm at a point where I can look back and not feel the heartbreak and pain associated with them, only the hope and love from way back then.

The Princess was not born into ideal circumstances, 2 messed up teenagers struggling to figure themselves out, balancing school and jobs and parenthood. But she was born to 2 people who really, truly loved her and each other. There are a lot of things I doubt from my teenagers years. But I do not doubt that.  And we did the best we could. Alyssa, I love you more than you could possibly comprehend and you are the single greatest thing that has ever happened to me.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ew4pMpzC5B8

Baby over and over the passion starts again.....

One of my favorite things are random early morning texts. I got one this morning from my old friend Josie. It said "Hey I'm thinking u may like Amy Schumer lol" What a random and hilarious thing to text me at 6 am. I think this weekend I'm going to go and see the Magic Mike movie with her. I don't think I've seen her since our 20 year high school reunion, so that's like a year and a half.

We were best friends in 9th grade, bonding over our mutual adoration of New Kids on the Block. And then we kind of lost touch over the summer, but reconnected in the middle of 10th grade. We lost touch again and reconnected our senior year. I didn't really go out a lot in 12th grade, having a baby at home and all, so friendships were a bit difficult. After graduation, we didn't talk for several years. But then we reconnected via classmates.com. We became super close again and that lasted for several years. I don't know what happened, we just kind of drifted apart I guess. We've never, ever had a fight and always had fun. Just one of those things I guess. Sad, but it happens. Anyhow, I'm excited to see her.

I can never say enough how lucky I am to have such wonderful people in my life. There are only a few people I'm super close to, but every single one of them are wonderful. I hope they all know how much I appreciate them.

For you:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Qis6VhHWuA